Tenology: My Ten Favourite Rock/Metal Songs Of 2018

Well, here we are again. End of the year which means it's time to look back at all the new albums and singles I've enjoyed throughout 2018 and present them in a list of no particular order. That's right, this is NOT a "Top 10" post where the first or last song in the entry is the greatest song of the year, nor is it a ranking list of my favourite songs after listening to every Rock/Metal album released. There will be omissions and there will be no real reason for putting the ten songs I've picked in the specific order listed below, other than "because I wanted to do it this way".
Fortunately, I'll probably cover those omissions in a 2020 blog post in a similar manner to the one I'm planning for early 2019 where I'll be looking at songs from 2017 that I really enjoyed yet didn't listen to until some time in 2018. Got that? No? Too bad. One last thing before I start: I've included a Spotify playlist at the bottom of this post so you can listen to all the songs I've rated (honourable mentions and all!) whilst reading about why I liked them. It's also an opportunity for you to hear songs I really liked and would recommend in case you missed them. Right, let's do this!


1. "When The Curtain Falls" - Greta Van Fleet

When I reviewed Anthem Of The Peaceful Army a couple of months ago, I was largely indifferent to the majority of the songs due to how disappointing it was in comparison to the band's EP From The Fires. However, there were some songs I really liked and my favourite had to be lead single, "When The Curtain Falls". Great riff, shrill vocals and catchy melodies throughout, not to mention a decent solo to play us out. If you liked From The Fires but haven't listened to Anthem Of The Peaceful Army yet, you're probably better off listening to this song and maybe a handful of others instead of the whole album. Personal taste will depend on the other songs I'd recommend but regardless of what you're into, I'll always recommend this one.


2. "Firepower" - Judas Priest

Another song from an album I reviewed on the blog; don't worry, there'll be some tracks I haven't discussed before here too. The latest Judas Priest album was essentially a love letter to fans of the band's earlier material, combining good aspects of Painkiller, Screaming For Vengeance and British Steel with a modern twist. "Firepower" is a great title track and album opener with awesome riffs and fantastic vocals, exactly what was needed to remind fans that the band could still kick ass. There were other belters on the album too and who knows, maybe you'll see a few more in this post...


3. "Venom Of Venus" - Powerwolf

I only just finished writing about The Sacrament Of Sin, a great Power Metal album that contains a load of great tunes with heavy riffing and mild solos. However, for an album that's strength lies in its melodic nature, "Venom Of Venus" was the track that got me invested more than any other. The vocals steal the show, although the rest of the band bring the thunder too. However, I was also tempted to include "Fire & Forgive", "The Sacrament Of Sin" or "Fist By Fist (Sacralize Or Strike)" on this list too, although I feel like this song will stick with me longer than those.


4. "Fuchsia Machu Picchu" - Joachim Cooder

...who? Yeah, I heard this song on the radio one day and loved it. Great thumping rhythm, nice vocals, funky riffs and mystical accompaniments. I guess this is more of a Rock song than Pop, although it's probably the closest thing to Pop on this list. I haven't listened to any other songs by Joachim Cooder but if I hear something else by him/them (?) that I like, I'll be sure to check more tunes out. Until then, at least we've got this strange little number that I bet none of you ever expected to see on this list.


5. "Miasma" - Ghost

I'm mixing the formula up a bit by putting my number one favourite song of the year (from my number one favourite album of the year, as reviewed here) at the midway point of the post, rather than at the end like the last two from 2016/2017. This instrumental is fucking great and just goes from strength to strength as the song progresses. By the three minute mark, the song's taken off and before you know it, there are solos played on not just guitar and synth but also a fucking saxophone. This Metal instrumental finds a way of making a saxophone solo sound badass and for that reason alone, it deserves a spot on this list.


6. "Necromancer" - Judas Priest

Hey, look at that, Judas Priest showed up again! Revisiting some of my favourite songs from 2018 (a list that previously had about 30 different tracks in it), I tried to give songs by a wider variety of artists a chance but at the end of the day, I found myself enjoying multiple Judas Priest tracks over ones by Shinedown and Saxon. Whilst "Firepower" is probably my number one favourite off the album, "Necromancer" is a very close second. The faster tempo in the verse to give the song a driving rhythm is great and come on, if there's one thing Judas Priest knows how to do it's write awesome themes for their own mythological characters.


7. "Firewalker" - King Zebra

This was another song recommended to me that I ended up loving. Granted it might be a little similar to some of the others on this list (you can tell I definitely have a specific taste!) but when a band I've never heard of gets my attention as fast as King Zebra did with this song, I know they're worth mentioning. Fortunately for them, their song was great enough to earn a place on the full list and not just the honourable mentions so if you like NWOTHM, check this song out!


