A while ago, I wrote a blog post about various popular genres of Rock as if they were members of a family, picking similar aspects from both parties and comparing them for shits and giggles. I enjoyed writing it and had a think about similar posts I could write with a familiar theme without just relying on the same observations from the first post.
In the end, I decided to move from using Rock genres to actual Rock bands. However, I won't be comparing bands to family members. Nope, I'll be turning well known bands into films! Not specific films, though. Rather official and unofficial film genres that I would list to give you some examples of what I mean but that'd be silly, considering I have the content underneath this paragraph.
So without further waffling, here's another attempt at music humour that you shouldn't take too seriously (especially the last one, even I know I'm pushing an analogy a bit too far there)!
COMING SOON!
AC/DC
From the makers of "Action Films"
A guns-blazing production with plenty to keep men and young adults entertained. There are plenty of scenes that are memorable and a talented cast who know how to deliver an explosive bundle of action. However, whilst they know how to write a solid fight scene or car chase, you'd be hard pressed to find a fan of their recent work over their classics from the 80's and early 90's. Sure, the new films have their moments but nowadays the majority of their material feels repetitive. With so many other directors making action-packed movies that challenge the viewer with new stunts and visual effects, perhaps it's time for these films to reach their conclusion...especially since the key actor integral to the band's popularity has quit due to age-related poor health and their latest picture is dull as fuck.
Uriah Heep
From the makers of "Sci-Fi Films"
A bizarre genre with stories that might turn the casual cinema-goer off with all the strange creatures on the poster but if you like complexity in your art, these are the movies for you. That being said, there are more complex films from that time and genre that more passionate fans will most likely prefer. Over time, they've become a bit more mainstream and the improved budget has allowed for a stronger quality of production, even if the script has suffered slightly. At the end of the day, both the perplexing films from the 70's and the simpler movies from the 10's are entertaining in their own ways, even if they're not as popular as other flicks.
Foo Fighters
From the makers of "Comedy Films"
Everyone loves a good comedy and time after time, these filmmakers have created a solid hit with lots of quotable moments. It's hard to name the most iconic comedy as there are plenty of contenders for the title but everyone has their own personal favourite which they'll treasure over someone else's. However, for every laugh out loud scene, there's usually a dud moment that will be easily forgotten. There are also comedies that have been repeated in the media too much and are starting to bore viewers...well, most viewers. There'll always be people laughing at the same mediocre jokes out there. Sadly, their latest movie reeks of self-indulgence and whilst it is well made and clearly inspired by early material, I doubt there'll be many more films like this one. I hope not, anyway.
Aerosmith
From the makers of "Romantic Comedy Films"
The wussiest, softest, most wimpy yet simultaneously popular genre of film out there. OK, there are some great ones out there. Ones with balls that aren't all about romantic platitudes but there are way too many soft movies out there to ever consider this an aggressive, cool or even rebellious type of film. To clarify, this isn't a bad genre nor is there anything wrong with liking this genre or enjoying one of these films. They're great filmmakers and all but they also seem like the kind of artists who'd cry during sex or send roses on Valentine's Day. There's just so much that makes you groan with these films that whenever I see a trailer for a new one (or any movie news to do with the individual filmmakers), my mind automatically conjures feelings of fatigue and irritation.
Slipknot
From the makers of "Horror Films"
It'd be very easy to look at trailers for these and think "Ugh, who'd want to see that? Anyone who enjoys this kind of entertainment is stupid" but once you get past all the prosthetic masks and shocking moments, the films are often quite good. The classics are imaginative and well written, occasionally tackling issues other than death in an educated but dynamic manner. Much like other genres, they have scenes that stand out more than others and are renowned in the Horror Film community but these are the kind of movies that you probably need to watch from start to finish to get the most out of. Personally, I'm not into this kind of genre but I have total respect for it and the people who make it...provided they continue to challenge viewers by subverting the tropes surrounding their appearance.
The White Stripes
From the makers of "Buddy Cop Films"
Meet Jack White! He's a stern, serious cop with strong opinions about the justice system and a knack for what he does.
Meet Meg White! She's a lazy, talentless cop who's only there because she has family connections to the station and can just about do what any basic officer would master on day one of training.
Both cops are different...but what happens when you put them both together to solve a series of cases that seem strange on the surface but are actually incredibly basic when you watch them?
Together, these two wild cards will take you on a fun and dynamic journey as one of the officers does all the legwork and the other just shows up.
Jack and Meg star in...White Stripes! Rated PG-13.
Queen
From the makers of "Pixar, Aardman Animations & Occasionally Dreamworks Family Films"
These are your all-round well-made movies that can be enjoyed by pretty much anyone with a brain. There's something for young audiences who like memorable scenes they can tell their friends and repeat to themselves for weeks, there's something for old audiences who want non-aggressive, unoffensive material to sit back and enjoy and there's something for everyone in between who appreciates the occasional mature reference and poignant statement about life or politics without hammering it down their throat. Despite the appearance of some of their most popular pieces, these films are indisputably works of art and deserve all the acclaim they're getting.
My Chemical Romance
From the makers of "Every Other Mainstream Animated Family Film"
These are just aimed at children, overly emotional teens, simpletons or all of the above. This wouldn't be a problem & once in a blue moon there's a decent one of these that breaks the mould but this triumph is often cancelled out by the legion of idiots spouting off about a new movie that's just been/will be released for fucking months. Even if you want to avoid these loud and predictable films, it'll be impossible as everywhere will be playing adverts or rapidly tiresome sound bites from this packaged shite. People might defend these films and try to add intellectual meaning to them, claiming that there's actually more to it than superficial shouting about romance problems but chances are they're the target audience and they'll see whatever they want to see in these, regardless of whether it's there or not.
So that's what's on at the cinema for now. I'm unsure if we'll see another preview of upcoming films (as it took bloody months to put these together) but never say never! After all, if Spider-Man can end up in The Avengers, many other bands can end up on this blog!
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