Easter Is Cancelled - The Darkness

Taking a break from charting Clone Hero customs to review my second favourite album of 2019 so far!
Oh shit, sorry. Spoilers.

A song about calling for the execution of a musical genre.
A song about falling in love with a girl who's hardcore into Death Metal.
A song about the state of the planet and mankind sung from the perspective of Jesus.
A song about the tragic loss of one's deck chair on a particularly windy day.
These and many more can be found on Easter Is Cancelled, the latest album by UK based semi-Comedy Rock band, The Darkness. As you can tell by the artwork above (a huge improvement on the horrible cover from Pinewood Smile), this is an album by a band that aren't ready to take themselves or the musical genre they're so adept at producing seriously any time soon. Much like their last two albums, there's a healthy blend of songs with silly lyrics about mundane British life and absolute bangers with heavy riffs and furious solos.
Album opener and lead single "Rock And Roll Deserves To Die" is definitely the latter, as the song's built around multiple acoustic guitar melodies before charging into a thundering post-chorus riff paired with Justin Hawkins' trademark screeching falsetto. Lyrically, it's grandiose and the subject matter of the song is hardly one to treat with sincerity (especially since the band full-on backpedal on their decree by the album's final track, "We Are The Guitar Men") but it's not designed to have you tittering to yourself like a fool. Hell, nothing on this album is, really.

Compared to the last album that had songs about the terrible UK train service and wanting to have sex with the mums of the younger fans, the humour on this album is a little more subtle. Sure, there are straight up hilarious lines such as "None more Metal, elegance and grace, we make sweet love to Hammer Smashed Face" ("Heavy Metal Lover") but the majority of the humour comes from lines like "You've bitten off more than you can chew, I hope my heart was a tasty hors d'oeuvre, You don't wanna hug, You need the Heimlich manoeuvre" ("Choke On It"); a bizarre but perfect blend of clever rhyming and lyrical structure to make an absolutely ridiculous point.
Ordinarily, I'd compare Rock music with a comical tone to the bigger bands that have dominated the Comedy Rock scene such as Spinal Tap and Tenacious D but I honestly feel like a far more fitting comparison for this album would be mid 70s Queen. No, the vocals aren't as strong as Freddie's and the guitar riffs aren't as classic as Brian May's but the tone of the album feels almost exactly on par with records such as A Night At The Opera. Songs with great melodies and poetic lyrics sandwiched between Arena Rock anthems designed to make the crowds go fucking crazy.
The riff-based piledrivers such as title track "Easter Is Cancelled" leave a great lasting impression and the melodic rockers such as "We Are The Guitar Men" have great repeat value. The sillier songs such as "Deck Chair" are probably the weaker entries due to being focused primarily on the humorous lyrics over the music but at least they make for a great listen once or twice before the joke wears thin. However, the biggest flaw of the album is that they saved some of the best songs for the Deluxe Edition such as Folk number "Sutton Hoo", a punchy little number telling a story about aliens visiting an Anglo-Saxon ship in the past (totally something Brian May could've written).

Easter Is Cancelled is an absolute joy to listen to. Hard Rock belters full of explosive action, catchy acoustic melodies for the music enthusiast in you to enjoy and plenty of mild chuckles along the way; it's basically the musical equivalent to a well-made superhero film. There are a couple of mediocre Rock numbers that are easily forgettable ("Heart Explodes", "In Another Life") but nothing that's bad or poorly made. However, these songs could've and should've been replaced by at least one song that was a bit meatier; maybe a Hard Rock chugger about vampires of Rock or something.
Whilst it doesn't exactly push any boundaries or showcase the band's willingness to experiment like I expected them to, any band that can write and produce a Queen album deserves credit. I rate the album 8/10 (same as Pinewood Smile) and would've given it a 9 if the band decided to include all 14 songs on one album instead of trying to milk fans for more cash. Yes, I still think criticising bands and penalising albums for releasing Deluxe Editions with new music is justifiable, deal with it.

Tenology: Terrible Album Artwork

As requested by @ataeaf on Twitter, the latest Tenology post is taking a look at album artwork from Rock/Metal albums that doesn't quite do the music any favours.
Before I start, it should be noted that this post is largely going to be the work of opinion (as always). Art is subjective and what may be absolutely awful to me might be the greatest image in the world to someone else. However, along with each album cover I'll be compiling, I'll be discussing why I strongly dislike the artwork and possibly even what could've been done to improve it, even offering some comparisons to similar but superior artwork to show that I'm not completely talking out of my arse.


1. ...Very 'Eavy ...Very 'Umble - Uriah Heep

The debut album from 70s Hard Prog outfit, Uriah Heep (expect a review of their new album coming soon!). Compared to some of their later albums with fantastic, magical imagery to compliment their Sword & Sorcery themed music, this album cover just looks off-putting. I don't know about you but when I pick up an album, I like to do it without feeling that I immediately need to scrub my hands clean afterwards. Thankfully I've never touched this album physically but just looking at the cobweb covered face of what may be a corpse within the narrative of the cover doesn't entice me to listen to the material contained within. You can also compare this album cover to the similar close-up of a horrified face on In The Court Of The Crimson King by King Crimson. The art style of that album cover and the lack of any additional gross aspects (like sticky cobwebs) makes it striking and intriguing rather than murky and gross.