8. "Sugar Cane" - Slash, feat. Myles Kennedy & The Conspirators

This song nearly didn't make it in the list! I completely forgot about this album until I started writing the post and after revisiting a few tracks that I remembered enjoying, I found myself wanting to come back to this song over all the others. Awesome Slash riffs, fantastic Myles Kennedy vocals in the chorus and a vibe that makes it sound like the perfect song to fucking jam to in a live gig. There are some other decent tracks on the Slash album too (that I mention in my review found here) but "Sugar Cane" is probably my favourite from it.


9. "Whatever" - Thundermother

Another new song that I heard on the radio once and forgot about for a while until revisiting all of the year's best tunes. Imagine if Halestorm were just a little bit better musically and you've got "Whatever" - Thundermother. You get the same raw vocal talent but with the added benefit of better solos, percussion and general song structure. It's a shame that Thundermother seem to be going through somewhat of a tempestuous period with changing lineups and whatnot but fingers crossed the lineup from this album sticks around for some time!


10. "Rats" - Ghost

I mean, you should've seen this one coming. Even if "Miasma" is my favourite song of the year, "Rats" is a very strong second best from Prequelle. I've talked about the track before but in short, it's got everything needed to make a perfect anthematic Rock song. If you read this blog, you must've heard the song by now. You must know that I fucking love this song and album so it's no surprise that it's on this list.

What MIGHT be a surprise are some of these honourable mentions (in alphabetical order):


"Book Of Thoth" - The Sword

I thought the latest album by The Sword was OK (review here) and had several tracks I was considering for the coveted spot of an honourable mention here. However, in the end, I went with "Book Of Thoth" for containing the heavy riffs I associate with The Sword and some interesting guitar playing too. It's a more memorable song than some of my other favourites from Used Future but it's not quite as good as the tracks listed above. At least not to me, anyway.


"Dance Macabre" - Ghost

Got to fit Ghost in one last time (go fucking listen to Prequelle). Whilst "Miasma" and "Rats" are worthy of a place in the main list, I felt like I couldn't justify three Ghost songs when there were other tracks that needed a place too. Sadly for "Dance Macabre", that meant one song had to be an honourable mention and this ABBA-esque Hard Rock tune drew the short straw. Don't get me wrong though, I still love the track and would recommend it without a moment's hesitation.


"Flame Thrower" - Judas Priest

Yup, same situation with Judas Priest. I liked Firepower and multiple songs on the album grabbed me in an incredibly pleasurable way but I couldn't put three songs off it in the list, hence "Flame Thrower" ending up here instead. I think it was easier moving this song here because I'm not really into the intro that much but once the percussion comes in, everything gets much better.


"Grazed By Heaven" - Uriah Heep

Definitely my favourite song from Living The Dream and probably the most accessible track to casual fans of the band, since it has the Hard Prog sound of guitar/organ harmonies. However, it also boasts some great lengthy solos too so if you only listen to one song from the album, make sure it's this one...which will probably happen anyway, since it's the album opener and lead single.


"The New Day" - Greta Van Fleet

The last song in the post and it's another repeat band! I may have been a bit frosty to their recent album but damn, I love this song's main riff. It's like a glorious blend of early Rush and peak Led Zeppelin...and then the vocals come in. They're so fucking bad in this song, they remind me of Steve Smith from American Dad (played by Scott Grimes) when he does a pained, high pitched scream. Those vocals can work in Hard Rock tracks but when you've got a more Folksy, acoustic-guitar driven melody and softer percussion, you need more delicate vocals. If I could travel across the multiverse and find a version of this song with identical music but someone more tactful than Josh Kiszka behind the mic, this song easily would've made the main ten.

That's it for 2018! I hope you've enjoyed what I've offered on the blog and will (hopefully) continue to offer throughout 2019 too!
Happy New Year to everyone who gives a shit about that sort of thing and see you all in January!

Rapid Fire: Uriah Heep, Joe Satriani, Powerwolf

Haven't done one of these for a while but the last Rapid Fire post of the year will be looking at three albums from 2018 that I didn't get a chance to review or shine a spotlight on...until now, that is!
First up, we have an album that I've been putting off ever since discovering that Slash released an album with exactly the same name.

