Showdown: Homages/Rip Offs 6 - Video Game edition Level 2

Is the title confusing enough for you?
Basically, two years ago I wrote a blog post looking at similarities between 10 Rock/Metal songs and 10 video game tunes whilst offering my opinion on whether the latter piece of music was a knowing wink to the original, a surreptitious copy of an existing track or a pure coincidence. Well, I'm doing another one! I'll also be giving my verdict on which song I believe is better based on personal taste, which came first and which tune sounds more appropriate for its medium.
Listed in each round will be the band and video game franchise, followed by the specific song and level or piece of music from aforementioned video game. I'll try to mention the game and (if I can find the information online) composer for said piece of music. There won't be a Spotify playlist for this as most of the video game tunes won't be available but I will include links to the video game music for you to listen to, if you want to compare as you read.
Time for another brawl!

ROUND ONE: Mega Man vs. Ghost
Dr. Wily's Castle - The theme from the final level of Mega Man 2 (released 1988) was composed by Takashi Tateishi and is considered one of gaming's most iconic themes. It's been remixed countless times by YouTubers and professional video game composers and is a pretty damn awesome piece of a music from a game full of great tunes. The galloping rhythm and melody played throughout is the focus here. Remember how it sounds, although anyone who's heard this tune probably doesn't need to try too hard to recall the melody.
Miasma - This is easily my favourite song off the most recent Ghost album, Prequelle. It's an instrumental featuring heavy riffs, synth melodies and a saxophone solo. However, after the percussion kicks in, we get treated to a guitar solo followed by the synth one. After the synth solo, we get a second guitar solo that contains a galloping riff incredibly similar to the main melody from Dr. Wily's Castle. There are subtle differences but the overwhelming similarities are undeniable. However, it's still an incredible song from what will almost certainly be the best album of the year.
VERDICT - Considering it's one small part of a great song and Ghost don't strike me as a band wanting to cater to old school gamers, I don't think they intentionally copied the theme from Mega Man 2 or intended it as a homage. It's almost certainly coincidence so the question now is which tune do I think is better? It's a hard choice but I'm gonna give the win to Ghost due to the quality of the instrumentation. Full band will always beat 8-bit and that's a fact.

ROUND TWO: Black Sabbath vs. Spider-Man
The Mob Rules - There were two Black Sabbath songs I could've chosen for this blog post but in the end, I went with this one. It's the title track off the band's second album with Ronnie James Dio as the vocalist, notable for its great guitar riff played throughout the song. However, unlike previous entries, we're not just focusing on specific part of the original track here. We're focusing on the riff, the percussion, the pre-chorus melody and the guitar solo.
Boss Theme 3 - This is the third Boss Theme from Spider-Man and Venom: Maximum Carnage for the SNES, released in 1994. Composers Chris Jojo and Tony Williams must've been big fans of 80s Heavy Metal as the comparisons to this tune and the Black Sabbath one stack up more than quite possibly any other example in these video game posts. Quite possibly most shocking of all is that the game doesn't even credit Black Sabbath for pinching their song, although I suppose it's a lot easier to deny plagiarism if you don't own up to it.
VERDICT - Absolutely a rip-off. Not just a rip-off but one done as a shitty MIDI file. The win goes to Black Sabbath for creating the song, making it sound awesome and for not getting due credit...although if it were a fist fight, Spider-Man would definitely win.

ROUND THREE: Surfaris vs. Spongebob Squarepants
Wipe Out - A classic Surf Rock tune with an iconic guitar riff and 12-bar Blues structure. It's also notable for the rolling drumbeat in between the riffs...and the vocal introduction of manic laughter followed by the words "wipe out", although we don't need to worry about that here. If the name of the song or band wasn't a dead giveaway, the sound should immediately make you think of surfing and having fun on the beach. It's a summer hit and the fact that it's mostly instrumental means it's easy to rework for video games.
Goo Lagoon - The beach level from Spongebob Squarepants: Battle For Bikini Bottom, a 3D platformer with music composed by Jimmy Levine. As I mentioned before, it's easy to be inspired by instrumental Surf Rock when writing video game music set on a beach where people surf (and presumably rock) so it's no real surprise that there are elements of "Wipe Out" here. Whilst it's not the most overt homage, the signs are definitely there.
VERDICT - I mean, I've already told you, haven't I? It's clearly a homage as none of the main riffs are directly lifted and the Blues chord progression is so damn common that it would be ridiculous to accuse Jimmy Levine of stealing the idea from "Wipe Out". That being said, I'm giving the win to Surfaris. I'd rather listen to "Wipe Out" than the Goo Lagoon level music, although I don't dislike it. The game actually has a colourful collection of fun tunes to listen to.

ROUND FOUR: Duran Duran vs. Double Dragon
Girls On Film - One of Duran Duran's biggest hits with a catchy chorus and, more importantly, intro riff. The guitar chords and their progression are key here, as that's what we'll be comparing. It's not a favourite of mine, even as far as 80s Pop Rock goes, but I don't hate the song. It's passable but it's no "Hungry Like The Wolf" or "Rio", that's for damn sure.
Intro Theme - The intro to Battletoads & Double Dragon for the SNES contains a similar sounding guitar riff despite being released in 1992, about 11 years after the Duran Duran single. Composer David Wise has acknowledged similarities to other 80s Pop Rock in his compositions (such as using the same equipment as "In The Air Tonight" - Phil Collins during a level from Donkey Kong Country 2, I believe) so this riff might be a little more than coincidence.
VERDICT - I think there may have been a cheeky bit of intentional or unintentional riff pinching going on, as this game seems to have very little to do with "Girls On Film" - Duran Duran so I can't see it being a homage or pure coincidence. Whilst the original song did come up with the riff over a decade before the game, I'm giving the win to Double Dragon as I prefer the heavier sound to it. If it was rerecorded with modern instruments, it'd definitely be the better tune.

ROUND FIVE: Alice In Chains vs. Doom
Them Bones - I've never been a big fan of Alice In Chains and the few songs of theirs that I generally enjoy listening to tend to need some form of modification (e.g. speeding up "Man In The Box" 25%) but I still know and admire aspects of this song. The guitar riff is heavy and evil, slowly ascending before plummeting back down again. It's the main riff and chorus that we're paying attention to for this comparison.
Bye Bye American Pie - Despite having spookier accompanying instruments and a less polished sound than the full band sound of Alice In Chains, the chords are seemingly identical in this piece of music from Doom 2 released just two years after "Them Bones". Composer Robert Prince didn't even credit Alice In Chains for this song either, another reason why I believe this is less of a homage and more of the other one.
VERDICT - This is another song that I reckon was a bit of a rip-off considering how similar it is without even crediting the original songwriters. However, if I had to choose which one I think fits its chosen medium better (90s Grunge vs. spooky song in FPS), I prefer the quality of the video game song. It sounds grittier and doesn't contain annoying vocals so the win goes to Doom.

ROUND SIX: Tina Turner vs. Super Smash Bros
Nutbush City Limits (The 90s Version) - Most people probably know the punchier version of this song from the 70s but in 1991, Tina Turner rerecorded this track with a slower tempo and a heavier emphasis on piano. The opening piano chords followed by the Dance Pop synthetic percussion and musical effects might sound familiar to Nintendo fans, as we'll discuss in a moment, but they also turn this song firmly into a Pop track. I debated including it here due to it not being a Rock song but hey, when you hear what I'm comparing it to, you'll understand why it needed talking about.
Targets! - Yep, the Target Smash song from Super Smash Bros. Melee sounds JUST like the 90s version of "Nutbush City Limits", what with the identical piano chords and synth accompaniments. Granted this tune is a little faster and has more guitar in it but it's pretty damn similar all the same. As the tracks progress, more differences emerge but the opening does all the damage necessary in my eyes.
VERDICT - I doubt composer Hirokazu Ando listened to Tina Turner before whacking out this tune so I'm chalking it up to coincidence rather than homage or rip-off. As for which song is better, I'm giving the win to Super Smash Bros simply because I have fond memories of Target Smash (and the Home Run Contest) thanks to this tune. Since it's a coincidence, I have no need to award Tina Turner the win for coming up with the song first and since it's a Dance Pop song instead of a Rock one, I'm not overly fond of the track itself. An easy decision.

