Tenology: More Weak Guitar Solos In Rock/Metal

I know it hasn't been long since the last blog post about weak solos but in typical Riffs And Raffs tradition, I recalled about eight songs with weak solos right after finishing the first post. Similar to the last post, these aren't necessarily "bad" guitar solos; they're ones that sound underwhelming or poor in comparison to what the band is capable of. Also similar to the last post, I'll try not to dwell too much on solos I've criticised in previous blog posts but I might slip a couple in just to justify my personal (and this post is largely personal) thoughts on why it's weak.
If you want to listen to each of these songs and their respective solos, scroll to the bottom of the page for an embedded Spotify playlist with each track. I've also included the time the solo starts next to each song title and artist in the list headings in case you just want to listen to the solo whilst reading the post.

1. "(Don't Fear) The Reaper" - Blue Oyster Cult (2:43)

So this is one of the guitar solos I've often criticised on the blog, hence me getting it out of the way first. I love the song and I've talked about how much I love Buck Dharma's guitar playing when it comes to both riffs and solos but I've always thought this song stopped being awesome right after the second chorus. The song's built around an awesome riff and chord progression but once it's time for the solo, the track takes a sharp and awkward turn into a completely different song. It sounds like something they couldn't fit onto another track and chose to tape onto this one...or maybe it was chosen to be a darker twist in the song's melody to signify the song's story about vampires and their victims, although that doesn't excuse it for sounding like dogshit.
Aside from the opening series of notes, there's nothing hugely memorable about the solo and the way it ties into the rest of the track. It doesn't show off technical talent or contain catchy hooks like the song's main riff, it just sounds like Buck's winging it after an imagination drought. It probably could've been improved with more melodic riffs and less dull sustains but it's hard to say, as I feel like I'm conditioned to hate it as soon as the bridge before the solo starts.

2. "Holiday" - Green Day (2:00)

Green Day aren't your typical screeching solo Rock band so I didn't feel like they were an appropriate band for the last blog post. However, since writing the last post, I've realised that Green Day have actually given us a couple of solid solos such as the one from "American Idiot" and "Jesus Of Suburbia". Sure, they're not great in comparison to Zeppelin and Iron Maiden tunes but they work in the songs and showcase some decent guitar playing. "Holiday" has a solo that sounds forced and uninspired, even for Green Day.
It's not quite as bad as simply reciting the vocal melody (we'll get onto that later) but it is far too short and far too simplistic to be considered a good solo, even for the song. It sounds like something that should play under the vocals during the last chorus, not the instrumental break that 90% of Rock songs use to release the energy they've built up throughout the course of the song. But hey, at least the rest of the song's OK, I guess.

3. "Woman From Tokyo" - Deep Purple (4:40)

I was tempted to pick "Smoke On The Water" for this list, as I've always found the solo to be a bit underwhelming in an already dull track. However, upon revisiting it, I realised that it's not actually that "weak" in comparison to the rest of the song. In comparison to other Deep Purple guitar solos, hell yeah it's weak...but then, so's this solo and my God, this solo makes "Smoke On The Water" sound like "Burn". As far as Deep Purple songs go, this one's pretty white bread. Basic riff, bland vocal melody but a good structure. The song plods along until the last minute, where the pianos pick up a bit and a guitar solo's set up...and it sucks.
It's a non-solo, a bit of fluff that sounds like the first part of an actual solo but as it stands, it's just terrible. The obvious improvement to it would be to make it longer but the song's already getting on towards the fifth minute and as I previously said, it's not really anything special. Extending a filler track with no life or character to six minutes is a surefire way to create a forgettable and unnecessary song (just look at some of the band's other tracks for proof). Or just don't include a solo! Not every song needs one and I'd rather it was a tighter package without one than forcing some hollow shit into a passable track.

4. "Californication" - Red Hot Chili Peppers (3:29)

I've said before that Red Hot Chili Peppers are a band that are strongest with softer songs in the Alternative Rock genre rather than heavier Funk based ones. This song is no exception and contains your typical RHCP sound at its finest right up until the solo. It sounds disjointed and out of place, enough to take you right out of the song with its awkward note bends and clashing harmonics. It sounds like a beginner's first attempt at writing a "deep" solo which, for John Frusciante, is the definition of weak.
A solo does work in this song but it needs to have a bit more meat to it than this. It doesn't have to be "Suck My Kiss" but it would benefit from some more melodic work; think the solo from "Cirice" - Ghost, it's competent and feels like the culmination of what the song's been building up to. It doesn't sound like a poor fit or that it's a waste of talent like "Californication" does.

5. "Armageddon It" - Def Leppard (3:12)

One of the lesser known singles off the band's biggest album and with good reason. It's a bog standard tune for Def Leppard from the album that had "Rocket" and "Pour Some Sugar On Me" but it didn't do the band a lot of favours with fans of traditional British Rock as opposed to overproduced American Arena Rock, especially when it came to the guitar solo. The solo itself isn't all that bad; it's a little plain and could easily be longer but musically, it works for the song. The biggest problem with it is the tone.
The solo is played with guitar synthesiser and it sounds fucking naff. This is a good example of when overproducing something can make it worse, as a typical guitar sound instead of synthetic nonsense would've helped steer it away from this blog post. There's also a small guitar solo that fades out with vocals in the outro of this song but again, it's nothing worth getting excited about.

6. "Smells Like Teen Spirit" - Nirvana (2:52)

I've briefly touched upon this solo being pissweak in the past but now I get to retread that ground with the rest of the song to back me up in an embedded Spotify playlist! I get that Nirvana aren't about guitar solos but this song was as commercial as they came and with that means they needed a solo in their song, since they were clearly going for a popular sounding Rock song (presumably one of the subconscious reasons the main riff sounds like a twisted version of the chorus riff from "More Than A Feeling" - Boston). It obviously wasn't going to be a solo full of noise and furious strumming but it does lack any kind of imagination.
I've said it multiple times before and I'll say it again, solos that simply play the vocal melody or chord sequence of the main riff are not good solos. This song literally just plays Cobain's vocals in the verse before giving us another verse! If it was the vocal melody BEFORE a great solo, I would've let it slide for giving us something. Unfortunately, it gets the solo completely wrong but hey, it's one of the most iconic Rock songs in the last half century so I doubt anyone involved in the songwriting process (who's still alive) is crying themselves to sleep over missed opportunities.

7. "All You Need Is Love" - The Beatles (1:18)

This song will always remind me of the final episode of The Prisoner. It had a great use but I never really got into the song due to its overproduction and weak melodies, another fine example of polishing something insubstantial in the hopes it'll become amazing. However, the worst part of the song has to be the pathetic excuse for a guitar solo. If you haven't heard the song in a while and don't recall it sounding offensively bad, I recommend never listening to this song and the solo again as your false memories of a passable solo are better than the original will ever be.
It sounds like a shitty covers band attempting to play the actual solo but messing up all the way through, complete with rough note bends and the guitarist eventually just fucking giving up in the middle of it. These are all signs of a bad solo before you get onto the fact that it's just repeating the opening vocal melody. George Harrison has given us some cracking solos in the past but this takes the absolute piss.

8. "Everybody Wants Some!!" - Van Halen (2:34)

Ah yes, the song that "Panama" made redundant. I think I prefer the guitar riff and chorus for this over "Panama" but God, David Lee Roth didn't make this song pleasantly memorable with his weird sexual improv during the breaks and the delivery of some of his lines in the verses ("I seek a poopoo ladder lookin' for a moopee" is the best I can make out at 1:55). However, if Lee Roth fails, you can always rely on EVH to make a song great, right? Right...just not in this case. Eddie phoned it in when it came to writing a solo and chose to just play a descending note pattern without his trademark tapping or imaginative shredding.
The closest he comes to showcasing some great guitarwork is when he rapidly strums the same notes but even then, it's not much for a man of his talents. I can appreciate that he only has so many guitar solos that are iconic or awesome before the inevitable drought or unintentional recycling of ideas comes in but it's not like this song came out well into the band's career. This song came out before Fair Warning and 1984, albums with fine solos (although "Unchained" is a bit dodgy). Ah well, at least we've always got Lee Roth's one-sided conversation about stockings to enjoy.

9. "Suffocated" - Orianthi (2:23)

I talked about this song in my write-up of the Guitar Hero: Warriors Of Rock soundtrack and whilst my opinion on Orianthi as a musician has changed since I first played that game, my opinion of the song has not. It's generic Pop Rock garbage with utterly soulless shredding crammed in on more than one occasion. In this case, the "solo" is the brief section in between the middle eight and the final chorus where Orianthi showcases her talents as a guitarist but not as a songwriter. I could've picked the "According To You" solo for basically the same reasons except that solo has its place in the song, even though it's the audio equivalent of Orianthi loudly shouting "LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!" (although you could probably say that for most guitar solos in Rock).
No, I went with "Suffocated" because the bland shredding, whining vocals and Pop structure don't blend together at all. If you're one of those teenagers who thinks great guitarists are ones who can fit as many notes into a short space of time as possible without considering the quality of the sound, melody and dynamics, you'll probably think this song's the shit. If you want a solo that tells a story, that feels like it belongs in a piece of music and isn't just taped on for the sake of it, you're better off listening to something else.

