Tenology: Even More Terrible Rock/Metal Lyrics

Another Tenology post about lyrics? Darn straight, although this one isn't about Mondegreens; it's about poorly thought through lyrics in the world of Rock and Metal. This is the third one of these posts I've done so some of the songs might be deep cuts and some of the lyrics might not be as bad as "terrible". However, if the lyrics are poor, the lyrics are poor and this is where we get to laugh at them!

1. "I'll Be There For You" - The Rembrandts

"When it hasn't been your day, your week,
your month or even your year"

One of the most 90s-est album covers ever...*clap-clap-clap-clap-clap*

Kicking this list off is the popular theme to the TV show Friends, notable for the introductory guitar riff, rapid claps in the verse and catchy chorus. However, there's one line that's always bothered me when I think about it. For those who don't know the song (...what, they might exist!), the first verse talks about how crappy life can be for you. It then talks about when life is stuck in second gear and how you haven't had a good day, week, month or "even" year...and that's where I take issue. I get that the rhyme works well but if you think about it, shouldn't "even" go before day? Years are longer than months, weeks and days so it'll be a lot harder for it to be "your" year than "your" month, week or day. Since days are the shortest, it's therefore logically the easiest for it to be good for you so "even" should come before day. I admit that I'm splitting hairs with this line so let's look at a song with lyrics that we can all agree are terrible.


2. "Debora" - Tyrannosaurus Rex

"Oh Debora, always look like a zebra"

Oh Marc Bolan, you never did get the hang of the lyrics part of songwriting

Most of you may know this song from the film Baby Driver and how Edgar Wright named a character Deborah just so he could include a scene where the characters laugh about this lyric...and with good reason! The rhyme of "Debora" and "Zebra" is so godawful that it makes you wonder why anyone would even bother forcing it to begin with. Choose a different rhyme scheme or something; imagine how bad "Eleanor Rigby" would've been if The Beatles tried to find rhymes for that name. Not only that but has any woman in the history of humanity ever been complimented by the comparison of her to a striped horse-like creature, or indeed non-striped for that matter? Just a terrible, terrible lyric.


3. "She's A Genius" - Jet

"She only listens to the radio,
To see who's alive"

I wonder if the girl this song's about is called Sharona...

Whilst I'm aware that these lyrics aren't meant to be taken literally, I believe there's an argument to be made for their inclusion in this post regardless of how you interpret them. First, there's the literal meaning; girl literally uses the radio to determine who's still alive, which simply doesn't work. Then there's the figurative meaning; girl listens to the radio to know who's popular, which means she's got a shit taste in music because she only cares about what everyone else likes. I dunno about you about if I'm going to try to convince listeners that a girl is a genius through song, I wouldn't want to establish her terrible taste in music before I've even reached the first chorus!


4. "Falling In Love (Is Hard On The Knees)" - Aerosmith

"'Cause falling in love is so hard on the knees"

No, this isn't a Rolling Stones lyric...although the song does contain a different Rolling Stones lyric

This is the second time a song from Nine Lives has appeared in a blog post detailing terrible lyrics but this time, we're not mocking poor rhyme schemes and nonsensical sentences. This time, we're looking at Aerosmith's ability to create the most ridiculous, cringeworthy, eighth-grade lyrics about romance that one of the supposedly "wildest" Rock bands in the world just keeps on pumping out. This is the kind of lyric that sounds like part of a joke on The Simpsons about an ageing Rock band on their 50th anniversary world tour; they may as well have called the song "Make Love Or Make My Supper" or "Sleep With Me Before I Fall Asleep In My Armchair During A Countdown Repeat".


5. "Sweet Little Sister" - Skid Row

"She blew my mind behind the record machine...
...She's my sweet little, sweet little sister"

It's either "record" or "wrecking" machine; my argument still remains

OK, this one requires some context. First up, I absolutely love this song. It's my favourite Skid Row song (yes, even over "18 And Life" and "Youth Gone Wild") and for the most part, the vocal delivery and lyrics are pretty damn great. However, whenever I listen to it, there's always something in the back of my mind that doesn't sit right after hearing the above two lines at the start and chorus of the song. When you factor in Skid Row's general image and musical style,"She blew my mind behind the record/wrecking machine" can only be taken as a sexual metaphor but "She's my sweet little, sweet little sister" implies that "she" is related to him. Even if it's not the intended denotation, the connotation that the singer is getting oral pleasure from his sister still exists all because he sung "she's my" instead of "she's A" or "she's YOUR sweet little sister". I still love the song, though.