ROUND SEVEN: Glenn Frey vs. P.O.W. - Prisoners Of War
The Heat Is On - The classic 80s Pop Rock tune with the saxophone riff and the awesome chorus, notable for its use in Beverly Hills Cop. However, since then it's earned the right to stand up on its own feet via radio play and use in other media. It might not be the most badass 80s Pop Rock song in existence but it doesn't need to be. It's fast, it's catchy and it's got a consistent rhythm that's perfect for car chases and whatever kind of antics you're bound to get into listening to this song.
Boss Battle 2 - Let's face it; not many readers here will know the game P.O.W. - Prisoners Of War on the NES from 1988 (a popular year in this blog post) but some gamers online have made the connection between the Glenn Frey single and a particular melody from the second boss battle theme in this game. It might not be the main focus of the tune but when it crops up, you know damn well that it was lifted from "The Heat Is On". I'm not sure which composer out of Kazuhiro Nishida, Toshikazu Tanaka and Yoko Osaka decided to borrow this melody but the deed has been done.
VERDICT - Definitely Glenn Frey. Whilst the tune in P.O.W. - Prisoners Of War is cute, it doesn't hold a candle to the 80s classic.

ROUND EIGHT: Pink Floyd vs. Rayman
Shine On You Crazy Diamond - This is a long-ass song that has multiple different musical sections but this Prog Rock epic by overrated Prog Rock outfit Pink Floyd contains a slow, four note guitar riff around the four minute mark. It also contains plenty of moody, atmospheric background noise that you usually hear during ambient sections in video games...but it's mostly the four guitar notes we're interested in.
The Bayou - Along with being one of the best 3D platformers in existence, Rayman 2: The Great Escape also contains a level with a long piece of music featuring moody, atmospheric background noise and four guitar notes played in a similar fashion. Composer Eric Chevalier has supposedly been inspired by other bands in his work before but I wouldn't be surprised if Pink Floyd was on that list too.
VERDICT - I don't think this was a rip-off or a homage, as the two pieces of music stand apart more than they stand together. However, I do think it's likely that Eric Chevalier was unintentionally inspired by Pink Floyd and composed a piece of music containing a similar riff. I'm giving the win to Rayman for creating a) the better assortment of creepy music and b) the shorter song.

ROUND NINE: Crash Bandicoot vs. Rob Zombie
The Eel Deal (Hidden) - In Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back, there are hidden sections in the sewer levels (The Eel Deal, Sewer Or Later and Hangin' Out) that have a thick, heavy bass riffing and percussion effects that sound a little like a clanging piano, not to mention the Techno sound of musical accompaniments. The comparison I'm going to make with the Industrial sound of this tune composed by Mutato Muzika might be a little bit forced but try to stick with me.
Never Gonna Stop (The Red Red Kroovy) - Rob Zombie is known for heavy Industrial music but the section that plays when Rob starts singing reminded me of the music from Crash Bandicoot, particularly the piano melody. As I said before, it's not quite as clear-cut as previous comparisons I've made and whilst there isn't a specific riff or melody that's been copied, it's more about the general sound of the song in comparison to the music from Crash Bandicoot.
VERDICT - Neither a homage or rip-off, absolutely a coincidence. Rob Zombie might be aware of Crash Bandicoot in some way or another but his song sounds closer to his own style of music than a hidden tune from a 90s video game. I'm gonna give the win to Rob Zombie for this one as I prefer his song to this specific tune from Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back, although on the whole I definitely prefer the music in Crash to the music on a Rob Zombie album.

ROUND TEN: Friendship vs. Mario
Let's Not Talk About It - This little known track from 1979 contains a piano riff that fans of gaming (or just anyone who's been alive within the last 20 years) will almost certainly recognise straight away. There's nothing else you need to know, just that this contains a series of notes played in a curiously specific way that sounds exactly like...
Underground Theme - ...the Underground Theme from Super Mario Bros! Video game legend Koji Kondo composed the classic melody which has stuck with the Mario series ever since it was first released in 1985. However, even though it contains a different string of notes after the initial six, the tune is identical and it's enough for me to raise an eyebrow at the very least.
VERDICT - There's no way Nintendo intended the Underground Theme to be a homage to a 70s band nobody heard of and whilst most people would consider it a coincidence, I also think there's a small possibility that Koji could've heard "Let's Not Talk About It" in passing and figured it was the perfect match for the game he was working on. That being said, I'm awarding the win to Mario as the Underground Theme has become one of Nintendo's iconic tunes and even if it was pinched from a lesser known Rock song, Nintendo certainly used the track in the better way.


COMING SOON (as in, within a month or so): A series of posts about the music from Spyro The Dragon and the Spyro: Reignited Trilogy, similar to ones I wrote about the Crash Bandicoot: N. Sane Trilogy last year.

Here Is The News!

Another month where I let the backlog of posts I need to write get too high but hey, at least I'm kicking this month off with a brand new post format: Here Is The News (working title)!
I tend to write about Rock/Metal albums, songs and soundtracks with a few opinion posts splashed about here and there but I rarely cover real world events happening in the world of Rock/Metal (e.g. new album releases, tours, deaths, etc). That's where these posts come in...sort of.
You see, I could tell you about real world events in the world of music but chances are, you would be able to find this information out at any decent music site with far more informative details and links to quotes/sources/fancy images. So here's where the differences start: each section of these posts will be spoof articles based around real world events. The main aim of this is to have a laugh at the events happening in the world of Rock/Metal whilst also informing you about certain genuine stories that you may or may not already know. Whether it works or not will be for time to tell but I'm excited about giving it a go, seeing as how it's more creative than just covering stuff that people have already written about with no personal inflection.
Anyway, time for the first broadcast!

AXL'S HOT NEW RELEASE

After what feels like many long, long decades of anticipation, the original lineup of Guns N' Roses have made an exciting announcement that has shocked the entire Rock community. Axl Rose, lead vocalist of the 80s and briefly 90s Hard Rock outfit, has finally given birth to the gigantic turd he's been holding since 1986.

This announcement came shortly after the band made the page just before the sports section with their cryptic tease of various billboards reading "Destruction Is Coming", presumably designed to trick people into thinking an original lineup album or tour would be announced (pictured left). Instead, the band announced a reissue of their debut, Appetite For Destruction, an album that's been readily available at literally every record store and digital streaming site for the last 31 years. However, there are also new demos of a handful of unreleased tracks that were left off the original album for a reason.

Two weeks after the official announcement was made, Axl was rushed into hospital to finally push out the faecal log growing inside him. After several days slaving away squatting over an industrial sized toilet, Axl finally made the push that fans have been anticipating ever since they realised the build-up of shit inside him was affecting his performance as a vocalist. One hardcore fan, who wishes to remain anonymous, was quoted as saying "I'm glad he finally got it out of him. I was first worried about his health when I heard him vocally straining during "Knockin' On Heaven's Door". The man clearly had something causing intestinal pressure up inside him so I'm relieved he finally sorted it out, although probably not as relieved as him...or his bandmates". A female fan under the age of 18 wearing a classic Appetite For Destruction T-shirt was also quoted as saying "Who's Axl?".

Now that Axl has finally given birth to the behemoth turd inside his belly, it's expected that Axl can finally start behaving like a functioning person instead of a troubled diva. No longer will Axl force fans to wait hours for him to reach the stage due to labour pains and false alarms. No longer will band and crew members have to endure the stench of Axl's chud emerging whenever he bends over or opens his mouth. No longer will Axl's stylist have to stealthily replace his wardrobe with plus sized clothing to accommodate his growing frame and avoid hurting his feelings.

Thankfully, those days are behind us and Axl Rose can start showing us what he's truly capable of; hundreds of people cannot wait.

DAVE GROHL DOES IT AGAIN

Foo Fighters frontman Dave Grohl once again proved how likeable and fun he is by not only judging a BBQ contest in Memphis, Tennessee, but also rescuing a family of kittens from a burning building.

Dave Grohl (pictured left) has always come across as a genuine, warm, funny and talented person but it wasn't until this particular act of kindness that people believed this about him even more. It all started when Dave was chatting with fans about his favourite types of chips; that's when he heard the screaming. A nearby hospital had erupted into flames due to an unforeseen incident with an oxygen tank and a misplaced defibrillator, placing thousands of lives at risk. It was at that moment that Dave Grohl put down his beer and leapt into action.

Onlookers claim that Dave vaulted over various parked cars before smashing through one of the windows on the ground floor and making his way up to the blaze. Whilst it's unknown exactly what Dave did inside the building, he soon emerged carrying not only several patients but also a basket full of kittens that had presumably been brought to the hospital for positive reasons. Once he took the kittens and smoke-damaged patients to safety, Dave rushed back in and continued to do his best to fight the fire. It's reported that even after the firefighters and trained professionals arrived, Dave insisted on being at the front of the operation even though he happened to be wearing highly flammable clothing at the time and was currently going through back problems that day.

One of the firefighters who let Dave take control and do their job for them would later state "it's not something that we'd ordinarily do but Dave really wanted to be in charge and, I mean, come on. It's Dave Grohl; I'm not gonna say no to him, even if he isn't the right man for the job and probably would've been better suited at the back with everyone who needed water and funny anecdotes about the guys from Metallica". When asked to comment on the incident, members of the band Foo Fighters released the following statement: "We think Dave Grohl did an awesome thing and have no doubt in our minds that he is the greatest Rock frontman in recent history. We wrote this ourselves".

