Tuesday, 30 January 2018

The RARRAMAMSPAs 2018

Welcome to the first (and hopefully not last) awards ceremony on the blog!
The Riffs And Raffs Rock And Metal (And Maybe Some Pop) Awards!
Or
THE RARRAMAMSPAs!!

Since the Grammys have just been awarded and, as usual with any awards show, people are pissy about snubs and whatnot, I've decided to have a go at coming up with my own award categories looking at music released throughout 2017 from the Rock, Metal and maybe Pop genres. Some will be serious like best Rock/Metal albums, others will be less serious like...well, you'll see.
It's also worth mentioning that even though 2017 had a large collection of material recorded and released throughout the year, I probably barely listened to 5% of the albums that came out so there may be some glaring omissions. The key to enjoying this blog post is not to take it seriously...just like literally every awards show since time began.
So, let's put on our raincoats and brace ourselves for heading back into the drizzly, windy torrent of crap that was 2017 in music...but in a lighthearted, fun way!


The "Boston Zeppelin Through The Night" Award for
BEST ROCK ALBUM
The album I valued the most that belonged to the Rock genre, including various subgenres such as Southern Rock, Hard Rock and Shoegazing. It does NOT include Metal, Pop and their subgenres.
And the nominees are...
Heavy Fire - Black Star Riders
Villains - Queens Of The Stone Age
Pinewood Smile - The Darkness
How Did We Get So Dark? - Royal Blood

And the winner is...

Pinewood Smile - The Darkness in a win that nobody familiar with my blog saw coming at all.


The "Screaming For Powerslave In Peace" Award for
BEST METAL ALBUM
The album I valued the most that belonged to the Metal genre, including various subgenres such as Hair Metal and that's about it. It does NOT include Rock, Pop and their subgenres.
And the nominees are...
Lower The Bar - Steel Panther
Reaching Into Infinity - DragonForce
Paranormal - Alice Cooper
Heaven Upside Down - Marilyn Manson

And the winner is...

...

Uhhhh...

Fuck, this is a tough one...

...hmmmm...

Paranormal - Alice Cooper, I guess if you consider this Metal? It's pretty good, even if it is kinda weak for a "Metal" album. Plus it's kinda short. The point is that regardless of the winner, Metal fans lost in 2017 so this isn't really saying much.


The "Sgt. Pepper's Thriller Sounds" Award for
BEST POP ALBUM
The album I valued the most that belonged to the Pop genre. Pop albums may contain songs with a Rock twist or be recorded by Rock bands so long as it's very clearly a Pop album.
And the nominees are...





Yeah.
And the winner is...

After Laughter - Paramore because it's the only Pop album I listened to and if you want to see me gushing over Kanye West, Taylor Swift or whichever Pop artist cunts currently releasing autotuned bowel movements for a billion likes and shitloads of cash are trendy at the moment, I am glad to disappoint you. Fuck off to Pitchfork if you want opinions on anaemic shit.


The "Garage Ups Comes Around" Award for
BEST COVERS ALBUM
The album consisting of the best music written/performed by other bands but rerecorded by contemporary artists. This award goes to a band from any genre, as long as said band released an album in 2017...but mostly Rock/Metal.
And the nominees are...
Under Cover - Motorhead
The Salentino Cuts - UFO
ReAniMate 3.0: The CoVeRs eP - Halestorm
Covered And Taped - Dashboard Confessional

And the winner is...

Covered And Taped - Dashboard Confessional in a surprising victory! I really liked how each track gave the band a chance to find themselves musically and...nope, can't do it with a straight face


The winner is ReAniMate 3.0: The CoVeRs eP - Halestorm, and I didn't even like that record that much. The reason this won over Under Cover - Motorhead is because technically, Under Cover is more of a compilation of covers than a brand new covers album so it should've been disqualified. Why was it still listed? Because 2017 is the year of scraping the fucking barrel for decent music to talk about, how is this not apparent already?


The "Generation Lulu Or Bust" Award for
MOST PATHETIC ALBUM
The album that could've been decent (or maybe even great) if the band got their shit together and one or more members didn't absolutely phone it in. Once again, it's anyone's game in the genre department and once again, you're in the wrong part of the Internet if you want to read about Pop.
And the nominees are...
inFinite - Deep Purple
Christmas Christmas - Cheap Trick
Rip It Up - Thunder
Concrete And Gold - Foo Fighters

And the winner is...

inFinite - Deep Purple. Concrete And Gold nearly took the win but the category is "Most Pathetic Album" and a shit or even lame Foo Fighters album isn't anything new. Neither's a shit Deep Purple one but to see the band that gave us In Rock, Machine Head and Burn crap out fucking inFinite when most of the band are still capable of rocking was like watching your dad fail to make it to the shitter in time.