6. "Lonely Is The Night" - Billy Squier

"Lonely is the night when you find yourself alone"

I'm ashamed to say that it took way too long for me to notice this lyric

Billy Squier coming in with the piping hot observations. "Lonely is the night when you find yourself alone"? No fuckin' shit, Billy! What other pearls of wisdom have you got for us, "Teapots are useful only when they contain tea"? "A sport is not a sport if it's not a sport"? Once again, it's unfortunate that this terrible lyric not only belongs to Squier's signature song but is also the very first line he sings. Take note: if you're going to write a song with the intention of making it a radio hit, don't drop the ball in the opening line.


7. "Diggin' Me Down" - Ozzy Osbourne

"How will I know you, Mr. Jesus Christ"

I want to see a fight between Mr. Jesus Christ and Mr. Crowley

This lyric probably doesn't deserve to be called "terrible" but let's face it, it's still a bit naff. Saying "Mr. Jesus Christ" is the kind of thing a child or stereotypical Latin American maid would do, certainly not the Prince Of Darkness. There's always been an element of silliness in Ozzy Osbourne lyrics but this is one of the few examples that made me laugh out loud when I heard it. However, since it's (probably) Ozzy's last studio album and it contains a collection of awesome Metal music, I can forgive him for saying "Mr. Jesus Christ". Besides, at least Ozzy seems aware of his silliness, unlike his Heavy Metal counterpart, Ronnie James Dio. Speaking of Dio...


8. "Stargazer" - Rainbow

"There's no sun in the shadow of the wizard"

I'm beginning to think maybe RJD wasn't the lyrical wordsmith the entire Metal community says he was

Look out Billy Squier, looks like there's a contender for the Most Obvious Lyrics In Rock award that I've just created. I remember reading a quote about Dio that said something along the lines of "He never overestimated himself, nor underestimated himself". I agree with the second part. Ronnie's lyrics, whether they're from his time in Rainbow, Black Sabbath or Dio, contained fantastic mythological imagery but sometimes, he took himself a bit too seriously. Take this lyric: the declaration that shadows contain no sunlight is dumb but by adding something about wizards in there, Dio tried to pass it off as something majestic and awesome. Once you take a step back and listen to the lyrics without realising that it's Dio singing them, a lot of his material just sounds ridiculous. Of course, a lot of it sounds awesome too but that's not what this post is about.


9. "Uh! All Night" - KISS

"Well, we work all day and we don't know why"

KISS: Undisputed champions of writing songs about shagging

This album came out in the mid-80s, well into KISS' career as Shock Rock superstars. By this point, they will have made shitloads of cash on tours, music and (most importantly) merchandise. In other words, they were comfortably wealthy. As a result, lines like "we work all day and we don't know why" come across as a little...well, Let-Them-Eat-Cakey. KISS strike me as a band that would question why people would work all day if they don't like it, completely unaware that the average blue-collar fan of Rock needs to work to survive. If they want to write songs about getting laid, that's one thing, but trying to connect with the average Joe working 9-5 to make ends meet is a bad idea for a band like KISS. Bands like Bachman-Turner Overdrive and Lynyrd Skynyrd can write those songs, KISS can't.


10. "Sex On Fire" - Kings Of Leon

"You, your sex is on fire"

Remember when Kings Of Leon used to be a Rock band? Then they wrote this fucking song

No, I don't like this song. In fact, I'd even say that I hate it. It's bland and safe, exactly the opposite of what good Rock should be. However, we're not here for the tepid guitarwork or dull percussion in the verse; we're here for the lyrics in the chorus, namely the line that contains the title of the song. I'm guessing he's saying that they're having a cracking shag as opposed to the literal interpretation of spontaneous genitalia combustion but the term "your sex is on fire" sounds like something from a Steel Panther or Red Hot Chili Peppers track, definitely not the kind of lyric that belongs in a song like this. It's over the top and almost a parody of the kind of shit Hair Metal bands would write, yet Kings Of Leon seem to be delivering it non-ironically? I don't know and I don't care enough about the band to actually research whether this was meant to be a piss-take in the same way "(You've Got To) Fight For Your Right (To Party)" - Beastie Boys was. All I know is I don't much care for the lyric...or song...or band...Youth And Young Manhood was a good album though.