2. World On Fire - Slash featuring Myles Kennedy and The Conspirators

I know what you're thinking; why am I featuring this album in a list of terrible album artwork instead of Slash's new album, Living The Dream? Don't worry, I'll get onto the terrible album artwork of that one once I review the album on the blog. For now, let's look at this piece of shit. When the single "World On Fire" dropped, the artwork contained a smiley face with a skull inside it (pictured as a tiny, easily missable pic in the top left corner of the album here) and it looked pretty neat! I was expecting a similar treatment of the rest of the band, smiley faces with skeletal influences for all the band members, similar to Deep Purple albums In Rock and Burn or even the Guns N' Roses debut Appetite For Destruction. Instead, we get a load of random junk that's inexplicably themed around The Simpsons. It's ugly and tacky, although I think the ugliness comes from most of the junk being melted. I'm giving the album the benefit of the doubt and guessing the melted crap is because the World is On Fire...get it? Yeah, still a lame cover.


3. Power Metal - Pantera

This is Pantera's fourth studio album. Their fourth. They recorded and released three studio albums before this and this is what the thought was good enough to sell their fourth record. I know most people immediately leap to Metal Magic as the example of terrible album artwork and don't get me wrong, the artwork DOES suck for that one too. However, by the fourth album, you should be trying a bit harder than a black background and a photo of the band doing their best Blue Steels inside a red explosion frame straight outta Microsoft Word. Thankfully, the band did a complete U-turn on their image and music for their next album, Cowboys From Hell. That doesn't mean they get a free pass for what has to be the most embarrassing start for a Metal band in all the history of a genre. Never forget that before they released mediocre Groove Metal amplified by a talented guitarist, they released three Hair Metal albums and one Heavy Metal (not Power Metal) one. Utter shambles.


4. Blind Faith - Blind Faith

I was hesitant about including the actual album artwork on this blog as this is a picture of a naked 11 year old girl (similar to original album artwork for Virgin Killer - Scorpions, featuring a naked 12 year old girl) in front of what appears to be the Windows XP background about 30 years before the picture was even taken. I'm not entirely sure why these Rock bands want naked pubescent girls as the face of their records, as I wouldn't normally associate Blind Faith or Scorpions with wanting an audience of pedos, but the fact that there is no alternate artwork for this album does it no favours. The artwork should've been...I mean, literally anything else. Literally any other picture that has nothing to do with naked schoolgirls, it's fucking obvious. Anyway, since I had to search for this album cover and ended up finding multiple versions that were all unusable, I'm probably on some kind of register now. Bye guys, it was nice writing for you all!


5. Pinewood Smile - The Darkness

Man, I loved this album but fucking hated the artwork. Where do we start? First off, we've got a smile that looks seedy and kinda gross with the facial hair up-close. Then we've got the weird photoshopping of the band onto the smile in ways that don't quite belong. Finally, there's the complete shift in style from previous artwork such as Last Of Our Kind which featured a great drawing of a fighter pilot similar to Ed Repka's drawings of Vic Rattlehead. I will always prefer a beautifully drawn image over a weird, unsettling and poorly shopped image that may or may not have relevance to the album title. Seriously, if the smile was drawn in an exaggerated, caricatured fashion, this artwork would be a lot better. You know I'm right.


6. Lita - Lita Ford

Whilst it's not quite as disgusting or off-putting as previous album covers listed, I've always had a problem with the album artwork for Lita simply because it's the least sexy cover that's trying to be sexy I can honestly think of. Before you start accusing me of all sorts, I have no problem with Lita Ford's general appearance (she looks pretty damn hot in other album artwork, especially the art for the "Kiss Me Deadly" single). However, the photographer and producer who ended up signing off on this picture being the choice for the album needed a stern talking to. The attractive Lita Ford looks miserable and awkward in this pose, completely the opposite of what they should've been going for. I'm not sure if this is Lita attempting to riff on objectifying and borderline misogynistic uses of women on album covers from the past but it doesn't quite go far enough to drive the point home for me. Instead, it looks like a desperate cougar mom's photoshoot currently mid-midlife crisis.


7. Volcanic Rock - Buffalo

Yup, that's a rock penis being held up by the muscled person with the pubes. That's not all, the volcano pictured represents a menstruating woman as shown by the rear side of the album. It's been heavily criticised in the past for being misogynistic (a word that frequently comes up when discussing terrible Rock album artwork) but much like the band themselves, those complaints faded away and died a death of obscurity...until I went ahead and reminded people that this band and album still exist! Offensive depictions of sexuality aside, the album artwork isn't all that bad. The colour scheme is great and the title Volcanic Rock is a good name for the record; it's just a shame they had to ruing everything by representing the album's title with a stone cock and pussuvius.


8. Lick It Up - KISS

This is just one of the laziest, dullest ideas for an album cover from a band as flamboyant and excessive as KISS. All four band members posing in front of the camera with only one visible tongue on an album called Lick It Up. This is a somewhat iconic album in the KISS collection due to it being the first time they've gone without their signature makeup since taking off. Here's the kicker though; about three years before this album came out, KISS released an album called Unmasked. If EVER there was a time to show the band without makeup, it would've been for that album cover. For Lick It Up, there should've been some stylised drawing featuring tongues and, maybe, a bit of "sexiness" or something other than this last minute attempt at album art. Hell, they could've pulled a Motley Crue and parodied The Rolling Stones with a KISS coloured giant tongue in a grinning mouth. That would've been pretty neat, albeit legally questionable.