10. "Cinnamon Girl" - Neil Young with Crazy Horse (2:06)

I remember seeing this song on a list of amazing guitar solos or something along those lines and to this day, I have no fucking idea why. At least overrated solos like "Comfortably Numb" and "Stairway To Heaven" have some musical creativity and skill behind them. This solo's just the same fucking note over and over again! The rhythm guitar is more active than the lead, for crying out loud. It's lazier than repeating the vocal melody on guitar and it sounds like toss, the only downside to a great Classic Rock track.
I could forgive the terrible solo if the outro went somewhere, as it sounds like the song's going to kick things into the next gear similar to the guitar solo in "Heartbreaker" - Led Zeppelin but nope. That's not the Neil Young way! Instead, it just ends on a strong note shortly after a pissweak one. I don't even need to talk about how the solo could be improved, it just needed more than a couple of notes. Still, the song's still good and the crap solo was enough to inspire a Tenacious D skit on their first album. That's right, this song made them think of "Hard Fucking" because the solo fucks the listener hard in the ears.


I didn't expect that I'd be writing another one of these posts so soon after the first so for all we know, I'll be cracking another one of these out in a week. That or a video game post so you've got that to look forward to.
Until then, here's the Spotify playlist with all the songs listed above.

Tenology: Weak Guitar Solos in Rock/Metal

I've been considering this blog post for a while but a) I didn't have enough songs with bad solos to write about and b) I didn't want it to basically be a rehash of this post where I talked about the Dos & Don'ts of guitar solos, listing examples of songs that fucked up with reasons throughout. Therefore, I've slightly adapted the title to include more solos by calling them "weak" instead of outright "bad". This means that solos with missed potential or a lack of ambition count, as well as ones that sound like pure dogshit.
As always, Tenology posts are mostly reflections of my opinions at the time of writing the post. This means that not only are there tracks with solos you may consider awesome but there may be songs with weak solos I haven't written about due to forgetting or not being aware of them. Also, in a previous post looking at terrible aspects of great songs, I listed the cover of "Rock & Roll Pest Control" - The Presidents Of The United States Of America due to being a great track with the absolute worst guitar solo of all time. This song will not be featured in this post due to already being mentioned there but that doesn't mean my opinion on the track has changed.

At the bottom of this post is a Spotify playlist of all the songs listed so you can listen along as you read my thoughts on each solo. As an added bonus, I put the time the solo starts next to each title/artist heading so you can skip to that part if you so wish. It is NOT the length of the solo; these aren't Joe Bonamassa songs.

1. "I Want To Break Free" - Queen (1:32)

It's hard to choose the right Queen song to include on this post when they have a fair few with pretty poor guitar solos. Don't get me wrong, Brian May knows how to write a catchy riff but his soloing is arguably the band's weakest quality for one of the biggest Rock bands on the planet. The only notable guitar solos by Queen are usually the ones where there's naff all guitar beforehand such as "Don't Stop Me Now" and "Bohemian Rhapsody" and even then, in comparison to other solos, they're not amazing (although I concede that "I Want It All" has some fucking great guitarwork).
In the end, I chose this instead of "One Vision", "Keep Yourself Alive" or "Hammer To Fall" because unlike those solos, this has more than one flaw. Firstly, it starts off by repeating the vocal melody which is both uninspired and kinda lame considering it doesn't hold a candle to the sound of Freddie's voice. Secondly, the synth tone used on the guitar makes it sound tacky and a little comical, like the voice of one of the droids in a shitty Star Wars cartoon. Finally, there are various parts throughout containing dead air, so to speak. Whilst the rhythm section of the song keeps playing, the lead solo remains silent until a few awkward sounding sustains before more silence. It's weak songwriting for a band that knocked it out of the park on a multitude of occasions.

EDIT: OK, I fucked up. After posting this, I found out that it's NOT actually a guitar solo. It is indeed synth that was pretty much improvised during the recording session and boy, does it fucking sound improvised. However, Queen have played this song live with Brian May playing the synth solo on guitar and it still sounds like dogshit for all of the reasons listed above, even if the studio original technically doesn't have a guitar solo.
With that in mind, I'm keeping this as the first entry as I still feel like each of my points still stands. If you like, you can pretend I'm slagging off "One Vision" or "Hammer To Fall" for starting off with screeching, horrible guitar sustains (and for being too short in the case of the former) instead if you feel like I'm cheating you out of one genuine guitar solo here.

2. "Sunshine Of Your Love" - Cream (2:00)

If I'm being totally honest, I fucking hate this song in general. The riff is dull and repetitive, the mix is pretty terrible, the incessant cymbal crashes become annoying as hell (and can't be unheard; sorry) and the solo sounds like it was made up on the spot. The end section of the solo picks up a little bit but by that point, the damage is done. Eric Boring Clapton has already wanked his way through it with tepid riffs that are somehow both syncopated and dreary. This isn't his only shitfest solo with Cream, as "I Feel Free" is another example of how his limited technical skill impeded the quality of the solo. Then again, I fucking hate "I Feel Free" too due to it sounding like a godawful 50s croonfest.
Before you argue that this is the kind of song that works better as a slow, melodic piece of music rather than one full of shredding or self-indulgence, have a listen to the Jimi Hendrix instrumental cover on the posthumous Valleys Of Neptune album. It might go on a bit too long and basically transition into a different song during the middle but the actual "Sunshine Of Your Love" sections don't sound too bad when sped up and energised a little.

3. "Pull Me Under" - Dream Theater (6:06)

I once compared this song's guitar solo to that of "Master Of Puppets" - Metallica due to the fact that it took way too long to build up without enough of a satisfying payoff. Whilst I've warmed up to this song a little bit over the years, I still think it's a bit of a wet fart compared to others by the band or Petrucci as a solo artist. Part of the reason behind this was likely to make the song more appealing to the commercial audience, as it's easy to rearrange without completely ruining it in the same way the single edit does to tracks like "My Sharona" - The Knack.
It's not a bad solo by any stretch but I would definitely call it weak in the sense that the band are clearly capable of so much more. It would've been cool if they'd extended the solo with another double time section, similar to the first verse. That way, Petrucci could've ripped into a furious payoff that still could've been edited out for the single version whilst giving fans of album versions something to get excited about during the first six minutes of this relatively average eight minute signature song.

4. "Living After Midnight" - Judas Priest (2:15)

Continuing with the radio friendly commercial material, Judas Priest's breakthrough album contained a couple of belters but unfortunately, many casual listeners picked up on this white bread, slowed down "American Nights" rip-off due to its accessible vocal melodies and simplistic riffs. This isn't the only example of a fairly basic but popular track in Judas Priest's back catalogue, as "You've Got Another Thing Comin'" also features minimalist guitar riffs and a fairly stripped back solo. However, the difference between these two is the latter song actually gives the solo some structure with complexity that slowly increases over time instead of phoning it in like they did with "Living After Midnight".
As for this song, there isn't an awful lot that could've been done to make a decent solo without turning it into a soulless shredfest like those Metal remixes of TV themes and public domain songs littering Youtube. However, as it stands, the solo sounds like the guitarists started to work on something that could've been cool but opted instead to take an early lunch and wing it when it came to recording the track. Fuck this song, fuck this solo.

5. "Razamanaz" - Nazareth (1:46)

I bloody love this song. It's a wild ride with a footstomping rhythm and a bunch of crazy guitar fills scattered throughout, not to mention some raw Rock vocals and a great chord sequence. Everything about this song is great...except the solo. The solo sucks. It has a good little bridge introduction but once the actual solo starts, it's just fucking sustains. Single sustains until the guitarist realises he can't get away with it and shreds the same string of notes until the end of the bar. Compared to other little shreddy sections throughout, the solo is complete rubbish and drags what could've been a Hard Rock staple down.
As for how it could've been improved...well, how about actual guitar playing? How about something a bit more creative than single notes for half of it? Maybe a mix-up in percussive rhythm just to set it apart from the fills throughout the rest of the track or something a little less choppy than we've heard so far. There are many ways it could've sounded better if you use your imagination just 1% more than Manny Charlton did when he recorded the solo.

6. "Misery Business" - Paramore (2:26)

Opinions on Paramore aside, I quite like this track. It doesn't make me think of teenage drama in the same way as their other material but it does have one major problem in the form of a bland guitar solo. In fact, can you even call it a solo? It's just Josh Farro playing the equivalent of a bassline with no passion or discernible skill. I'm not knocking his ability to play guitar, as the rest of the track has some great riffs, but it's seriously lacking in the solo department. It needed something fast and powerful that dominated the entire fretboard to make this song truly awesome.
How do I define "fast and powerful"? Listen to the solo for "Pull Me Under" - Winger (not Dream Theater) around the two minute mark. It might get a little repetitive but THAT kind of guitar playing would've been fucking great in the Paramore solo. Maybe mix up the rapid arpeggios a bit with some melodic riffs before ending on sweeping scales to end on a bang...or just strum a few notes if you're not talented enough to play a worthy Rock solo, I guess.