One day, I need to write a blog post about GOOD lyrics in Rock/Metal, as I've definitely been thinking of a couple recently. Maybe in October, as I don't want to do too many lyric-based Tenology posts in a short space of time.

Tenology: Mondegreens In Rock/Metal

Mondegreen, noun: A misheard lyric of a song, typically a phrase rather than a single word.

One of the many Tenology posts currently in the works deals with Mondegreens in Rock/Metal music old and new. When assembling this list, I tried to avoid choosing songs with forced misinterpretations that clearly sound nothing like the original lyrics, instead opting for lyrics that are either well known Mondegreens or ones that I've personally misheard over the years.
Underneath each track is an embedded YouTube video that starts just before the Mondegreen in question. However, since videos get taken down every day, I'll also be including a Spotify playlist at the bottom of this post along with the exact time of the Mondegreen for said Spotify track. Again, the time listed in the title is for the Spotify track, NOT the YouTube one.


1. "Paranoid" - Black Sabbath (2:20)

Lyric: "And so as you hear these words, telling you now of my state".
Mondegreen: "And so as you hear these words, telling you now I want my steak".



Of all the lyrics that I've misheard over the years, this is the one that probably surprised (and embarrassed) me the most. I only discovered the real lyrics after singing this song on Rock Band with one of my friends, outing myself as a classless fool who didn't know the real lyrics to a Black Sabbath song. Fortunately, I don't think he gave a shit and my social status remained untouched that day. To be honest, I prefer the delivery of "I want my steak" and will always hear those words when I listen to this song.


2. "Kid Charlemagne" - Steely Dan (3:26)

Lyric: "Careful what you carry".
Mondegreen: "Care for wine, Drew Carey?"



I once read a heated debate in a YouTube comment section as to whether the lyric in a song about drug dealers was about caution when transporting goods to a car or offering the host of Whose Line Is It Anyway a glass of Pino Grigio. It went on for some time and the only purpose it served was allowing me to list it as a Mondegreen some 10 years or so later. Whilst I've never made the mistake of thinking the lyric was genuinely about Drew Carey myself, I can hear both versions when I listen to it.


3. "Turn Up The Radio" - Autograph (1:33)

Lyric: "The only time I turn it down, is when I'm sleeping it off".
Mondegreen: "The only time I turn it down, is when I'm feelin' it up".



Unlike "Paranoid", this Mondegreen is one that I may have made myself but didn't believe was genuine for years. I listened to this song and wasn't sure if he was singing about feeling music up although didn't care enough about the real lyrics enough to do a five second Google search. However, after knowing the correct lyrics, I feel like that's all I can hear now. However, if you find a version of this song with weaker audio quality, you might mishear the lyrics too.


4. "Blinded By The Light" - Manfred Mann's Earth Band (0:11)

Lyric: "Blinded by the light, revved up like a deuce, another runner...".
Mondegreen: "Blinded by the light, wrapped up like a douche, another runner...".



Continuing the trend of alternating personal Mondegreens with fairly well known ones, this song contains arguably one of the most common Mondegreens in existence. I mean, just listen to it! They must've heard the chorus after recording it and thought "Hmmm, that kinda sounds like we're talking about wrapping up douches. Should we do another take?" before deciding to take an early lunch instead. Ah well, at least this isn't the band's signature song or anything...


5. "Footloose" - Kenny Loggins (2:37)

Lyric: "Gotta take the hold of all".
Mondegreen: "I'll take the whole of Rome".



Another Mondegreen that I only believed because I couldn't figure out what the actual lyrics were when I first heard this song. I can't remember exactly why but at some point in my youth, I was typing out all the lyrics to this song and didn't have the common sense to simply Google the lyrics...so I tried to work it out phonetically and needless to say, ended up very confused. Now I know the actual words, I can hear "all" instead of "Rome" but you have to admit, the first part of the line still doesn't sound quite right.


6. "Hate Not Gone" - Stone Sour (2:10)

Lyric: "My Hell is running cold".
Mondegreen: "My Elvis wouldn't go".