9. Mosquito - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

I only found out about this album cover fairly recently and I hate it. However, I can acknowledge that there are some positives about it. For starters, the CGI imagery is pretty crisp and the perspective makes for an interesting angle. However, none of that is enough to redeem the fact that Yeah Yeah Yeahs signed off on an album cover featuring a gigantic mosquito sucking the blood out of a crying child's rectum mid-feed of what looks like radioactive baby food. There's a difference between unsettling album artwork like Americana - The Offspring and this, as one is bizarre yet eye-catching whilst the other's just...well, this. Also, are they ever-so-slightly piggybacking on the iconic album artwork of Nevermind - Nirvana? Maybe I'm reading too much into it, although the whole anus-sucking thing still applies. This is the kind of artwork I'd expect to see on a Shock Rock nobody's record, not some Indie twinks' fourth LP.


10. I Get Wet - Andrew W.K.

Just have a good look at this prick. With his greasy wet hair and his ruby red lips, how can anyone not want to smack him one? Maybe that's why his nose is bleeding all down his face and fucking neck, someone had enough of this guy constantly banging on about partying and lamped him. Seriously, if you've ever looked at Andrew W.K.'s Twitter account, it's all shit about partying. All the fucking time, it's some bollocks about "party rules" or "never stop partying" and all sorts of crap like he's still desperately clinging to the one song that people know him for. Remember his appearance at E3 when he played that song for the shooter? Can you remember either the name of his song OR the shooter? Guess what, it had thudding percussion and piano in it, almost exactly like his other song. Where was I? Oh yeah, this album cover sucks. Even if my theory about it being a reference to Andrew's punchability is true, it's still off putting to look at and the fact that he looks like  90s Dave Grohl doesn't sit well with me. This should've been an inside sleeve and the outside should've had him looking perfectly fine.


I may do another one of these blog posts in the future if I can find enough examples of terrible album artwork to fill second list WITHOUT resorting to using one from Cannibal Corpse. I'll feature indecent pictures of young girls over one of their fucking covers, Jesus.

Tenology: My Ten Favourite Rock/Metal Songs Of 2017

It's not been that long since I did a Tenology post but it's been an entire year since I did one of these specific posts! 2016 was a shitshow and let's face it, 2017 wasn't that much better. It may have been an amazing year for video games (the best since 2009, in my opinion) but it's been a bit weak for Rock/Metal albums. Most of the albums I've reviewed from this year have been average or weak with only a few standout strong entries but fortunately, there have been several brilliant album tracks and singles to list here.
As I've done in the past, this post isn't a reflection of the Top 10 songs of the year ranked according to sales, fan reception or even my personal opinion. Yes, I've chosen these songs based on my opinion and taste but I'm not listing them in any particular order. They're just ten songs I liked more than anything else I heard this year. If I've missed anything that you think I'd like or should at least draw attention to in the Honourable Mentions section later on, feel free to leave a comment or message me via Twitter.
But now it's time to find out which songs I enjoyed this year in between playing video games and being depressed!


1. "La Dee Da" - Foo Fighters

One of the big album releases this year was Concrete And Gold - Foo Fighters. If you didn't read my review of it, all you really need to know is it's terrible. It's a tepid affair full of bland, easily forgettable material...except the one track that stands out. "La Dee Da" is a fast paced proper Rock song that blows all the cobwebs of boredom formed by the gloomy Alternative dirge away. Granted it comes in the middle of the album so those cobwebs form again pretty quickly but it's still the highlight of the record and, in a year where great music was somewhat lacking, it's enough to make this list.


2. "She's $$$" - Kenny Wayne Shepherd

I feel like each year has to have at least one really good Blues Rock number and 2017 is no exception. Kenny Wayne Shepherd provided us with a track that took the rhythmic foundations of "Call Me The Breeze" - J.J. Cale and added some fancy instrumental sections, heavier percussion and new lyrics before presenting us with a catchy tune to tap your feet to. I'll even excuse the seemingly pointless use of "$$$" in the title when "She's Money" would've looked much better!


3. "Nowhere" - Cheap Trick

No, this isn't a track off Cheap Trick's mediocre Christmas album. It's off another album they released this year entitled We're All Alright that I neglected to review or even listen to. There may be better songs off the album but this one's not half bad. It's a punchy number that harks back to their early days as a rough-edged Rock outfit before they turned up the charm and churned out Dream Police. It's only a short tune but it's still an enjoyable one!


4. "Heavy Fire" - Black Star Riders

Whilst my favourite song off the latest Black Star Riders album came out last year, "Heavy Fire" is a close second which makes it number one for this year. It opens up with a thunderous riff before the rest of the band explode onto the scene and it only gets better from there. This is the kind of song that opens live shows with all guns blazing and I don't just mean shows promoting this album; this could be one of the band's most badass songs! It's just a shame they had to slow things down with an awkward middle section before bringing it back around with a heavy reprise but hey, at least they got 2/3 of the song spot on!