1. Living The Dream - Uriah Heep

One of the main reasons I didn't want to review this album after listening to it is because I felt like it wouldn't make for a very entertaining read. After all, there was nothing wrong with the album when I listened to it but at the same time, there was very little exciting about it either; it was a competent Hard Prog record by a band that still have life in them yet. Revisiting it many months later and I have to say, my opinion is more or less the exact same. It's still a decent album with some good tunes and easily forgettable filler tracks.
Album opener and lead single "Grazed By Heaven" is one of the album highlights along with guitar-driven "Take Away My Soul" but many songs go on a little bit too long and feel closer to Prog than Hard Rock, which will probably delight Uriah Heep's original fans. However, there are still plenty of great riffs on guitar and organ (occasionally simultaneously, giving it a great 70s Rock sound) and the percussion contains enough variety to prevent this from sounding like a Thunder album with the same rhythm on every song.
All in all, I'd recommend Living The Dream to fans of 70s and contemporary Hard Prog. It's a good album rooted in Rock with great Hard Prog variety although this is probably a better record for fans of longer, less energetic music that they can enjoy mid-activity or drive. That being said, there are shorter, punchier tunes for those enthusiasts so there should be something for plenty of Rock fans here.

1. Grazed By Heaven

2. Living The Dream

3. Take Away My Soul

4. Knocking At My Door

5. Rocks In The Road

6. Waters Flowin'

7. It's All Been Said

8. Goodbye To Innocence

9. Falling Under Your Spell

10. Dreams Of Yesteryear

ALBUM RATING - 7/10

Next up, we have an album by guitar virtuoso Joe Satriani!


2. What Happens Next - Joe Satriani

When it comes to awesome instrumental Rock songs, Joe Satriani generally knows what he's doing. Surfing With The Alien is a top notch record and I was excited to listen to another Joe Satriani album again, especially one with modern recording technology and no need to worry about declining vocal or technical guitar playing skill (since it's clear Joe still has it!). Album opener "Energy" kicks things off with a fast tempo and fun riffs before slowing things down with funky, bass-driven "Catbot", all with unique guitar solos and tones.
That's probably the main selling point of Joe Satriani's music; it's not just the technically proficient playing, it's the strange sounds he's able to make the guitar come out with. The use of different tones and styles separates it from sounding like a load of plain guitar soloing over 12 songs. Granted he's not the only virtuoso player to realise this is the key to being a successful artist but he's arguably one of the more distinct ones (along with Buckethead). Whilst guitarists like Eric Johnson cultivate and develop their playing into a signature sound synonymous with their name, Joe Satriani typically brings you a plentiful feast of action-packed Rock muzak to get stuck into.
This album is largely the same; there's soft Funk ("Cherry Blossoms", "Righteous"), there's fast Blues Rock ("Headrush") and music in between ("Invisible") although there's a little more emphasis on the slower, more atmospheric tunes such as the album's title track "What Happens Next". Fans of those kind of songs will probably love this album but those who preferred material like "Crushing Day", "Summer Song" and "Crystal Planet" may find themselves a little bored. Sadly, I'm one of those people although I can still appreciate the talent that went into each song.

1. Energy

2. Catbot

3. Thunder High On The Mountain

4. Cherry Blossoms

5. Righteous

6. Smooth Soul

7. Headrush

8. Looper

9. What Happens Next

10. Super Funky Badass

11. Invisible

12. Forever And Ever

ALBUM RATING - 5/10

Finally, we have an album by a Metal band that I've only just discovered due to playing their music in Clone Hero!

3. The Sacrament Of Sin - Powerwolf

Having listened to a couple of Powerwolf songs before checking this album out, I had high hopes for The Sacrament Of Sin. The songs I'd heard were decent Heavy Metal tunes, albeit a bit lacking in technical skill, and I'd heard positive things about the album too. Turns out those positive things were to be trusted as I liked this album quite a lot, although not enough to rave about it. I mean, it's great but it's no Prequelle (although there are similarities in the gothic Metal with a touch of 80s Pop tone). Album opener "Fire & Forgive" is a good heavy song to get things started although after the first few songs, the album takes a pretty lengthy rest break with multiple slower tracks ("Where The Wild Wolves Have Gone", "Stossgebet").
However, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. This is definitely an album to listen to in one sitting rather than picking and choosing random tracks out of order. Sure, you can listen to your favourites out of order and still get joy out of them but the transition between each track sounds carefully planned and the consecutive slower songs don't bring the overall pace of the album down as awkwardly as other albums that shoehorn slow tunes in between fast ones because they didn't know where else to put them. It also means that unlike other contemporary albums that go through the second half slump due to putting all the better tracks at the start, we still get some bangers towards the end of the record ("Venom Of Venus", "Fist By Fist (Sacralize Or Strike)").
I would recommend this album to Heavy Metal fans who like their music grand and awesome. The album's a well crafted product and provides a damn fine if not slightly repetitive listening experience if you let it, although fans of classic Heavy Metal (or even newer Metal bands) may find the music a little underwhelming when it comes to furious solos and complex riffs...in that there aren't really any. There are heavy rapid strumming riffs but no face-melters, just melodic ones with some mild sweeping ("Nighttime Rebel"). Luckily, songs don't need insane solos to be good so if you can listen past that, you'll be in for a treat.

