Burning Bridges - Bon Jovi

I've decided to mix things up a little bit this week. Instead of reviewing this...yeah, let's still call it an "album", I'm going to let someone else take the reigns. The following review will be written by my loving girlfriend, Sarah Taylor. Aside from over a decade of personal experience in bands & listening to Rock music, she is a massive Bon Jovi fan & at my request, wanted to have a crack at reviewing his latest release.
Whilst I have my own thoughts on this collection of music (which I will tweet at a later date, if you're desperate to know my point of view), I felt that her perspective might be better as Burning Bridges is clearly meant for B.J fans instead of the casual listener. If you like her style of writing over mine, definitely let me know so I can beg her to write some more posts & get more regular visitors.
Anyway, take it away Sarah!

Hello Wembley! (Or James' blog...whatever). Upon James' request, I'm here to do a small review of the new album from Bon Jovi. Mainly because I've been a massive Bon Jovi fan since I was around 12 years old which, let me tell you, is a long time ago! I've seen Bon Jovi live three times so far and will continue to do so whenever he tours. Burning Bridges is supposedly a 'fan album', whatever that's supposed to mean! I will tell you now though, I'm not a writer, so this may seem a little amateurish (apologies!). So yeah, here's what I made of Burning Bridges.

First of all, I didn't know what to expect from Burning Bridges. I only heard that it was a selection of songs that Bon Jovi wrote that never got finished. So I suppose in a way I was expecting an eclectic mix of songs in different styles from previously released albums. For example, I was hoping for a song that sounded like it belonged on the Lost Highway album, or a song that had the feel of Slippery When Wet etc.

I will cut to the chase. I was bitterly disappointed.

Overall, the album is 80% depressing ballads, with two or three songs that are a bit more upbeat. Maybe it's illegal to release an album that's more than 80% dirge so Bon Jovi had to put some happier songs into the mix, who knows. The whole album felt thrown together, more of a private collection of dick stroking songs for Jon Bon Jovi to listen to whilst taking candlelit baths with a mirror to admire his very own face. The songs lacked passion and drive and were quite frankly dull. Usually on Bon Jovi albums you at expect at least one ballad, which I can cope with and sometimes enjoy, but this...this was just something else!

I feel, ultimately, like this album was a massive 'fuck you' to Richie Sambora. Why? Well, the lack of show stopping guitar solos with tons of feeling. The fact that Bon Jovi's vocals come first, and the musicians come second. Honestly, I cannot remember any riffs from the ballads on Burning Bridges. When I think about the album, all I can hear in my head is Bon Jovi's voice. That is not coco! (Talking of Sambora, I cannot wait until he releases a new album, because I know I will get quality music, amazing guitar solos, and passion... lots and lots of passion!).

There were three songs on Burning Bridges that I enjoyed:

1) "We Don't Run"- A punchy and typical Bon Jovi song. Nice drum beats, lots of 'whoah-ing' in the vocals, and a chorus that would sound amazing on a stadium tour. I can picture this song going down a storm at one of Bon Jovi's gigs. There's a small guitar solo which sounds like Phil X is trying to imitate Sambora's unique sound, but we all know Sambora would've done it better! Overall though, I do like this song. It's strong and will stand the test of time.

2) "Saturday Night Gave Me Sunday Morning"- OK, first things first, this song sounds like it was supposed to be on the Lost Highway album. Not a problem for me, but it may be for other listeners. I have to say, Tico Torres is on fine form and remains one of my favourite drummers. His drumming is simple but effective without being too flashy (*cough* Lars Ulrich *cough*), and compliments the songs well. I have just one problem with this song. The lyrics on the chorus. What on Earth is 'Saturday Night Gave Me Sunday Morning' supposed to mean?! Doesn't that happen to all of us, unless we meet our demise on a Saturday? What irritates me more is the fact that Bon Jovi already has a song that states 'I'm feeling like a Monday, but someday I'll be Saturday night'. Does Bon Jovi need some sort of mental intervention so he can figure out what day of the week he wants to be?!