7. "Stranglehold" - Ted Nugent (1:56)

You remember that epic eight and a half minute song off Ted Nugent's debut with the boring verses and three minute guitar solo? Yeah, fuck that noise. The problem with guitar solos lasting longer than about a minute is that they start to stray into Blues Rock territory, meaning lots of pauses and jerking off on the guitarist's part. Ted Nugent might be a complete cunt but as a musician, he's top notch. However, his skills are in creating great riffs, not necessarily memorable solos. If you listen to most Ted Nugent songs, you'll remember the riff but find it tricky to remember anything about the solo.
This is one of the few times I'd advocate a shorter edit of the song in order to make the whole track tighter and less dull. There are so many moments where the bass riff is forced to carry the song and even though it's great at first, it gets tiring when you're constantly forced to listen to it whilst asking yourself when Ted will come back from his piss break. Shorter length, tighter guitar sections, some kind of appropriate progression throughout the track and then back to your generic Rock riffs. Ultimately, this song sounds like Ted Nugent going through the motions which no musician should be proud of on their debut solo album.

8. "I Love It Loud" - KISS (2:11)

Love or hate KISS, they knew how to write a good Hard Rock hook. The music in the verse and vocals in the chorus are perfect for Arena Rock, ensuring you'll get all the fans on their feet and belting out the lyrics. It's about as "KISS" as they come but sadly, it also contains a pathetic excuse for a guitar solo, even for KISS. The band have had their troubles with solos (or lack of solos when it comes to "Lick It Up" and "Rock And Roll All Nite") but if you're going to write an Arena Rock anthem, you need to bring the thunder in the solo. This guitar solo consists of a few weak sustains before awkwardly going back to the verse. Piss. Poor.
If it started off with a few sustains, it wouldn't have been so bad. However, it needed to go somewhere and progress into something for budding air guitarists to rock out to. That doesn't necessarily mean shredding or fancy techniques but it has to sound like something that takes time and effort to learn, or at least carry a melody of its own. Compare this solo to the one from "Love Gun" or even "Detroit Rock City"; the former containing some decent triplets and the latter being simplistic but memorable.

9. "Gimme Three Steps" - Lynyrd Skynyrd (2:20)

It's songs like this that make me feel the need to remind you this is a post about "weak" guitar solos, not just "bad" ones. Considering this band gave us "Free Bird", "Simple Man" and "I Ain't The One" on the same album alone, I guess it isn't surprising that there'd be at least one song where they phoned in the solo. However, that doesn't excuse "Gimme Three Steps" for having a boring solo to accompany a pretty boring song by their standards. It's just the same shit over and over again that actually manages to sound less interesting than the rest of the band.
The solo contains descending chords which sound alright at first, as they deviate from the chord pattern in the breaks between verses, but they get dull fairly quickly. The whole song is just a bit bland and I'm not sure a fun solo would make up for that but at the very least, it would give some people a reason to revisit nobody's favourite Lynyrd Skynyrd track.

10. "Seven Nation Army" - The White Stripes (2:02)

There were several songs I could've picked for this last spot (and I may write a sequel to this post in the near future if I find enough to make ten) but in the end, I had to go with the Shite Wipes. It pisses me off when everyone cites this band as the reason Jack White is an amazing guitarist. He can play some decent riffs but aside from that, he showcases next to no talent as a guitarist in this band and the solo for this song is proof of that. It's just the chord sequence but played higher up the fretboard with different tones to make it sound different. There's literally nothing else to it.
I accept that the band aren't really about guitar solos but when you try to play one, you should at least make it good. A proper guitar solo doesn't suit this song so honestly, Jack probably shouldn't have bothered. This is a good example of a song built entirely around a solid riff that falls apart when you realise a song needs more than a catchy tune. Obviously Meg White can't do shit and Jack's vocals/lyrics aren't enough to carry part of the weight held by the riff so you end up with something half-baked. But hey, they've done some other good stuff...sort of...


Did I miss any glaringly obvious weak guitar solos? Chances are I've either mentioned them on this blog before or I felt they'd be better for a follow-up to this post but feel free to tell me via the comment section or Twitter anyway, just in case.
Anyway, here's the Spotify playlist of songs listed above. Listen, don't listen, choice is yours.

Showdown: The Salentino Cuts - UFO

Yeah, I went with Showdown again.
Earlier this month, I wrote a post looking at a new Motorhead covers album, discussing the original songs and their covers before offering my verdict on which version I thought was superior for each track. I'm basically doing the exact same thing here, only this time looking at all the covers on the new UFO album.

I've also included a Spotify playlist of all the original songs and their covers at the bottom of this post, something I did once and then forgot to do for all subsequent Showdown posts. Maybe I'll go back and add them in at some point.
My verdicts are usually based on which song I enjoy listening to more but I can also factor in how creative the cover is or which track is better suited for the genre, e.g. an original Pop track covered by a Metal band might win if I feel like it's a better Pop song than a Metal one. With that in mind, let's get listening!

ROUND ONE: Heart Full Of Soul
The Yardbirds - Probably my second favourite song by this band with "Turn Into Earth" being number one, "Over Under Sideways Down" being number three. It's got some excellent vocals but is mostly built around a great guitar melody that only came about because Eric Boring Clapton wanted to focus more on Blues Rock than Pop Rock and his replacement, a little known guitarist called Jeff Beck, is a much better musician. Beck wanted to experiment with different sounds blended with 60s Rock so there's an Indian-twang to the riff. All in all, a top notch song from the 60s that isn't by The Beatles, The Who or The Rolling Stones.
UFO - Not entirely sure why the band spelled this wrong on their album but oh well, let's look past that and focus on this terrible cover. The guitar riff sounds stiff, the tempo is too slow and the vocals lack the mysticism required by the song, instead sounding tired and too Bluesy. At least the solo's been beefed up a bit, along with the guitar during the chorus, but overall this is a very poor cover to open your album with, even if the song you're covering is great.
VERDICT - Hands down The Yardbirds take this one. There's nothing redeemable enough about the UFO cover to even make me consider it winning. Great start!

ROUND TWO: Break On Through (To The Other Side)
The Doors - Another psychedelic hit, this song's best known for its vocals in the chorus and organ solo, although it's got some decent guitar riffs throughout too. It's a punchy tune that crams a lot into two and a half minutes and definitely stands out in the band's collection of iconic Psychedelic Rock as being one of their heavier tracks.
UFO - Straight away, I prefer the drum rhythm and sound of the organ and guitar together. Vocals are still poor (they would be compared to Jim Morrison's) but they don't suck as much as the last track. The guitar's a little dull in the chorus too but it's pretty sweet in the outro, giving it an extra kick. I just wish the band wasn't let down by Phil Mogg's godawful vocals.
VERDICT - Both tracks have their ups and downs but I'm going to give this one to UFO. It's never going to replace the original but it does "rock" a hell of a lot more than The Doors' version, even if the chorus is weaker. If you could combine Morrison's vocals with UFO's music, you'd probably have the perfect track.

ROUND THREE: River Of Deceit
Mad Season - I'd never heard of this song or band before this covers album but I thought it was alright. It could've been a bit shorter as I felt like the soft guitar melodies only carried the song so far and the track didn't need to build up to anything like typical 90s Alternative tracks do (think "Shine" - Collective Soul or "Closing Time" - Semisonic) so there wasn't really a reason for it to last over five minutes. Either that or make the outro a bit different to give listeners something new to enjoy.
UFO - Even though the guitar is similar to the original, I love the underlying synth and bass in this cover. It definitely stands out a bit more than the Mad Season track without drawing attention away from the other musicians. As for the vocals, I like them in this cover. They suit the tone of the song and their aged quality adds an extra layer to the lyrical nature of the song. It sounds like Mogg's pipes are best suited for the slower, more delicate Rock songs than heavy ones.
VERDICT - Despite a troublesome start, UFO are coming in with the wins here. As I said before, I enjoyed the original but if I had to listen to just one of these versions again, I think I'd pick the cover. I simply got more out of that version than the original.

ROUND FOUR: The Pusher
Steppenwolf - I usually stop paying attention to this song after the line "You know, I smoked a lot of grass". Not as an anti-drugs thing, I just find that the song becomes incredibly fucking dull after that great opening line. It follows a slight variation of the Blues Chord Progression but unlike other bands/artists that rely on Blues rhythms (e.g. Rory Gallagher), there isn't the talented soloing or interesting music in between the boring vocals to keep things fresh. Combine this with a length that's almost pushing six minutes and you've got yourself a bland ol' tune.
UFO - Well...it's a little bit faster than the original, so at least it's got that going for it? Seriously though, it's a pretty faithful cover so fans of the Steppenwolf version may get some joy out of this one. Also, there are some improvements to the guitar in between verses so people in a similar position to me who find the original lacking something might like this cover. For me though, it's still not enough to make me want to listen to it again.
VERDICT - I'm giving this to UFO again but only by a little. They've taken a meh song and made it a little less meh, earning it a win in my books. However, I feel they also deserve some kudos for not going for the obvious cover of "Born To Be Wild", a track that has been cursed to always produce terrible covers ever since The Cult ruined it.

ROUND FIVE: Paper In Fire
John Mellencamp - Back to footstompers then! This track's a belter if you like Rock with a Southern touch without becoming full-on Southern Rock, although the accordion sounds a little silly if you pay too much attention to it. It's a pretty straightforward Rock song once you strip back all the instruments but it doesn't feel like it's missing additional sections or solos. It works and it rocks, making it a great track.
UFO - Fuck me, that intro is spot on! The band use the instruments they've got to replicate a near identical opening riff and it sounds brilliant! We even get a tidy little guitar solo that fits perfectly into the melody and makes me question whether or not I'll be able to hear with original without missing it. Sadly, it pains me to say that even with the band on top form, Phil Mogg takes a shit all over the mic once again. He can't sing quick enough to keep up with the band so we get certain lyrics sung long after the music has moved onto the next section, like a lagging Youtube video with desynced audio.
VERDICT - UFO could've won this one if Mogg wasn't past his prime but as both songs stand, John Mellencamp performed the superior track.