This is one that I've coined but every time I hear this song, whenever it gets to the line before the chorus, I always hear "My Elvis wouldn't go". This line appears throughout the entire song but I've selected the line that I believe sounds the funniest when you imagine Corey Taylor lamenting the fact that his personal King Of Rock wouldn't do what he wanted. This isn't a well known song so I doubt this is a popular Mondegreen but of all the ones on the list, it's probably one of the easiest ones to hear.


7. "(You Can Still) Rock In America" - Night Ranger (1:23)

Lyric: "Not a sound as she makes her getaway".
Mondegreen: "Not a sound as she Mexican waves".


This is a Mondegreen that I genuinely thought was the actual lyric until I played this song on Clone Hero recently and saw the words "makes her getaway" instead of "Mexican waves". Granted, the actual lyric makes a hell of a lot more sense in the context of the song but I didn't dispute the idea of this fictional character figuratively (or literally) performing a Mexican wave in dead silence. Why? Not entirely sure although I can still hear both versions of the lyric when I listen to this song.


8. "Creeping Death" - Metallica (1:24)

Lyric: "So let it be written, so let it be done".
Mondegreen: "So let me retire, so let me die".



Whilst both lyrics are suitably badass for this absolute beast of a song, I personally prefer the version that I misheard when I first listened to this song. Since the song was called "Creeping Death", I think I naturally assumed the chorus would be about dying. However, some years after hearing it, I discovered that it was actually someone giving orders, kinda like the rest of the song. Should've figured it out but ah well, it's still a fucking great tune.


9. "La Dee Da" - Foo Fighters (0:18)

Lyric: "Jim Jones painting in a blue bedroom".
Mondegreen: "Chimp Trump's bleeding in a blue bedroom



When I first heard this song, I couldn't quite make out the lyrics and assumed it was about Trump due to Dave Grohl's unhappiness with American culture around the time of the album's conception. That and the previous line referring to the White House. Admittedly this isn't a well known Mondegreen (as far as I know) but don't worry, the last one's a bit more infamous.


10. "Fortunate Son" - Creedence Clearwater Revival (1:47)

Lyric: "I ain't no military son".
Mondegreen: "I ain't no milk terrorist's son".



Again, I quite like the term "milk terrorist" but I only discovered the true lyrics after a radio DJ also confessed to getting the lyrics incorrect when they listened to it. Even though I can sort of hear "military son" when I really listen for it, "milk terrorist's son" just sounds more natural. Song's still great, though.




Are there any well known or lesser known but equally amusing Mondegreens in Rock/Metal I've missed? Let me know via Twitter or in the comment section, as I'm probably gonna do another one of these posts in the future if I can find enough examples.

Tenology: More Terrible Rock/Metal Lyrics

It always seems to be the way when you're compiling a list of some sort. You gather a bunch of examples that you spend quite a bit of time looking for, sort them into a handy blog post and then a few days later, even better examples fall right into your lap!
This blog post has been months in the making, as I wanted to spend longer gathering even better examples of truly rubbish lyrics from great Rock and Metal songs. If there are songs with shoddy writing that you feel I've missed, feel free to let me know on Twitter or the comment section, although keep in mind that I may have already covered your song choices in the first of these posts.
Anyway, let's get cringing!

1. "Pour Some Sugar On Me" - Def Leppard

"Step inside, walk this way,
You and me babe, hey hey"

I was surprised to learn the crappy edit of the song with this intro is the actual album version!

Def Leppard aren't lyrical wordsmiths by any standards but as long as they're capable of pumping out top quality music, that isn't a problem. However, there are times when that belief is put to the test, such as in the intro to their signature song. There are stories about this song being written and finished in an hour or so whilst on a break from recording other tracks and I'm tempted to believe them with lines like this. It's as if they couldn't be bothered to think of anything better to rhyme with "way" so opted for the Krusty The Clown ending. It's not even the only shit lyric, as someone on Twitter once pointed out that the song about sex officially stops being sexy at the line "one lump or two".