Now onto the awards for musical moments!


The "Ah For Fuck's Sake, Really?!" Award for
MOST EMOTIONALLY DEVASTATING DEATH
This award goes to the musician whose recent death shocked and annoyed fans by making them remember that the world is fucking shit right now, pulling everyone back into the well of depression that we'd previously and temporarily clawed our way out of with the help of their music.
And the nominees are...
J. Geils - The J. Geils Band
Tom Petty - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
Chris Cornell - Soundgarden
Chester Bennington - Linkin Park

And the winner is...

Chris Cornell. It was a tie between Chris and Tom but ultimately, I think that Chris' suicide felt like more of a gut punch than Tom's accidental death through an overdose of pain medication. Plus, Tom was more than a decade older than Chris and the death of a younger man (especially if it's by their own hand and out of fucking nowhere) will always surprise more people.


The "Kid Nugent" Award for
BIGGEST PIECE OF SHIT IN ROCK/METAL
This award goes to a Rock/Metal musician who did something dumb and quite possibly evil in 2017 to the point that they will forever be at least partially regarded as a colossal prick. Musicians who were assholes long before last year are still eligible as long as the reason for them being a piece of shit stems from something they did in 2017.
And the nominees are...
Gene Simmons for making jokes about sexual harassment and paedophilia at Fox News
Gene Simmons for claiming women can't have a family and be good at their jobs
Gene Simmons for not suing Bruce Springsteen for ripping off one of their songs, even though it's not the first time he's flat out ripped off older music for his modern songs
Gene Simmons for attempting to trademark the Devil Horns gesture popularised by Ronnie James Dio

And the winner is...

Gene Simmons for being egotistical enough to, despite all of the above, think of himself as God's gift to man, showing no remorse, perspective or intellectual growth/maturity despite having the sense to abandon some of his stupider attempts at notoriety.


The "Cake Out In The Rain" Award for
MOST RIDICULOUS LYRICS
This award goes to the song with some of the dumbest, most laughable lyrics of 2017. This award can go to any song from any genre from last year and unlike previous awards, there are a decent mix between Rock/Metal and Pop.
And the nominees are...
"I know tomorrow's not today" from "Public Private Breakdown" - Alice Cooper
"A tiger don't lose no sleep, don't need opinions from a shellfish or a sheep" from "Swish Swish" - Katy Perry
"Sure as a bear shits in the woods and sail boats have sails" from "Poontang Boomerang" - Steel Panther
"England is my city" from "It's Everyday Bro" - Jake Paul

And the winner is...

Well it's "England is my city" from "It's Everyday Bro" - Jake Paul, isn't it? Not just because it's a dumb line but because everyone kept fucking quoting it to the point that it was no longer funny. By the way, if there are worse lyrics from Rock/Metal songs written and released in 2017, please tell me about them. All I could find on Google were crap Pop ones, which isn't surprising considering most modern Pop songs are written by a team of eight businessmen trying to capitalise on that dumb and/or horny teen demographic.


The "Number Of Flames With Rock Of The Night" Award for
BEST RIFF
This award goes to the song with the most awesome riff played on guitar in 2017. Any songs from the Rock, Metal and Pop genre are eligible although let's face it, Pop ain't winning no riff competition. As for which riffs I'm counting (as many great Rock songs feature at least 3 distinguishable riffs), I'm mostly looking for riffs that carry the song's main melody rather than decent ones used sporadically throughout the track.
And the nominees are...
"The Evil Has Landed" - Queens Of The Stone Age
"Heavy Fire" - Black Star Riders
"Taking The Blame" - Inglorious
"Thunder Child" - The Bad Flowers

And the winner is...

"Taking The Blame" - Inglorious. It might not be my favourite song of the list but damn, that riff is fucking great. And hey, it's still one of my favourite songs of 2017.


And finally


The "Master Of Sex Magik...But Who's Buying" Award for
PEOPLE'S FAVOURITE BLOG POST
This award goes to the Riffs And Raffs blog post written/posted in 2017 that had the most views, even if it wasn't my personal favourite or even best piece of writing. Yes, this award might be a little self-congratulatory but fuck it, this is my BBQ so I get to choose the meat.

And the winner is...

Concrete And Gold - Foo Fighters with 1414 views!
I have no idea how this review has that many page views (I suspect many are bot/spam related, as this isn't the only blog post with views in the thousands) but if any of you human readers enjoyed this blog post, I'm glad I brought you some joy in these dark times. If you haven't read it, you might want to give it a quick glance as I seem to recall not hating it after posting it.


That's all from the RARRAMAMSPAs this year. Hopefully next year, I'll have some more positive awards to give out but with the news of at least four major bands/artists calling it quits only one month into the year, I'm a bit fucking sceptical.