1. Fire & Forgive

2. Demons Are A Girl's Best Friend

3. Killers With The Cross

4. Incense & Iron

5. Where The Wild Wolves Have Gone

6. Stossgebet

7. Nightside Of Siberia

8. The Sacrament Of Sin

9. Venom Of Venus

10. Nighttime Rebel

11. Fist By Fist (Sacralize Or Strike)

ALBUM RATING - 9/10

COMING SOON: More news and a look at my ten favourite songs from 2018!

Tenology: Terrible Album Artwork

As requested by @ataeaf on Twitter, the latest Tenology post is taking a look at album artwork from Rock/Metal albums that doesn't quite do the music any favours.
Before I start, it should be noted that this post is largely going to be the work of opinion (as always). Art is subjective and what may be absolutely awful to me might be the greatest image in the world to someone else. However, along with each album cover I'll be compiling, I'll be discussing why I strongly dislike the artwork and possibly even what could've been done to improve it, even offering some comparisons to similar but superior artwork to show that I'm not completely talking out of my arse.


1. ...Very 'Eavy ...Very 'Umble - Uriah Heep

The debut album from 70s Hard Prog outfit, Uriah Heep (expect a review of their new album coming soon!). Compared to some of their later albums with fantastic, magical imagery to compliment their Sword & Sorcery themed music, this album cover just looks off-putting. I don't know about you but when I pick up an album, I like to do it without feeling that I immediately need to scrub my hands clean afterwards. Thankfully I've never touched this album physically but just looking at the cobweb covered face of what may be a corpse within the narrative of the cover doesn't entice me to listen to the material contained within. You can also compare this album cover to the similar close-up of a horrified face on In The Court Of The Crimson King by King Crimson. The art style of that album cover and the lack of any additional gross aspects (like sticky cobwebs) makes it striking and intriguing rather than murky and gross.


2. World On Fire - Slash featuring Myles Kennedy and The Conspirators

I know what you're thinking; why am I featuring this album in a list of terrible album artwork instead of Slash's new album, Living The Dream? Don't worry, I'll get onto the terrible album artwork of that one once I review the album on the blog. For now, let's look at this piece of shit. When the single "World On Fire" dropped, the artwork contained a smiley face with a skull inside it (pictured as a tiny, easily missable pic in the top left corner of the album here) and it looked pretty neat! I was expecting a similar treatment of the rest of the band, smiley faces with skeletal influences for all the band members, similar to Deep Purple albums In Rock and Burn or even the Guns N' Roses debut Appetite For Destruction. Instead, we get a load of random junk that's inexplicably themed around The Simpsons. It's ugly and tacky, although I think the ugliness comes from most of the junk being melted. I'm giving the album the benefit of the doubt and guessing the melted crap is because the World is On Fire...get it? Yeah, still a lame cover.


3. Power Metal - Pantera

This is Pantera's fourth studio album. Their fourth. They recorded and released three studio albums before this and this is what the thought was good enough to sell their fourth record. I know most people immediately leap to Metal Magic as the example of terrible album artwork and don't get me wrong, the artwork DOES suck for that one too. However, by the fourth album, you should be trying a bit harder than a black background and a photo of the band doing their best Blue Steels inside a red explosion frame straight outta Microsoft Word. Thankfully, the band did a complete U-turn on their image and music for their next album, Cowboys From Hell. That doesn't mean they get a free pass for what has to be the most embarrassing start for a Metal band in all the history of a genre. Never forget that before they released mediocre Groove Metal amplified by a talented guitarist, they released three Hair Metal albums and one Heavy Metal (not Power Metal) one. Utter shambles.


4. Blind Faith - Blind Faith

I was hesitant about including the actual album artwork on this blog as this is a picture of a naked 11 year old girl (similar to original album artwork for Virgin Killer - Scorpions, featuring a naked 12 year old girl) in front of what appears to be the Windows XP background about 30 years before the picture was even taken. I'm not entirely sure why these Rock bands want naked pubescent girls as the face of their records, as I wouldn't normally associate Blind Faith or Scorpions with wanting an audience of pedos, but the fact that there is no alternate artwork for this album does it no favours. The artwork should've been...I mean, literally anything else. Literally any other picture that has nothing to do with naked schoolgirls, it's fucking obvious. Anyway, since I had to search for this album cover and ended up finding multiple versions that were all unusable, I'm probably on some kind of register now. Bye guys, it was nice writing for you all!


