Tuesday 16 June 2015

Radio DJs: Dos & Don'ts

With services like Spotify taking over, it's unlikely that radio is the best way to discover music now. However, just because it's being usurped by new technology doesn't mean it's dead or even dying. In fact thanks to technology, the number of radio stations has increased since the early days, allowing dedicated stations for various genres. Whether you're into Pop, Rock, Hip-Hop, Free-Form Jazz or a mixture, there's bound to be at least one or two stations out there for you.
However, with each station, there are a band of DJs in charge of the music you get to hear and how you get to hear it. Sometimes, this adds extra entertainment and keeps you hooked long after you intended to turn the radio off. Unfortunately, it can also do the exact opposite and send you crawling back to whatever activity you were doing before you tuned in. With that in mind, here's a blog post for any aspiring radio DJs and avid radio listeners. Before you go in expecting a serious list of rules for broadcasting, I've left some of the genuine Dos & Don'ts out such as "DO speak clearly" and "DON'T swear".
As always with the Dos & Don'ts posts, this is a collection of opinions but I'd be interested to hear yours. Yes, you. Person reading now. If you agree with the majority of this post, let me know. If you think I'm talking out my arse, still let me know (although it'd be more helpful to know why I'm talking out my arse as well). Anyway, let the content commence!

DO play a variety of music
Nobody tunes into a radio station to hear one band or one song over & over. I'm not saying play a variety of genres on specific genre stations, but do pick a wide selection of tunes to play throughout your show. If you've played a lot of older songs, throw some new ones in there. Likewise, if you've played a load of songs from the last couple of decades, stick something from the 60's or 70's in there to attract people who perhaps aren't into modern music. Same for subgenres too, if you've played a lot of generic Hard Rock, maybe spice it up with the odd Punk or Prog tune.
I'm aware some shows are centred around specific decades or genres but even in those same categories, there's always an element of variety to be found if you search hard enough. Tom Petty and Queen are both Classic Rock bands with popular tunes from the 70's and 80's. Do they sound exactly the same? Nope! So with that in mind, pick music that doesn't homogenise your timeslot.

DO give us the name of the song and band you've just played
I feel like I shouldn't even have to say this as it's painfully obvious but the number of times radio DJs have forgotten this basic rule proves otherwise. Always, always, ALWAYS reveal the song and band after the song has finished or if you're playing several tracks in a row, list them when you start talking again. Keeping quiet makes it unnecessarily difficult to find the song afterwards and unless the listener has Shazam, they have to do that thing where they remember a certain lyric in the song & Google the phrase when they're in a place with an Internet connection. If you've ever made a listener do that, you lose 50 DJ points.
Sometimes DJs just do that cryptic shit ("Coming up, we've got a song by a band formed in the 90's and was released when I bought a new car and used in phone adverts the following years and rhymes with my favourite fruit..."), which only benefits people who know that piece of useless trivia, and sometimes they just give you the band. Notice I've said "name of the song AND band". It's not enough giving us one or the other, it has to be both!

DO more than just play music
There's a reason specific DJs and personalities have been hired to lead a show. Whether it's down to their encyclopedic knowledge of music facts, their personal well of stories regarding bands they'll be playing or their winning charisma and ability to speak in a way that's pleasing to listen to, they've been asked to do this job above any random bloke on the street. Any idiot can list their favourite songs and press 'shuffle', literally fucking anyone. It takes a bit more talent to mix humour & maybe some food for thought into the recipe without stumbling over repeated "Ummms" and "Uhhhs", like your average prick propped up against a bar telling his mates about last night's Game Of Thrones.
If you've been given a timeslot, you better find some anecdotes or interactive sections for the listeners to get involved in. Contests, opinion polls, even gimmicks like Simon Mayo's "Middle-Aged Mid-Week Mosh" on BBC Radio 2 (which also throws some variety in for good measure), it makes a difference. Playing music alone is fine but it also means your job can be done by an intern or other DJ, which means it WILL be done by an intern or other DJ at some point down the line. Make your show unique & give people a reason to want you in charge. With this in mind, just make sure you don't go overboard, bringing us neatly onto...