3) "I'm Your Man"- So this song almost didn't make it onto my top songs from the album, but I did find the song to be listenable and didn't have many problems with it, so I thought I'd be fair and add it to the list (the very teeny-tiny list!). So the song itself isn't anything special but I did like the quirky and ever so slightly 'Oasis' sounding riff. It sounded uplifting and would make for good background music. The lyrics are typical of Bon Jovi, speaking of lovers, phonecalls and other obvious themes. They're not deep and meaningful but they aren't offensively shite either. I don't have much else to say about the song, it's just...acceptable!

As for the title track, well...give me strength. Is this the ultimate 'piss off' track for Sambora I wonder? The lyrics are bitter, set to an over joyous country style song with what I can only describe as oompa-band undertones! According to NME however, the song is about their split from Mercury Records. This is possibly true, I just can't help but think these lyrics, especially after Sambora's (rather unexplained) exit from the band, are a bit harsh. This however, is just my opinion!

So overall I would give the whole album a measly 4/10. I wish it could've been more, as I'm an avid Bon Jovi fan, but I refuse to sugar coat shit. The thirteenth album for these guys is an absolute flop. Thirteen is unlucky for some but definitely unlucky for Bon Jovi and a huge disappointment for their fans.
I just hope they have something amazing lined up in the near future, so we can all forget about this sorry incident!

High Country - The Sword

If you've been following my posts for the last couple of months, you'll know I've been desperately waiting for this album to come out. I talked about the title track in July but now it's time to look at the entire package.

Based on the small selection of songs I'd heard before buying the album, I was expecting something amazing. What I got was decent although, if I'm perfectly honest, a little flat at times. If the previous four albums by The Sword were solidified in the Heavy Metal genre, High Country definitely wobbles between that and Hard Rock. From the album cover abandoning the usual jagged font to the song's themes centred more around magic than mythology, The Sword haven taken their biggest genre-crossing step yet.
Album opener "Unicorn Farm" is a bizarre introduction combining a catchy rhythm with some of the synth elements previously employed in Apocryphon, flowing perfectly into "Empty Temples", the first of several Thin Lizzy impersonators on this album. It's a great track which gives you a glimpse into the sound of the rest of the album; the clashing drums and megaton power chords have been softened but every now and then, there's an explosive moment where you can hear remnants of Gods Of The Earth and Warp Riders bursting through.
The main factor behind the change in sound is possibly the percussion and Santiago Vela III's more restrained drumming this time around. There are still a couple of apocalyptic tracks where the pace is energetic and you can imagine riding into battle with these songs booming out in the distance ("Suffer No Fools" and "Buzzards"). Otherwise, the album is largely dominated by Blues-inspired Hard Rock not unlike a previously mentioned 70's Irish band ("The Bees Of Spring" and "Ghost Eye"), heavier Modern Rock tunes experimenting with backing vocals and a touch of brass ("Seriously Mysterious" and "Early Snow") & healthy combinations of the two, resulting in some of the strongest tracks on the album ("The Dreamthieves" and "High Country").

Sadly, the band is only as strong as their weakest link and whilst he's improved since 2008, J. D. Cronise's vocals are still flagging behind everyone else ever so slightly. It's almost like listening to a slightly more abrasive tribute to Josh Homme but fortunately, the music is good enough to stop The Sword from becoming another Guns 'N' Roses. Aside from a few songs which sound a bit monotonous in the fog of crunching chords ("Mist & Shadow"), the riffs are generally suitable and will easily stick with you after a couple of listens.
The best way to describe the genre (or subgenre) of this album would be Stoner Rock as I suspect most of the tracks were written to be listened to when absolutely baked. After all, the band have released a special "weed-themed" edition of High Country that comes with rolling paper and a stash box, not to mention the obvious euphoric connotation with the name of the album. It would make sense, considering the flatter songs would probably sound incredibly peaceful whilst stoned.
If you are into the occasional toke and happen to listen to this album whilst in high country yourself, you'd probably rate it 10/10. For all us sober critics, I reckon a 7/10 is more than fair. It's not the best album they've written if you're into heavier riffing & the kind of soundtrack Vikings would listen to if they were still about, but I would say it's quite an interesting yet admirable entry from their discography if you're into Rock music overall, assuming you can listen past the occasional musical dissonance and droning vocals.