5. "Who's The (Bat) Man" - Patrick Stump

I'm not sure whether this technically counts (as it was a track on the soundtrack for The Lego Batman Movie) but since it functions as a song, I'm including it. Plus it's arguably heavier/more awesome than the majority of tracks in this post! If you haven't seen The Lego Batman Movie, it opens with an action scene involving Batman fighting all of his villains whilst rocking out to his Let's Go Nuts mix, featuring this song that he sings and apparently plays the guitar solo for too. It amplifies everything great about the scene in a way that's not only hilarious but also pretty damn epic, if you'll pardon the term. But here's the biggest surprise: the song is credited to Patrick Stump, lead vocalist/guitarist for Fall Out Boy. Yeah, the frontman for Fall Out Boy had this material up his fucking sleeve but instead resorts to whiny Emo shite for fake tattoo-sleeve wearing twelve year olds.


6. "The Last Song For My Resting Place" - Black Country Communion

I've heard a few decent Black Country Communion tracks but I'm making the active decision to not get into them on account of my personal hatred for Glenn Hughes. From what I hear, it's not just me who has a problem with him as Black Country Communion previously called it quits after a dispute between Glenn and guitarist, Joe Bonamassa. However, since then, they've decided to patch things up and record another album which speaks volumes about Joe's ability to forgive as there's no reason he needs to pause his solo career just to appease an egotistical tosser who's desperately trying to prove he's as talented as he thinks he is. Anyway, I listened to the album recently and it's passable at best. There are a couple of solid tracks including "The Crow", a song that shamelessly rips off "Bulls On Parade" - Rage Against The Machine but gets a pass from me purely because they made that RATM track better. However, "The Last Song For My Resting Place" is easily the highlight. It's an eight-minute emotional powerhouse that puts Glenn exactly where he needs to be; right at the back propping up a much more talented vocalist/musician (Joe Bonamassa) with bass and backing vocals.


7. "The Way You Used To Do" - Queens Of The Stone Age

The Foos weren't the only big American Rock band to release a new album this year! Queens Of The Stone Age delivered a new record with heavy Pop influences but still firmly in the Rock genre (review here). This song was the lead single and is probably the most enjoyable track out of the bunch, even if there are other tracks that are decent too. Josh Homme's guitarwork is relatively simplistic but when paired with the catchy rhythm, it's enough to carry the song from start to finish. I was torn between this track and "The Evil Has Landed", as that's another strong tune from Villains, but I went with this purely because I've found myself wanting to listen to it more than anything else off the album this year.


8. "(She Don't) Gimme No Lovin'" - King King

OK, this song would never top conventional Best Rock Songs Of 2017 lists on account of it being a little uninspired compared to some of the singles released this year but that's part of what makes it enjoyable. It's a good old fashioned Hard Rock track that sounds like it's cherry picked elements of Rock's biggest artists from the 70s and 80s, much like the song from School Of Rock that combined elements from AC/DC tracks to make an all-round crowd pleaser for kids and adults alike. This song feels like that without becoming tame so here it is!


9. "Taking The Blame" - Inglorious

From a paint-by-numbers "Rock" song to this hellraiser, Inglorious have good track record with fast paced, high octane Hard Rock so I wasn't surprised to hear another belter from them this year. I should really check their two albums out but for now, we're all presumably in the same boat of not really knowing an awful lot about them. Fans of my blog will know I'm a sucker for Riff-Based-Rock that doesn't take prisoners so "Taking The Blame" well and truly belongs on my list, although I'd like to give a special shout out to Phil Beaver for some cracking percussion in this song.


10. "Buccaneers Of Hispaniola" - The Darkness

Well shit, I've done it again. I've left my favourite song until last even though I said I wasn't going to do any kind of ranking. Pinewood Smile was easily my favourite album of the year and out of all the songs I loved on it (believe me, there were several I was tempted to include), "Buccaneers Of Hispaniola" is the one I played most of all. Opinions on falsetto singing and comical lyrics aside, The Darkness have proven in the last couple of years that they know how to record a bitchin' tune when they want to and that's exactly what this song is. It's loaded with heavy riffs, sweet solos and awesome vocals. It's the kind of song that wouldn't sound out of place blasted from the heavens as you stormed into the most epic of battles and even though I would probably prefer it a little more if I could slightly tweak the outro vocals (where Justin sings "BUUUH, BUUUH, BUH-BUH, BUH, BUH BUUUUUCCANEERS!"), I doubt I will ever get tired of listening to this, the shining jewel of 2017's contribution to Rock/Metal.

So that's it for 2017...OR IS IT? Of course it fucking isn't! There are still Honourable Mentions to plough through! Here are five songs I almost included before they fell at the last hurdle...or in this immediate case, the first:


"Friends Are Family" - Oh, Hush feat. Will Arnett & Jeff Lewis

Another song off the soundtrack for The Lego Batman Movie. This is played during the closing credits and whilst you could argue that it may fall into the Pop Rock category, I decided to omit it from the main list because I felt like it was a little too close to Pop. However, I still love it to bits. It pisses all over "Everything Is Awesome" from The Lego Movie and actually does a solid job of echoing one of the film's main themes through a catchy chorus and a neat solo played by Alfred the butler...what, it is. Go watch the film and see!