After the fire had been put out, Dave Grohl returned to the party to continue having fun for the rest of the day, offering no comment on the incident because he's a nice guy. The Foo Fighters are touring this year where they're expected to play a mix of classics and new songs off their latest LP, Concrete And Gold. At the time of writing this article, the album is still godawful.

NU-METAL ARRESTED

The entire genre Nu-Metal has caused quite the scene after being arrested for committing criminal acts including GBH, loitering and animal cruelty.

The 25-year old style of music was heard blaring out of a car as they drove past a playground, causing serious damage to the cochlea of anyone who had the misfortune of being within earshot of "Bodies" - Drowning Pool and "Nookie" - Limp Bizkit (pictured left). If things weren't already bad enough, the car had to come to a stop at nearby traffic lights, meaning the exposure to this hazardous content lasted for over 30 seconds. A mother at the playground claimed "it was the most horrendous thing I've ever heard. Whoever thought Rap and Rock should mix should take a long, hard look at themselves". Rick Rubin has been unavailable for comment.

Another parent had to take their child to a nearby hospital to have their ears syringed, although unfortunately the hospital was on fire at the time so the child could not purge their head of the thudding noise. When asked about the incident, the parent said "Why does the genre think it can get away with this kind of behaviour? This might have been acceptable in the mid-2000s when it was still in its teenage years but the time has come for Nu-Metal to stop this reckless attitude and mature into either Hip Hop or Heavy Metal".

The genre was last heard as the car pulled up outside the driver's address, just opposite a gathering of pigeons who would become so damaged by the sound of the generic riffs and terrible lyrics that their brains partially shut down, rendering them even dumber than before. These brain damaged pigeons (pictured right) were last seen wearing camo-trousers and getting face tattoos. Animal welfare agents did their best to aid the creatures, one of which later stating "this is the most emotionally devastating case I've dealt with since swine flu and even then, I didn't have to relive the embarrassment that was music in the late 90s".

Nu-Metal was arrested and charged in the early hours of the morning after it was found broadcasting on Kerrang during a three hour celebration of edgy music videos involving bands playing in empty warehouses. It's expected that Nu-Metal will be put away for a long time although exactly how long is unknown. However, if the cases of The People vs. Hair Metal or Hard Rock vs. Grunge are anything to go by, Nu-Metal will never see the light of day again.


That's the end of the news for this month! I'll be back with another broadcast in June but first, I've got about three other posts for May to catch up on.

The ABCs of Producers

I've been meaning to write a blog post on music producers for a while but it wasn't until I reviewed Villains - Queens Of The Stone Age and thought about Mark Ronson's involvement in the album that I decided to actually crack on with it. However, I faced a significant issue; I didn't know much about music producers.
I'd heard a few names on the grapevine and occasionally noted the name of a producer when listening to new albums but I didn't really have more knowledge than that on the subject. So, after many hours researching and listening to music from certain producers, I felt like I was ready to take on the task of writing about them from a somewhat informed perspective. Only problem then was what exactly to write about. Should I write a thinkpiece on the influence of music producers that someone with more knowledge and talent has already covered? How about a funny post comparing them to flavours of ice cream or animals or something?
As you can tell, I scrapped both ideas in favour of a list designed to educate other Rock/Metal fans like me who weren't fully up to date with their producer knowledge. I also decided to compile it in an A-Z arrangement, although I've had to take a few creative liberties to get away with a few tricky letters. As well as listing a few of the producers' greatest hits, I'll also be sharing my opinions on their work and why I feel they're worthy of this list (apologies in advance if I miss any amazing producers).

So without further ado, here are the ABCs of Rock/Metal producers with a bit of Pop and other genres thrown in too.


A is for Steve Albini
Kicking this list off is the recording engineer most known for his work on Surfer Rosa - Pixies and In Utero - Nirvana. Despite having an impressive back catalogue (and a cooking blog), Steve's also notable for being an outspoken man with strong opinions about analogue over digital; he also believes that record producers shouldn't accept royalties for their work on songs and has completely waved all licensing fees producers would normally receive for any track he's worked on (including "Where Is My Mind???" - Pixies and "Heart Shaped Box" - Nirvana).
Music produced by Steve is usually quite straight forward without the need for special effects as he's a firm believer in the "live" sound rather than having band members record their instruments individually. Steve has described his preferred methods for analysing and mixing music involving minor distractions such as reading dull books or playing Scrabble on his phone; activities that don't absorb too much of his concentration but allow him to notice mistakes and imperfections should they appear. All in all, he's a pretty good start to this list; he knows his shit and he's not afraid to speak his clearly well developed mind.

B is for Bob Rock
Bob Rock is arguably one of the biggest names on this list and, in my personal opinion, one of the most overrated. His best known work includes Sonic Temple - The Cult, Dr. Feelgood - Motley Crue, Keep The Faith - Bon Jovi and Metallica - Metallica. However, he's also responsible for subsequent albums by these bands such as Hidden City - The Cult, Motley Crue - Motley Crue and St. Anger - Metallica, not to mention more recent albums by The Offspring and Michael Buble that are on the more commercial side. In other words, he's great at joining a band's career and getting a couple of great albums out of them when they're already successful but his involvement usually signals a decline in the band's quality of music.
Music produced by Bob is usually quite powerful and perfect for stadium gigs. The man knows how to make Rock (which he bloody well should do if it's in his name) but he's quite limited in his creativity. If you want an explosive but unimaginative Rock record that'll probably make a shitload of money to add to your pre-existing shitload of money, Bob's the way to go but if you want something a bit deeper, you're better off finding someone else.

C is for Mike Clink
He may not have a name that's as instantly recognisable as some of the producers on this list but Mike Clink has produced for bands more iconic than anyone on this list. He's worked with Guns N' Roses for five of their albums, he co-produced Megadeth's magnum opus Rust In Peace with Dave Mustaine and nearly produced Metallica's ...And Justice For All until the band decided to use their previous producer, Flemming Rasmussen. He's also worked with Motley Crue, Whitesnake, Heart, UFO and Triumph.
Clink's decision to record using classic equipment typical of albums from the 60s and 70s is what helped make Appetite For Destruction such a massive release, not to mention his technical skills and patience of a saint when rerecording and delicately splicing takes together. He worked closely with Slash when recording guitar riffs as catchy as Axl's vocal melodies and after working long days and longer nights to produce a hit record, the results speak for themselves.

D is for Danger Mouse
Notable Pop producer and the better half of Gnarls Barkley if Cee Lo Green's career is anything to go by, Danger Mouse (real name Brian Joseph Burton) has waded into the waters of Rock recently to produce some damn fine records such as El Camino - Black Keys and The Getaway - Red Hot Chili Peppers. His work seems to focus more on the drums and bass of a record making a more Pop friendly sound that's easier to dance to.
Going off the Rock track for a bit, I love his work on Gnarls Barkley albums and would listen to a third album of theirs in a heartbeat. Until then, I'm happy with him continuing to work with modern Alternative bands to create chart topping singles and great bass heavy Rock tracks with minimal guitar.

E is for Brian Eno
Brian Eno isn't just a musician who's played with Roxy Music, Talking Heads and David Bowie (as well as having his own solo career); he's also a music producer who's worked with U2, Elvis Costello, Coldplay and some of the bands he's recorded with. He's also composed music for Windows '95 and Nokia phones and expressed firm political beliefs without going full Mustaine, but he's on this list for his role as a producer/non-musician/sonic landscaper/other wanky term.
His work seems to emphasise various guitar effects and synthesisers, not to mention blending world music with contemporary Rock/Pop and popularising the use of sampling that would later be used to carry Hip Hop artists across the majority of their career. Whilst his importance in the world of music is undeniable, he seems to have a reputation for associating with artists who are (musically speaking) a bit pretentious and he's not the best producer if you want music with an edge to it. However, as far as Art Rock goes, you're not going to find much more influential than Brian Eno.

F is for Bruce Fairbairn
I nearly wrote this entry about Swedish producer of melodic Death Metal, Fredrik Nordstrom (a great producer and musician, if you were wondering), but then I found out about Bruce Fairbairn, producer of such albums as Get Lucky - Loverboy, Permanent Vacation - Aerosmith, The Razor's Edge - AC/DC, Flesh & Blood - Poison and Slippery When Wet - Bon Jovi. Bruce was the polar opposite of producers who prefer a stripped-back approach, instead opting to go all-in with production in order to create some of the greatest and most explosive Arena Rock and Rock Radio anthems of the 80s.
Despite this keen ear for popular Hard Rock and Hair Metal, Bruce was an avid Jazz fan and played trumpet with the band Sunshyne before they reinvented themselves as 70s Rock group Prism and he reinvented himself as a record producer. His love of brass and horns helped turn Aerosmith's "Dude (Looks Like A Lady)" from a mediocre filler track entitled "Cruisin' For The Ladies" into the comeback hit they needed at that point in their career, all thanks to Bruce's ability to separate the wheat from the chaff. Unfortunately, Bruce passed away in 1999 but his legacy as a hit record producer will live on.