COMING SOON: Reviews of new albums by Judas Priest, Saxon, The Sword and more when they eventually come out.

Saturday, 27 January 2018

Showdown: Homages/Rip Offs 6

We're back with another look at songs that may or may not have been a bit too heavily inspired by previously recorded music from a different band. The last time I did a post like this that didn't involve video games or two songs by the same band was in August last year and since then, I've found some interesting comparisons. I've also found a couple that are probably hugely coincidental but fuck it, I've got ten again!
Similar to previous posts of mine, I've included a Spotify playlist at the bottom so you can listen along and decide whether you agree with my opinions on these songs or not...because that's what this is, the work of opinion and not an accusation of plagiarism for all of these tracks.

ROUND ONE: Jane's Addiction vs. Tesla
Mountain Song - If I had to place myself on either side of the taste spectrum without wavering in the middle, I'd say I dislike Jane's Addiction. Whilst I can admire some of the guitar solos and technical work behind the majority of their tracks that I know, I just can't get into their music in a way that I can with...well, Tesla or other bands. The vocalist sounds whiny and annoying, the riffs are usually quite repetitive without sounding awesome enough to justify it and there's a sort of grimy, mucky feel to each track. That being said, this song does start off with a pretty sweet bass riff. Not just sweet but easily distinguishable.
Hang Tough - Oh look, a song released about one year later that ALSO starts off with a sweet and distinguishable bass riff. Granted this one has been ever so slightly tweaked and sped up a bit but you cannot deny that these riffs sound similar. Fortunately, the rest of the song is hugely different to the Jane's Addiction one. I can actually listen to this and enjoy it, unlike the appropriately named uphill battle that is "Mountain Song".
VERDICT - Whilst Jane's Addiction did release their song first, I have a feeling that any similarity between their song and Tesla's is coincidental. Jane's Addiction released their song/album in August 1988, Tesla in February 1989. Tesla recorded the album in 1988, although no specific month is given suggesting they wrote and recorded it throughout the year. Whilst it's POSSIBLE that Tesla heard "Mountain Song" and used their bass riff as the backbone for "Hang Tough", I'm sceptical about that. Therefore, the win goes to Tesla for recording the better song. If news comes to light that Tesla DID do a bit of cheeky riff pinching, it'll go to Jane's Addiction.

ROUND TWO: Joe Walsh vs. Gary Moore
Rivers (Of The Hidden Funk) - Not one of Joe's better known songs but it's a solid little Classic Rock number, once again built around some great bass. However, the part of this track that we're looking at is the guitar in the intro. Specifically, the first four notes. They play a melody that I'm sure I've heard in a couple of different songs, including the next track. As for the rest of the song, it's OK. Probably not my favourite by Joe Walsh but it's a good tune.
Empty Rooms - Maybe there are better examples of songs to write about for "that riff" but in this song, around about the 9 second mark, there's a keyboard melody that sounds similar to the "Rivers (Of The Hidden Funk)" guitar intro. The rest of the song is typical of your Gary Moore ballad; lame and a waste of time for someone who was as talented as Gary Moore to be bothering with. And don't even get me fucking started on "Parisienne Walkways" and his fuckawful cover of "Don't Believe A Word".
VERDICT - Oh, easily Joe Walsh. Came up with the riff first, played it in the better song, even gave it a more memorable name. Easy win, no doubt in my mind, but did Gary Moore steal the riff? Probably not, it's a fairly common little tune and it's not like the rest of the song has anything to do with the Joe Walsh one. It's just another uninspired, generic power ballad from Gary Moore.

ROUND THREE: Fleetwood Mac vs. AC/DC
Oh Well - This isn't the first time I've mentioned this song and it certainly won't be the last! However, the song is easily recognisable from the opening guitar riff, one that's great to listen to and probably great to play too. Once again, we're listening out for that intro melody that's played on acoustic guitar of "Oh Well (Part One)". NOTE: In the Spotify playlist, the intro riff is played on electric guitar as I could only find live versions on Spotify. However, it sort of works in my favourite as it makes the next song sound even closer to this one.
Beating Around The Bush - These songs have been compared to one another in the past due to the opening guitar riffs. Not just the sound of them but their placement in the songs too. Some see it as AC/DC's tribute to "Oh Well", which I can believe. It's a well known song and this deep cut off Highway To Hell probably wasn't meant to be enjoyed at the same capacity as the title track and other big hits by the band.
VERDICT - I like both songs but I'm giving the win to Fleetwood Mac. Their track came first and is far superior to the AC/DC one, even if that song doesn't sound exactly like 90% of their material. Plus, as I already mentioned, I see this as a pretty definite homage; I doubt the band were unaware of "Oh Well" at that point in their career and were likely inspired to write their version of the opening riff.