5. Pinewood Smile - The Darkness

Man, I loved this album but fucking hated the artwork. Where do we start? First off, we've got a smile that looks seedy and kinda gross with the facial hair up-close. Then we've got the weird photoshopping of the band onto the smile in ways that don't quite belong. Finally, there's the complete shift in style from previous artwork such as Last Of Our Kind which featured a great drawing of a fighter pilot similar to Ed Repka's drawings of Vic Rattlehead. I will always prefer a beautifully drawn image over a weird, unsettling and poorly shopped image that may or may not have relevance to the album title. Seriously, if the smile was drawn in an exaggerated, caricatured fashion, this artwork would be a lot better. You know I'm right.


6. Lita - Lita Ford

Whilst it's not quite as disgusting or off-putting as previous album covers listed, I've always had a problem with the album artwork for Lita simply because it's the least sexy cover that's trying to be sexy I can honestly think of. Before you start accusing me of all sorts, I have no problem with Lita Ford's general appearance (she looks pretty damn hot in other album artwork, especially the art for the "Kiss Me Deadly" single). However, the photographer and producer who ended up signing off on this picture being the choice for the album needed a stern talking to. The attractive Lita Ford looks miserable and awkward in this pose, completely the opposite of what they should've been going for. I'm not sure if this is Lita attempting to riff on objectifying and borderline misogynistic uses of women on album covers from the past but it doesn't quite go far enough to drive the point home for me. Instead, it looks like a desperate cougar mom's photoshoot currently mid-midlife crisis.


7. Volcanic Rock - Buffalo

Yup, that's a rock penis being held up by the muscled person with the pubes. That's not all, the volcano pictured represents a menstruating woman as shown by the rear side of the album. It's been heavily criticised in the past for being misogynistic (a word that frequently comes up when discussing terrible Rock album artwork) but much like the band themselves, those complaints faded away and died a death of obscurity...until I went ahead and reminded people that this band and album still exist! Offensive depictions of sexuality aside, the album artwork isn't all that bad. The colour scheme is great and the title Volcanic Rock is a good name for the record; it's just a shame they had to ruing everything by representing the album's title with a stone cock and pussuvius.


8. Lick It Up - KISS

This is just one of the laziest, dullest ideas for an album cover from a band as flamboyant and excessive as KISS. All four band members posing in front of the camera with only one visible tongue on an album called Lick It Up. This is a somewhat iconic album in the KISS collection due to it being the first time they've gone without their signature makeup since taking off. Here's the kicker though; about three years before this album came out, KISS released an album called Unmasked. If EVER there was a time to show the band without makeup, it would've been for that album cover. For Lick It Up, there should've been some stylised drawing featuring tongues and, maybe, a bit of "sexiness" or something other than this last minute attempt at album art. Hell, they could've pulled a Motley Crue and parodied The Rolling Stones with a KISS coloured giant tongue in a grinning mouth. That would've been pretty neat, albeit legally questionable.


9. Mosquito - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

I only found out about this album cover fairly recently and I hate it. However, I can acknowledge that there are some positives about it. For starters, the CGI imagery is pretty crisp and the perspective makes for an interesting angle. However, none of that is enough to redeem the fact that Yeah Yeah Yeahs signed off on an album cover featuring a gigantic mosquito sucking the blood out of a crying child's rectum mid-feed of what looks like radioactive baby food. There's a difference between unsettling album artwork like Americana - The Offspring and this, as one is bizarre yet eye-catching whilst the other's just...well, this. Also, are they ever-so-slightly piggybacking on the iconic album artwork of Nevermind - Nirvana? Maybe I'm reading too much into it, although the whole anus-sucking thing still applies. This is the kind of artwork I'd expect to see on a Shock Rock nobody's record, not some Indie twinks' fourth LP.


10. I Get Wet - Andrew W.K.

Just have a good look at this prick. With his greasy wet hair and his ruby red lips, how can anyone not want to smack him one? Maybe that's why his nose is bleeding all down his face and fucking neck, someone had enough of this guy constantly banging on about partying and lamped him. Seriously, if you've ever looked at Andrew W.K.'s Twitter account, it's all shit about partying. All the fucking time, it's some bollocks about "party rules" or "never stop partying" and all sorts of crap like he's still desperately clinging to the one song that people know him for. Remember his appearance at E3 when he played that song for the shooter? Can you remember either the name of his song OR the shooter? Guess what, it had thudding percussion and piano in it, almost exactly like his other song. Where was I? Oh yeah, this album cover sucks. Even if my theory about it being a reference to Andrew's punchability is true, it's still off putting to look at and the fact that he looks like  90s Dave Grohl doesn't sit well with me. This should've been an inside sleeve and the outside should've had him looking perfectly fine.


