What does that say about me as a person?
I'll leave that to your interpretation!
Anyway, as you may have guessed, this is a Top 10 piece...with a slight difference. When it comes to opinion articles that are solely your beliefs, e.g. My Top 10 Favourite Iron Maiden Albums, then I guess the term makes sense. However, when you're writing a general piece that is supposed to be about the opinion of everyone reading, e.g. Top 10 Guitar Solos, then you're using the term incorrectly.
What may be an amazing solo to the person writing the list could be nothing but shite to many of the people reading it, so can it really be called a "top" solo? Hence why I am not calling this "Top 10 Overrated Trends of Rock". I'm simply saying that IN MY OPINION, these are 10 things about Rock (and Metal) that are highly overrated and may have been impressive at the time but don't really deserve the same appreciation as they received decades ago. Not that they're bad, just that they're not as amazing as everyone seems to make out they are and some of them bug the shit out of me.
So, time to get this list started off. Also, these are in no particular order. They're just 10 things I've plucked from my brain that I believe are highly overrated in the world of Rock. This also means that getting offended by what I write because you simply disagree with me kinda makes you a bit of a pussy:
1. RE-RELEASED ALBUMS
Why the hell don't you already own most of the tracks on this album anyway?!!
This may be a good idea for lesser known albums from great bands but ever since digital streaming and downloading services allowed anyone with a laptop and WiFi connection to access entire discographies of bands dating back as far as the 60's, what's the point? Sure, Judas Priest released 30th anniversary albums with cooler covers but the material's still the same as what's already available, aside from a few live versions that are often inferior to the studio ones anyway.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, re-released albums should contain at least 2 discs. One with the original album on it (and any live tracks they wanna throw in) and one with all the songs rerecorded by the band, so that new band members have a chance to play older songs and old members get to relearn/rewrite tunes they haven't played in decades.
I would love to hear studio versions of Iron Maiden songs from 1980-81 but with Bruce, Nicko, Janick & (on some of them) Adrian involved and may even pay money for them! Plus, whilst the original will always be "best" in some aspects, bands have proven that it is possible to rerecord or replay material and vastly improve it (see "The Fly" - U2 or my review of Saxon's Unplugged And Strung-Up), be it with different band members, modern recording technology or just trying something new.
2. HIDDEN TRACKS
Why, boys, WHY?!
OK, I've got a feeling most people will agree with me here but these just plain suck. They're clearly made for a time before you could download songs individually or have the entire contents of an album on display to observe. But putting that aside, which prick thought hidden tracks were a good idea in the first place?
"I know, let's put some shitty filler track we couldn't be bothered to include with the rest of the songs right at the end after nine minutes of silence for people to discover after forgetting to turn their CD player off!"
There's no real purpose to it other than dicking with people who actually paid for your album by making it harder to enjoy your material. Good going, dipshits. Thank fuck this trend slowly died down in the early 2000's and anyone still doing it today should be considered legally retarded.
3. LYRICS ABOUT WAR
You guys are awesome beyond words but unfortunately not exempt from the following
Oh no, countries are hate-mongering, tax dollars are funding power-hungry warlords, the youth of today are being slaughtered on an emotional battlefield! Isn't war a load of cock?
YES! We get it! It's bad! But there are only so many times you can sing about it before it starts to feel a bit pointless. You know those wankers who go overboard in trying to prove they're not racist only to make it sound like they're definitely a racist?
"I have a friend named Curtis and I love Mexican food and I read anime and my neighbour is Muslim and I'm cool with that even when he wears a backpack because I'm totally not a racist! But don't take my word for it, here are a list of black people I've shaken hands with!"
Yeah well if you're making money off songs about bastards who make money out of war, surely you must see a little bit of irony there. Granted there are some belting songs about war but come on, this isn't college English Lit. Lay off the war stuff for a bit, at least until you have something to say other than "War can balls".
4. "DON'T STOP BELIEVING"
So...many...better...songs
Some of you will probably argue "It's not a bad song, it's just a shame Glee ruined it". Yes, you're right. Glee took this song and spit-roasted it on a twinkly stage with cheap, soulless vocals and a kid in a wheelchair playing the guitar like it was the single greatest frigging sight you could ever witness. However, you can't deny that this song is overrated as fuck.
It's likable due to the cheese-factor but other than a few fancy solos and Steve Perry's fine vocal work, it's a pretty mediocre tune. It's definitely no "Stone In Love" or "Keep On Runnin", two tracks from the same album that have more or less been doomed to lesser popularity for the rest of time thanks to that one fucking song.