Taster Session #2

About a week after I wrote the first Taster Session post, several bands released more singles from upcoming albums. Rather than edit the first one and re-post it, I waited until a few more songs made their way onto Youtube before writing a brand new Taster Session. Also, it may have had something to do with not knowing what to post this week until I can review "High Country" - The Sword in two weeks.
Anyway, here are some more tunes from upcoming albums!

"Saturday Night Gave Me Sunday Morning" - Bon Jovi         (listen here)
From the album Burning Bridges (21/8/15)

From my understanding, this album is supposed to be a collection of unfinished ideas the band had between tours that have been fleshed out to act as a stepping stone between What About Now from 2013 and another studio album coming out next year. As for my opinion about Bon Jovi, I think Dean Winchester put it best in an episode of Supernatural; "Bon Jovi rocks...on occasion". Sadly, this track is not one of those occasions.
It's alright if you're into the medium-paced Rock songs that you can jump around to at gigs but it's no "Wanted Dead Or Alive" or "Let It Rock". Bon Jovi fans will probably like it as Mr Jovi certainly hasn't lost the use of his pipes but it's not to my taste. However, one of the other tracks from the upcoming album ("We Don't Run") has more of a punch to it & sounds like a better version of "My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark" - Fall Out Boy. If you're after music with more aggression & a passionate sound, definitely check that one out.


"Cirice" - Ghost          (listen here)
From the album Meliora (21/8/15)

Is it Ghost or Ghost B.C.? Either way, this track grew on me after a few listens. I started off thinking it was alright & found myself internally humming it a few days later, which is usually a sign that I should buy a song if I'm enjoying the experience of having an earworm. I'm not familiar with the band's previous work but if it's as strong as this, I'm definitely going to check it out. My only real criticism is that the intro goes on a bit long but I'm probably only saying that because I fucking love the chorus and want to hear it immediately.
Everything comes together perfectly in this song, from the haunting piano during the intro to the gradual build-up of guitar riffs and solos. I'm probably going to out myself as a Metal pleb by comparing some of the verse riffing to slower Metallica tunes like "Harvester Of Sorrow" & "Sad But True" but hopefully I'll redeem myself by saying "Cirice" blows those tracks out of the water. Not just that but at no point does this song feel pretentious or uber-serious like some of the more operatic Prog-Metal tunes of the last decade.


"Arrow Of Time" - Queensryche          (listen here)
From the album Condition Human (2/10/15)

I know, I know, I'm missing two umlauts, let's just look past it.
I get the impression that Queensryche are overlooked when it comes to great 80's Metal, as compilation albums often choose "Silent Lucidity" instead of tracks like "Queen Of The Reich". Hopefully, this album will encourage people to dive into older material and maybe even a few of the deep cuts from Operation: Mindcrime if this track is anything to go by. "Arrow Of Time" sounds great if you're into mid-80's Iron Maiden with Todd La Torre taking up the mantle for a second time after Geoff Tate was given his P45 from the band.
Purists will no doubt find fault in Todd La Torre's vocals & bawl about how it's not Queensryche without Geoff Tate, effectively pissing all over the efforts of the rest of the band, but I think he sounds great. He's definitely been inspired by Tate's work with the band but it doesn't sound like he's trying to be Tate. If anything, it sounds like he's trying to be Bruce Dickinson but I won't hold that against him. I'm not as excited for this album as I am for High Country but I'll still check it out & go in with decent expectations.


"HardRockLover" - Prince          (listen here)
From the album HitNRun (??/??/??)