ROUND SIX: Rock Candy
Montrose - Montrose are probably better known for having a couple of their songs covered by Iron Maiden but they were a decent 70s Hard Rock band with a guitarist capable of rocking out awesome riffs and excellent solos; a guitarist so good they literally named the band after him. This track contains a perfect example of the former and a solid one of the latter but of all the Montrose tracks known in the Rock community, this is probably the most popular one. It's a little too slow and basic for my tastes but I can understand the appeal.
UFO - Once I reached the end of this track, I had that weird moment of realisation that I'd just listened to a song that I can't remember anything about, as if I'd been the victim of a Men In Black neuralizer. Whilst this isn't the first time this has happened (most songs off Rock Or Bust - AC/DC have that effect), it's a surefire indicator that you've wasted your time on a boring song. Even though UFO haven't done much with the source material, it just sounds mediocre compared to the crunching guitar and raw Hagar vocals in the original.
VERDICT - It's really tricky to decide on a winner when I don't particularly care for either track but I will say that the Montrose original kept me listening from start to finish, unlike the UFO cover. So I suppose Montrose deserve the win for that alone.

ROUND SEVEN: Mississippi Queen
Mountain - Another Blues-based Rock song with an iconic guitar riff/intro. However, unlike some of the previous entries, this song's probably a bit better known to your average music fan. It opens with cowbell and a guitar riff that may have unintentionally inspired one of many riffs for "Seek And Destroy" - Metallica. After that, there are a few tame solos, heavy chords and raw vocals, all following another variation of the Blues Chord Progression. It's a decent tune, definitely Mountain's most well known.
UFO - Once again, the tempo's been slowed down slightly (presumably to make things easier for Phil Mogg) and even though the weight of those guitar riffs is spot on, the small guitar fills throughout the verses sound distracting more than anything else. At least the vocals aren't awful, although as I said before, I get the feeling that the musicians had to compromise in order to accommodate Phil Mogg's lack of energy. I accept that there's not a lot you can do with this song to vastly improve it but UFO found a way of making it slightly worse.
VERDICT - I wouldn't willingly choose either song to listen to but at least the Mountain original has some balls, which are needed in a song like this. Mountain rules, UFO drools, let's keep trucking on.

ROUND EIGHT: Ain't No Sunshine
Bill Withers - An interesting choice for this album, seeing as how it's pretty far from any genre of Rock out there. Despite having a majestic string accompaniment and a great piano melody, the song's carried by Bill's soulful vocals and delivery of 26 I Knows in what sounds like a single breath. It's much shorter than I originally remembered but it's still a lovely if not slightly depressing song. Now let's listen to the UFO cover.
UFO - OK, admittedly, this isn't the utter trainwreck I thought it would be based on the previous songs. The music's handled well and it doesn't have an inappropriate solo crammed in but guess what all-important factor ruins things? Yup, it's Phil Mogg and his inability to sing songs the band (and presumably him) have agreed to cover! His voice works throughout most of the track but once it gets to the I Knows, he has to pause in between, ruining the flow and use of the I Knows in the first place. I genuinely don't know why they chose to cover a song they couldn't cohesively record but oh well, it is what it is.
VERDICT - Don't cover a song you can't fucking play/sing unless you're making it your own. Bill Withers takes the win.

ROUND NINE: Honey Bee
Tom Petty - I hadn't heard this song before writing this post either but I can see why UFO covered it. It's got a heavy riff (for Tom Petty) and a slow tempo. Musically, it sounds like a beefed up Rod Stewart song and desperately needed an extra section to prevent it from going stale about halfway through. Fortunately, it deviates from typical Tom Petty tracks by containing an actual outro instead of fading out during the guitar solo so I suppose it's at least got one thing going for it.
UFO - Yup, definitely a suitable choice for the band to cover. Vocally undemanding and perfect for synchronised guitar/bass riffing. Rather than end on a lengthy solo, UFO cut it out, resulting in a shorter track that doesn't really grate on you. It's a solid cover from the band that basically fucked up everything else although that's what happens when they cover a basic song.
VERDICT - A shorter length made this song at least partly tolerable so UFO get a long awaited win. They're gonna have to go some to win this overall but maybe they've saved the best until last...maybe.

ROUND TEN: Too Rolling Stoned
Robin Trower - I feel like I've heard a bunch of songs with "rolling stoned" in the title that are all different so I'm not sure if this is a new one for me. It's a passable but uninteresting Rock song until things slow down a bit and transition into full blown Blues territory; then it turns to shit. This seven and a half minute song is boring as shit unless you're into your Bluesy guitar soloing with some dull cheering in the background to give it the impression of being a live recording. I'm actually struggling to remember anything before the Blues section so fuck this song.
UFO - Thankfully, UFO didn't outright skip the Rock part of this song like I felt they might (although they still went Bluesy at the halfway point). It's got an air of Deep Purple and Whitesnake about it in the first half with some great soloing and suitably aged vocals. The second half passes a bit quicker than the original Blues breakdown (or at least feels like it does) so admirers of Blues soloing that can't be arsed to sit through Blues soloing are better off with this track.
VERDICT - Once again, UFO did a solid cover and removed the shitty elements. I'm not saying they made this song great but UFO get a win for not making a bad song worse. Oh, and they actually had an outro instead of fading out. Nice one, lads.

ROUND ELEVEN: Just Got Paid
ZZ Top - An early one from ZZ Top before they got synth involved. A Bluesy Southern track that probably would've been better without muting the riff. At least the mix isn't flat dogshit like most early ZZ Top tracks but it's still a very plain track. Once you've got past the riff, the rest of the song is pretty much just filler with a hollow solo and outro that would be copied and improved in "Hard To Handle" - The Black Crowes, an example of an awesome cover, something I've given up hope of finding on this album.
UFO - Damn, maybe I was right about saving the best tracks until the end. The guitar riff has been improved and those drums are just what the doctor fucking ordered. Phil Mogg still struggles to keep up with the rest of the band but his voice fits like a glove. Since it's a ZZ Top song, we don't get much in the way of vocals so the guitarist is free to play away. The band also went ahead and cut this song short too; I can't say this with certainty but I'm guessing it's because they only had short periods of time to record songs in between visiting Phil Mogg at the nursing home.
VERDICT - UFO have found their groove again! The song simply sounds more like a Rock song when they play it (although it's still average by conventional standards).

ROUND TWELVE: It's My Life
The Animals - Last song on the list, although not to be confused for the Bon Jovi track! Not the strongest song by The Animals but hey, it's got a lot of bass/guitar and the vocals are simple. There isn't much to say about it other than it feels a lot longer than 3:09 when you listen to it. I'm not saying a guitar or organ solo could've improved it but I understand why songs with guitar/organ solos by this band are better known.
UFO - Fucking hell, they had to slow this down for Phil and he still sounds like a lost old coffin dodger. The fact that a pensioner is singing "It's my life, I'll do what I want" is a little distracting and maybe this is just me but even the musicians sound bored at this point. It would've been good to hear at least one song that the band did something interesting with but nope, it's all just paint by numbers. This is Rock music for boring tossers (see Rip It Up - Thunder).
VERDICT - Tough call but I'm handing the last win to The Animals. Their song doesn't sound like a musical parody designed to show us that old people are still relevant and UFO have been given enough sympathy wins.

FINAL SCORES:
UFO - 6
Originals - 6

Wow. OK, I didn't expect that. I mean, I knew UFO wouldn't win but I'm actually surprised to see they tied with the originals after the shit they put onto that album, although maybe that's just because they picked a dull bunch of songs. To their credit, they did arrange them as best as they could on the tracklist but Mogg's limited vocals resulted in poor choices. I rate The Salentino Cuts 2/10 and wouldn't recommend it to anyone that still has a pulse.
As I said earlier, here's the Spotify playlist for you to listen to (I hesitate to say 'enjoy') as you read my verdicts.

Showdown: Rerecords

This post was requested back in November but it's finally here now. This time, I'm comparing two recordings of a single track by the same band over a couple of decades to see whether the band still have their spark or if their talent has faded away over time.
It's quite a straightforward format; I'll talk about the original recording first, then the rerecording before wrapping it up with my verdict as to which is best. I should also mention that I'm aiming to pick 10 different bands for this post and some artists are known for having several notable rerecords so if I pick the "wrong" track to discuss, I apologise. Unlike previous posts, most of these comparisons will be looking at small details in the songs rather than comparing two completely different entities so this post is one for fans of that sort of thing.

ROUND ONE: "Cult Of Personality" - Living Colour
Original (1988) - The original and the band's biggest hit, even if the riff did come about accidentally. I have to say, even if this isn't one of many favourite songs to listen to in any category, it might just be a perfect Rock song. Epic riff, awesome hooks throughout, decent structure, great outro and, of course, that solo. There isn't a single beat in this song that could've been done better if it was changed for something different so props to Living Colour for that.
Rerecord (2007) - Rerecorded for Guitar Hero 3: Legends Of Rock and virtually indistinguishable from the original unless you listen to them side by side or know the solo well. Whilst there are a few little subtle changes here and there (such as sustains in the verse and clearer percussion in the mix), the key difference in this recording is the intensity of the solos. Since it was rerecorded for GH, they presumably decided to make it more challenging for the players and by gum, I'm glad they did!
VERDICT - I should probably listen to more Living Colour as the high quality of their music hasn't faltered at all in that space of time. However, I am giving the win here to the Original for being what I consider the better song. The rerecord might have more furious shredding in the solos which is fun for playing Guitar Hero but kind of soulless when you're listening to it as a song. Fortunately, it's still a great rerecord although you'll probably enjoy it more if you have memories of playing it on GH.