ROUND FOUR: Electric Light Orchestra vs. The Hives
Don't Bring Me Down - A classic song from the band, notable for the chorus of "Don't bring me down, groos, don't bring me down, groos, don't bring me down, groos, don't bring me down" and the descending four note riff used throughout. As far as ELO songs go, it's a good track that sounds more like Jeff Lynne being Jeff Lynne than Jeff Lynne being the fifth Beatle. However, it's a little too white bread for me to enjoy as much as other songs of theirs like "Mr Blue Sky" and "Hold On Tight".
Go Right Ahead - The Hives are another band that have relied on writing the same song over and over again with slightly different riffs but this time, they chose to write someone else's instead. "Go Right Ahead" went right ahead with a riff that sounds identical to the ELO one although there is one slight difference between this and previous entries. The Hives have actually acknowledged that their riff sounds like "Don't Bring Me Down" and even though they didn't intend to steal it, they still contacted Jeff Lynne to ask for his permission to use the track. As a result, he has songwriting credit even though they supposedly came up with it without realising it already exists.
VERDICT - Whilst I commend The Hives for doing the right thing after realising their mistake, my win still goes to Electric Light Orchestra for coming up with the riff and writing a slightly better song that I'd rather listen to on an average day. However, if I wasn't such a fan of ELO (and if The Hives didn't sound so Poppy in this song), I probably would've given the win to The Hives.

ROUND FIVE: Dio vs. The Temperance Movement
The Last In Line - I've written about the similarities between these two songs in non-Showdown posts (and briefly mentioned it in one Showdown post) but hey, it's worth cataloguing here too. "The Last In Line" is the title track from Dio's second album and starts off with a slow, ascending guitar riff before some descending triplets. It's the weakest part of the song that, to me, only really gets good when the percussion comes in and it becomes a proper Heavy Metal track. However, the intro riff is arguably what makes the song stand out so I suppose it's not that bad.
Battle Lines - I seem to recall saying in my review of White Bear and other posts that I doubt The Temperance Movement consciously stole the intro to "The Last In Line" for the intro and structure for their song but it's still weird how they sound almost identical AND both songs contain a variant of the word "line" in the title. Anyway, this song's pretty good. If they used a different riff in the intro, I'd probably love it but sadly I can't unhear the Dio song when listening to this.
VERDICT - Both songs have the same positives and negatives so it's genuinely tricky to decide which I want to give the win to. As I said before, I don't believe they stole the Dio riff and any similarity is purely coincidental but if pushed for an answer, I also think Dio should get the win for writing this song decades before The Temperance Movement. Speaking of comparisons I've already made on the blog before...

ROUND SIX: Rage Against The Machine vs. Black Country Communion
Bulls On Parade - Of all the popular RATM songs, this is probably my least favourite. Dull guitar throughout (and Tom Morello is usually the only member of RATM worth listening to) in a vocally driven track with a forgettable bass solo. The riff might sound heavy but it's hardly imaginative compared to some of the band's previous songs from their debut album. Anyway, fans of the band will probably get joy out of it because it features Zack de la Rocha rapping away like the angry motherfucker that he is.
The Crow - I talked about a Black Country Communion song in my list of great songs from 2017 and compared this to "Bulls On Parade" there too. The intro bass riff sounds slightly similar but it's only when Joe Bonamassa's guitar comes in that the band flat out copy the RATM riff. However, unlike the majority of songs so far, I actually prefer the use of this riff and the rest of the song. It picks up the pace and grows some balls; heavier ones than the RATM song.
VERDICT - Isn't it obvious? Black Country Communion. "Bulls On Parade" sucks and "The Crow" is quite good. I don't mind that they intentionally or unintentionally borrowed the riff, they used it in the better way. Besides, I don't see anti-corporation, anti-establishment, anti-everything RATM filing a lawsuit against the theft of material, though I would like to see that happen just for shits and giggles.

ROUND SEVEN: Eddie Cochran vs. David Bowie
Three Steps To Heaven - Even though this song was released in 1960, this song pretty accurately captures a lot of what I hate about 50s Rock. The Spanish style guitar riff isn't that bad but I cannot stand the vocals. The way they sound, the style they're being sung in, the nature of the lyrics, it's like scraping nails on a chalkboard for me. Ignoring the horrific vocals, the guitar chords used in the intro and periodically throughout the track may remind you of a certain Glam Rock song by one of the most original, unique artists of a generation.
Queen Bitch - I like this song; it's got a good rhythm to it and even if it could've been improved with a guitar solo and a different chorus, I still like the use of the riff that Bowie has semi-admitted to re-purposing from the Eddie Cochran song (he went on to subtly refer to the song years later in "It's No Game"). Starts off acoustic, becomes electric and gets your head nodding along whether you want it to or not. It's a solid song from the 70s and probably one of Bowie's stronger Rock songs from the decade.
VERDICT - I think Bowie did borrow the riff from Eddie Cochran...BUT he improved it, with the help of Mick Ronson of course. So yeah, David Bowie gets the win for writing the better song with a slightly different and vastly superior riff.