G is for George Martin
No, not the Game Of Thrones guy. This is George Martin responsible for producing all but one of The Beatles' albums. Many people have been given the title "the fifth Beatle" and whilst George has rejected it in favour of their manager Brian Epstein, he easily earned it with his vast musical knowledge and ability to refine the band's sound into something more than your average 60s Garage Rock outfit. As well as working with The Beatles, Geroge also produced for Elton John, Cheap Trick, America and Celine Deon as well as being credited with helping to create the music for the early James Bond films.
Before working with The Beatles, George made a name for himself as a producer for various comedy acts including Bill Oddie, Bernard Cribbins and Peter Sellers but even if his CV consisted of just The Beatles, he'd deserve a space here for his ability to pinpoint exactly what each Beatles single needed (even if John Lennon thought George was overrated in his role as a producer). Oh, and he also contributed piano and organ on a few tracks like "Lovely Rita" and "Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite!" respectively.

H is for Isaac Hayes
I could tell you that Isaac Hayes is in this list for his involvement as a Soul producer and that his musical talents expand beyond singing songs about prostitutes and making love on South Park. I could tell you that he was involved as a producer for Booker T. & The M.G's (the band that gave us "Green Onions"...you'll know it when you hear it) and that's why here's here but honestly, he's here because his surname begins with H and it was pretty difficult finding a producer with an H at the start of their name. That being said, this guy knew his music and if anyone with more knowledge about the man's production talents wants to educate me, feel free to do so in the comment section.

I is for Ian Kilmister
Similarly, I had a bit of difficulty finding a producer with I at the start of their forename or surname so this slot is filled with Lemmy, seeing as how Motorhead were occasionally responsible for producing some of their albums (although Jimmy Miller and Speedy Keen were usually the main producers). I don't know exactly how much of the production stage Lemmy was involved with but since he was the key musician involved with the band, I imagine he had a few good ideas thrown about now and then.

J is for Jeff Lynne
Not only is Jeff Lynne the frontman and musical genius behind the Electric Light Orchestra but he's also responsible for producing albums by members of his supergroup The Traveling Wilburys as well as ELO ones too. Considering the man can play every instrument under the sun (and probably a few beyond it, if he had access to them...which he might), it's no surprise that he's adept at producing music too seeing as how he must know exactly how to get the best sound out of each instrument through his years of playing them.
Jeff's received some flack over the years for the quality of the drums in songs he produces but to me, they're not meant to sound dynamic and imposing. Drums seem to be there for the sole purpose of keeping time whilst the bass, strings and vocals are all placed to the front of the mix. However, you can probably attribute that to Jeff's style of songwriting too. As for my opinion on their sound, I think Jeff's music probably speaks louder than his production skills but it's still admirable that he can do both as well as other professionals.

K is for Johnny K
Not a well known name on this list but that doesn't mean he's here just because of the letter K. John Karkazis is an engineer and music producer who's worked with bands like Finger Eleven, Drowning Pool and Machine Head as well as on such albums as "The Sickness" - Disturbed and "Th1rt3en" - Megadeth. However, the main reason he's on this list is because he produced one of my favourite albums; Light From Above - Black Tide. Whilst the band may be the ones who wrote the majority of the tracks, Johnny K helped write one of the tracks ("Enterprise") and likely helped the band with many technical issues too.
Similar to previous Metal producers here, he tends to bring out a cleaner, sharper sound in guitar tones (although that could be attributed to modern recording technology). However, as well as producing Metal records, he's also tried his hand at Alternative and Pop too. As a result, some of his Metal albums sound a bit more commercial such as "Super Collider" - Megadeth. Either way, he knows his onions.

L is for Mutt Lange
Robert John "Mutt" Lange is another well known name on this list. He's produced many albums in his career but some of his bigger hits include "Back In Black" - AC/DC, "Hysteria" - Def Leppard, "4" - Foreigner and recently "Drones" - Muse. He's also produced single tracks for artists such as Heart, Lady Gaga, Huey Lewis & The News, Loverboy and Backstreet Boys, clearly showing a preference for Rock but able to work with more Pop based material too. There's no doubt that Mutt Lange knows how to turn average groups into proper Rock bands with well received albums that are both awesome in their own right and capable of shitting money.
Mutt's style seems to be about high production values and a well polished sound to make a product that's commercially successful, although there have been stories about him being somewhat of a control freak, butting heads with members of Foreigner and Def Leppard over how the album should sound. However, other theories seem to be that Def Leppard arguably owe all their success to the man as he was responsible for High 'N' Dry, Pyromania and Hysteria, their golden trilogy (even if On Through The Night is an underrated classic and Mutt had nothing to do with that). After Mutt left, their popularity started to decline and people believed Mutt was the magic ingredient in making the band great. Regardless of how things went down, we can all agree that Mutt's place on this list goes beyond a simple alphabetic necessity.

M is for Martin Birch
From critically acclaimed producer to a lesser known heavyweight, Martin "Star-Fish" Birch has a great collection of bands under his belt. He started off as an engineer with Fleetwood Mac and Deep Purple, mixing and occasionally producing some of their albums such as "Penguin" and "Stormbringer" respectively. He settled into the role of producer with confidence during his stretch with Rainbow, producing all three albums with Dio on vocals before working with Whitesnake for six years whilst simultaneously producing albums for Black Sabbath and Blue Oyster Cult in 1980 and 1981. However, his main achievement comes in the form of producing eight studio records and one live album for Iron Maiden between 1981 and 1992.
His sound is arguably categorised more by the difference between albums with and without his involvement. Compare the sound of Iron Maiden's debut to Killers or Blue Oyster Cult's Spectres to Fire Of Unknown Origin. Each instrument is a lot clearer in the mix and even though some bands have presented their fair share of challenges in their "creative" decisions (e.g. Iron Maiden choosing to record No Prayer For The Dying in a barn), Martin's ability to get the best out of each band he worked with earns him a place at the halfway point in this list.
Unfortunately, Martin retired after Fear Of The Dark at the age of 42 and whilst it would be good to hear his influence with more modern Hard Rock/Metal bands, I feel like Martin left at the top of his game and his discography will forever be one for the Rock producer hall of fame. All we need now is a Rock producer hall of fame.

N is for Gil Norton
Gil Norton is best known for his work with Indie/Alternative bands, ranging from more experimental groups with 80s influences such as Maximo Park and Echo & The Bunnymen to more popular American Rock bands such as Jimmy Eat World and Counting Crows. However, just because these are some of the bigger names he's worked with doesn't mean he hasn't produced albums for a wide variety of artists, although his biggest achievement is probably working on The Colour And The Shape and Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace by Foo Fighters (two of their most popular albums).
Gil's style of producing is very personal; he likes to meet or chat with the band beforehand, listening to demos and getting a good idea of where the band wants to take their music. To him, the pre-production stage is the most important part of the job and the musician's passion over technical skill should come through in the material. He's also a firm believer in the importance of personality and that getting on with the people you work with is one of the key factors in making a great album.

O is for Brendan O'Brien
Whilst Gil Norton may have been a key player with Alternative bands in the 80s & 00s, Brendan O'Brien took responsibility for working with heavier Rock bands from the early 90s to recent releases. Some of his work includes Core - Stone Temple Pilots, Vs. - Pearl Jam, The Battle Of Los Angeles - Rage Against The Machine, Black Ice - AC/DC and Victorious - Wolfmother, not to mention mixing and engineering on hit albums such as Blood Sugar Sex Magik - Red Hot Chili Peppers with Rick Rubin (more on him later).
As you can tell by this collection, Brendan's preferred style involves loud guitars, darker tones and dynamic percussion. Some of the lighter albums he's worked on such as Light Grenades - Incubus have benefited from the occasional burst of energy despite lacking screaming guitars and your typical Rock tropes. Compared to other producers in this list, Brendan's style is very hands-on; he isn't afraid to get involved in laying down guitar and bass tracks, pooling ideas together and effectively acting as a member of the band, even if he isn't necessarily part of the songwriting process.