ROUND TWO: "Heavy Metal Thunder" - Saxon
Original (1980) - It's been tricky to find tracks for this list that weren't discovered due to Guitar Hero/Rock Band but alas, here's our first! Album opener off Strong Arm Of The Law and most likely named after the lyric from "Born To Be Wild" - Steppenwolf that gave birth to the genre's official title, "Heavy Metal Thunder" is a rapid bastard of a track. Most people will know Saxon for "Wheels Of Steel" and if they knew Saxon were capable of this kind of Metal, they'd probably be more popular overseas.
Rerecord (2002) - I've gone on record as saying Saxon are one of the few bands in existence that have actually improved with age so I couldn't miss these guys out when writing about rerecords. I chose this track as it was picked not only as the album opener for the compilation this came from but also the song for the compilation to be named after. In terms of differences between this and the original, they're a bit easier to spot than the previous track. Heavier drums, more prominent/complex guitar, slightly less prominent bass, longer outro and a generally superior sound quality due to modern recording equipment.
VERDICT - You probably could've guessed this but it's going to the Rerecord. Even if you ignore the cleaner sound on the 2002 version, the original just doesn't sound as powerful as a track like "Heavy Metal Thunder" deserves to be. If anything, the 1980 original sounds like the weaker rerecord of a lesser band, although I do still like that version.

ROUND THREE: "Detroit Rock City" - KISS
Original (1976) - Probably one of the best KISS singles that most Rock fans would know and definitely superior to signature songs by the band. Even though it contains heavy riffs and a relatively weak guitar solo, this track is arguably  carried by the vocals and bass throughout, standing it apart from your typical air-guitar arena anthems of the genre. The only thing that really ruins it is the 1:29 of car noises (and another fucking KISS recording) before the track actually starts, not to mention the shrill car crash effects at the end.
Rerecord (2008) - Released as part of a Japanese collection of rerecords entitled Jigoku-Retsuden (Intense Transmission From Hell), this version of "Detroit Rock City" is mostly the same as the original except for a few small points. 1) The tempo is slightly slower. 2) The backing vocals and instruments sound a little different, due to the change in band members. 3) The introduction with the car effects has gone, although a few driving sounds can be heard throughout the song.
VERDICT - I should give it to the 2008 version for cutting out the intro but the win belongs to the Original for being slightly faster. Single edits and remasters can remove the car effects but the slower tempo can't be changed, making the rerecording ever so slightly worse, in my opinion.

ROUND FOUR: "Come Sail Away" - Styx
Original (1977) - Along with "Mr. Roboto", this is probably one of the most well known Styx songs out there to the general public. Whilst it isn't my personal favourite, it's not a bad tune with a nice piano intro and an awesome Rock build up as the song progresses. It might be a little too long-winded and synthy for many people's tastes but if you can make it to the words "come sail away" in the actual song, I think you'll be alright. This song's also pretty good when sped up 25% too.
Rerecord (2010) - Styx are one of the many Arena Rock bands that have felt the need to rerecord a bunch of their classic material in recent years due to lineup changes (and possibly original song royalties going to ex partners after bad divorces) so it's no surprise that "Come Sail Away" appeared on an EP entitled Regeneration: Volume 1 containing some of the band's other hits. Whilst the piano intro is spot on, the rest of the track is noticeably heavier when the guitar comes in and the drums sound a bit better too. Oh, and the guitar solo during the outro gets a bit more love too.
VERDICT - This might piss off purists but I'm going with the Rerecord on this one. Better sound, heavier riffs, more complex solo and still retains everything that made the original awesome. No question, I'd rather listen to that version if given a choice.

ROUND FIVE: "No Time" - The Guess Who
Original (1969) - It's a good 20 seconds before this song becomes a song instead of shitty noise so we're off to a poor start already. However, once the drums come in, it's all sorted out. It's got a semi-psychedelic vibe to it and if you've never heard the song before, I recommend listening to this version first. Those who've heard the rerecording but didn't know there was an original version might be interested to learn the main difference involves this track being longer due to an added guitar solo and verse.
Rerecord (1970) - Yup, it only took a year for this band to realise they could do better. Once again, the differences vary from obvious to subtle here. Obvious being the shorter song length and more radio-friendly nature to the track, subtle being the slightly faster tempo and musical consistency in the chorus. A common link between each of these songs seems to be the difference in outro too, as this song fades out instead of ending like the original.
VERDICT - This is a tricky one. On the one hand, I like the shorter version for being a tighter recording but on the other, I like listening to the band giving me more music to enjoy in the original. However, if I had to pick one to listen to for the rest of my life, I'd pick the Rerecord as I didn't feel like I'd miss any of the extra material in the longer version.

ROUND SIX: "Blackout" - Scorpions
Original (1982) - Surprised I'm not picking "Rock You Like A Hurricane"? I'll explain why in the next paragraph but first, let's look at this track from the album with the same name. It's a great Metal track that's probably overlooked thanks to songs like "Wind Of Change" and the aforementioned "Rock You Like A Hurricane" but it's got everything a good Metal song from the early 80s needed: solid riff, decent solo, screeching vocals and a study driving rhythm. I'd listen to this song more if not for the shitty ending; you know what I'm talking about.
Rerecord (2011) - Since the covers/rerecords album this came from was called Comeblack, I thought I'd pick the track that half the portmanteau is named after. It's pretty faithful to the original, although since Klaus Meine's vocals have deepened over the years, the song has to be tuned down a key. Combine this with the cleaner recording equipment and heavier drumming to make what sounds like more of a Metal track.
VERDICT - It's another win for the Rerecord army, I'm afraid. As I said above, the 2011 version sounds more like Metal to me and the improved ending without the glass smashing helps significantly too. For the record, I love the original track too and own both versions of the song on my phone.

ROUND SEVEN: "Juke Box Hero" - Foreigner
Original (1981) - Oooooh, I fucking love that bass! One of Foreigner's popular Hard Rock tracks that isn't a power ballad and definitely one of their best! Even if the vocals sound a bit raw now and then, the music and story told throughout the song are perfect Arena Rock material, although it'd be cool if the solo had a bit more going for it. Otherwise, it's awesome though. Bonus points go to this song for the use of dynamics in the mix to help get your adrenaline pumping.
Rerecord (2011) - Again, I chose this due to it coming from a bonus disc of rerecords named after this song...that and that it's an awesome song. Straight away, you can hear more synth and a lower key but if you listen closely, you can hear the dynamics in this mix are a little more balanced between the soft build up and loud pay off. Whilst this is definitely a reduction in quality, the chorus sounds fucking brilliant in the new key. Another big difference is the solo, which has been vastly improved. Even if there are some similarities, it sounds more like an actual guitar solo than the original.
VERDICT - Fuuuck, another tricky call to make. Whilst the 2011 version has the improved solo and chorus, I'm giving it to the Original purely down to the dynamics. They could've made the rerecord fucking incredible if they got the mix right but it just sounds flat compared to the 1981 version. Maybe that's just me but all I know is I got shivers listening to the original and nothing with the rerecord.

ROUND EIGHT: "Under The Sky" - The Answer
Original (2006) - As far as debut album openers for modern Rock bands go, this one's pretty sweet! Good rhythm, tasty riffs on guitar and bass, great vocals and a well written structure. It's one of the stronger tracks on Rise (although not my personal favourite) and I'm sure it was at least partially responsible for their career taking off, even if a different song off the album was featured on the Guitar Hero: World Tour soundtrack.
Rerecord (2016) - Last year, The Answer decided to release a 10th anniversary version of their debut and with it came a new version of this song...just this song. To be honest, if you didn't know either track that well, you'd find it tricky to identify which one came first as aside from a shorter intro, they're basically identical. With a couple of listens, you can hear a few minor tweaks in the sound quality but that's all. Each band member seems to remember this song fondly as they can recreate it perfectly, which begs the question as to why they bothered rerecording and releasing this track anyway.
VERDICT - Since both tracks sound the same, I have to look to the biggest difference; the intro. Personally, I much prefer the screaming guitar and build up at the start of the 2006 version over the basic strumming and drumming of the 2016 one so it's an easy choice. Original wins this round hands down.

ROUND NINE: "Iron Fist" - Motorhead
Original (1982) - I knew Motorhead was going to be in this list at some point but I didn't know which track until I started going through all the ones in Guitar Hero and Rock Band. I've already written about "Overkill" and "Ace Of Spades" so the next choice was either "Iron Fist", "Love Me Like A Reptile" or "(We Are) The Road Crew"; since "Iron Fist" was the first rerecord I heard after "Overkill", it had to be this one. It's basically another "Ace Of Spades" with two solos and a shitty fade out but if you like Motorhead's sound, you'll like this song.
Rerecord (2008) - I don't know if Motorhead rerecorded a bunch of songs just for GH/RB but somewhere out there is a collection of recordings from 2008 that will hopefully be released one day now that Lemmy's passed away. Since the other two band members have changed since the 70s/80s, the main difference in song quality is down to the guitar and drums. Personally, I fucking love the guitar in this song. Phil Campbell's work sounds a lot better here and at least this version has a proper outro.
VERDICT - Definitely the Rerecord. Motorhead stayed strong all the way to the end and I'm actually pretty fucking gutted that I never got a chance to see them live. However, their music will always live on and even if it seems like a bit of a hollow cash grab on the part of band/family members, I would be very interested in listening to unreleased rerecords of Motorhead material. If the Jimi Hendrix estate can get away with it, so can these guys.