"Head Like A Haunted House" - Queens Of The Stone Age

Yeah, I know I said I was torn between the dancey one and "The Evil Has Landed" but remember, these are Honourable Mentions, not an extension of my ten choices. I've already mentioned that song so now I'm mentioning this one! Villains had an eclectic mix of styles but this song stood out as one with a bit more character than the rest. It's wacky, sure, but it reminds me of 70s Punk what with the amplified bass and kooky sound effects. It's also a fun title, which is somewhat of an anomaly on a QOTSA album. I didn't include this in the main list for the same reason I didn't include "The Evil Has Landed"; I preferred "The Way You Used To Do". Plain and simple.


"Heartland" - Tyler Bryant & The Shakedown

This one's a bit of a late entry but it just made it in at the last minute. Unfortunately, it wasn't quite good enough for me to make the main list but it's still got some strong attributes such as the heavy fuzz and talented Mr Bryant. I don't know if I like the vocals during the chorus to say whether this song will make a stronger impression on me than some of the other songs I've heard this year but at the current time of writing this post, I like the track.


"Southern Trains" - The Darkness

As I said earlier, there were several tracks from Pinewood Smile that could've made this list but only one that I felt deserved an Honourable Mention. For those of you reading this in the UK who have ever been burdened by delayed trains, wasted hours in shitawful stations, disgusting toilets and cramped conditions due to annoying passengers you'd rather stab repeatedly than stand up for, this is the song for you. It's a celebration of everything terrible about the Southern train service in this country packaged as a fast paced Hard Rock/Heavy Metal number in vintage Darkness fashion. Enjoy!


"Thunder Child" - The Bad Flowers

Lastly, we have what I would describe as a solid filler track out of all 15 songs included here. It's got a good riff and a fun rhythm but it just doesn't land as well as the others for me. Maybe that's because I haven't given it as much of a chance as the others on this list although you could argue that songs like "Buccaneers Of Hispaniola" and "Heavy Fire" did more to grab me by the short and curlies straight away, therefore having my full attention for the rest of the track. It's not a bad song and it might even be one of your favourites if you like standard Rock but for now, it's only worthy of an Honourable Mention from me.

And THAT is it for this blog in 2017. We've had some fun moments now and then (ABCs of Producers was a personal highlight) but the next time you'll be reading anything new on here will be 2018...unless you're spending your New Year's Eve going back over some of my older posts that you haven't read yet. If that is the case, I can't say I blame you; NYE is fucking shit and my blog's pretty underrated so it's only natural that you'd rather spend your last day of 2017 reading my unchained opinions on Rock/Metal instead of spending it partying with friends and family.
See you all on the other side!

Pinewood Smile - The Darkness

The main reason this review has taken so long to write is because I didn't know whether I wanted to dedicate an entire blog post to it or cover it in a Rapid Fire post with a couple of other new albums I've heard over the last couple of weeks. In the end, I went with a review because I'd rather write about this album in length than the new Paramore or Pink ones.

Last time I reviewed an album by The Darkness on this blog, I claimed that Last Of Our Kind was a great album to listen to if you were previously on the fence about the band and wanted to get into them with a blend of awesome Rock music and toned down silliness. Pinewood Smile successfully amplifies both factors, resulting in a collection of great Hard Rock songs that you can't take seriously if you listen to the lyrics. However, worst album cover in the world aside, this could well be my favourite Darkness album to date.
Things are off to a good start with album opener/lead single, "All The Pretty Girls". It's a punchy Rock track with catchy vocal hooks/guitar riffs and a uniquely amusing take on the popularity Rock stars gain as they progress through their career rather than your standard "I wanna bang all the chicks and they wanna bang me back" approach synonymous with most over-the-top artists. From there, the album only gets better with a tightly packed wealth of pure Rock and humorous lines, both equally well crafted and blended together.
Other singles "Solid Gold" and "Southern Trains" bring the thunder with their heavy riffs but also contain lyrics laced with profanity in a charmingly British manner whilst other Hard Rock filler tracks throughout the album such as "Japanese Prisoner Of Love" and "Lay Down With Me, Barbara" are a bit more subtle with their humour, relying more on subverting or parodying Rock tropes in Spinal Tapesque fashion rather than dropping F-bombs like Tenacious D. The album utilises both types of funny songwriting well and thankfully they don't try to awkwardly blend them in single songs.

Despite blending humour and quality Hard Rock better than any previous Darkness album, this is still an issue for those of you (like myself) who will always prefer good music over funny lyrics in your Rock albums. Full disclosure: "English Country Garden" is my all-time favourite song by the band and that track contains comically obscene lyrics, although since they're mostly indistinguishable, the awesome music is at the forefront of my mind when I listen to the song. Compare this to tracks that I mentioned earlier where you can very clearly hear the chorus to "Southern Trains" and you might find yourself removed from the experience of listening to a great song due to the funny lyrics.
My favourite song on the album is "Buccaneers Of Hispaniola", a track that screams epic from its name to its riffs throughout; the kind of song that would sound amazing being played whilst charging into battle. Thankfully, that song is entirely reliant on being a great Rock tune and will probably be the next single if the band choose to release one. Other decent songs on the album like "Stampede Of Love" have some great musical moments but I feel like I can't let myself enjoy it as much because it's clearly meant to be a joke song at the end of the album, hence the pointless "frenzy" during the last 20 seconds.
Aside from subjective criticisms about jokes not landing, there's nothing really wrong with the album in the same way that previous reviews have looked at weak songwriting or Pop tendencies. At this point in the band's career, they're still allowed to churn out albums that work without needing to experiment (that's their NEXT album) and this album is still very much The Darkness at the top of their game. Falsetto vocals are still being used effectively in comparison to Permission To Land and the rest of the band are still kicking ass despite going through more drummers than a runaway car ploughing through a queue outside the carpel tunnel syndrome clinic.