P is for Phil Spector
Even though George Martin is considered the iconic Beatles producer, Phil Spector is the man who's responsible for producing subsequent Beatles compilations and studio album, Let It Be. He produced many other albums before his work with the fab four but his success with their final album is half of what earned him a place on this list. The other half comes from his development of the Wall Of Sound production technique, not the way he murdered his wife in 2003.
The Wall Of Sound isn't the same as the bombardment of hard-hitting music effects such as distortion and high volume, rather it's a dense series of layers comprised of a variety of different instruments that would all combine into one unique noise rather than a series of instruments that you could pick out and enjoy, similar to how mixing a series of varying hues would create a different colour. For example, by mixing different key-based instruments (piano, harpsichord, etc), you can create one solid sound that cannot be achieved by any one of those instruments alone. This has been developed over time to simply compressing certain instruments in the mix (something that modern music fans tend to despise) but the technique still has its place in music history, all thanks to Phil.

Q is for Quincy Jones
One of the biggest producers in the history of music, Quincy Jones (also known as Q) has arguably earned the most fame in the world of Pop/Rock for his work on Michael Jackson's Thriller album. However, many people may also know him as the composer of catchy instrumental "Soul Bossa Nova" (the Austin Powers theme) and the founder of Quincy Jones Productions/Entertainment, the company partly responsible for The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air and, subsequently, Will Smith's music career.
However, he's here as a music producer and his strength lies mainly with getting the best out of the vocalists he works with. He encourages them to sing with their full soul and has been quoted as saying "You can never be a better musician than you are a person", proving that he's never met Ted Nugent or Gene Simmons before. All in all, Quincy seems like one of the nicest guys in the business and even though he's no Rock/Metal producer, his name carries more weight than any of the other producers on this list...although this next entry gives Q a run for his money.

R is for Rick Rubin
Rick Motherfucking Rubin; Rock's most famous (or infamous) producer who's also pretty skilled at Metal, Pop and Hip-Hop too. Rick helped to launch Hip Hop into the list of mainstream genres due to his work with Run-DMC and the Beastie Boys but since then has gone on to work with a myriad of bands who have produced some of their best or at least better received albums with Rick behind them such as The Cult (Electric), Red Hot Chili Peppers (Blood Sugar Sex Magik), Slayer (Reign In Blood), System Of A Down (Toxicity), Audioslave (Audioslave), Adele (21), Metallica (Death Magnetic) and Mr. Hankey Poo (Mr. Hankey The Christmas Poo).
He's also responsible for introducing Johnny Cash to "Hurt" - Nine Inch Nails and founded Def Jam Records as a teenager, even going as far as to hold a genuine funeral with a casket and approximately 500 guests for the word "def" after it was dropped from his record label. However, despite being a heavy player, not everyone is happy with his style. He's been criticised for his involvement in the Loudness War (making albums progressively louder over a period of time by compressing and clipping the music) and has been called out by several musicians including Corey Taylor of Slipknot and Matt Bellamy of Muse, the latter stating "We'd like to thank Rick Rubin for teaching us how not to produce" on stage at the 2010 MPG awards to cheers from the audience.
Despite this, many musicians value Rick's work and regard him as one of the best in the business due to his ability to identify talent in its natural form. His Rock/Metal albums usually contain very little in the way of frills and high production values, favouring a more raw sound as opposed to technical effects. He's also been known to push bands to play music outside of their conventions, challenging Hip Hop artists to cover Rock and Rock bands to cover Pop. Rick Rubin has to be the most divisive producer on this list but regardless of your opinion on the man and his craft, you have to admit that he isn't where he is by accident.

S is for Tom Scholz
If you're into Classic Rock, this name will probably be familiar to you. Tom Scholz is better known as the guitarist for the band Boston and is one of the main reasons (if not THE main reason) their 1976 self-titled debut is one of the greatest albums ever recorded. Unlike previous debuts where bands tend to stick to one studio to write and record their material, Boston recorded their debut across a variety of studios although most of the tracks were produced in Tom's basement due to his preference to his own equipment. The band pretended to record the material at a professional studio but in the end, only produced one song ("Let Me Take You Home Tonight") the way the record label wanted them to as a way of throwing them off the scent.
Even though John Boylan is regarded as the producer for the album, Scholz is the reason the album sounds the way it does due to his painstaking perfectionism. Tom went to great lengths to ensure he produced an album he was proud of and in the end, the sound quality sounds way ahead of its time due to his technical knowledge and experience. In fact, when he eventually met the professional sound engineers, he felt they were amateurs in comparison. This might sound like arrogance but when you produce an album as strong as Boston's debut on the sly, you're allowed a bit of an ego. Incidentally, the story behind the recording of Boston's debut is a fascinating read if you like the album and a good underdog story.

T is for Terry Date
Terry Date may have a name that sounds like a term for a rough night out but his work as a producer for such Metal albums as Metal Church - Metal Church, Badmotorfinger - Soundgarden, Astro-Creep: 2000 - Songs Of Love, Destruction And Other Synthetic Delusions Of The Electric Head - White Zombie and Cowboys From Hell - Pantera have earned him a place on this list. Despite being adept at producing hard and heavy material, usually leaning towards the darker sound of Metal, Terry's not afraid to have fun with the bands he works with.
As is often the case with Rock/Metal producers, Terry's told more than a few tales and amusing experiences of working with bands like Pantera (e.g. the story of the vocal feedback at the end of "Fucking Hostile") but always seems to remain positive about his work, even if it means dealing with certain notable characters. Terry might not top the list here if it were arranged into "best" or "most significant" producers but he's definitely not at the bottom.

U is for Todd Rundgren
Come on, I was doing well with finding producers to fit the alphabetical pattern until now. I was going to write about U2 and their involvement with some of their own albums but rather than force out a paragraph with little substance, I'm bending the rules to feature an important artist/producer with a hard U in their name. As well as producing his own solo material, Todd Rundgren has worked with Grand Funk Railroad, Hall & Oates, New York Dolls, Patti Smith and Meat Loaf, even playing lead guitar on Bat Out Of Hell and apparently being responsible for most of the arrangements on it too.
But that's not all; Todd's proven himself to be quite the whizz with video and recording technology. Whenever there's a new movement with the potential to pick up speed, Todd's usually one of the first to adopt it. He was there when MTV started, he was there when Video Toaster launched and he attempted to start an online company built around offering fans exclusive unreleased music for a subscription fee without the need for record labels to take a wedge of the profit back in the 90s, 20 years before the popularity of websites like Patreon took off. Todd's ability to spot a golden idea is matched by his experimental producing style and talents as a musician, earning him a place over U2.
However, if there is a producer with a U at the start of their surname or first name who's worthy of this list, feel free to let me know.

V is for Butch Vig
So far, we've seen some of Rock's most iconic albums and their producers in this list but there's one album we've yet to look at; Nevermind - Nirvana. For that, you can thank Butch Vig. Butch started off producing for bands such as Killdozer and The Other Kids in the 80s before taking on his first big job in 1990 producing Nirvana's second album, although some of you may feel he should've stuck to producing lesser bands. Nevermind showed a more commercial side to the Grunge outfit partly due to Vig's decision to use double-tracking and overdubs, something Kurt Cobain objected to at the time but grew to appreciate. The success of the album led to Vig taking on bigger jobs and better albums such as Siamese Dream - Smashing Pumpkins, Dirty - Sonic Youth, 21st Century Breakdown - Green Day and Sonic Highways - Foo Fighters.
As well as producing, Vig also formed and drummed for the band Garbage, expressing a desire to record music that incorporated other styles and genres as opposed to the homogenised sound of mainstream Rock at the time. Vig clearly has a talent for knowing how to utilise a band's existing talents whilst introducing new ideas that may seem unconventional at the time but ultimately work in their favour. He's also not afraid to take the longer, more difficult route to achieve a single goal, as proven by his work on Wasting Light - Foo Fighters using analogue equipment in Dave Grohl's garage.

W is for Butch Walker
From one Butch to another, Butch Walker has produced more Pop or Pop Rock albums than most entries on this list. Some of the bands/artists he's worked with include Weezer, Avril Lavigne, Katy Perry, Fall Out Boy, Taylor Swift and Pink so needless to say he's not one of my personal favourites although he's still pretty highly regarded in the world of music. The albums he's worked on have been well received and he's shown talents as a guest musician and songwriter too.
As a modern producer, Butch has the benefit of decades worth of material from previous producers to work with as influences and inspirations. However, his abilities as a producer come from his talents as a musician. Whilst he might not be in the same league as Jeff Lynne, Butch has a modest but impressive list of instruments he can play covering most bases on the albums he produces.