I may do another one of these blog posts in the future if I can find enough examples of terrible album artwork to fill second list WITHOUT resorting to using one from Cannibal Corpse. I'll feature indecent pictures of young girls over one of their fucking covers, Jesus.

Rock Productions presents...

A while ago, I wrote a blog post about various popular genres of Rock as if they were members of a family, picking similar aspects from both parties and comparing them for shits and giggles. I enjoyed writing it and had a think about similar posts I could write with a familiar theme without just relying on the same observations from the first post.
In the end, I decided to move from using Rock genres to actual Rock bands. However, I won't be comparing bands to family members. Nope, I'll be turning well known bands into films! Not specific films, though. Rather official and unofficial film genres that I would list to give you some examples of what I mean but that'd be silly, considering I have the content underneath this paragraph.
So without further waffling, here's another attempt at music humour that you shouldn't take too seriously (especially the last one, even I know I'm pushing an analogy a bit too far there)!


COMING SOON!

AC/DC
From the makers of "Action Films"

A guns-blazing production with plenty to keep men and young adults entertained. There are plenty of scenes that are memorable and a talented cast who know how to deliver an explosive bundle of action. However, whilst they know how to write a solid fight scene or car chase, you'd be hard pressed to find a fan of their recent work over their classics from the 80's and early 90's. Sure, the new films have their moments but nowadays the majority of their material feels repetitive. With so many other directors making action-packed movies that challenge the viewer with new stunts and visual effects, perhaps it's time for these films to reach their conclusion...especially since the key actor integral to the band's popularity has quit due to age-related poor health and their latest picture is dull as fuck.


Uriah Heep
From the makers of "Sci-Fi Films"

A bizarre genre with stories that might turn the casual cinema-goer off with all the strange creatures on the poster but if you like complexity in your art, these are the movies for you. That being said, there are more complex films from that time and genre that more passionate fans will most likely prefer. Over time, they've become a bit more mainstream and the improved budget has allowed for a stronger quality of production, even if the script has suffered slightly. At the end of the day, both the perplexing films from the 70's and the simpler movies from the 10's are entertaining in their own ways, even if they're not as popular as other flicks.


Foo Fighters
From the makers of "Comedy Films"

Everyone loves a good comedy and time after time, these filmmakers have created a solid hit with lots of quotable moments. It's hard to name the most iconic comedy as there are plenty of contenders for the title but everyone has their own personal favourite which they'll treasure over someone else's. However, for every laugh out loud scene, there's usually a dud moment that will be easily forgotten. There are also comedies that have been repeated in the media too much and are starting to bore viewers...well, most viewers. There'll always be people laughing at the same mediocre jokes out there. Sadly, their latest movie reeks of self-indulgence and whilst it is well made and clearly inspired by early material, I doubt there'll be many more films like this one. I hope not, anyway.


Aerosmith
From the makers of "Romantic Comedy Films"

The wussiest, softest, most wimpy yet simultaneously popular genre of film out there. OK, there are some great ones out there. Ones with balls that aren't all about romantic platitudes but there are way too many soft movies out there to ever consider this an aggressive, cool or even rebellious type of film. To clarify, this isn't a bad genre nor is there anything wrong with liking this genre or enjoying one of these films. They're great filmmakers and all but they also seem like the kind of artists who'd cry during sex or send roses on Valentine's Day. There's just so much that makes you groan with these films that whenever I see a trailer for a new one (or any movie news to do with the individual filmmakers), my mind automatically conjures feelings of fatigue and irritation.


Slipknot
From the makers of "Horror Films"

It'd be very easy to look at trailers for these and think "Ugh, who'd want to see that? Anyone who enjoys this kind of entertainment is stupid" but once you get past all the prosthetic masks and shocking moments, the films are often quite good. The classics are imaginative and well written, occasionally tackling issues other than death in an educated but dynamic manner. Much like other genres, they have scenes that stand out more than others and are renowned in the Horror Film community but these are the kind of movies that you probably need to watch from start to finish to get the most out of. Personally, I'm not into this kind of genre but I have total respect for it and the people who make it...provided they continue to challenge viewers by subverting the tropes surrounding their appearance.


The White Stripes
From the makers of "Buddy Cop Films"

Meet Jack White! He's a stern, serious cop with strong opinions about the justice system and a knack for what he does.
Meet Meg White! She's a lazy, talentless cop who's only there because she has family connections to the station and can just about do what any basic officer would master on day one of training.
Both cops are different...but what happens when you put them both together to solve a series of cases that seem strange on the surface but are actually incredibly basic when you watch them?
Together, these two wild cards will take you on a fun and dynamic journey as one of the officers does all the legwork and the other just shows up.
Jack and Meg star in...White Stripes! Rated PG-13.


