Tenology: Weak Guitar Solos in Rock/Metal

I've been considering this blog post for a while but a) I didn't have enough songs with bad solos to write about and b) I didn't want it to basically be a rehash of this post where I talked about the Dos & Don'ts of guitar solos, listing examples of songs that fucked up with reasons throughout. Therefore, I've slightly adapted the title to include more solos by calling them "weak" instead of outright "bad". This means that solos with missed potential or a lack of ambition count, as well as ones that sound like pure dogshit.
As always, Tenology posts are mostly reflections of my opinions at the time of writing the post. This means that not only are there tracks with solos you may consider awesome but there may be songs with weak solos I haven't written about due to forgetting or not being aware of them. Also, in a previous post looking at terrible aspects of great songs, I listed the cover of "Rock & Roll Pest Control" - The Presidents Of The United States Of America due to being a great track with the absolute worst guitar solo of all time. This song will not be featured in this post due to already being mentioned there but that doesn't mean my opinion on the track has changed.

At the bottom of this post is a Spotify playlist of all the songs listed so you can listen along as you read my thoughts on each solo. As an added bonus, I put the time the solo starts next to each title/artist heading so you can skip to that part if you so wish. It is NOT the length of the solo; these aren't Joe Bonamassa songs.

1. "I Want To Break Free" - Queen (1:32)

It's hard to choose the right Queen song to include on this post when they have a fair few with pretty poor guitar solos. Don't get me wrong, Brian May knows how to write a catchy riff but his soloing is arguably the band's weakest quality for one of the biggest Rock bands on the planet. The only notable guitar solos by Queen are usually the ones where there's naff all guitar beforehand such as "Don't Stop Me Now" and "Bohemian Rhapsody" and even then, in comparison to other solos, they're not amazing (although I concede that "I Want It All" has some fucking great guitarwork).
In the end, I chose this instead of "One Vision", "Keep Yourself Alive" or "Hammer To Fall" because unlike those solos, this has more than one flaw. Firstly, it starts off by repeating the vocal melody which is both uninspired and kinda lame considering it doesn't hold a candle to the sound of Freddie's voice. Secondly, the synth tone used on the guitar makes it sound tacky and a little comical, like the voice of one of the droids in a shitty Star Wars cartoon. Finally, there are various parts throughout containing dead air, so to speak. Whilst the rhythm section of the song keeps playing, the lead solo remains silent until a few awkward sounding sustains before more silence. It's weak songwriting for a band that knocked it out of the park on a multitude of occasions.

EDIT: OK, I fucked up. After posting this, I found out that it's NOT actually a guitar solo. It is indeed synth that was pretty much improvised during the recording session and boy, does it fucking sound improvised. However, Queen have played this song live with Brian May playing the synth solo on guitar and it still sounds like dogshit for all of the reasons listed above, even if the studio original technically doesn't have a guitar solo.
With that in mind, I'm keeping this as the first entry as I still feel like each of my points still stands. If you like, you can pretend I'm slagging off "One Vision" or "Hammer To Fall" for starting off with screeching, horrible guitar sustains (and for being too short in the case of the former) instead if you feel like I'm cheating you out of one genuine guitar solo here.

2. "Sunshine Of Your Love" - Cream (2:00)

If I'm being totally honest, I fucking hate this song in general. The riff is dull and repetitive, the mix is pretty terrible, the incessant cymbal crashes become annoying as hell (and can't be unheard; sorry) and the solo sounds like it was made up on the spot. The end section of the solo picks up a little bit but by that point, the damage is done. Eric Boring Clapton has already wanked his way through it with tepid riffs that are somehow both syncopated and dreary. This isn't his only shitfest solo with Cream, as "I Feel Free" is another example of how his limited technical skill impeded the quality of the solo. Then again, I fucking hate "I Feel Free" too due to it sounding like a godawful 50s croonfest.
Before you argue that this is the kind of song that works better as a slow, melodic piece of music rather than one full of shredding or self-indulgence, have a listen to the Jimi Hendrix instrumental cover on the posthumous Valleys Of Neptune album. It might go on a bit too long and basically transition into a different song during the middle but the actual "Sunshine Of Your Love" sections don't sound too bad when sped up and energised a little.