DON'T put your ego above the music
A good show includes great music and contributions from the DJ, although music should always take priority. About 90% of the time, the chat should be based around the music and not the other way around. This is why DJs who think they're the star and people only want to hear them are complete wankers. DJs who stroke their dick by only reading out letters/texts praising them unconditionally, DJs who only ever play their favourite music or the same song by a band with a wealthy back catalogue, DJs who have an entourage of dipshits with them in the studio purely tasked with the job of making said DJ seem funny, these are all signs of a typical shit DJ.
However, the worst thing they can do which trumps all those previous sins? Talking over a song.
If you've ever cut a song short just to chat over it or played a good chunk of the intro underneath your own voice, you are a Lord of shit DJs. In case you're wondering when it's OK to talk, wait until a song starts to fade. Once you can clearly hear the music getting quieter (and it's not a false fade, otherwise talking then makes you look like you don't know shit about music), feel free to chatter away...provided you remember to name drop the song and band.

DON'T play too much live music
Similar to compilation albums, live music should mostly be used as a last resort on the radio. If you can't acquire the original version of a song or perhaps you've dedicated part of your show to live music/covers, choosing a live song is acceptable. However, not tipping a delivery boy who's only driven round the corner to bring you your dinner is also acceptable, but that doesn't mean he's happy about it. For the most part, live songs are for specific fans and unless you enjoy the sound of applause/cheering peppered throughout, they're often alternate versions of tracks that already exist in much greater quality.
The only live song I can think of which is generally considered by all to be superior to the studio recording is "Do You Feel Like We Do" - Peter Frampton but you'd have to be fucking high to play all 13 minutes of that on the radio. Live songs can be better than or equal to studio recordings which is why I've written "Don't PLAY TOO MUCH" of it. The odd live song here & there (as in one or less per show) if it's a particularly good recording isn't worth getting annoyed over. However, DJs repeatedly playing live songs because either a) they were at the gig(s) or b) they personally prefer those recordings are worth your irritation.
In fact, I'd go so far as to say they're worth turning the radio off and tuning in again once their show has finished.

DON'T be a whore
"That was the latest track from Muse off their new album that's still at the top of the charts, and with good reason too. God, those guys are fantastic live. Definitely one of the best modern bands touring at the moment. If you want to get tickets to see them, they go on sale this weekend and pre-sale on Friday. I definitely recommend it as they've done some fantastic shows in the past!"
See that dialogue up there? Yeah, that's what a whore sounds like.
We get it, you like a band. Talk about how their albums are great and maybe pepper it with some song or artist trivia, that's all fine as long as it's related to the actual music on their CDs. But when you start plugging stuff that the radio station isn't affiliated with like tour dates, merchandise, even solo stuff from members of the band ranging from autobiographies to exotic drinks, you start to sound like a whore (or worse, a gushing fanboy).
I know radio stations occasionally have agreements with the band to plug their tour dates if the band is doing something special for the station, e.g. one of the members is taking over as a DJ for a week, the band are being interviewed on air, etc, and in those cases, mentioning things that the band are trying to sell has to happen. It's advertising, plain and simple, and I'd rather the ads relate to music than fucking PPI claims. With that in mind, if the band have asked you to give shout outs to their new line of bath soaps and towels in exchange for an exclusive play of their new single, that reflects poorly on the band as sell-outs, not the DJ.
However, plugging a new workout DVD from Brian May or brand of pain relief medication from Rob Halford when those musicians have no involvement with the station makes it look like the DJ is either taking a bit of extra cash on the side for the odd mention here & there or is trying to brown nose artists for any of several reasons. In other words, it makes them a whore and nobody wants to listen to one on the radio...unless it's during Howard Stern's show.

One more post this month and then we'll be onto July. So far, so good with the weekly updates!

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