ROUND EIGHT: The Jam vs. Weezer
Town Called Malice - I feel like this is a pretty well known song in England, at the very least. It starts off with a catchy little bass riff before breaking out the organ and percussion but, once again, it's the intro riff we're listening to. This riff isn't used in the verse and chorus but does crop up throughout the track and stick around during the fade-out in the outro. In other words, it's an iconic bass riff that isn't just casually used once; it's integral to the song and almost certainly single-handedly responsible for making The Jam relatively well known in this country...that and "Going Underground"...or "That's Entertainment"...recently "News Of The World" got some mileage as the Mock The Week theme...but I still think this is the song most people know The Jam for.
(If You're Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To - Wanky title aside, this song totally uses the "Town Called Malice" riff, only on guitar instead of bass. The rhythm of the melody might differ slightly but all the fucking notes are there. What's more, the riff is an even stronger component of the song than the riff in "Town Called Malice" so Weezer used someone else's material to enhance their track more than the original band themselves. The chorus might not use the riff but by that point, the damage has been done...or whatever the reverse of damage is in this case.
VERDICT - The Jam came up with the riff first and I generally prefer their song (although neither are absolute favourites of mine) so they get the win. However, as to whether Weezer intentionally stole this riff, I doubt it. I'm unsure as to whether they knew that song even existed...although the riffs are VERRRRY similar. Makes you wonder but I'm gonna assume/hope Weezer aren't assholes.

ROUND NINE: Jefferson Starship vs. Aldo Nova
Jane - OK, so Jefferson Starship might be a somewhat black sheep in the Rock community as a super corporate, lame evolution of Jefferson Airplane, but they had some good moments. Take this song, for example. It's got a great riff, some sweet solos and some great vocal melodies in the chorus. It's not a bad tune which probably explains why it's the band's biggest hit (ignoring "We Built This City" - Starship, a band that evolved from Jefferson Starship into one hit wonders). If you're listening to these songs as you're reading, pay close attention to the guitar riff and piano chords in the background.
Fantasy - Once the minute of synthy shit is over and the guitar chords roar in, this song goes from 0 to Fucking Awesome in less than a second. Unfortunately, it uses the chords and a similar sounding riff to the one from "Jane". The song is just different enough to avoid any legal disputes although it was released just three years after the Jefferson Starship track, prompting questions as to whether Aldo Nova maybe did a little bit of cheeky riff pinching.
VERDICT - Even though there's no proof that Aldo Nova consciously reworked the riff from "Jane" for "Fantasy", I think it's possible he may have heard the song on the radio and been unintentionally inspired. That being said, I'm giving the win to Aldo Nova based on the fact that I fucking love their song and think they've done enough with it to separate it from "Jane".

ROUND TEN: Tommy Bolin vs. Ed Sheeran
Wild Dogs - I'll admit right now that I may be stretching a little bit with this one but I can't hear the second song for this round without immediately thinking of this track so fuck it, I'm including it here. This song off Teaser starts off with soft guitar riffs and background synth before the vocals come in. Unlike previous entries that have been largely focused around copied riffs, the comparison here is between the vocal melody and delivery. Once again, I concede that this comparison isn't as strong as others but I can't be the only one to hear similarities.
Thinking Out Loud - Ed Sheeran fucking sucks. He is a charisma vacuum guilty of writing bland, uninspired, trite love songs for idiots and teenage girls. He shouldn't even be in this blog post because nothing about him or his music "rocks" in any sense but the vocal melody introduced at the start of this song set off alarm bells in my head and reminded me of the Tommy Bolin track. I don't know if anything else in this song sounds like any other song in existence because I can't bring myself to listen to more than about 10 seconds of his shit.
VERDICT - Tommy Bolin will always win against Ed Sheeran, even if he did die of a drug overdose less than 24 hours after telling a friend "I'm going to be around for a long time". However, I doubt Ed stole the vocal delivery. Bolin's song isn't well known and Ed Sheeran looks like the kind of cunt who has no knowledge about Classic Rock in the slightest. This probably explains why some people think his song "Sing" shares similarities with "Long Train Runnin'" - The Doobie Brothers.


Here's the Spotify playlist of all the songs mentioned above you can listen as you read my ramblings:


COMING SOON: Another blog post to make up for one I missed last week. Not sure what it'll be about but probably not a music review, as all the albums I'm interested in at the moment are coming out in February and March.