ROUND TEN: "Long Red" - Leslie West
Original (1969) - Bet none of you expected this for the last song. There are a bunch of Arena Rock songs I could've picked but I feel like we've had enough them so far. Instead, I chose a song that has possibly the biggest gap between rerecords I can find. This song's often attributed to the band Mountain (the band Leslie West would form after this album, also named Mountain) and even though they've played it live, it is a Leslie West song. It's built around a lovely little keyboard riff with acoustic guitar laying down the backing melody. It's a gentle track that deserves a lot more radio play than it's getting.
Rerecord (2013) - Not only does this have a whopping gap of 44 years between recordings but it's probably the only track on here that sounds totally different to the original. Granted it keeps the same structure and you can sort of tell it's still Leslie singing but if you didn't know it was by him, you'd have trouble working out that it was a rerecord. It's slightly heavier/cleaner on each instrument, the vocals are naturally deeper, the guitar riff between verses is played differently, the song fades out on organ instead of guitar and there are more guitar solos throughout. In short, this is probably more of a Rock song than the original.
VERDICT - I love both versions of this track for different reasons but I think I need to go with the Original on this one. It's that song that I fell in love with and to me, it's the delicate tone of that song that works best with the lyrics and music. However, that's not to say Rock covers/rerecords aren't awesome too. If you like the song and Classic Rock, check out Mountain's live version from 1972. Also, check out "Home Is Where I Want To Be" - Mott The Hoople, a song that was almost certainly heavily inspired by this track (further backed up by the fact that a cover of "Long Red" appears on the same album this is from!).


Aaaand it's a tie again! 5 for Originals, 5 for Rerecords. Not that I'm trying to prove one's objectively better than the other, of course. Now it's time for the bit I always include at the end of these posts in the hope that I'll get more feedback: do you agree with this list? Did I miss any famous rerecords or do you have any to recommend? Let me know in the comments and (say it with me now...) via Twitter!

Tenology: Massive Morellos/MacArthur Parks In Rock/Metal

I'm back! Apologies for the delay in posting but I needed more time to put this list together.
If you're confused by what I mean when I say "Massive Morello/MacArthur Park", you clearly haven't read my Rock Glossary or Absolute Axls blog posts. No worries though, I've got you covered!
A MacArthur Park (or Morello) is a fantastically brilliant factor of a song that stops it from being terrible. For example, the song could have dire lyrics, a boring riff, mediocre performances and go on for seven minutes...BUT at the six minute mark, there's an absolutely amazing guitar solo that blows everything else away and makes the song worth listening to. That right there is a MacArthur Park/Morello!
Anyway, to celebrate what I hope to fucking God is going to be a more positive year than 2016, I've decided to open with a blog post about 10 rubbish songs with one awesome thing about them that stops the songs from being made of absolute suck. Obviously this post is going to be a little divisive with my definitions of what makes a song suck so I tried to choose a mix of tracks that I personally dislike and tracks that are renowned for being hated or disliked by band members and/or the Rock community. I've also tried to find ten different types of MacArthur Park/Morello so it's not just a blog post of eight amazing solos and a couple of great riffs.
Right then, let's get some positivity up in here!


1. "Bawitdaba" - Kid Rock

MaP/M: Verse

To think, without this song he may never have had the chance to coast off Warren Zevon & Lynyrd Skynyrd

Kicking this list off is an artist whom many Rock, Metal, Rap and even just general audio fans despise. Aside from being a Trump supporter and, by extension, a massive asshole, his music is fucking terrible. This song helped shoot him into the mainstream with its combination of Hip Hop and Metal elements that at the time was amazing and not at all tacky like we've come to realise it is now. So what possible factor could redeem this song with a chorus spouting nonsensical lyrics and shitty riffs? In my opinion, the music in the verse.

You'll probably hear me use this argument quite a few times in this post because it's the only way I can really drive it home but if you plucked the guitar and bass riffs from the verses in this song and placed them into a different 90s Metal track with a more talented songwriter/vocalist, they'd sound pretty awesome. I wouldn't call this a good song but at least I don't hate it during those brief moments between diggy-diggy sessions.

2. "Maggie May" - Rod Stewart

MaP/M: Intro up until vocals

Once you get past the album cover, it's actually a pretty good record

Definitely a personal entry on this list. I've always hated this song but never exactly known why, although if I had to pinpoint reasons then I'd probably go with Rod. I can't stand his vocals in this (and more or less every other song he's done) and as soon as he sings "Wake up Maggie", I feel like shutting it off immediately. That being said, if you listen to the album version then you'll hear a lovely little acoustic introduction shortly before the main riff starts. That alone gives me some pleasure when I hear this song now and then but as soon as it gets to the 46 second mark, I'm done.

I suppose the melody throughout the rest of the song isn't bad but when you compare this to "You Wear It Well", a much better Rod Stewart song with softer vocals and better lyrics that sounds incredibly similar, this track has nothing but a lovely introduction to keep me enticed. Granted this song came out first but since they were only about a year apart, this feels more like a fleshed out demo for "You Wear It Well" than a song that deserves acclaim...but that's just my opinion.

3. "Shiny Happy People" - R.E.M.

MaP/M: Main riff

Cards on the table, I don't think this is that bad of a song

This song has pretty much been disowned by the band and if they hadn't included it on a compilation from a few years ago, I'd say that they wanted to bury it. It's basically their "Smells Like Teen Spirit"; a popular song that doesn't truly represent their overall sound or image. Whilst it might not be as bad as some of the entries on this list, I'm guessing that hardcore R.E.M. fans hate it as much as Michael Stipe for the same reasons and when it comes from the same album as "Losing My Religion", it's not going to make any respectable "Best Songs Of 1991" list.

However, you can't argue that this song is based around a pretty solid riff. In fact, no, not "pretty solid". It's a damn good one! Take this riff, swap it with the one for "Pop Song 89", tweak the key & tempo of each song a bit and they'd both still work. It's the rest of the song that lets itself down but it's also this riff that makes "Shiny Happy People" an OK track.

4. "Cemetery Gates" - Pantera

MaP/M: Vinnie Paul

Wish me luck with explaining this one, folks

If you hadn't twigged it by now, I'm alternating between unpopular songs and personal choices so don't bother telling me that "Cemetery Gates" is a fan favourite and one of the best songs off Cowboys From Hell. I used to quite like this song but after multiple listens, I think I fucking hate it now. The chorus riff sounds absolutely pissawful, the vocals aren't much to be desired (with each "GAAAAIIIIIIITES" in the outro, a child in Malaysia dies) and to me, it sounds like Pantera trying to have their own "Fade To Black" moment. I would call it an utter write-off except I can't help but enjoy the few moments in the song when the tempo picks up a bit and the drumming makes everything else work.

I'm not usually a fan of the percussion and playing style in Pantera songs but it's easily the highlight of this song for me. Yes, it has a solid solo and yes, the intro melody is alright but without the rhythm, this would be just another poor Metal power ballad. I suppose this song shouldn't really be here if the drumming isn't the only positive factor but in my eyes, it's the only thing in this song that makes it avoid the pit of turds that practically every other Pantera track falls into.

5. "Rockstar" - Nickelback

MaP/M: Lyrics

Took me four songs before I got Nickelback, must be some kind of record

Ahh Nickelback, the Internet's favourite musical whipping boy. We've reached the point now where some people are starting to argue that Nickelback don't actually suck that much and if you want to know my opinion, it's this; they're a bit crap. I like some tracks like "When We Stand Together" and "Burn It To The Ground" but for the most part, their songs are generic Rock for teenage girls and other people who don't really get what Rock's about. One of their most popular songs is "Rockstar" and whilst it made a big splash when it first came out, people now use this as a reason for hating Nickelback along with their other signature songs "How You Remind Me" and "Photograph".

I'm ashamed to admit that I was one of those people who got caught up in this song when it first came out but now that I've listened to actual Rock music in more detail, I can't say I'm a fan. What I will say is that the lyrics are still the song's best attribute as it goes through all the tropes and stereotypes of being a brash Rock star who wants it all whilst conveying the laid-back mood of the character telling us about his ambitions. You can argue that they're not the best lyrics of the genre or even year but that's not what I'm saying; the lyrics work for the song, they're enjoyable to listen to if you can look past the fact that it's Nickelback behind them and most importantly, they're not bad.

6. "Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)" - The Offspring

MaP/M: Chorus

Boy, the 90s are taking a fucking pounding in this post

I like The Offspring but goddamn, this song sucks. From the "Rock Of Ages" lift at the start to the gratuitous use of "Give it to me baby!" throughout, this track should cause each member of the band embarrassment every time they hear it, and keep in mind The Offspring have released songs like "Don't Pick It Up" in the past. Fortunately, the chorus makes up for the rest of the song.