2. "The Jack" - AC/DC

"She's got the jack, she's got the jack
She's got the jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack"

This song makes Rock Or Bust sound like bloody DragonForce

Give me any 40 minute Prog odyssey over this shit as I'm convinced "The Jack" is quite possibly the most boring fucking song in all of Rock. I know AC/DC albums tend to have uninspired filler tracks but this takes the absolute piss. Ignoring the fact that the band couldn't think of any clever or even bad lyrics after "she's got the jack" and decided to just repeat the line until you feel like jacking your life in yourself, the lyrical matter of this song doesn't match the music at all. It's a slow Bluesy number that is such a poor fit for a song about a girl with the clap; maybe that's what they were going for just to be cheeky but instead, it comes across as dirge.


3. "Death Or Glory" - Iron Maiden

"Climb like a monkey,
out of hell where I belong"

This lyric is the main reason I don't listen to this song that much anymore

Usually, Iron Maiden tracks (whether filler or singles) have great lyrics and even if they are overusing the theme of war, those songs can still drive a point home regardless of when that point was first made. However, this song has one line that removes listeners from the greatness of the music and feels like it doesn't belong with the rest of the lyrics. "Climb like a monkey" sounds like something out of an Ozzy Osbourne track, not an Iron Maiden one. Shame too, as the rest of the song is awesome.


4. "Should I Stay Or Should I Go" - The Clash

"If I go there will be trouble,
And if I stay it will be double"

Never liked this album cover, not sure why.

I think this argument was first brought up in a book by Al Murray (could be wrong) but I've always felt the same way about these lyrics too. Surely, if that's the dilemma The Clash are facing, the logical answer is to go! "If I stay it will be double" means that they're in a worse situation if they stay, so why the fuck are they so confused about this? There may be some underlying metaphorical bollocks about the connotations of "it will be double" but the denotation implies they'll be worse off if they stay. Good thing I started watching Stranger Things, otherwise I may have forgotten about these lyrics!


5. "What Difference Does It Make?" - The Smiths

"So what difference does it make?
So what difference does it make?
It makes none..."

Shittalking lyrics in a Smiths song? Fuck, I've got some explaining to do!

I'll admit, this entry is probably more of a personal pet peeve than me pointing out genuinely rubbish lyrics but stick with me! Morrissey is kind of like a musical Banksy; people can go on for days about all the poetic statements he's made about his beautifully grim view on life but when all's said and done, he comes across as a massive bellend, more so than Sting or Bono in my opinion. However, we're not here to talk about his alliance with vegan nutjobs PETA or his attitude towards his past/superior work, just these lines in this song which MAYBE a more humble musician wouldn't have included.
Call me pedantic but I have a massive problem with lyrics that answer their own rhetorical questions; imagine how much shittier that last track I talked about would be if The Clash sung "Should I stay or should I go? I should definitely go" in each chorus. It comes across as patronising, like we couldn't work out what Morrissey was fucking getting at without him spelling it out seconds later...and yes, I'm aware of the irony of that last sentence. At least Johnny Marr's guitar is a constant redeeming factor here, as is the case with most decent songs by The Smiths.


6. "Soul To Squeeze" - Red Hot Chili Peppers

"Doo doo doo doo dingle zing a dong bone,
Ba-di ba-da ba-zumba crunga cong gone bad"

Probably the most RHCP-y song of all RHCP songs

Usually, Red Hot Chili Peppers songs have fucking great lyrics and even if you can't make out all of the words, they all mesh perfectly with the music and rhythm. However, I can remember hearing this part of the song and finding myself removed from the music. To me, the only band that can get away with fitting vocal nonsense to great music is Tenacious D (hence their absence from this list). For a band known for amazing lyrics, this string of gibberish is especially worthy of a place in this post although I probably would've included it even if they had the lyrical genius of a Poison song.


7. "Civil War" - Guns N' Roses

"What's so civil about war, anyway?"

Guys, have you heard? War is bad! GNR figured it out!

Yeah man, what IS so civil about war? That's, like, such a clever observation dude and get this; why do Universal Studios only ever show the Earth if they're UNIVERSAL Studios?
Aren't all glasses technically 3D glasses?
Is your mind blown yet, brah?
OK, in what I assume were Axl's last words before recording this bollocks, let's get serious now. I'm not sure what the worst thing about this lyric is; the fact that Axl is questioning his own message about all wars being civil wars, the way it's still trying to make the song seem like it gives a fuck about other people despite being all about Axl telling us how much HE doesn't need war or the pathetic, patronising tone Axl takes when he utters this line during the outro. The rest of the lyrics are pretty shocking too, although not in the way Axl intended. When you have verses singing "look at the people dying, look at the women crying" or some shit and then try to round the song off with a pseudo-philosophical question about war, you've got a perfect candidate for this blog post.