Dear God, this is fucking shit. We've got everything from vocoder to screaming in this turd of a song and further proves Prince's career has gone on far too long. Remember a few years ago when he proclaimed the Internet was "over", shortly before releasing his new album via newspapers? Now he's releasing this album via hip new streaming service Tidal having removed all his previous material from Spotify. I'll be honest, I'm genuinely struggling to grasp whether Prince is the world's greatest troll or just a fucking idiot.
This track feels like someone trying to make fun of Rock and Pop with something that sounds like bad video game music. It sounds like a good song that's been rigorously fucked by someone who believes they're an artist, assisted by a band that are probably more lucky than talented. If he's a troll & he's deliberately releasing crap material under the guise of "art" to ridicule the elitist music journalists (who will no doubt love this), he's doing a great job. If he's actually trying and this is the final result, he should've just stopped after "Let's Go Crazy".


"Speed Of Light" - Iron Maiden          (listen here)
From the album The Book Of Souls (4/9/15)

Once I learned that the 16th offering from my favourite band would be a double album containing an 18-minute orchestral epic, I was a little worried. I reckon I'm in the minority when I say I prefer Iron Maiden's shorter, less progressive songs but that's not to say I dislike the nine minute epics; I just tend to prefer tracks like "The Number Of The Beast" to "Paschendale". However, this track has since blown all my concerns away and now I'm hyped for September 4th to roll in (after August 21st, that is).
As hard as it may be, let's ignore the fantastic video for now as it's the only music video I've linked to in these Taster posts. The song is brilliant & sounds like it could've been written for any one of the earlier Maiden albums. At first, I thought Bruce's vocals sounded a little off (which I can hardly fault them for as this was recorded before his cancer diagnosis) but after a few more listens, it slowly started to improve. Either way, I love this track and it's made me super excited for the album. Job well done, lads!

Once again, a decent mix of tracks I loved and tracks I couldn't stand. If I had to order the ten tracks I've listened to across both Taster posts in my favourite order (1 being best, 10 being worst), it'd go:

1. "Speed Of Light" - Iron Maiden
2. "High Country" - The Sword
3. "Cirice" - Ghost
4. "Coming For You" - The Offspring
5. "Arrow Of Time" - Queensryche
6. "The Vengeful One" - Disturbed
7. "Thunder & Lightning" - Motorhead
8. "Complexity" - Eagles Of Death Metal
9. "Saturday Night Gave Me Sunday Morning" - Bon Jovi
10. "HardRockLover" - Prince

Do you agree? Let me know your order in the comments OR if there are any upcoming albums with great singles out at the moment, although I can't guarantee there'll be a Taster Session #3 written any time soon.

Shout Out: One More From The Road - Lynyrd Skynyrd

Time for another shout out post & this time, I'm going to talk about one of my all-time favourite albums. However, what makes this special is that it's also a live album. Usually, I stay away from live albums unless somebody recommends a song or two. However, after hearing some of the tracks, I decided to check the rest of the 2001 deluxe edition out & instantly fell in love.
Unlike previous shout outs where I'm reviewing several albums in one batch, One More From The Road is a two disc collection of 24 songs recorded during several performances at Atlanta's Fox Theatre in 1976. Since eight of those are alternate versions of tracks already on the album, I'll only be talking about the first 16 songs.

So why is this one of my favourite albums instead of the individual LPs the songs came from or a bog-standard compilation that contains most of these tracks anyway? Firstly, the obvious context. If memory serves correctly, I received this album on my 17th birthday & hadn't heard the original versions of over half the songs on it. I've listened to most of them now but I know there's a part of me that prefers the live versions just because it was my first experience with the music. Despite this, my love for the album isn't just blind nostalgia and when I say "obvious context", I'm not just referring to my discovery.
As I mentioned earlier, this was recorded in 1976, the year before the tragic plane crash that killed several crew/band members & ended what's now considered to be the classic Skynyrd era. This album captures the band in their prime and there isn't a single dull note in any of the songs. Ronnie Van Zant's vocals are pitch perfect from start to finish. Steve Gaines, Allen Collins & Gary Rossington are all on excellent form during their respective performances of main riffs and solos. Even Billy Powell's piano solo in "Call Me The Breeze" is fantastic, as are the efforts from the rest of the band.
I would assume one of the biggest differences in quality between the original live album and 2001 deluxe edition lies in the audio mix between the music and the audience. In the latter, you can hear the well deserved cheering and applause at the start of a track and right at the end. They've also slightly muted the crowd so that they don't distract you from the band, just as live albums should be arranged. You could listen to these songs halfway through & if you hadn't heard the tracks before, you could easily assume they were studio recordings.