The guitar riffs and vocals are classic Offspring material that pisses all over everything else this song has to offer and the acid test of whether the MacArthur Park/Morello works just as well in another song without the smell of this one lingering around pays off too; imagine this chorus with "Come Out And Play" off Smash which shouldn't be too hard as the verses for both tracks are basically the same, only this one's worse. It's a shame this song is one of the band's more popular tunes but thankfully, it's also a laughably terrible tune that stains the 90s Pop Punk genre. Yep, it's fucking bad even by those standards.

7. "Rollin' (Air Raid Vehicle)" - Limp Bizkit

MaP/M: "Keep rollin', rollin', rollin', rollin'"

I can feel myself getting dumber as I listen to this song for research purposes

Talking about how crap this Nu-Metal song from 2000 is ad nauseam would be like ranting about the weak quality of a blind man's round on Draw Something so I'll just say this: it sounds worse than the band's name and album's name combined into one glorious fucking tumour of a title. I think anyone with ears and clothes that fit them will agree when I say Limp Bizkit deserves to be wiped off the surface of history like an accidental drop of snot that lands on the back of your hand when you sigh but if I could salvage one contribution of theirs before going back in time and giving Fred Durst's mum a condom (or copy of this album, which is probably a more reliable contraceptive), it'd be the use of the word "rolling".

Some critics and bloggers argue that it's that word repeated during the chorus that makes this song so unbearable but I'd claim it's the exact opposite. Everything in this song is bad except "keep rollin', rollin', rollin', rollin'" which could work in a modern Metal track. Don't believe me? Listen to 10 seconds of this song from 2:55 to 3:05 when it's just those words without music; doesn't sound as bad, right? I mean, it's hardly the "Shiny Happy People" riff but that'd be the one Limp Bizkit possession I'd save from a burning building...that I intentionally set ablaze with oil and hellfire.

8. "Space Oddity" - David Bowie

MaP/M: Bridge

Aaaaaaand we're back to my unpopular opinions

I don't care about how he was so fucking ahead of his time or how amazing of a human being he was, I fucking despise this song. It's so fucking dreary and overplayed, everyone seems to cum in their drawers every time they hear the first couple of lines and the rest of the song gets even fucking worse. It's like listening to someone slowly reading song lyrics, that's how fucking boring it is. Compare it to something like "Rocket Man" - Elton John, another slow Rock song about the isolation of space travel, and it might as well be an experimental B-side.

The only thing I look forward to when I'm forced to listen to this (which isn't often but not an impossibility) is a certain guitar riff that plays twice during the song. It only lasts six seconds and it can be heard at 2:37 and 4:09. It sounds like something that would play just before a song increases the tempo, gets going and becomes interesting. What happens in this track? Oh, it's just more of the same trippy shit, hooray! You could probably get a good couple of minutes out of that riff during the bridge if they added more drums, maybe a guitar solo and changed the entire structure of the song. If that happened, this song wouldn't be on this list and David Bowie probably wouldn't have been the visionary musician everyone saw him as. When you put it like that, I guess it's a fair trade.

9. "Hotel California" - Eagles

MaP/M: Solo

Yeah, I thought this song was well loved too

After doing some research into "bad Rock songs", I came to a startling conclusion; people really don't like the Eagles. I've known that they're not everyone's favourite band (especially not The Dude's) but judging by the hatred for this band's back catalogue and this song in particular, it would seem that the Eagles were basically the Nickelback of the 70s. Whilst there are several Eagles songs I really enjoy listening to, I can't deny that I fucking hate their most famous song and thankfully, so do several critics/bloggers.

I've talked about it on this blog before but in short, it's basically what I imagine growing old would sound like if you could convert it into an .mp3 file. That being said, it's known for having a great guitar solo at the end and whilst it's not on my top 10 or even 20 list of amazing solos, I can't deny that it is a fine piece of guitarwork. It makes the previous four minutes almost worth listening to although another way of making this song bearable is by speeding it up 25%. Trust me, it sounds better.

10. "We Built This City" - Starship

MaP/M: Vocal solo

Someone needs to remind these guys that they're not Genesis

The final song on this list is quite possibly the single-most hated Rock song from the 20th century. Even Grace Slick, vocalist on the song, has tried to distance herself from it and people have written entire essays dedicated entirely to why this song is terrible. Despite this negative press, I still think the song's alright. It's not something I'd choose to listen to but I can tolerate it when it's on, even if it's musically simplistic and lacking in the lyrics department.

It's hard to pinpoint one great moment from a bad song that you generally like but the part of "We Built This City" that I actually enjoy listening to is the small vocal solo towards the end that's read by a news anchor. It's insignificant and easily forgettable but the quick delivery of the vocals and way it fits in with the music makes it a highlight for me. Everything else in this song is average to rubbish but hey, I wouldn't call it the worst song in Rock.

Did you agree with my choices? Are there other terrible songs with redeeming factors or am I being too fair on some of these tracks? Let me know in the comments or via Twitter and hopefully this positive post will help create a great year...or not...probably not.

Showdown: Homages/Rip Offs 4 - Video Game edition

Another Homages/Rip Offs post? OK yes, this is the fourth one I've done in about a year BUT there's a twist to this particular post! Instead of comparing Rock/Metal songs to other Rock/Metal songs, I'll be looking at pieces of music composed for video games and comparing them with existing Rock/Metal songs (or vice versa, depending on which came first). To clarify, I'm not talking about licensed tracks used in video games like Guitar Hero or GTA, I'm talking 100% video game music compared and contrasted with 100% Rock/Metal.
Also, whilst I'd usually list both the bands in the round number and then talk about the individual songs before the verdict, I'll be naming the band and the video game franchise in the round number before discussing individual songs and the title for the piece of music/level it's featured in. Not only that but I'll also include a YouTube link to the piece of video game music, just in case you want to compare tunes but didn't have the same childhood as mine. As for the composers of the video game music, I'll credit them if I can find the correct information online.
Right then, we all know the format. If not, here's the last post for you to brush up on. Let's get started!

ROUND ONE: Spyro The Dragon vs. Gov't Mule
Cloud Spires - It was tempted to pick a song by The Police and compare that to something composed by Stewart Copeland for Spyro The Dragon ("Next To You" probably) but it turns out there's an even better song to look at, which I'll get to later. First, this tune from Spyro: Year Of The Dragon (3rd game in the original PS1 trilogy) has what I'd call a classic Spyro The Dragon sound; organ accompaniment, strong guitar riff, upbeat and fun game music at its finest. I should note that the song I'm comparing sounds like a mish-mash of Spyro music so feel free to check out some similar sounding tunes: Sunny Villa, Mushroom Speedway and probably a bunch from Spyro 2: Gateway To Glimmer that I've forgotten about.
Streamline Woman - OK, I first heard this song in Guitar Hero 5 BUT this isn't the video game song in question. It's a Southern Rock track with some pretty sweet riffs throughout and a fun little middle-eight after the guitar solo. It comes in just after the two minute mark but the particular section of that I'm comparing starts around 2:17. It may not sound identical but I can't be the only person to think this little section of the song sounds like it was plucked out of Spyro The Dragon.
VERDICT - Small spoilers for this post but this is the only round on the list where the video game came before the Rock song! Even though Spyro: Year Of The Dragon came out about six years before the Gov't Mule song, I doubt this Southern Rock outfit knowingly copied the tune or even the general sound of the game's music. That being said, I'm giving the win to Spyro The Dragon as I'd much rather listen to the Cloud Spires music than "Streamline Woman", which somehow becomes more repetitive than video game music.

ROUND TWO: Queen vs. Pokemon
We Will Rock You - Even if you don't like Rock music, this is one of those songs that EVERYONE knows the chorus to. It's anthematic and even though the faster version of this track often played live is far superior to the original, you can't deny that the classic BOOM-BOOM-CLAP and delivery of the song's title is fucking awesome...you know, when you haven't heard it to death.
Vs. Champion/Rival - The final battle music from Pokemon Red/Blue/Yellow and yes, I know it's 8-bit; just stick with it. When you get to the 14 second mark, a little tune plays that sounds astonishingly similar to the Queen classic. Not much else to say about comparing the two but in terms of the music itself, it's a pretty fantastic tune to hear when you finally face your rival. You only ever hear it at that point in the game and the stabbing notes played throughout make it sound more dramatic. Top tune and I'd love to hear a remixed orchestral version of it.
VERDICT - Not only do I believe that Junichi Masuda had influence from Queen to come up with that tune (which is by far the most polite way of saying he ripped it off), but I'm giving the win to Queen as well. I love the Final Battle theme but it just doesn't have the same power as the Queen original, even if it is more dramatic.

ROUND THREE: Survivor vs. Ratchet & Clank
Eye Of The Tiger - Another iconic Rock anthem, always associated with themes of underdogs fighting their way to the top. As soon as you hear the "dugga-dugga-dugga-dugga" of the guitar kick in, you immediately know what you're in for, arguably more so than with the main power chords. It's also got a simplistic but notable bassline designed to emphasise the drumbeat and rhythm of the song.
Korthos Sector, Pirate Radio 6 - Admit it, this is fucking obvious. Even more obvious than the last track, which is saying something. The only main difference between this and the Survivor song is that instead of vocals, we get a synth playing the main melody. Anyway, since Ratchet & Clank: A Crack In Time allows you to fly around different sectors of the galaxy and listen to a few radio stations containing music composed by Boris Salchow, there are many tracks to enjoy and Pirate Radio is essentially the Rock radio station of the game. It contains a bunch of tunes similar to Rock hits, including one heavily inspired by "Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" - Jet that I was tempted to write about instead of this one.
VERDICT - If I'd picked the Jet rip-off...yeah, I probably would've given it to Ratchet & Clank. However, since I've talked about how Jet copied Iggy Pop already, I picked these two tracks and hence the win goes to Survivor. They created the iconic song and Boris Salchow rewrote it for the game. Nothing wrong with that, as it's definitely a homage instead of a rip-off, but he doesn't deserve the win for it.