8. "ABC" - The Jackson 5

"Sit down girl, I think I love you,
No, get up girl"

It might not be "Rock" but I would argue it's a Funk/Pop-based Rock subgenre so it counts, damnit!

I've always hated this song about a teacher trying to chat up a child who doesn't know her basic alphabet as sung by a four year old but this lyric is the final straw for me. It's fucking annoying and makes no bloody sense; plus it makes Michael Jackson's teacher sound like an absolute prick, berating a young girl for doing exactly what he's ordering her to. People give modern Pop artists like Justin Bieber and Nicki Minaj shit for singing truly awful lyrics written by six studio producers to make as much money off idiotic teenage girls and teenage boys trying to get with idiotic teenage girls as possible but...well, you get the point I'm making.


9. "Bad Bad Boy" - Nazareth

"I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad-bad boy"

I'll admit this is similar to a previous entry on the list but it's still worthy of this list

If you've heard this song, you'll probably already think it's annoying anyway. If you haven't heard it, it's quite possibly one of the worst Hard Rock songs in existence. As soon as the slide guitar comes in and you realise it's yet another shitty rendition of the Blues chord progression, you know you're in for a godawful track. However, I'm not here to discuss this song's quality, just the lyrics.
They're serviceable for the most part but towards the end when the band ran out of ideas, it goes from shit to shite. Dan McCafferty starts singing the word "bad" over and over, similar to when Dave Grohl sings "The Best" in "Best Of You" - Foo Fighters, only this time it's grating and sounds like it goes on for fucking ages. They could've improved this song by...hmmm...well, not writing it, I suppose.


10. "Teenage Dirtbag" - Wheatus

"I've got two tickets to Iron Maiden, baby
Come with me Friday, don't say maybe"

Apparently, this song came from an actual album! Who knew?

Another song I fucking despise. To be honest, I could've copied the entire song's lyrics down as the whole thing is stupid but I chose these two lines for reasons I'll explain a bit later. It starts off with a dork singing about a girl named Noel, given a boy's name just to allow for a shitty rhyme, and he laments the fact that she's going out with a dick. If this song were written now, everyone would hate the lead singer for being a "nice guy", although he claims that this jock brings a gun to school so I'm not really sure who I'm supposed to hate here; someone who may shoot up a school or a whiny pussy bitching all the way through this song.
Anyway, by the end of the track (during the lyrics I've quoted), the girl he fancies approaches him at the prom and asks him if he wants to go see Iron Maiden with her. Leaving aside the fact that if the romance was genuine, this would NEVER HAPPEN, the cynical part of me thinks this is basically just the girl mentally screwing with the dork to get his hopes up. However, the lyrics or band aren't nearly clever enough to give that impression. Fuck Wheatus and fuck this song.


Chances are I'll hear a song with worse lyrics than any of these in the next week so, similar to what I'm doing with one of my Showdown posts, I'll add any extra songs to the end of this post until I reach 10 tracks with shitty lyrics; then I'll paste them all into another blog post.
If you have any recommendations of songs with terrible lyrics, let me know via Twitter or the comment section. Apologies if I forgot any feedback I received from the last one of these posts (as I know somebody messaged me). Next week, album review(s)!

Tenology: Terrible Rock/Metal Lyrics

Bridging July & August, this week's post is a list dedicated to lyrics from Rock or Metal songs which are just truly, truly awful. As is the case with most of the other Tenology posts, these aren't in any particular order nor are they meant to be taken as the Top 10 worst lyrics of any category. They're just ten examples of shitty lyrics that I know of, nothing more or less. Obviously, this is going to be heavy in opinion but before I start, here's a brief description of what I would call a terrible Rock/Metal lyric.
If the song has an established rhyme sequence and this line decides to either randomly break it or get incredibly lazy with the chosen words, that constitutes a bad lyric. If the words chosen make it genuinely difficult for me to enjoy the song, that's definitely a bad lyric. If an overused cliche or reference that's been used too many times is dragged up and used to make the song sound more romantic or intellectual (e.g. pretty much any song after "(Don't Fear) The Reaper" which refers to Romeo & Juliet)...yeah, you get the picture.
Let's get cracking!