As for the tracks chosen, all the hits are here as well as several songs you can't find on pre-Street Survivors albums. Whether you're a Skynyrd fan or not, there'll be something for any fan of classic Southern Rock on here but there's also something that puts it above the studio albums. Most Lynyrd Skynyrd tracks have the same irritating flaw; they fade out at the end, often during a guitar solo. Fortunately, it's a lot easier for a band to just end the song naturally rather than fade out during a live performance so all of the songs that fade out in studio recordings have proper endings.
The biggest downside to this is that it probably means you won't be able to listen to "Sweet Home Alabama" or "Free Bird" again without wishing they recorded a studio version of the ending solos. That really is the only downside, though. The song choices are great, the recording quality is fantastic, the band's performance is exceptional and it's CDs like this that stop me from completely writing off live albums. In other words, it's a 9/10 from me.

1. Workin' For MCA

2. I Ain't The One

3. Saturday Night Special

4. Searchin'

5. Travelin' Man

6. Simple Man

7. Whiskey Rock-A-Roller

8. The Needle & The Spoon

9. Gimme Back My Bullets

10. Tuesday's Gone

11. Gimme Three Steps

12. Call Me The Breeze

13. T For Texas (Blue Yodel #1)

14. Sweet Home Alabama

15. Crossroads

16. Free Bird

Unlike other bands who have the occasional great live track in a collection of crap ("Young Man Blues" - The Who springs to mind), this whole album flows so perfectly that it's definitely something you need to buy as a collection instead of a few random singles.

If you have any other live albums you recommend, list them in the comments. I doubt I'll ever enjoy a live album as much as I enjoyed One More From The Road but even if it was half as good as this album, it'll still be better than pretty much all the other live collections I've listened to.

Tenology: Terrible Rock/Metal Lyrics

Bridging July & August, this week's post is a list dedicated to lyrics from Rock or Metal songs which are just truly, truly awful. As is the case with most of the other Tenology posts, these aren't in any particular order nor are they meant to be taken as the Top 10 worst lyrics of any category. They're just ten examples of shitty lyrics that I know of, nothing more or less. Obviously, this is going to be heavy in opinion but before I start, here's a brief description of what I would call a terrible Rock/Metal lyric.
If the song has an established rhyme sequence and this line decides to either randomly break it or get incredibly lazy with the chosen words, that constitutes a bad lyric. If the words chosen make it genuinely difficult for me to enjoy the song, that's definitely a bad lyric. If an overused cliche or reference that's been used too many times is dragged up and used to make the song sound more romantic or intellectual (e.g. pretty much any song after "(Don't Fear) The Reaper" which refers to Romeo & Juliet)...yeah, you get the picture.
Let's get cracking!


1. "Hot Blooded" - Foreigner

"You don't have to read my mind,
to know what I have in mind"

I guess it's kinda fitting that the album cover also contains the same picture used twice

I really like this song for what it is. It's a cheap, 79p Hard Rock song that's always good to listen to when it comes on the radio but it's unlikely to be anyone's favourite. You might argue that it could've (and should've) been a more popular Arena Rock hit but considering the band couldn't even think of another word that rhymes with "mind" for the opening line of the first fucking verse, something tells me this band never really intended this to be their magnum opus. But hey, it's a dud lyric in an otherwise acceptable track. Just a shame it's one of the first lyrics after the chorus.