3. "Pull Me Under" - Dream Theater (6:06)

I once compared this song's guitar solo to that of "Master Of Puppets" - Metallica due to the fact that it took way too long to build up without enough of a satisfying payoff. Whilst I've warmed up to this song a little bit over the years, I still think it's a bit of a wet fart compared to others by the band or Petrucci as a solo artist. Part of the reason behind this was likely to make the song more appealing to the commercial audience, as it's easy to rearrange without completely ruining it in the same way the single edit does to tracks like "My Sharona" - The Knack.
It's not a bad solo by any stretch but I would definitely call it weak in the sense that the band are clearly capable of so much more. It would've been cool if they'd extended the solo with another double time section, similar to the first verse. That way, Petrucci could've ripped into a furious payoff that still could've been edited out for the single version whilst giving fans of album versions something to get excited about during the first six minutes of this relatively average eight minute signature song.

4. "Living After Midnight" - Judas Priest (2:15)

Continuing with the radio friendly commercial material, Judas Priest's breakthrough album contained a couple of belters but unfortunately, many casual listeners picked up on this white bread, slowed down "American Nights" rip-off due to its accessible vocal melodies and simplistic riffs. This isn't the only example of a fairly basic but popular track in Judas Priest's back catalogue, as "You've Got Another Thing Comin'" also features minimalist guitar riffs and a fairly stripped back solo. However, the difference between these two is the latter song actually gives the solo some structure with complexity that slowly increases over time instead of phoning it in like they did with "Living After Midnight".
As for this song, there isn't an awful lot that could've been done to make a decent solo without turning it into a soulless shredfest like those Metal remixes of TV themes and public domain songs littering Youtube. However, as it stands, the solo sounds like the guitarists started to work on something that could've been cool but opted instead to take an early lunch and wing it when it came to recording the track. Fuck this song, fuck this solo.

5. "Razamanaz" - Nazareth (1:46)

I bloody love this song. It's a wild ride with a footstomping rhythm and a bunch of crazy guitar fills scattered throughout, not to mention some raw Rock vocals and a great chord sequence. Everything about this song is great...except the solo. The solo sucks. It has a good little bridge introduction but once the actual solo starts, it's just fucking sustains. Single sustains until the guitarist realises he can't get away with it and shreds the same string of notes until the end of the bar. Compared to other little shreddy sections throughout, the solo is complete rubbish and drags what could've been a Hard Rock staple down.
As for how it could've been improved...well, how about actual guitar playing? How about something a bit more creative than single notes for half of it? Maybe a mix-up in percussive rhythm just to set it apart from the fills throughout the rest of the track or something a little less choppy than we've heard so far. There are many ways it could've sounded better if you use your imagination just 1% more than Manny Charlton did when he recorded the solo.

6. "Misery Business" - Paramore (2:26)

Opinions on Paramore aside, I quite like this track. It doesn't make me think of teenage drama in the same way as their other material but it does have one major problem in the form of a bland guitar solo. In fact, can you even call it a solo? It's just Josh Farro playing the equivalent of a bassline with no passion or discernible skill. I'm not knocking his ability to play guitar, as the rest of the track has some great riffs, but it's seriously lacking in the solo department. It needed something fast and powerful that dominated the entire fretboard to make this song truly awesome.
How do I define "fast and powerful"? Listen to the solo for "Pull Me Under" - Winger (not Dream Theater) around the two minute mark. It might get a little repetitive but THAT kind of guitar playing would've been fucking great in the Paramore solo. Maybe mix up the rapid arpeggios a bit with some melodic riffs before ending on sweeping scales to end on a bang...or just strum a few notes if you're not talented enough to play a worthy Rock solo, I guess.