X is for Max Martin
I'm not entirely sure how this guy took the name Max Martin as his real name is Karl Martin Sandberg but regardless of whatever name he goes by, he's arguably one of the most successful producers and songwriters on this list. He's produced the second highest amount of number one hits (after George Martin) and some of his produced tracks include "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)" - Backstreet Boys, "...Baby One More Time" - Britney Spears, "It's My Life" - Bon Jovi, "So What" - Pink, "California Girls" - Katy Perry and "Shake It Off" - Taylor Swift.
Since Max is predominantly a Pop producer, most of the albums he works on have co-producers whom he has to work with. Fortunately, most of them cite Max is being the main man in control and called his work highly influential. He believes the most important factor in a hit Pop song is that you need to "feel" the music as well as just hear it; that the song makes you want to listen to it repeatedly and the vocals are the key to unlocking this. Max also thinks a fluid chorus with energy that changes throughout the song is important, even if the melody is exactly the same. Even if you don't care for modern Pop, Max clearly knows how to produce a tune that sells like hot cakes.

Y is for Neil Young
Whilst David Briggs is generally considered to be the main producer on the majority of Neil Young's albums, Neil himself took on the task of producing his music too. However, Neil's here for one main reason; his passionate hatred of digital media. Neil's gone on record as blasting .mp3s and services like Spotify for offering poor sound quality compared to the original studio sessions, even going as far as removing all of his music from Spotify until they improved their sound quality until he realised that was stupid and put it all back again. He even started up a company called Pono dedicated to delivering better quality digital music on a subscription system.
Unfortunately, his argument for Pono's superiority compared to iTunes media was that there was a clear difference between Pono's files and low quality files, although iTunes doesn't release low quality ones. The difference in sound between Pono files and iTunes ones is too microscopic to warrant the less efficient Pono device and excessive price compared to most digital distribution sites. So basically, Neil's got a solid argument but has yet to actually do anything useful about it. However, it's worth noting his good intentions should be mirrored by producers regardless of the genre they're working on; it's artists/producers like Neil Young who keep complacent producers in check who don't give a fuck about the sound quality as long as they think the song itself will make money.

Z is for Jon Zazula
Finally, here we are. The end of the list and the final producer...or is it? I may have one more producer to write about but first, let's look at Mr Zazula. Johnny Z is probably better known for starting Megaforce records, the label that gave us Testament, Anthrax and Metallica as well as other popular Thrash Metal bands. However, despite managing and producing great albums by these incredible bands, there is one common trait that links albums like The Legacy - Testament, The Years Of Decay - Overkill and Spreading The Disease - Anthrax; they sound like shit. Absolute shit. Compare the sound quality of these records to other Metal albums released throughout the 80s and it's a shocking difference. It's debatable how much of this is down to Jon Zazula's input but even if he was one of the best engineers involved, I still believe there's a much better producer who deserves a spot over Johnny Z...


Z should be for Bob Ezrin
Bob's worked on albums such as Welcome To My Nightmare - Alice Cooper, Berlin - Lou Reed, Destroyer - KISS and The Wall - Pink Floyd, as well as other successful albums by these bands and others (except Lou Reed). Alice Cooper has called Bob Ezrin the George Martin of their band and if it wasn't for his work with KISS, they probably wouldn't be the household names in Rock we're all indifferent to now. His style seems to involve giving albums a grand or heavy sound, whether it's by using children's voices to give music a more theatrical feel or encouraging musicians to rework tracks by combining separate great but unfinished ideas (e.g. an Alice Cooper song called "Reflected" that would go on to become "Elected").
Recently, he's earned some popularity/flack for daring to criticise the Lord of Hip Hop, the immortal voice of a generation, Kanye West. He accused Kanye of being uninspired and that his music doesn't do anything new compared to other Hip Hop artists like NWA or Grandmaster Flash; Bob also claimed Kanye's fame and popularity comes from his ego and outlandish behaviour rather than genuine skill at his craft. Kanye, of course, resorted to a Twitter rant where he claimed Bob (and presumably every other middle-aged white record producer) shouldn't talk about "rap" and brought Bob's kids into the argument.
I have no idea if Kanye has since attempted to fire back at Bob with a song of some kind (you know, the things he's supposed to be famous for making) but if his reaction proved anything, it's that Bob Ezrin not only knows about what makes a great Rock record but also a shitty Hip Hop one.


Do you agree with my list? Have I included a fair variety of producers to cover each style, genre and skill? Let me know via Twitter or the comment section.
COMING SOON: Album reviews for Foo Fighters, UFO and The Darkness.

Tenology: Massive Morellos/MacArthur Parks In Rock/Metal

I'm back! Apologies for the delay in posting but I needed more time to put this list together.
If you're confused by what I mean when I say "Massive Morello/MacArthur Park", you clearly haven't read my Rock Glossary or Absolute Axls blog posts. No worries though, I've got you covered!
A MacArthur Park (or Morello) is a fantastically brilliant factor of a song that stops it from being terrible. For example, the song could have dire lyrics, a boring riff, mediocre performances and go on for seven minutes...BUT at the six minute mark, there's an absolutely amazing guitar solo that blows everything else away and makes the song worth listening to. That right there is a MacArthur Park/Morello!
Anyway, to celebrate what I hope to fucking God is going to be a more positive year than 2016, I've decided to open with a blog post about 10 rubbish songs with one awesome thing about them that stops the songs from being made of absolute suck. Obviously this post is going to be a little divisive with my definitions of what makes a song suck so I tried to choose a mix of tracks that I personally dislike and tracks that are renowned for being hated or disliked by band members and/or the Rock community. I've also tried to find ten different types of MacArthur Park/Morello so it's not just a blog post of eight amazing solos and a couple of great riffs.
Right then, let's get some positivity up in here!


1. "Bawitdaba" - Kid Rock

MaP/M: Verse

To think, without this song he may never have had the chance to coast off Warren Zevon & Lynyrd Skynyrd

Kicking this list off is an artist whom many Rock, Metal, Rap and even just general audio fans despise. Aside from being a Trump supporter and, by extension, a massive asshole, his music is fucking terrible. This song helped shoot him into the mainstream with its combination of Hip Hop and Metal elements that at the time was amazing and not at all tacky like we've come to realise it is now. So what possible factor could redeem this song with a chorus spouting nonsensical lyrics and shitty riffs? In my opinion, the music in the verse.

You'll probably hear me use this argument quite a few times in this post because it's the only way I can really drive it home but if you plucked the guitar and bass riffs from the verses in this song and placed them into a different 90s Metal track with a more talented songwriter/vocalist, they'd sound pretty awesome. I wouldn't call this a good song but at least I don't hate it during those brief moments between diggy-diggy sessions.

2. "Maggie May" - Rod Stewart

MaP/M: Intro up until vocals

Once you get past the album cover, it's actually a pretty good record

Definitely a personal entry on this list. I've always hated this song but never exactly known why, although if I had to pinpoint reasons then I'd probably go with Rod. I can't stand his vocals in this (and more or less every other song he's done) and as soon as he sings "Wake up Maggie", I feel like shutting it off immediately. That being said, if you listen to the album version then you'll hear a lovely little acoustic introduction shortly before the main riff starts. That alone gives me some pleasure when I hear this song now and then but as soon as it gets to the 46 second mark, I'm done.

I suppose the melody throughout the rest of the song isn't bad but when you compare this to "You Wear It Well", a much better Rod Stewart song with softer vocals and better lyrics that sounds incredibly similar, this track has nothing but a lovely introduction to keep me enticed. Granted this song came out first but since they were only about a year apart, this feels more like a fleshed out demo for "You Wear It Well" than a song that deserves acclaim...but that's just my opinion.

3. "Shiny Happy People" - R.E.M.

MaP/M: Main riff

Cards on the table, I don't think this is that bad of a song

This song has pretty much been disowned by the band and if they hadn't included it on a compilation from a few years ago, I'd say that they wanted to bury it. It's basically their "Smells Like Teen Spirit"; a popular song that doesn't truly represent their overall sound or image. Whilst it might not be as bad as some of the entries on this list, I'm guessing that hardcore R.E.M. fans hate it as much as Michael Stipe for the same reasons and when it comes from the same album as "Losing My Religion", it's not going to make any respectable "Best Songs Of 1991" list.

However, you can't argue that this song is based around a pretty solid riff. In fact, no, not "pretty solid". It's a damn good one! Take this riff, swap it with the one for "Pop Song 89", tweak the key & tempo of each song a bit and they'd both still work. It's the rest of the song that lets itself down but it's also this riff that makes "Shiny Happy People" an OK track.

4. "Cemetery Gates" - Pantera

MaP/M: Vinnie Paul

Wish me luck with explaining this one, folks

If you hadn't twigged it by now, I'm alternating between unpopular songs and personal choices so don't bother telling me that "Cemetery Gates" is a fan favourite and one of the best songs off Cowboys From Hell. I used to quite like this song but after multiple listens, I think I fucking hate it now. The chorus riff sounds absolutely pissawful, the vocals aren't much to be desired (with each "GAAAAIIIIIIITES" in the outro, a child in Malaysia dies) and to me, it sounds like Pantera trying to have their own "Fade To Black" moment. I would call it an utter write-off except I can't help but enjoy the few moments in the song when the tempo picks up a bit and the drumming makes everything else work.