Alright, this isn't the only song that's overrated based on personal tastes. Personally, I think "Bohemian Rhapsody" isn't worth the effort of listening to it until Brian May wakes up and I would rather stare at the album cover of Hotel California in silence for the duration of the song than hear the title track itself but I'm certain that this song is easily the one that people can agree on being highly overrated.
5. 8 MINUTE PROG-METAL MASTERPIECES
"This is a song based on a 900 page novel. Buckle up"
This one is definitely more my opinion than the general consensus. Some metalheads love long tracks with 2 minute solos whereas I get bored by the majority of them. Don't get me wrong, I love some longer songs. "Dream Of Mirrors" - Iron Maiden clocks in at over 9 minutes and that's one of my favourites from the Brave New World album.
Plus Metallica have a selection of top notch tracks ranging between 7-9 minutes across their numerous albums but I really wouldn't call the longer songs of either band the best. It may be the best on the album but there's no way in Hell that "Paschendale" is one of Iron Maiden's top songs and there's undoubtedly no way that longer, more progressive tunes like "Orion" or "The Day That Never Comes" are examples of Metallica at their best...unless you count the bass on "Orion" but that's a different argument.
My point is unless they're a Prog Rock/Metal band like Dream Theater then chances are their long winded musical odysseys are more for the "serious" listener who is quite happy to mentally drift off mid-song. Me? I'd much rather keep the song between 4-7 minutes so that there isn't a lull and I slowly lose interest over repeated listens.
6. BRITPOP
John, Paul, Ringo and George
I like some Britpop songs. Oasis have a cracking crop of them, as do bands like Blur and Supergrass. However, for a subgenre that only really stayed in the mainstream for about 2 years before everyone lost interest in Mancunian twangy vocals and floppy hair, people seem to treat it like it was in any way revolutionary.
Maybe I'm hearing a lot about it because I live in the UK but then why did I have to discover NWOBHM on my own without the help of TV and radio? That lasted roughly the same period of time and ended up giving the world The Big Four! What did Britpop's legacy give us? Bands like Razorlight and The Strokes. Wow, thanks! Hope we kept a fucking receipt.
I know I'm being flippant and Britpop was mostly a reaction to the depressing sound of Grunge that took off due to its radio-friendly and likable sound but I would say this genre is about the equivalent of a Rick Springfield Greatest Hits CD. You might enjoy the first couple of well known tracks but after that, you find yourself thinking "Why the shit does this exist?" Actually, that's quite a bad analogy for me because I hate "Jessie's Girl" so much that if she was an actual person, I would honestly enjoy the sight of them getting headbutted.
7. SONGS THAT FADE OUT DURING A GUITAR SOLO
Turn that feckin' knob back up to 11, mister!
As suggested by the image, Tom Petty is one of the main offenders, although Lynyrd Skynyrd have done it far too many times as well. Fact is though I've never listened to a song that fades out on a solo and thought "Well, I'm glad it's ending there!" It's no secret that I play Guitar Hero and Rock Band and ever since they started to only use master recordings, I've learned that some songs we'd otherwise accept as ones that are supposed to fade out actually sound way better with their natural ending.
"Rockin In The Free World" - Neil Young has a sweet big finish that works far better than a fade and if you listen closely to "Born To Be Wild" - Steppenwolf, you can hear the beginning of a solo just as the song closes. Now I know these aren't strictly "overrated" as I doubt anyone out there is raving about songs that fade out during one of the defining elements of a good Rock song and yet, clearly they're popular enough for musicians to keep doing it.
So that goes for Rock and Metal. In fact, ESPECIALLY Metal! Metal songs shouldn't fade out at all! They should have a final note that brings the song to a powerful close. If you're a Metal band and you've faded out one of your songs, you're either a) Not really bothered about the song, b) Trying to make it sound ominous instead of good or c) Trying to get it to be a hit so it'll get plenty of TV or radio airplay, giving the host time to switch tracks...you know, back when they had to do more than press the 'Enter' key.
8. BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN
Born to run away as fast as you fucking can
Yeah, I don't like Bruce Springsteen. I hate "Born To Run", "Dancing In The Dark", "The River", all those tunes that you'll find on a dickhead's iPod or a piss poor playlist. His voice is like someone gave Bob Dylan one of those voice modulators criminals use to hide their identity over the phone and his music can only be described as Bubblegum Hard Rock.