7. "Stranglehold" - Ted Nugent (1:56)

You remember that epic eight and a half minute song off Ted Nugent's debut with the boring verses and three minute guitar solo? Yeah, fuck that noise. The problem with guitar solos lasting longer than about a minute is that they start to stray into Blues Rock territory, meaning lots of pauses and jerking off on the guitarist's part. Ted Nugent might be a complete cunt but as a musician, he's top notch. However, his skills are in creating great riffs, not necessarily memorable solos. If you listen to most Ted Nugent songs, you'll remember the riff but find it tricky to remember anything about the solo.
This is one of the few times I'd advocate a shorter edit of the song in order to make the whole track tighter and less dull. There are so many moments where the bass riff is forced to carry the song and even though it's great at first, it gets tiring when you're constantly forced to listen to it whilst asking yourself when Ted will come back from his piss break. Shorter length, tighter guitar sections, some kind of appropriate progression throughout the track and then back to your generic Rock riffs. Ultimately, this song sounds like Ted Nugent going through the motions which no musician should be proud of on their debut solo album.

8. "I Love It Loud" - KISS (2:11)

Love or hate KISS, they knew how to write a good Hard Rock hook. The music in the verse and vocals in the chorus are perfect for Arena Rock, ensuring you'll get all the fans on their feet and belting out the lyrics. It's about as "KISS" as they come but sadly, it also contains a pathetic excuse for a guitar solo, even for KISS. The band have had their troubles with solos (or lack of solos when it comes to "Lick It Up" and "Rock And Roll All Nite") but if you're going to write an Arena Rock anthem, you need to bring the thunder in the solo. This guitar solo consists of a few weak sustains before awkwardly going back to the verse. Piss. Poor.
If it started off with a few sustains, it wouldn't have been so bad. However, it needed to go somewhere and progress into something for budding air guitarists to rock out to. That doesn't necessarily mean shredding or fancy techniques but it has to sound like something that takes time and effort to learn, or at least carry a melody of its own. Compare this solo to the one from "Love Gun" or even "Detroit Rock City"; the former containing some decent triplets and the latter being simplistic but memorable.

9. "Gimme Three Steps" - Lynyrd Skynyrd (2:20)

It's songs like this that make me feel the need to remind you this is a post about "weak" guitar solos, not just "bad" ones. Considering this band gave us "Free Bird", "Simple Man" and "I Ain't The One" on the same album alone, I guess it isn't surprising that there'd be at least one song where they phoned in the solo. However, that doesn't excuse "Gimme Three Steps" for having a boring solo to accompany a pretty boring song by their standards. It's just the same shit over and over again that actually manages to sound less interesting than the rest of the band.
The solo contains descending chords which sound alright at first, as they deviate from the chord pattern in the breaks between verses, but they get dull fairly quickly. The whole song is just a bit bland and I'm not sure a fun solo would make up for that but at the very least, it would give some people a reason to revisit nobody's favourite Lynyrd Skynyrd track.

10. "Seven Nation Army" - The White Stripes (2:02)

There were several songs I could've picked for this last spot (and I may write a sequel to this post in the near future if I find enough to make ten) but in the end, I had to go with the Shite Wipes. It pisses me off when everyone cites this band as the reason Jack White is an amazing guitarist. He can play some decent riffs but aside from that, he showcases next to no talent as a guitarist in this band and the solo for this song is proof of that. It's just the chord sequence but played higher up the fretboard with different tones to make it sound different. There's literally nothing else to it.
I accept that the band aren't really about guitar solos but when you try to play one, you should at least make it good. A proper guitar solo doesn't suit this song so honestly, Jack probably shouldn't have bothered. This is a good example of a song built entirely around a solid riff that falls apart when you realise a song needs more than a catchy tune. Obviously Meg White can't do shit and Jack's vocals/lyrics aren't enough to carry part of the weight held by the riff so you end up with something half-baked. But hey, they've done some other good stuff...sort of...


Did I miss any glaringly obvious weak guitar solos? Chances are I've either mentioned them on this blog before or I felt they'd be better for a follow-up to this post but feel free to tell me via the comment section or Twitter anyway, just in case.
Anyway, here's the Spotify playlist of songs listed above. Listen, don't listen, choice is yours.