2. "The Trees" - Rush

"There is trouble in the forest,
And the creatures all have fled
As the maples scream "Oppression"!
And the oaks just shake their heads"

"WHAT?! How DARE you put Rush in this opinionated blog post about rubbish lyrics!!"

I wanted to include the lyrics for the entire song but chose instead to pick the verse which I felt was the silliest. I mean, whether you think the song is one of Neil Peart's finest lyrical works or a pretentious load of crap, at the end of the day it's just silly. It's a forced metaphor designed to highlight social/economic class strife that reads like a children's poem without the music. In fact, if it WAS written to be a poem, I'd probably enjoy it a lot more as the words aren't all that bad without context. However, it's not a poem. It's a Prog Rock track and they're lyrics for a Rock song.


3. "Spirit In The Sky" - Norman Greenbaum

"Never been a sinner,
I never sinned,
I got a friend in Jesus"

This lyric is worth a million sins, in my book! *chuckles internally*

Another case of a great track ruined by a shoddily lazy lyric. Up until the verse after the solo, the song does a pretty good job with the rhyming couplets and aside from being flatter than week old cola, it's a great tune. Sadly, Mr Greenbaum decided to phone it in at the two & a half minute mark and presumably thought "Sod it, it's been a long day. I'll just whack out the first thing that comes into my head" shortly before he came up with a line that feels disturbingly out of place. Not just that but the rest of the lyrics are all recycled from previous verses and choruses. Someone probably should've told Norman that Sloth is actually a sin before he cut corners whilst writing an entire song about how fucking great he was...Pride too, that's another sin.


4. "Daddy, Brother, Lover, Little Boy (The Electric Drill Song)" - Mr. Big

"I'll be your daddy, your brother, your lover and your little boy"

A visual representation of what this song turns into thanks to the lyrics...a trainwreck...get it?

It took me a while to actually buy this song and listen to it fairly regularly. Even now, I find myself skipping it despite loving the musical side to it. I can listen to romantic songs that talk about being someone's lover. I can live with tracks that imply a family connection to someone the singer really cared about. I can even stand a well-written tune that insists on telling the listener about how they're "your daddy". But when a singer serenades you about being all of those things at once and phrases it in a kind of creepy way, it ends up on blog posts like this. I totally understand the sentiment behind it but I also feel it could've been done in a way that wouldn't deserve a spot on The Jerry Springer Show.


5. "Jailbreak" - Thin Lizzy

"Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak
Somewhere in this town"

I can't believe I never questioned this line when I first heard it

Credit where due, I wasn't the first to make this observation. I saw Dave Spikey (a stand-up comic) make a joke about these lyrics years ago and sadly, I can't find a clip of it on Youtube to link to. However, he still raises a good point. It makes it sound like everyone in the band was thinking "Gee, I wonder where a JAILbreak could take place" as they were writing it. There's not too much material to be mined from this comment so I guess the rest of this paragraph could be spent talking about how every other Thin Lizzy song mentions "the boys".


6. "You're So Vain" - Carly Simon

"You're so vain
You probably think this song is about you"

[INSERT WITTY REMARK CONNECTING 'SECRETS' WITH 'OBVIOUS NIPPLES']

OK so the self-referential nature of a song aimed at someone the singer hates is quite clever and definitely catchy. However, there is a crucial flaw to this song that nobody seems to want to admit. The song is called "You're So Vain", a line she repeats in the chorus. The whole point of the song existing seems to be to highlight the fact that there's a vain dick in her life, so technically the song is about the guy/amalgamation of men she's singing about. This wouldn't be a problem if she didn't also sing "you probably think this song is about you" in the chorus, a statement that doesn't really make the guy(s) seem vain as the song is actually about that person/people.
Forget your "ah, but if it's about several people & one of those people thinks it's about them alone, they're being vain" argument too. If that was the case, the song would still be about that person as she would then be singing "you're so vain" at them alone. In other words, if anyone thought the song was about them, it was and anyone who didn't think it was about them clearly wasn't that vain. It's a flawed lyric that undermines the rest of the song and probably didn't deserve half the critical analysis I applied to it here.