1. "Hot Blooded" - Foreigner

"You don't have to read my mind,
to know what I have in mind"

I guess it's kinda fitting that the album cover also contains the same picture used twice

I really like this song for what it is. It's a cheap, 79p Hard Rock song that's always good to listen to when it comes on the radio but it's unlikely to be anyone's favourite. You might argue that it could've (and should've) been a more popular Arena Rock hit but considering the band couldn't even think of another word that rhymes with "mind" for the opening line of the first fucking verse, something tells me this band never really intended this to be their magnum opus. But hey, it's a dud lyric in an otherwise acceptable track. Just a shame it's one of the first lyrics after the chorus.


2. "The Trees" - Rush

"There is trouble in the forest,
And the creatures all have fled
As the maples scream "Oppression"!
And the oaks just shake their heads"

"WHAT?! How DARE you put Rush in this opinionated blog post about rubbish lyrics!!"

I wanted to include the lyrics for the entire song but chose instead to pick the verse which I felt was the silliest. I mean, whether you think the song is one of Neil Peart's finest lyrical works or a pretentious load of crap, at the end of the day it's just silly. It's a forced metaphor designed to highlight social/economic class strife that reads like a children's poem without the music. In fact, if it WAS written to be a poem, I'd probably enjoy it a lot more as the words aren't all that bad without context. However, it's not a poem. It's a Prog Rock track and they're lyrics for a Rock song.


3. "Spirit In The Sky" - Norman Greenbaum

"Never been a sinner,
I never sinned,
I got a friend in Jesus"

This lyric is worth a million sins, in my book! *chuckles internally*

Another case of a great track ruined by a shoddily lazy lyric. Up until the verse after the solo, the song does a pretty good job with the rhyming couplets and aside from being flatter than week old cola, it's a great tune. Sadly, Mr Greenbaum decided to phone it in at the two & a half minute mark and presumably thought "Sod it, it's been a long day. I'll just whack out the first thing that comes into my head" shortly before he came up with a line that feels disturbingly out of place. Not just that but the rest of the lyrics are all recycled from previous verses and choruses. Someone probably should've told Norman that Sloth is actually a sin before he cut corners whilst writing an entire song about how fucking great he was...Pride too, that's another sin.


4. "Daddy, Brother, Lover, Little Boy (The Electric Drill Song)" - Mr. Big

"I'll be your daddy, your brother, your lover and your little boy"

A visual representation of what this song turns into thanks to the lyrics...a trainwreck...get it?

It took me a while to actually buy this song and listen to it fairly regularly. Even now, I find myself skipping it despite loving the musical side to it. I can listen to romantic songs that talk about being someone's lover. I can live with tracks that imply a family connection to someone the singer really cared about. I can even stand a well-written tune that insists on telling the listener about how they're "your daddy". But when a singer serenades you about being all of those things at once and phrases it in a kind of creepy way, it ends up on blog posts like this. I totally understand the sentiment behind it but I also feel it could've been done in a way that wouldn't deserve a spot on The Jerry Springer Show.


5. "Jailbreak" - Thin Lizzy

"Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak
Somewhere in this town"

I can't believe I never questioned this line when I first heard it

Credit where due, I wasn't the first to make this observation. I saw Dave Spikey (a stand-up comic) make a joke about these lyrics years ago and sadly, I can't find a clip of it on Youtube to link to. However, he still raises a good point. It makes it sound like everyone in the band was thinking "Gee, I wonder where a JAILbreak could take place" as they were writing it. There's not too much material to be mined from this comment so I guess the rest of this paragraph could be spent talking about how every other Thin Lizzy song mentions "the boys".


6. "You're So Vain" - Carly Simon

"You're so vain
You probably think this song is about you"

[INSERT WITTY REMARK CONNECTING 'SECRETS' WITH 'OBVIOUS NIPPLES']

OK so the self-referential nature of a song aimed at someone the singer hates is quite clever and definitely catchy. However, there is a crucial flaw to this song that nobody seems to want to admit. The song is called "You're So Vain", a line she repeats in the chorus. The whole point of the song existing seems to be to highlight the fact that there's a vain dick in her life, so technically the song is about the guy/amalgamation of men she's singing about. This wouldn't be a problem if she didn't also sing "you probably think this song is about you" in the chorus, a statement that doesn't really make the guy(s) seem vain as the song is actually about that person/people.
Forget your "ah, but if it's about several people & one of those people thinks it's about them alone, they're being vain" argument too. If that was the case, the song would still be about that person as she would then be singing "you're so vain" at them alone. In other words, if anyone thought the song was about them, it was and anyone who didn't think it was about them clearly wasn't that vain. It's a flawed lyric that undermines the rest of the song and probably didn't deserve half the critical analysis I applied to it here.