I literally have no idea how he earned the title 'The Boss'. Did they mean it in the same way you would in video games? He's a strong enemy you have to struggle through to move onto something better? The one song he does that I actually quite like is "Radio Nowhere" and even that's a shameless rip-off of "867-5309/Jenny" - Tommy Tutone. If someone told me tomorrow that they'd cast a magic spell ensuring that I'd never hear another Bruce Springsteen song again in my entire life, I probably wouldn't give a crap and if you thought about it hard enough, chances are neither would you.
I literally have no idea how he earned the title 'The Boss'. Did they mean it in the same way you would in video games? He's a strong enemy you have to struggle through to move onto something better? The one song he does that I actually quite like is "Radio Nowhere" and even that's a shameless rip-off of "867-5309/Jenny" - Tommy Tutone. If someone told me tomorrow that they'd cast a magic spell ensuring that I'd never hear another Bruce Springsteen song again in my entire life, I probably wouldn't give a crap and if you thought about it hard enough, chances are neither would you.
9. "COMFORTABLY NUMB" GUITAR SOLOS
[PROCEED TO BANG HEAD REPEATEDLY ABOVE]
OK, I think the song is alright. It's worth listening to just once if only for the chorus and there isn't a single instrument that's played badly but I cannot for the fucking life of me understand why so many people seem to agree the solo in this song belongs anywhere near the likes of "Free Bird" or "Stairway To Heaven".
It's alright. That's it. It's not crap but, to me, it's pretty damn forgettable and nothing about it really stands out for any reason other than "According to the Internet, I'm supposed to cream myself every time I hear this solo".
Oh, and it fades out. Double fucking whammy!
Of course some are gonna find this solo to be amazing and most probably feel the same confusion about why "Stairway To Heaven" is regarded as an iconic track with a phenomenal solo. In fact, don't let on but I kind of agree with them, but that's not why you're still reading. I can understand why bands I don't like are popular. I get the appeal of Bruce Springsteen despite what I said above but I genuinely can't compute why of all songs, this one appears on every generic Top 10 guitar solo list made by man.
10. RANDY RHOADS
"WABLILBABBILABILABILAL"
I think before I continue, I should say a few words of remembrance about the talent lost not long ago.
So long every metalhead who quit out of this blog post in anger.
We will remember you.
Anyway, why do I think RR is overrated? Because every fucker who wears denim and leather talks about this guy as if his shit doesn't stink. Credit where due, his riff work is pretty damn tight. "Flying High Again" and "I Don't Know" definitely prove he's locked that particular ability down.
But then you've got songs like "Crazy Train" and...well, "Flying High Again" where the solo damn near lets the whole thing down. As a music critic for Rolling Stone once said, he's "a junior-league Eddie Van Halen - bustling with chops but somewhat short on imagination". He might be able to tap like a pro but the noises coming from his vicious string pounding sound bland and hollow, like he's only tapping because he can rather than his tapping adds anything good to the song.
Compare "Crazy Train" to "Bark At The Moon". Both have different guitarists but also similar riffs. However, whereas the solo in "Crazy Train" starts and just about finishes as a clusterfuck of tapping, the "Bark At The Moon" solo actually builds and sounds fucking awesome, not to mention the outro solo too! How does "Crazy Train" end?
Oh, it fades out. What a surprise.
What's that? I can't judge a man's skill based on one example? Good point, let's compare 2 others.
"Mr Crowley" and "Centre Of Eternity".
Well, the riff in "Centre Of Eternity" wins this one hands down but...OK, "Mr Crowley" has a kickass pair of solos...that fade out. Oh dear. Meanwhile, "Centre Of Eternity" has just the one awesome solo but at least the song ends properly.
So in conclusion, I don't think he's a bad guitarist. He proved he had the ability to write amazing riffs and had the occasional success with a solo but I'm still not sold on this "Randy Rhoads Is God" idea that exists in the metalhead hive-mind.
So that's that. Ten things about Rock/Metal that I believe are no longer worth all the hype or have never been worth it in the first place.
Have you got personal peeves about overrated Rock trends/tropes? Share in the comments and let me know what irks you about musical mediocrity. Also, feel free to educate me if I've made any glaring errors about songs/genres/artists that desperately need to be sorted out. As far as I know, my opinions are solid although if a couple are a bit wobbly, I have no problem rebuilding them with the right materials.