I'm not usually a fan of the percussion and playing style in Pantera songs but it's easily the highlight of this song for me. Yes, it has a solid solo and yes, the intro melody is alright but without the rhythm, this would be just another poor Metal power ballad. I suppose this song shouldn't really be here if the drumming isn't the only positive factor but in my eyes, it's the only thing in this song that makes it avoid the pit of turds that practically every other Pantera track falls into.

5. "Rockstar" - Nickelback

MaP/M: Lyrics

Took me four songs before I got Nickelback, must be some kind of record

Ahh Nickelback, the Internet's favourite musical whipping boy. We've reached the point now where some people are starting to argue that Nickelback don't actually suck that much and if you want to know my opinion, it's this; they're a bit crap. I like some tracks like "When We Stand Together" and "Burn It To The Ground" but for the most part, their songs are generic Rock for teenage girls and other people who don't really get what Rock's about. One of their most popular songs is "Rockstar" and whilst it made a big splash when it first came out, people now use this as a reason for hating Nickelback along with their other signature songs "How You Remind Me" and "Photograph".

I'm ashamed to admit that I was one of those people who got caught up in this song when it first came out but now that I've listened to actual Rock music in more detail, I can't say I'm a fan. What I will say is that the lyrics are still the song's best attribute as it goes through all the tropes and stereotypes of being a brash Rock star who wants it all whilst conveying the laid-back mood of the character telling us about his ambitions. You can argue that they're not the best lyrics of the genre or even year but that's not what I'm saying; the lyrics work for the song, they're enjoyable to listen to if you can look past the fact that it's Nickelback behind them and most importantly, they're not bad.

6. "Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)" - The Offspring

MaP/M: Chorus

Boy, the 90s are taking a fucking pounding in this post

I like The Offspring but goddamn, this song sucks. From the "Rock Of Ages" lift at the start to the gratuitous use of "Give it to me baby!" throughout, this track should cause each member of the band embarrassment every time they hear it, and keep in mind The Offspring have released songs like "Don't Pick It Up" in the past. Fortunately, the chorus makes up for the rest of the song.

The guitar riffs and vocals are classic Offspring material that pisses all over everything else this song has to offer and the acid test of whether the MacArthur Park/Morello works just as well in another song without the smell of this one lingering around pays off too; imagine this chorus with "Come Out And Play" off Smash which shouldn't be too hard as the verses for both tracks are basically the same, only this one's worse. It's a shame this song is one of the band's more popular tunes but thankfully, it's also a laughably terrible tune that stains the 90s Pop Punk genre. Yep, it's fucking bad even by those standards.

7. "Rollin' (Air Raid Vehicle)" - Limp Bizkit

MaP/M: "Keep rollin', rollin', rollin', rollin'"

I can feel myself getting dumber as I listen to this song for research purposes

Talking about how crap this Nu-Metal song from 2000 is ad nauseam would be like ranting about the weak quality of a blind man's round on Draw Something so I'll just say this: it sounds worse than the band's name and album's name combined into one glorious fucking tumour of a title. I think anyone with ears and clothes that fit them will agree when I say Limp Bizkit deserves to be wiped off the surface of history like an accidental drop of snot that lands on the back of your hand when you sigh but if I could salvage one contribution of theirs before going back in time and giving Fred Durst's mum a condom (or copy of this album, which is probably a more reliable contraceptive), it'd be the use of the word "rolling".

Some critics and bloggers argue that it's that word repeated during the chorus that makes this song so unbearable but I'd claim it's the exact opposite. Everything in this song is bad except "keep rollin', rollin', rollin', rollin'" which could work in a modern Metal track. Don't believe me? Listen to 10 seconds of this song from 2:55 to 3:05 when it's just those words without music; doesn't sound as bad, right? I mean, it's hardly the "Shiny Happy People" riff but that'd be the one Limp Bizkit possession I'd save from a burning building...that I intentionally set ablaze with oil and hellfire.

8. "Space Oddity" - David Bowie

MaP/M: Bridge

Aaaaaaand we're back to my unpopular opinions

I don't care about how he was so fucking ahead of his time or how amazing of a human being he was, I fucking despise this song. It's so fucking dreary and overplayed, everyone seems to cum in their drawers every time they hear the first couple of lines and the rest of the song gets even fucking worse. It's like listening to someone slowly reading song lyrics, that's how fucking boring it is. Compare it to something like "Rocket Man" - Elton John, another slow Rock song about the isolation of space travel, and it might as well be an experimental B-side.

The only thing I look forward to when I'm forced to listen to this (which isn't often but not an impossibility) is a certain guitar riff that plays twice during the song. It only lasts six seconds and it can be heard at 2:37 and 4:09. It sounds like something that would play just before a song increases the tempo, gets going and becomes interesting. What happens in this track? Oh, it's just more of the same trippy shit, hooray! You could probably get a good couple of minutes out of that riff during the bridge if they added more drums, maybe a guitar solo and changed the entire structure of the song. If that happened, this song wouldn't be on this list and David Bowie probably wouldn't have been the visionary musician everyone saw him as. When you put it like that, I guess it's a fair trade.

9. "Hotel California" - Eagles

MaP/M: Solo

Yeah, I thought this song was well loved too

After doing some research into "bad Rock songs", I came to a startling conclusion; people really don't like the Eagles. I've known that they're not everyone's favourite band (especially not The Dude's) but judging by the hatred for this band's back catalogue and this song in particular, it would seem that the Eagles were basically the Nickelback of the 70s. Whilst there are several Eagles songs I really enjoy listening to, I can't deny that I fucking hate their most famous song and thankfully, so do several critics/bloggers.

I've talked about it on this blog before but in short, it's basically what I imagine growing old would sound like if you could convert it into an .mp3 file. That being said, it's known for having a great guitar solo at the end and whilst it's not on my top 10 or even 20 list of amazing solos, I can't deny that it is a fine piece of guitarwork. It makes the previous four minutes almost worth listening to although another way of making this song bearable is by speeding it up 25%. Trust me, it sounds better.

10. "We Built This City" - Starship

MaP/M: Vocal solo

Someone needs to remind these guys that they're not Genesis

The final song on this list is quite possibly the single-most hated Rock song from the 20th century. Even Grace Slick, vocalist on the song, has tried to distance herself from it and people have written entire essays dedicated entirely to why this song is terrible. Despite this negative press, I still think the song's alright. It's not something I'd choose to listen to but I can tolerate it when it's on, even if it's musically simplistic and lacking in the lyrics department.

It's hard to pinpoint one great moment from a bad song that you generally like but the part of "We Built This City" that I actually enjoy listening to is the small vocal solo towards the end that's read by a news anchor. It's insignificant and easily forgettable but the quick delivery of the vocals and way it fits in with the music makes it a highlight for me. Everything else in this song is average to rubbish but hey, I wouldn't call it the worst song in Rock.

Did you agree with my choices? Are there other terrible songs with redeeming factors or am I being too fair on some of these tracks? Let me know in the comments or via Twitter and hopefully this positive post will help create a great year...or not...probably not.

Showdown: Cover Versions, part 2

I said I'd return to these posts and here we are! Last time, I compared covers and originals of iconic Rock/Metal songs in the Showdown format. This time, I'm going to look at ten Rock/Metal covers of Non-Rock songs before deciding which is better. To clarify my definition of "Non-Rock", basically anything along the lines of Pop, Hip-Hop, R&B or Electronic. In other words, genres that don't rely on Guitar solos, screeching vocals or any other Rock trope, even if they do use instruments popularised by Rock music.
Whilst I'm (almost) always going to prefer a Rock/Metal version, I'll try to be fair with the verdicts and decide based on reasons other than "Rock > Pop". Right then, let's get started!

ROUND ONE: Stayin' Alive
Bee Gees - A classic "Disco" hit that you'll either like or despise, as I don't think it's actually possible for someone with a fully functioning brain to love this song. It's catchy and it's got a solid riff if you can ignore the Saturday Night Fever aspect of it. However, since this is a blog dedicated to Rock/Metal, I won't spend too long talking about Non-Rock tracks so the bottom line is it's OK.
Ozzy Osbourne - That's right, the Prince Of Darkness has recorded a Metal cover of one of the biggest Disco tunes of all time. The most bizarre thing about this is that it actually sounds pretty great, even if it is very tongue-in-cheek. His voice fits the vocal melody as I mentioned earlier, the solid riff sounds even better with a bit of weight behind it. It probably would've been better if it didn't have the corny synth though.
VERDICT - Considering the cover is essentially a massive piss-take from the "Crazy Train" references to "I. AM. DISCO MAN", I do like the sound of the Guitar throughout this track and the solos fit in very well too. At the same time, there's something about the vocal/Guitar combination in the original that can't be replicated. Both are solid tracks in their own right but I'm awarding the win to the Bee Gees, since their version of "Stayin' Alive" is a far superior Pop song than Ozzy's version is a Metal song.