Queen
From the makers of "Pixar, Aardman Animations & Occasionally Dreamworks Family Films"

These are your all-round well-made movies that can be enjoyed by pretty much anyone with a brain. There's something for young audiences who like memorable scenes they can tell their friends and repeat to themselves for weeks, there's something for old audiences who want non-aggressive, unoffensive material to sit back and enjoy and there's something for everyone in between who appreciates the occasional mature reference and poignant statement about life or politics without hammering it down their throat. Despite the appearance of some of their most popular pieces, these films are indisputably works of art and deserve all the acclaim they're getting.


My Chemical Romance
From the makers of "Every Other Mainstream Animated Family Film"

These are just aimed at children, overly emotional teens, simpletons or all of the above. This wouldn't be a problem & once in a blue moon there's a decent one of these that breaks the mould but this triumph is often cancelled out by the legion of idiots spouting off about a new movie that's just been/will be released for fucking months. Even if you want to avoid these loud and predictable films, it'll be impossible as everywhere will be playing adverts or rapidly tiresome sound bites from this packaged shite. People might defend these films and try to add intellectual meaning to them, claiming that there's actually more to it than superficial shouting about romance problems but chances are they're the target audience and they'll see whatever they want to see in these, regardless of whether it's there or not.


So that's what's on at the cinema for now. I'm unsure if we'll see another preview of upcoming films (as it took bloody months to put these together) but never say never! After all, if Spider-Man can end up in The Avengers, many other bands can end up on this blog!

Tenology: My Ten Favourite Rock/Metal Songs Of 2014

If you're like me when it comes to opinions about music journalism then chances are you find posts on blogs/websites along the lines of "Ten Best Songs Of [A YEAR/DECADE]" to be all the same. A bunch of Indie songs, some generic pop and usually Kanye Fucking West.

NOT THIS ONE!

Rather than pretend to be some sophisticated tosser who is all about how deep and lyrically influential music is, I plan on writing about my 10 favourite songs of the year that fall strictly within the Rock/Metal parameter...though chances are I'll still sound like a snob at times. There's a strong possibility that none of them will be on any official Top Songs Of 2014 lists as the spaces on those lists are reserved for paragraphs overly praising how great David Bowie is for releasing an album over 30 years after he stopped making good music or how innovative and talented the Foo Fighters are for capturing the pure, raw sound of Dave Grohl stroking his dick across eight songs.
Anyway, here are the songs that came out within the last 12 months that I would recommend to people above all other upcoming bands/artists. Once again, I remind you that these are in no order of greatness as I think they're all awesome:


1. "30 Years To Life" - Slash

One of the singles off World On Fire (I'll just leave this little review here for anyone who may have missed it) and probably my favourite song from the album. Granted it starts off a little shaky but luckily it soon finds its feet after the intro. The reason I preferred this song to others on the album probably comes down to the reprise at the end. The song's continual build-up manages to turn the worst part of the track into the best, leaving you with good memories of the tune you just heard...at least it did for me, anyway.


2. "1000hp" - Godsmack

Time for a bit of Metal! I don't know much about the music of Godsmack but I do know this song has about as much power as you can possibly want for modern Metal. My favourite aspect of this song is easily the way each drum beat in the intro and verse sounds like a hefty punch. In fact, the drumming throughout the whole song is as tight as a banker's pocket but when you listen to the track, you'll know what I mean. Some may argue that it sounds stiff but I'd rather that than it sounding sloppy and overly reliant on cymbal crashes.
Oh yeah, and the other band members are great too.


3. "Crash Landing" - Toseland

Whilst all the pictures of the guy make him look like a self-obsessed cunt too big-headed even for TOWIE, his music definitely earns its place here. Unlike other entries in this list where one or two instruments clearly dominate the others, this song is a perfect example of how each member of the band contributes an even share towards making a great tune. Yes, the guitar and vocals tend to stand out more but once you listen to the drums and bass all the way through, you'll realise they're pulling their weight just as much as Mr Essex himself.


4. "Deceived" - Red Dragon Cartel

More Metal! From the opening riff, you know you're gonna be in for a treat and luckily, the rest of the song delivers! If anything, it sounds like some modern Ozzy Osbourne but with about 30% more balls (you can thank the work of ex-Ozzy guitarist Jake E. Lee for those balls!). The only thing I would say is that the song kind of ends on a low note, despite building up so much energy. If it had the outro it deserved, I'd definitely recommend it above most other tracks on this list.