7. "Born To Run" - Bruce Springsteen

"Just wrap your legs round these velvet rims
And strap your hands 'cross my engines"

Maybe they'd sound better if they didn't sound like they were spoken with a mouth full of food

I've made my thoughts about Bruce Springsteen crystal clear on this blog but I will say that the rest of the lyrics to this are pretty good, as are the efforts of his supporting band up until the awkward-sounding bridge. However, aside from the classic "tramps like us..." line, the only lyric I could recall happens to be one of the worst I've heard from any band/artist. Leaving aside the fact that you don't actually strap your hands across an engine when riding a motorbike unless you want to experience a worse burning sensation than trying to spank an open flame, it's the kind of cheap chat-up line I'd expect to overhear at a pub after the village shithead decides to down pint number seven. Like most of the above, it's enough to completely stain the song and prevent me from enjoying it even slightly, although Mr Springsteen's presence doesn't help either.


8. "War Pigs" - Black Sabbath

"Generals gathered in their masses,
Just like witches at black masses"

A good example of a song that could easily lose a minute or two

Similar to the first entry in this post, these iconic opening lyrics fall into the trap of rhyming a word with itself. It's like Ozzy or whoever wrote these words wanted the first line but couldn't think of another word ending in "-asses" that didn't make the song sound ridiculous. Chances are it was a band decision, even though they could've used the line later on in the song and rhymed it with "fascists" or "assets" or something that didn't sound like a child had written it. I would have been tempted to give these guys a pass, as they are Black Sabbath and all, but the fact that concert-going Metalheads always, ALWAYS belt out these shitty lyrics at full volume like they're the finest words ever assembled earns them their spot here.


9. "All Right Now" - Free

"Now don't you wait, or hesitate.
Let's move before they raise the parking rate"

Last time I saw a sign reading "Free Fire and Water", I was at an arsonist's pool party!! *rimshot*

I confess, the lyrics I originally wanted to use were different to these ones. I initially thought the lines before these were "Hey baby, what's your name? Maybe we can see if it's the same", which was ripe for a good mocking. However, turns out they're really "maybe we can see things the same" which is just about good enough to avoid tearing apart. At least, they would be if these lines weren't directly after it. Have you ever read a poem written by a kid where the content makes no sense just because it needs a rhyme at the end of the line? Yeah, that's this lyric right here.
"Let's move before they raise the parking rate" may have been a common saying in the early 70's, I don't know. If it was, maybe this line doesn't belong here. However, considering they actually had a decent rhyme of "wait" and "hesitate" just before, this line just feels like they wanted to get the lyrics for the verse out the way so they could move onto the chorus. In other words, it's got a faint aroma of laziness about it. Still a decent track though.


10. "Pink" - Aerosmith

"Pink as the bing on your cherry,
Pink, 'cause you are so very"

After hearing this song, pretty sure it's at eight now

Aerosmith was always going to end up on this list, it was inevitable. I could've gone down the easy route and picked "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" or maybe something from Toys In The Attic but instead, I went for a song that I fucking hate that wasn't "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing". Sammy Hagar wrote a song professing his love for the colour red and the result is a decent Hard Rock track. Aerosmith wrote a song professing their love for the colour pink/vaginas and the result is a kind of Country Rock puddle. That just about sums up Aerosmith compared to other Rock bands in a nutshell. Anyway, the lyrics I picked were the ones that sounded the most idiotic and made the least amount of sense. There are some decent ones in this track but the song is still terrible, as are these lyrics.


Do you agree with my choices? Do you think I was a bit harsh on some of these tracks and should've played it safer with songs known for crappy lyrics like "Ironic" or "Photograph"? Let me know in the comments and feel free to suggest some of your own tracks that could've done with a rewrite before entering the studio.