Pinewood Smile might sound a bit sillier than their previous album but I feel like the music is tighter too. If there were more tracks like "Buccaneers Of Hispaniola" that were more about rocking hard and less about mildly tickling your funny bone, I probably would've preferred it more on a personal level. However, as objectively as I can see it, this album's still damn good and deserves an 8/10. I recommend this album to people who like Hard Rock but aren't looking for their new favourite record, as it's the kind of music best enjoyed now and then rather than as one complete package.
It's refreshing to hear a new Rock album by an actual Rock band made with a proper Rock producer after multiple albums by stadium fillers like Foo Fighters and Paramore designed to sound more like Pop. Hopefully there'll be more of these coming out around the time of my next review and less of Villains or Beautiful Trauma...that's the new Pink album with that song that's being played fucking everywhere at the moment.

Tenology: My Ten Favourite Rock/Metal Songs Of 2015

Well, here we are. Just over a week into 2016 and so far, nothing feels that different (apart from the crushing absence of Lemmy). Rather than look at some of the albums that I didn't get a chance to listen to last year, I'm kicking things off the same I did last January; a list of 10 songs I loved from 2015, along with a few Honourable Mentions.
I suppose I should mention that any of the songs released in the last year that were included in the previous Taster Session post will be omitted from here, although it's safe to say I loved them. You may also find that several tracks listed here have been mentioned in other posts on this blog, although I'll try to stick to newer ones. As always, my Tenology posts are generally opinion based and these songs reflect what I enjoyed listening to throughout the year. I haven't listed them in order of greatness but you'll probably be able to tell which ones I favoured more than others from my write-up of each song.
It's also worth mentioning that there are bound to be several songs from 2015 that I will really like but have yet to listen to, so if you've got any recommendations then feel free to list them. Anyway, time to start another 2015 countdown!


1. "Cirice" - Ghost B.C.

Yes, I did mention this in a separate Taster Session post and yes, I still like it now as much as I did when I first wrote that. I should've listened to the whole album by now although I seem to recall this band releasing a song called "If You Have Ghosts" which is fucking terrible. I don't know what the original sounds like but it was almost enough for me to completely write off this band, as it sounds less like a Metal anthem and more like a generic Foo Fighters track. However, if you've heard that shitty cover and agree with me then you should know that this song is enough to make you forgive them.


2. "Cold, Clear Light" - Johnny Blazes And The Pretty Boys

OK, I talked about this one a little bit on the blog too. Basically, it's a great Blues track with a semi-decent couple of solos and an incredibly catchy melody. It's also very fun to play on Rock Band, if that kind of thing appeals to you. I'm not sure if the album this comes from (Soul Vernacular) is available on iTunes yet but if you want to buy this track, they have a Bandcamp where you can support them.


3. "Fire And Ice" - FM

Finally, a new song to talk about! I never really got into FM's earlier material but last year, they released another comeback album that actually contained many great tracks such as "Cold Hearted", "Diggin' Up The Dirt" and "Life Is A Highway". However, my favourite off Heroes And Villains is easily "Fire And Ice", a tune which borrows the piano refrain from Joe Cocker's "Woman To Woman" at the start but eventually breaks into its own song after the drums kick in. Definitely an underrated tune from 2015 in my books.


4. "Flying" - The Answer

Aaaand back to tracks already mentioned on the blog, specifically in my review of Raise A Little Hell - The Answer. I didn't spend much time talking about this song, as it was a bonus track on a deluxe edition, but I reckon it was probably my favourite new song by the band. It's a great driving song and deserved a spot on the main tracklist although I guess the band couldn't charge extortionate prices for three new songs if they weren't very good ones now, could they?


5. "High Country" - The Sword

As well as reviewing the new album released in August, I discussed this track in particular on yet another Taster Session post. It's not as heavy as some of their better known material but it's got some powerful riffs (including one that's a wee bit close to a certain Audioslave track) and I still enjoy listening to it. It's probably my favourite tune off the album too so it definitely belongs on this list.


6. "Nearly Forgot My Broken Heart" - Chris Cornell

Another album I should probably check out after the rest. There's a strange sort of fairytale sound to this song thanks to the pizzicato strings and mandolin intro, two things you wouldn't expect to hear in a Rock song. However, Chris Cornell pulls through and creates a song that's both memorable and better after multiple listens. If you haven't heard this song yet, don't expect it to sound like Soundgarden 2 or even Soundgarden Lite, unless Soundgarden went through a soft Alternative Rock phase I'm unaware of.