5. "Dragonaut" - Judas Priest

The only notable song on the entire fucking album. However, it's a hell of a song! You've got everything you could want from Judas Priest on it (aside from a bit more Halford falsetto but at least the band knew it wouldn't suit this song before they said "Fuck it, do it anyway" for the title track). I was tempted to leave it off this list until I realised that I've been listening to it regularly since I first purchased it in July. That makes it a top song, in my books.


6. "Heaven Knows" - The Pretty Reckless

The first song on this list that isn't all about speed and action but that doesn't mean it's not powerful. With plenty of explosive and arguably "epic" moments, this memorable track will get your feet stomping and if you don't end up humming along, chances are the chorus will stick around in your head later on that day. I'm surprised this song hasn't been used in more ads for TV shows or films, if I'm honest.


7. "Looking At You" - Uriah Heep

I was tempted to review Uriah Heep's latest album, Outsider, on this blog but decided against it in the end. If you want a shortened version, all you need to know is that there are three songs that stand out (and two of those were singles). "One Minute", "Can't Take That Away" and this one. All the others generally sound like Whitesnake knock-offs whereas "Looking At You" boasts some fine work from all instruments, particularly bass and keys.


8. "Midnight Meditation" - The Vintage Caravan

Above all else, it's the main guitar riff and drum combo that I enjoy more than the wailing vocals and fuzzy bass. Sadly, the rest of the album this came from isn't worth discussing but at least this shining jewel could be found in the grey slop that was Voyage. What I would say about the song is that it seems to go on a little bit too long. The bridge in the middle with the guitar solo is cool but perhaps the final verse could've been trimmed or adapted into an outro.


9. "Remember Me" - Black Stone Cherry

Gun to head, if I was forced to pick my favourite song of the year then this would probably be it. It's comparable to a lot of modern Hard Rock songs that rely on heavy chords and shouting but unlike those, the chords are accompanied by individual guitarwork and the shouting is fuelled by emotion rather than the need to sing about something. The only major downside to this song is that the album version contains about one minute and twenty seconds of atmospheric and unnecessary feedback at the end. It completely ruins the otherwise fantastic tune, but not enough for it to be omitted from this list.


10. "Too Many Clowns" - Magnum

I can't say I'm too fond of Magnum as their older songs are a little bit too synthy for my tastes. This song, however, has next to none of that. It's just good ol' Rock! If anything, this song sounds like ZZ Top or even Status Quo if they were fucking awesome as opposed to just awesome*. Raspy vocals perfect for Hard Rock and heavy riffing make up for the weak solo and I knew once this album came out, I had to have the song.

So those are my 10 favourite tracks released in 2014 BUT I've picked five others that deserve a mention and a listen from you if you've agreed with at least 7/10 of my choices so far:


"A Shot At Redemption" - H.E.A.T
Quite similar to "Heaven Knows" but not as grand or imposing. Instead, it beefs up the fretwork and increases the tempo to footstomping speed. If I'd ordered this list in terms of greatness, I reckon this would've made #11.


"Calling Out" - Electric River
If I'm ever involved in a dynamic motorbike chase across a near-futuristic motorway then I'd probably want this song to be playing. This song is probably more appropriate than some of the others on my list as it sounds more like Modern Rock compared to, say, Uriah Heep.


"Electric Man" - Rival Sons
I should really thank radio station Planet Rock for playing many of these songs as they're my primary source for discovering new music. The reason I bring them up now is because they've caught onto Rival Sons and have played many of their tunes from previous albums, as well as this great one. Whilst this isn't my favourite song by the band in general, it's definitely my favourite they've released this year that I've heard.


"The Outlaw" - The Treatment
A song presumably written with the sole intent of kicking ass, "The Outlaw" would've fought it out with "Deceived" on my list. I think the line "I'm the Outlaw, don'tcha know" in the chorus stopped this song from making the list. Other than that lyric, it's a great track.


"Two Doves On A Lake" - Archie Bronson Outfit
Quite kooky and definitely Wolfmotherish, this song was just a little bit too off-the-wall for my list. Not that that's a bad thing, of course. I like songs that are a bit different as much as ones that stick to conventions but in this case, I preferred the aforementioned tracks to this one. However, I would say fans of Stoner Metal and Hard Prog check this song out. Who knows, maybe other material by the Archie Bronson Outfit are worth a listen in general!

So that's my brief musical summary of 2014. We had highs and lows but what about 2015?
Well, we've got new albums from Metallica, Def Leppard, Queen featuring some other guy, possibly Iron Maiden, Saxon and other bands too, not to mention all the new acts who'll release their debuts this year and quite possibly a few other surprises along the way too.
Here's to another year of monthly blog posts! Hooraaaaaay!


*on occasion