ROUND TWO: Word Up!
Cameo - A funky little number with a catchy chorus and great vocals. Despite being a decent song, it sadly feels very flat most of the way through. It's in dire need of some energy or at least something to differentiate the verse and chorus a bit more. Still a good song though.
Gun - Did you think I was going to talk about the KoRn version? I mean, their cover is probably a bit more faithful but it's easily Gun that have the best cover. They've taken an 80's R&B track and made it their own to the point that the Cameo original just sounds naff after listening to this. It's powerful from start to finish and that solo doesn't sound half bad either.
VERDICT - Obviously it's Gun as they've successfully done what any great Pop to Rock cover version should do; turn it up to 11 and get your head banging!

ROUND THREE: Tainted Love
Gloria Jones - I'll confess, I originally thought this was originally recorded by Soft Cell but it turns out their 80's Pop cover pales in comparison to this 60's Soul track. It has an upbeat tempo, great backing vocals and a simplistic yet foot-tappingly catchy riff. So now it's time to look at the Marilyn Manson cover, right?
Scorpions - WRONG!! I can't fucking stand Marilyn Manson's music and his Industrial cover of another cover can balls, as far as I'm concerned. No, instead I'm comparing the original to a lesser known cover by Scorpions on their 2011 album, Comeblack. It's not the best cover this band have ever recorded (I actually prefer their version of The Who's "I Can't Explain") and it's certainly not the band at their all-time best but it's a great Hard Rock rendition of an old tune that's had its fair share of covers. They probably could've improved the flimsy solo, though.
VERDICT - I really like both versions here. I would say both are great examples of Soul and Hard Rock tracks respectively but I'm awarding the win to Gloria Jones as I tend to enjoy songs with slightly faster tempos, even though the heavier sound of the Scorpions cover is great for headbanging.

ROUND FOUR: Smooth Criminal
Michael Jackson - Fuck, that synth riff is tasty, isn't it? Easily one of Jacko's stronger songs in my eyes (along with "Beat It") but it helps when you've got someone like Quincy Jones producing it. The funky Guitar in the middle-eight could've been less choppy and the string intro is a little unnecessary but other than that, it's a sweet tune.
Alien Ant Farm - I'm not sure if it's the sign of a shit band or excellent cover when you can only name one song by a group and it isn't even theirs. I'm going to be kind and assume excellent cover, as that's what this is. It's as faithful as you can get for a Nu-Metal cover of a Michael Jackson track and as far as vocals go, this band do a bloody good job of reaching MJ's level.
VERDICT - Another tough call here. I love the heavier style of the cover but also enjoy the synth effects of the original. I would also listen to both versions if given the choice so I suppose it's only fair to award both Michael Jackson AND Alien Ant Farm the win here, as I'd only be awarding a single victory based on something insignificant and not representative of the track's strength.

ROUND FIVE: Hard To Handle
Otis Redding - I was also surprised to learn this was the original, since the cover is arguably a lot more well known. This is definitely the more soulful of the two tracks with heavier emphasis on brass and vocals, along with less on Guitar and percussion. However, if you've heard the cover then you'll probably find this version a bit too slow.
The Black Crowes - A Soul classic transformed into a Southern Rock hit. Several aspects remain the same, such as the use of piano and the song's structure, although it's definitely been given the Rock Cover treatment of adding a Guitar solo and improving the drums. Vocals might not be as strong as Otis Redding's but the important thing is the chorus still sounds great!
VERDICT - It's pretty hard to be non-biased on this one, as the original is a great example of Soul music but the cover is a good example of Rock music too. I'm awarding it to The Black Crowes as I personally believe their cover has a stronger mix and actually has an outro instead of just fading out.

ROUND SIX: Rasputin
Boney M. - Another Pop hit from the Disco scene that I'm not even a little bit ashamed to say I like. Starting off with a neat little drum intro before breaking into a Turkish-inspired melody. The chorus is catchy enough to stay with you long after the song's ended too, which always helps.
Turisas - I wouldn't call this a well known cover but it definitely deserves to be! Unlike Ozzy's cover of "Stayin' Alive", this example of Pop Gone Metal doesn't sound ridiculous. It actually turns a solid Disco tune into an epic Metal track. Everything works, from the fiery lyrics to the Guitar melodies. Definitely worth checking out if you like Metal and the original track!
VERDICT - Another case where I want to award the win to both of them, as both tracks deserve to be highly regarded in their genre. However, I'm going to go with my gut and award the win to Turisas for being ambitious and fantastic with their cover.

ROUND SEVEN: The Safety Dance
Men Without Hats - I've previously said on this blog that "The Safety Dance" is one of my favourite Non-Rock songs due to it being catchy and merry without getting too annoying. There's not much else to say other than that really.
Status Quo - Vocally speaking, this is quite a good choice of cover song for Status Quo. However, musically speaking, it falls a bit flat for me. The synth melody from the original is replicated on Guitar but something about it just sounds off. It also doesn't sound like a proper Rock or Pop song; instead, it's a strange hybrid of the two.
VERDICT - As much as I like Status Quo, I don't think their cover of this song deserves a win. Men Without Hats will always have the greatest version of this song but I'll welcome any attempt from bands to try and cover it.

ROUND EIGHT: Feeling Good
Cy Grant - As far as I can tell, this is the earliest recorded version of this song. It's definitely more Jazz-oriented than Nina Simone's cover, which is generally considered to be the original, and a lot smoother than her version too. Whilst her cover allows the music to take a bigger step forward, both tracks have strong vocal performances although sadly neither song is to my taste.
Muse - Ignoring the fact that I'm contradicting myself by discussing a cover of a cover, this is one of the first Muse songs I actually bought (after "Knights Of Cydonia") and I still like it now. It's a faithful cover that doesn't get pompous or self-obsessed like I've come to expect Muse to do with their music, although I feel like I can't enjoy it as much now that I've noticed Matt Bellamy's breath intakes at the start.
VERDICT - It's very hard to defend the original when the cover has superior recording technology and a better use of each band member/instrument...so I won't bother. Muse wins this one.

ROUND NINE: You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)
Dead Or Alive - Yep, it's another 80's synth track! I can't say I love the vocals, which has that sort of wailing Spandau Ballet type sound, but the use of vocal harmonies in the chorus makes them sound a lot better. That and the Pop rhythm make this an enjoyable track to listen to. It's not as great as "The Safety Dance" but it's memorable and OK to hear every now and then.
Sweet - I was VERY surprised when I first heard this as I'm sure you will be too. I'm pretty sure they've actually blended one of their own songs (maybe "Sweet F.A"?) into it but once the vocals kick in and you can take in the heavy galloping rhythm, it becomes very clear that you're listening to a proper Hard Rock track. If I had to pick anything up, I'd say that the drums could do with tightening up. They sound a little muted in comparison to other instruments and with everything else that's going on, some powerful drumming could've made this cover something special.
VERDICT - The original is probably a better Pop song than the cover is a Hard Rock one, although I do think this is a great cover. However, I think the win should go to Dead Or Alive here. If you like this cover, check out the rest of the album by Sweet as they've got a damn good cover of "Blitzkrieg Bop" on it too.

ROUND TEN: I Shot The Sheriff
The Wailers - Fuck me, they weren't kidding with that band name, huh. The backing vocals sound like a bloody piss take, like something off the fucking Muppets. If you can listen past that, the music is great but the song itself deserves to lose infinity points for that vocal line. I mean, I'm not a fan of Reggae by any standards but Jesus Christ, this is painful to listen to.
Eric Clapton - Thank the heavens, the high pitched shite has gone and has been replaced by smooth vocal harmonies! This cover isn't really anything special musically speaking, but what do you expect with Eric Boring Clapton? I used to think that Clapton added the little riff between the verse and chorus (the only reason I like listening to this song) but he didn't even create that. His only service to this track is making it less shit, which I suppose is better than doing nothing at all.
VERDICT - Clapton's cover could've/should've added a little Guitar solo in there somewhere but even if it is a fairly dull cover, Eric Clapton still wins this due to how bloody terrible the original is. Talk about ending on a high note, eh?


I'll admit that I found it quite tricky to locate ten Pop/Non-Rock songs with Rock/Metal covers for this blog so if you've got any that you recommend, feel free to send me them on Twitter or the comment section. Bear in mind I'm only counting ones that have been released on proper albums, not Live versions that are played at secret gigs or something.