ROUND FOUR: Shocking Blue vs. Croc
Venus - A song made famous in modern years by an advert for a women's razor blade. It's notable for its chord progression, key change in the verse and lyrics in the chorus. It's not a bad little tune and it's easily the band's biggest hit, although I personally prefer "Send Me A Postcard". It's hardly a Rock classic or even a Psychedelic Rock classic, as there are plenty of them to name. It'd be pretty easy to lift and, I dunno, rewrite to fit into an appropriately themed level.
Venus Von Fly-Trappe - Guess what my verdict on this piece of music from Croc 2 is going to be? If you thought it was obvious enough by the name, give it a listen. They use the exact chord progression from the verse and chorus, albeit spiced up a little to sound more tribal. Plus, they also slipped a crafty Sound Of Music reference in there and all! I'm not sure if this game was released before or after the razor adverts but there's no denying the glaring similarities.
VERDICT - Karin Griffin obviously intended this adaptation of "Venus" to be an in-joke among parents who knew the song whilst their kid played this game but it's impossible to say it's merely a homage. It's one of those rare tracks that's simultaneously a homage and rip-off but even with that judgement in mind, I'm giving the win to Croc 2. I like the Shocking Blue original but the tune just sounds more appropriate as the music preceding a boss battle with a giant venus fly trap in a caveman village.

ROUND FIVE: The Beatles vs. Earthbound
When I'm Sixty Four - I think I have more fond memories of this song due to the Yellow Submarine cartoon, not the actual song itself. It's a jolly little number about growing old and sticking together, the antitheses of "Help!" in tone if you will. There isn't really a specific part of this song that's similar to the video game music but if you listen to this track and recall the overall sound and chord progression, it's remarkably similar to this next piece.
Buy Somethin' Will Ya! - I can't say I have much interest in this franchise but I do like this little tune. Definitely one of my favourite shop themes from video games (along with the shop theme from Legend Of Zelda: Ocarina Of Time/Wind Waker) and something I can listen to for ages before getting bored of it. However, the jaunty bass, simplistic rhythm and structure of the tune sound almost identical to that of "When I'm Sixty Four".
VERDICT - It's fairly well known in the Earthbound/Mother community that composers Keiichi Suzuki and Hirokazu Tanaka were heavily inspired by John Lennon (Suzuki in particular) when making the music for Earthbound, one of the significant reasons for licensing issues with the game overseas. However, even though I love The Beatles, I'm not a humongous fan of "When I'm Sixty Four" (although I like it on occasion) so I give the win to Earthbound. It's short, it's cute and it's catchier than the original track, even when played on repeat for half an hour. Perfect drug store music!

ROUND SIX: Styx vs. Super Smash Bros.
Heavy Metal Poisoning - Not one of Styx's most well known tracks but a solid track off Kilroy Was Here, the album that gave us "Mr. Roboto". It also starts off with some creepy backmasking before a guitar riff kicks the song off and it's that riff that we're looking at. Once you've finished listening to that opening riff, do yourself a favour and enjoy the rest of the song once more...well, at least until the four and a half minute mark where it starts losing the plot a little.
Ground Theme/Super Mario Bros. 3 - A rearranged tune originally from an old Mario game but jazzed up for Super Smash Bros. Melee. I didn't use the original tune because it sounds nothing like the Styx riff but with the use of crunching overdrive, the opening guitar riff to this sounds pretty close to "Heavy Metal Poisoning". Fortunately, both pieces of music are completely different after that.
VERDICT - Yeah, it's going to Styx. I doubt Shogo Sakai has even heard that Styx track so it's not a case of homage or rip off. With that in mind, I put it to which track I think is better and honestly, I was never a fan of the Super Mario Bros ground themes. They're cute but outside of the games, they get old pretty fast.

ROUND SEVEN: Cheap Trick vs. Street Fighter
Mighty Wings - I should really listen to more Cheap Trick, as they've got a pretty solid back catalogue with some great Rock tracks buried by radio friendly singles such as "I Want You To Want Me" and "Dream Police". This track was written for the Top Gun soundtrack and recorded by Cheap Trick so the intro has a few similarities to "Danger Zone" - Kenny Loggins, albeit without the same edge that makes that song awesome. What I'm basically saying is I don't really care for this track despite liking Cheap Trick...that and the intro is what I'm focusing on.
Ken's Theme - Got to say, I prefer the Super Street Fighter II Turbo version of the original but I still prefer this theme to Ryu's and, yes, maybe even Guile's. Anyway, the intro sounds like a stripped back, sped up version of the Cheap Trick hit, at least for the first few notes. After that, it breaks into a different tune designed to accompany fighting rather than flying.
VERDICT - Similar to the last round, I don't believe Yoko Shimomura was a Cheap Trick fan or even subtly decided to nick the song from Top Gun for this game. However, unlike the last round, I'm giving the win to Street Fighter as I definitely prefer Ken's Theme to "Mighty Wings". If "Mighty Wings" was a bit faster though...I dunno.

ROUND EIGHT: Supertramp vs. The Last Tinker
Give A Little Bit - I used to be intensely bored by this song but only after listening to the whole thing start to finish did I realise how much I truly love it. It's probably the outro that did it for me but most people will know this song for the opening guitar chords and vocals. In fact, it's that section and the bit that starts "there's so much that we need to share" that I'm comparing to the next tune.
Tinkertown's Market Hymn - I'm surprised more games from the last decade aren't in this list but for those of you who haven't played The Last Tinker: City Of Colour, it's a great little platformer with a unique soundtrack. To me, this song has a few little similarities to the Supertramp one but nothing concrete like some of the others on this list. However, every time I hear this tune, I can't help but hum the lyrics to "Give A Little Bit" and now, you will too. Sorry.
VERDICT - Fuck, this is a tricky one. I love listening to both of them and even though I don't think the piece of music is close enough to Supertramp's song to call it a rip off or homage, I reckon FBP may have been subtly influenced by the sound of that track IF he'd heard it. I'm giving the win to both Supertramp and The Last Tinker for creating two similar but ultimately different tunes that I love to listen to equally. By the way, if you are following the links to the video game music, I recommend checking the rest of the soundtrack out for The Last Tinker: City Of Colours on that bandcamp page and supporting the guy if you can afford it.

ROUND NINE: Motley Crue vs. Legend Of Zelda
Looks That Kill - Not my favourite Motley Crue track but a solid Hair Metal tune. I should probably thank Wikipedia for this comparison as I wouldn't have picked it up myself had I not remembered something I read on the page for this song about seven years ago. When the chorus starts, the guitar plays sustained notes before returning to the intro riff. Remember those notes and the order they go in!
Palace Theme - After the introduction, those notes from the Motley Crue song are arranged in more or less the same way here. Pretty spooky, right? They're practically the same song if you ignore the 8-bit sound, the different tempo, the music in the background and the fact that Zelda II: The Adventure Of Link definitely, definitely, DEFINITELY wouldn't have taken inspiration from an American Hair Metal band to promote itself.
VERDICT - The mild similarities between these songs have got to be coincidental so Akito Nakatsuka gets away with it this time. However, what he doesn't get away with is the win for this round, as I'm awarding it to Motley Crue and Motley Crue alone. I may not care for that song but I damn sure prefer it to the Legend Of Zelda one, even if it sounds pretty good when rearranged properly for Super Smash Bros. Melee.

ROUND TEN: Bon Jovi vs. Mega Man
Runaway - Our last song on this list is a decent Hard Rock track that often gets snubbed in favour of something off the Slippery When Wet album when people choose Bon Jovi tracks to play. I was going to review Bon Jovi's latest album, This House Is Not For Sale, this week but since it has yet to appear on Spotify, I don't see why I should listen to it. Anyway, the synth intro to this song is what we're comparing here. Listen to the notes played and then check this little tune out.
Stage Select - Not the best tune from the first Mega Man but if you slowed it down and imagined it wasn't 8-bit, it would sound a hell of a lot like the Bon Jovi song. It's about as close as you can get to the "Runaway" intro without straight up plagiarising it but I can't help but wonder what it would've sounded like if Mega Man was released today, you know with a proper orchestral soundtrack. I think everyone would want to hear the Mega Man 2 soundtrack with an orchestra and I bet, if you look hard enough online, you'll find one.
VERDICT - If the Stage Select tune was a little longer and not quite as irritating after a while...nah, I'd still give it to Bon Jovi. Great song, great intro; sorry Manami Matsumae.


Did I miss any obvious comparisons? Maybe some orchestral tune from a JRPG that sounds like Boston or Judas Priest? Let me know in the comments or via Twitter if there are any songs that sound incredibly similar to video game music and I'll check them out. Hell, I might even add them to this post.
Next week, it'll either be another video game related post OR a Rapid Fire post.