Saturday, 13 January 2018

Merchandise: Dos & Don'ts

Whilst it's important that bands continue to release great music and adapt their sound to fulfil the creative aspect of their careers, they also need to find ways of making money in order to keep writing and performing great music. Since record labels and digital distribution have made it difficult for bands to make substantial money through selling music alone, it's up to bands to release quality merchandise alongside their records and live shows if they want the extravagant Rock star lifestyle to help inspire their next big album.
There are undoubtedly plenty of safety regulations regarding certain types of merch but this blog post will be looking at Dos & Don'ts in a more comical, common sense manner that plenty of bands have neglected to consider when putting their name/image on T-shirts, mugs and tampon holsters. If you're a small Rock/Metal band who are just about to hit the big time and have no idea which route to take when making/selling merchandise, you should probably consult a proper website with actual business advice...BUT if you like Rock/Metal music, my blog posts and want to read something lighthearted looking at golden rules and cardinal sins of physical merchandise, enjoy the following six paragraphs!

DO use high quality material
If any of you have ever been to a gig and stopped by the merch stand, you'll know that even the smallest item can have a ridiculous price. Keychains for £10, T-shirts for £40, pointless programmes with pictures and information about the band that you can find online for free for any amount of money that isn't £0. It's a given that you're going to have to pay a stupid amount of money for what's basically a glorified way of saying you support a certain artist so it should go without saying that the thing you're charging fans through the nose for should be high quality. Your clothing should last for years, your jewellery should look attractive and not pinch the skin, your beer should taste good and get you comfortably shitfaced at a decent pace. If you put out a crappy product, you're no better than the shitheels who sit outside concert venues selling knock-off tat that'll fall to pieces after a couple of uses. Bands need to distance themselves from these wankers with high quality merch and speaking of those tosspots outside venues...

DO use a variety of designs on your products
The most common type of merchandise found at gigs and online stores are T-shirts. These are your moneymakers that not only sell for a high price but spread the word about the band too; if someone's wearing a Lynyrd Skynyrd shirt from a new tour with an interesting new design on the front and some tour date info on the back, they're essentially advertising on behalf of the band. With that in mind, you need to make sure that your "adverts" are eye catching and not just the same logo or mascot design that everyone's seen before for two reasons; primarily to give fans a new piece of art to add to their collection but also to distance themselves from aforementioned tat peddlers who are relying on shitty copies of album covers and stock photos for their pissweak goods. If you're a big name band with millions to spare, you can afford to come up with some new designs for baseball caps and posters, although you can still sell merch with old album covers and mascot photos if you're selling them WITH new designs.

DO know your audience
This piece of advice could probably be applied to any situation ever created but fuck it, I'm bringing it out again! When coming up with ideas for things to sell your loyal fans, you need to know exactly who your fans are. If you're a contemporary Indie band that's just getting started, you shouldn't be selling products for a more mature audience like the official Arctic Monkeys sleeveless sweater vest or Arcade Fire chewing tobacco. Likewise, if you're a Classic Rock band on a 40th anniversary album tour with one surviving original band member left, you probably don't want to produce a mobile app/game based around your back catalogue. Obviously you want to appeal to a wide audience but you should be doing that with your music, not trinkets. Trinkets are for the fans you've already hooked who are desperate to support you and show everyone how much they love you.

DON'T go overboard
We all know how ridiculous KISS are with their merchandise and who knows, maybe some of you have even purchased some of the more extravagant officially licensed KISS products as the KISS Kasket, KISS Waffle Maker and even KISS air-guitar strings. However, KISS aren't the only band to go overboard with their merch. U2 have released Achtung Baby condoms, The Rolling Stones have released a tongue and lips telephone, Muse have released towels with some of their lyrics on and Rammstein have released dildos. Some of the more ridiculous items in a Rock band's merch store are likely designed to be gag products but you shouldn't go overboard with those either. Pick one, maybe two, silly ideas if they're cost effective but focus most of your budget on designs that fans will get the most out of. A hoodie or unique band patch will give more joy to your fans over a longer period of time than an air freshener that smells of generic scent...unless your band happens to have released a song/album named Generic Scent.

DON'T make regional exclusive merchandise
Decades ago when world tours were more difficult for Hard Rock bands to pull off, selling certain types of merchandise exclusive only to areas in Europe or Asia was understandable. However, now that products are cheaper to make and the Internet has made it possible for someone to receive something they ordered from the other side of the planet in a few days, there's no real excuse for popular Rock/Metal bands to pull this shit anymore. I'm not saying that bands shouldn't release artwork or merch based around certain areas of the planet that start off being sold in specific countries (e.g. a T-shirt with the band's mascot in samurai armour or punching a kangaroo) but they should make sure that anyone with the money to pay for it is able to buy it afterwards, regardless of where they're geographically based. Granted that lesser known groups may find it tricky to do this but then again, it's unlikely that they'll be making regional exclusive content to begin with.