7. "New Day Rising" - Von Hertzen Brothers

Possibly my favourite song of the year but only in single edit form as the album version goes on a bit too long. Great riffs, awesome vocals, good use of dynamics and I bet it fucking slays when performed live too. I know a few other tracks by this band and I like them too so maybe I should give an album of theirs a listen. If you like this song and want another track to check out, try "Insomniac".


8. "Open Fire" - The Darkness

If you like The Cult or the song "Hooks In You" - Marillion, you'll want to give this track a listen. I talked about it briefly in my review of the album Last Of Our Kind but one thing I can officially confirm is that this album (and this song) helped get me into The Darkness. At first, I couldn't stand the falsetto vocals but "Open Fire" focuses more on the guitar riffs and less on screeching every line. There's a bit of falsetto in the chorus but it fits in well with the rest of the song, unlike others where it just sounds forced. Definitely one of my favourite songs by the band as well as favourites of 2015!


9. "Reapers" - Muse

I was tempted to review Drones - Muse but ended up tweeting my thoughts about it instead. In short, it's a good album but there are still traces of Matt Bellamy's inflated ego littered throughout. However, one of the album highlights is the track "Reapers" which I suspect was originally meant to be the album's title track before they decided to change it to some wanky album outro. A top notch riff reminiscent of "Still Of The Night" - Whitesnake and some great guitar work too. The only downside is the unnecessary outro that sounds a bit like the end of "Blinded In Chains" - Avenged Sevenfold.


10. "Speed Of Light" - Iron Maiden

I may be ending the list on another track I've already discussed twice but goddamn, it's a strong track. Lyrically, it may not fit in with the album's main concepts but as far as singles go, it was enough to get me excited for their new album. At first, I wasn't sure about Bruce's vocals but those doubts were easily extinguished after multiple listens.

Before you tell me that I've missed a song or that one of those tracks doesn't belong on the list, here are some tracks that didn't quite make the cut but were still decent.


"Breakaway" - Inglorious

It's hardly one of the bigger songs of 2015 but among all the comeback albums and surprise singles, this track stood out for me. It's got a great riff, a driving rhythm and some solid vocals too although I wouldn't rate it in the top ranks of my favourite or even highly enjoyable songs. It's mediocre by Hard Rock standards but good for a few listens every now and then, thus making it into my Honourable Mentions.


"Demolition Man" - Razzmattazz

I reviewed the album this came from on the blog as well so that's probably the best place to go if you want to know more about this band. However, this is the song that introduced me to it and for another AC/DC tribute act, these guys definitely bring a punch worthy of the Honourable Mentions section.


"Martyr" - Last In Line

I haven't talked about these guys on the blog yet because I only found out about them a few weeks ago. Basically, Vivian Campbell (Dio & Def Leppard guitarist) has put together a supergroup named after Dio's second album and they'll hopefully be releasing an album entitled Heavy Crown this year. It's something that caught my attention because I seem to recall all the band members being pretty respectable musicians. However, out of both tracks they've released, this is probably the superior recording and even then it's not great. I'll keep an ear out for Heavy Crown but in case I forget, I thought I should mention it here too.


"Orphan" - Toto

I've been waiting to find another great Rock track from Toto for ages (ignoring "Hold The Line" and "Africa", of course) and these guys must have heard me. Unlike some of their more Pop or Prog oriented tracks, "Orphan" definitely belongs to the Rock genre and considering it was released over 30 years after the peak of their career, it's still as strong as their signature songs to me. If I had to expand this list of my favourite songs from 2015, I reckon this would be number 11.


"Sean" - Foo Fighters

In case you missed it, Dave Grohl and his backing band decided to release a 5-song EP of Foos tracks entitled Saint Cecilia that had been unassigned to previous albums but written throughout their career. Since they released it for free without any hype, I wasn't exactly expecting much. However, two tracks ended up on my phone after I listened to the whole EP (the other one being "The Neverending Sigh") and I would recommend listening to it if you preferred the Foo Fighters before they got all shouty and angry. It's a little bit short for it to make it onto the main list but it's still my favourite off the EP.

Next week, I'll try to review one of the albums released towards the end of last year. Either that or something to do with video games, depends on how much time I have.

The Darkness - Blast Of Our Kind Tour

Last night, I had the chance to go and see The Darkness at the O2 Academy in Leeds, where they were promoting their latest album (which I've reviewed on this blog) and putting on a hell of a show in the process. Before I go into details about the main event, I need to talk about the warm-up act; The River 68's.

It's a fact of life that every modern band has a completely shit warm-up act so I wasn't expecting much from this gig. What we ended up getting were two Scottish boys completely in love with themselves playing the same song over and over again but with different lyrics that you couldn't hear over the venue's terrible vocal acoustics. Since there were only two of them on stage, one of the chaps had to play guitar whilst stamping out a bass drum rhythm and the other got to wail away on vocals as he danced and stroked himself to his mate's basic chord playing.
It was already pretty bad before the one on guitar starting blowing away on the harmonica, the most pointless instrument ever to stain Rock music, but I could forgive all of that if they weren't so fucking boring! It was just the same shit over and over again without any backbone or energy designed to entertain intellectually vacant pissheads, something they could've avoided if they bothered to bring a bloody drummer or decided to play a song that didn't sound like the most basic Southern Rock B-side.
Having listened to a couple of their studio recordings afterwards to compare their work, it seems they know someone capable of playing the drums and injecting a bit of excitement into their music. Unfortunately, their performance left me bored shitless and even though the last song had quite a good melody that would've sounded a lot better had it not come after half an hour of tedium, there was nothing about The River 68's that made me want to give them any of my money for their "art".
But enough about that; let's talk about The Darkness!