7. "Born To Run" - Bruce Springsteen

"Just wrap your legs round these velvet rims
And strap your hands 'cross my engines"

Maybe they'd sound better if they didn't sound like they were spoken with a mouth full of food

I've made my thoughts about Bruce Springsteen crystal clear on this blog but I will say that the rest of the lyrics to this are pretty good, as are the efforts of his supporting band up until the awkward-sounding bridge. However, aside from the classic "tramps like us..." line, the only lyric I could recall happens to be one of the worst I've heard from any band/artist. Leaving aside the fact that you don't actually strap your hands across an engine when riding a motorbike unless you want to experience a worse burning sensation than trying to spank an open flame, it's the kind of cheap chat-up line I'd expect to overhear at a pub after the village shithead decides to down pint number seven. Like most of the above, it's enough to completely stain the song and prevent me from enjoying it even slightly, although Mr Springsteen's presence doesn't help either.


8. "War Pigs" - Black Sabbath

"Generals gathered in their masses,
Just like witches at black masses"

A good example of a song that could easily lose a minute or two

Similar to the first entry in this post, these iconic opening lyrics fall into the trap of rhyming a word with itself. It's like Ozzy or whoever wrote these words wanted the first line but couldn't think of another word ending in "-asses" that didn't make the song sound ridiculous. Chances are it was a band decision, even though they could've used the line later on in the song and rhymed it with "fascists" or "assets" or something that didn't sound like a child had written it. I would have been tempted to give these guys a pass, as they are Black Sabbath and all, but the fact that concert-going Metalheads always, ALWAYS belt out these shitty lyrics at full volume like they're the finest words ever assembled earns them their spot here.


9. "All Right Now" - Free

"Now don't you wait, or hesitate.
Let's move before they raise the parking rate"

Last time I saw a sign reading "Free Fire and Water", I was at an arsonist's pool party!! *rimshot*

I confess, the lyrics I originally wanted to use were different to these ones. I initially thought the lines before these were "Hey baby, what's your name? Maybe we can see if it's the same", which was ripe for a good mocking. However, turns out they're really "maybe we can see things the same" which is just about good enough to avoid tearing apart. At least, they would be if these lines weren't directly after it. Have you ever read a poem written by a kid where the content makes no sense just because it needs a rhyme at the end of the line? Yeah, that's this lyric right here.
"Let's move before they raise the parking rate" may have been a common saying in the early 70's, I don't know. If it was, maybe this line doesn't belong here. However, considering they actually had a decent rhyme of "wait" and "hesitate" just before, this line just feels like they wanted to get the lyrics for the verse out the way so they could move onto the chorus. In other words, it's got a faint aroma of laziness about it. Still a decent track though.


10. "Pink" - Aerosmith

"Pink as the bing on your cherry,
Pink, 'cause you are so very"

After hearing this song, pretty sure it's at eight now

Aerosmith was always going to end up on this list, it was inevitable. I could've gone down the easy route and picked "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" or maybe something from Toys In The Attic but instead, I went for a song that I fucking hate that wasn't "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing". Sammy Hagar wrote a song professing his love for the colour red and the result is a decent Hard Rock track. Aerosmith wrote a song professing their love for the colour pink/vaginas and the result is a kind of Country Rock puddle. That just about sums up Aerosmith compared to other Rock bands in a nutshell. Anyway, the lyrics I picked were the ones that sounded the most idiotic and made the least amount of sense. There are some decent ones in this track but the song is still terrible, as are these lyrics.


Do you agree with my choices? Do you think I was a bit harsh on some of these tracks and should've played it safer with songs known for crappy lyrics like "Ironic" or "Photograph"? Let me know in the comments and feel free to suggest some of your own tracks that could've done with a rewrite before entering the studio.