DON'T understock your merch stands at gigs
This is quite a tricky one to avoid but I've been to a couple of shows where whoever was in charge of getting enough T-shirts for each stand well and truly fucked this one up. Yes, it's impossible to predict how many fans will want certain shirts and no, you can't bring a stupidly high amount of merch to accommodate a rush that may never happen. However, when you've completely sold out of a certain T-shirt before the warm-up band's even played, that suggests you screwed up. The bigger the band, the more you should bring with you. This could also apply to warm-up bands, as they often have a chance to sell merch in between the doors opening and their last song. It's unlikely that a lot of people will want warm-up band merch unless it's a big warm-up band (e.g. Cheap Trick warming up for Deep Purple) but you should still stock accordingly.

That's me all caught up for the year so far! I'm not sure which posts I'll be writing in the near future but hopefully there'll be an album review coming soon.
That's not a tease, by the way. I'm genuinely hoping that a new album that I'm interested in listening to comes out soon after the dry spell of Q4 2017.

Friday, 12 January 2018

Rapid Fire: Motorhead, David Bowie, Tom Petty

We're back! We might be back a week late BUT WE'RE BACK and we're celebrating with a Rapid Fire post all about DEEAAAATTHH!!! Yes, the first post of 2018 is looking at three albums by famous Rock/Metal musicians who sadly passed away in 2015, 2016 and 2017 respectively. I should probably open up with a less sombre blog post but fuck it, everything's going to shit anyway.
The first album I'll be briefly discussing is the most recent, coming out four months before the death of legendary Metal bassist and vocalist Lemmy Kilmister. However, before I start that, I should mention that whilst writing this blog post, original guitarist Fast Eddie Clarke passed away too. He may not have been involved with this album but he did record the classic riffs and solos for Motorhead's classic albums such as Overkill, Iron Fist and Ace Of Spades.
R.I.P. Fast Eddie Clarke.


1. Bad Magic - Motorhead


I'd been meaning to check out Motorhead's final album ever since the news of Lemmy's passing broke but, without meaning to sound disrespectful, part of the reason I'd been avoiding it was I'd already listened to a Motorhead album. In fact, before listening to Bad Magic, I'd listened to three separate records and a covers album. If there's one thing I can tell you from each of these albums all released in different decades, it's that Motorhead never changed what wasn't broken and the few times they did tinker with things slightly always reset back to its original condition like a JD and tobacco stained memory foam mattress. Bad Magic does absolutely nothing to mix up the formula, making it as much a Motorhead album as anything else in their back catalogue.
Album opener "Victory Or Die" pulls no punches and does a good job of pointing out what's on the tin so you can expect to get exactly what the rest of the album says, if you'll pardon the muddled metaphor. However, there's something missing from Bad Magic that prevents it from being a top notch Motorhead album; a truly great guitarist. Don't get me wrong, Phil Campbell is top notch at playing the thing, I'm just not convinced he's got the musical talent to keep creating excellent riffs for an extended period of time. When you're literally recycling the exact same riff from "Smiling Like A Killer" for "Electricity"or recording generic, interchangeable solos for each track, it's going to let the album down.
Fortunately, Lemmy's bass still rolls out hard and heavy and even though his vocals were beginning to sound noticeably more like those of later years Johnny Cash than early years Lemmy Motherfucking Kilmister due to his health problems at the time, they hadn't completely gone to shit like many Hard Rock outfits that have gone on just a bit too long (looking at you, Deep Purple). Plus, it means we get songs like "Till The End" where we have the pleasure of actually listening to Lemmy sing as well as a banging cover of "Sympathy For The Devil", a highlight of this and their recent covers album. As far as swan songs go, Bad Magic is arguably not the guns blazing celebration of pure Rock & Roll that you may have expected from Motorhead but it's far from a tepid whimper too.

1. Victory Or Die
2. Thunder & Lightning
3. Fire Storm Hotel
4. Shoot Out All Of Your Lights
5. The Devil
6. Electricity
7. Evil Eye
8. Teach Them How To Bleed
9. Till The End
10. Tell Me Who To Kill
11. Choking On Your Screams
12. When The Sky Comes Looking For You
13. Sympathy For The Devil
ALBUM RATING - 5/10

Next up is the oldest album of the three and almost certainly the most influential too from Glam Rock fashion icon David Bowie.