After about two minutes of an audibly-painful synth intro, the band appeared on stage and burst into "Barbarian", album opener from Last Of Our Kind. Credit where due, all of their songs sounded nearly identical to the studio versions from the powerful riffing to the falsetto vocals and each member of the band (including the new drummer) was on top form. Justin Hawkins makes a damn fine frontman for the band as his on-stage antics definitely made the night even more entertaining.
In between and often during songs, he would joke with the audience and tell amusing anecdotes. In fact, after the audience started chanting "YORKSHIRE! YORKSHIRE!", the band gradually broke into an impromptu song about areas in Yorkshire which may or may not be turned into a fleshed out track in the near future (if it is, you heard it here first folks!). Along with "The Yorkshire Song", the setlist contained most of the band's greatest hits, some of the best songs off the latest album and pretty much every track off the band's 2003 debut, Permission To Land.
I'll admit, I was disappointed that they didn't play "Last Of Our Kind" or "Open Fire" but on the plus side, I've been introduced to several awesome songs that I'll be purchasing and listening to on repeat for the next couple of weeks. All in all, it was a great evening full of entertainment that I would definitely recommend to fans of a good old fashioned Hard Rock show, although you should be warned that the band do literally pause songs to chat with the audience so if that bothers you, you might want to steer clear.

Unlike Motley Crue, these guys are still touring and (presumably) releasing new material which will be promoted with another tour, so if you get the opportunity to buy tickets for these guys, jump on it! It's just a shame these guys had to release a Deluxe Edition of their latest album that contains a whopping five extra songs too unimpressive to include on the main tracklist, a sin which automatically earns any band a middle finger from me until it fucking stops happening.

Last Of Our Kind - The Darkness

You'd think I'd love this band, as they were instrumental in bringing about a revival of Riff-Based-Rock that Indie/Alternative bands were progressively killing at the time. However, even when I first discovered proper Rock music, these guys weren't on my radar. I acknowledged their talent but just couldn't quite get into them personally.
Anyway, after hearing the first two songs off this album, I decided to check their latest material out as I was very impressed and felt they deserved another chance. So here it is!

Oh wait, hang on...
Sorry, my mistake. This isn't the cover for their new album.
This is the face of Megadeth mascot, Vic Rattlehead, easily recognisable by his bald head and metal plates/locks covering his eyes, ears and mouth (to exaggerate the phrase "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil").
Ah, here we go.
THIS is the album cover for Last Of Our Kind.

Easy mistake to make, I guess. I mean, this has a real Ed Repka vibe about it, to say the least.
However, I wouldn't be surprised if that was intentional. As well as being pretty fucking awesome, this cover could easily be the band's way of saying they're departing from their standard Arena Rock sound to a heavier style branching between Hard Rock and Metal.
After all, album opener "Barbarian" definitely shows a side of the band that's more feral than the chaps who released "I Believe In A Thing Called Love". Hell, it's even heavier than the entirety of Hot Cakes, their last album from 2012 which was in turn a step up from Permission To Land. Between frontman Justin Hawkins' supersonic vocals and their inability to keep a drummer, there's always been a sort of Spinal Tap feel to this band. They made good music but they were undeniably facetious, which is part of their charm. One thing that drew me to this album was the way the band have subtly toned down their sillier aspects in favour of cranking up the music quality in a similar way Tenacious D have done with Rize Of The Fenix.
For those concerned that one of their favourite bands has lost their way, fear not! There are still plenty of tunes older fans will enjoy such as "Sarah O'Sarah", "Conquerors" and title track "Last Of Our Kind", all featuring Hawkins' falsetto gimmick. As well as these, there are more tracks with riffs that wouldn't sound out of place on a Slash album such as "Mudslide", "Roaring Waters" and first single "Open Fire", a boss of a song that sounds like a merger between "Hooks In You" - Marillion and almost every mid-80's song by The Cult with a healthy sprinkling of 'badass'.

On top of album staples, we have a few odd ones out such as Rolling Stones inspired "Hammer & Tongs", Synth-Metal master "Mighty Wings" and arguably the most mainstream sounding track "Wheels Of The Machine". All in all, it's a package with something for everyone who would ever consider picking up the album in a record store. On a personal note, I am disappointed that there weren't more songs like "Open Fire" and felt that the album gradually declined in quality until it practically became a standard Darkness album by the penultimate track.
Of course, if that's your thing, you're in for a treat. Taking into account their previous albums, this band have only improved so I give it a 6/10, since there are still a few moments where the band intentionally include messy moments which disrupt the flow of the music (the alternating gallop in the "Roaring Waters" middle eight, for example). Also, if they chose the more appropriate "Last Of Our Kind" to be the album closer, I may have rated it slightly higher for starting and ending on a strong, well rounded note.
Granted "Conquerors" does work as a good closing song, just not the one that this album should've had. However, I definitely feel more open to music of The Darkness now and if there's ever an album that helps me grow accustomed to vocals I previously found irritating, I'm quite happy with it being this one.