2. The Rise And Fall Of Ziggy Stardust And The Spiders From Mars - David Bowie


Much like the previous album, this is a record I'd been convincing myself to listen to for years before this blog post...and that's pretty much where the similarities end. The Rise And Fall Of Ziggy Stardust And The Overly Pretentious Album Title is the story of a bisexual Jesus-like Rock star who learns of the Earth's impending doom from aliens but becomes one with them on stage because of the spiritual journey he's undertaken throughout the album. Oh, and this Rock star is represented by David Bowie because he was humble like that. Everybody loves this album but to me, it's a competent collection of things I personally hate about Rock that prevent me from getting the most out of it.
For starters, album opener "Five Years" is more of a symphonic grandiose overture than a Glam Rock track to set the tone for what is ultimately a Glam Rock album. It reeks of self-importance without keeping me engaged enough to ignore that facet of Bowie's musical persona. Allmusic called it one of the greatest album openers ever recorded, meaning they've clearly never listened to any Megadeth or they'd realise how fucking wrong they are. Secondly, Bowie's writing style is painfully present in many of these songs and it just doesn't fly with me. For those unaware, Bowie used the cut-up technique where he'd take sentences (or just words), jumble them up and rearrange them into poetic sounding lyrics. When you listen to tracks like "Moonage Daydream" and "Ziggy Stardust", they'll either sound like genius ahead of its time or sporadically assembled nonsense and, unfortunately, it's the latter category for me.
Finally, there's the knowledge that some of these songs probably could've been amazing if written for other bands. Most of us probably know that David Bowie wrote the hit song "All The Young Dudes" for Mott The Hoople around the time of this album (the lyrics actually refer to events in this album because a bit of cross promotion never hurt anyone) but many of those may be unaware that he actually recorded versions of the song himself. They all fucking suck. I can imagine songs like "Star" being incredible by similar 70s Glam or Classic Rock artists that weren't trying to intentionally be art but at least some tracks work with the Bowie touch like "Suffragette City".
Ultimately, my opinion of this album may change over time but my initial reaction to The Rise And Fall Of Ziggy Stardust And The Fawning Music Critics (besides one of childish mockery) is that it's not bad. It's a tidy collection of meticulously assembled material that you can blast through in a relatively short amount of time and get some joy out of. It hasn't given me any insight on any of the touched upon themes, nor will it be a record that I feel I must own or even revisit in a year's time. I like a few songs on it and would recommend listening to the second half as if it's a plain old 70s Rock album...unless you're the kind of wanker that says "bravo" without sarcasm, then you'll probably adore it and will want to see copies of it in museums and on space probes and carved into cliff edges so the wind will play melodies from it for all eternity. That's probably what you think, you ponce.

1. Five Years
2. Soul Love
3. Moonage Daydream
4. Starman
5. It Ain't Easy
6. Lady Stardust
7. Star
8. Hang On To Yourself
9. Ziggy Stardust
10. Suffragette City
11. Rock 'N' Roll Suicide
ALBUM RATING - 7/10

Finally, we have the middle child released in 1989. Even though this musician had already released plenty of studio albums with The Heartbreakers, this was Tom Petty's first solo record and it's pretty damn great!


3. Full Moon Fever - Tom Petty


Tom Petty might have been guilty of frequently committing one of Rock's worst sins (fading out on a guitar solo) but damn, did he know how to make a great solo record. It's a well built collection of Heartland Rock; nothing aggressive, just a feel-good collection of gentle Rock with a couple of standout rockers. Album opener "Free Fallin'" sets the easy tone perfectly with a slow tempo, pleasant melody and cracking yet simplistic chorus; in other words, the thing iconic Soft Rock songs are made from.
One of the main differences between his solo material and a standard Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers record probably comes down to the production. Even though we had Tom Petty and Mike Campbell involved as usual, Jeff Lynne (ELO, Traveling Wilburys) also did his fair share of producing and songwriting so many tracks contain elements of those bands as well as Tom Petty's signature style ("Love Is A Long Road", "Depending On You", "Zombie Zoo"). However, there are also tracks where Tom lets loose and busts out the proper Rock riffs ("Runnin' Down A Dream", "A Mind With A Heart Of Its Own").
There's something for fans of all types of Classic American Rock here and whilst it's unlikely that every track will land with you on the same level, Full Moon Fever knows what its doing and is easily one of the most cohesive, well crafted Rock albums in existence. Whilst it might not be on my personal favourites list due to the softer nature of most tracks and the lack of complex or technical music work to enjoy, I can appreciate the talent that went into making it and would recommend it to pretty much anyone, even those who aren't really into Rock but don't dislike it.

1. Free Fallin'
2. I Won't Back Down
3. Love Is A Long Road
4. A Face In The Crowd
5. Runnin' Down A Dream
6. Feel A Whole Lot Better
7. Yer So Bad
8. Depending On You
9. The Apartment Song
10. Alright For Now
11. A Mind With A Heart Of It's Own
12. Zombie Zoo
ALBUM RATING - 8/10

There you have it. Three decent albums by three great artists/bands who are no longer with us. What a way to start the year!