Here Is The News: November 2018 Edition

Here's some news for you; I just counted the number of blog posts I'll have to write in December to make it to 52 for the entire year and I'm gonna have to frickin' go some to reach that!
Until then, here's one less blog post to worry about!

BRUCE DICKINSON: WHY I OPENED THE ARK OF THE COVENANT

Iron Maiden singer Bruce Dickinson has revealed his reasons for opening the Ark of the Covenant on stage at the band's latest concert in Germany. The band were halfway through a performance of "Revelations" when Bruce wheeled on the actual Ark of the Covenant and proceeded to open the lid, prompting the holy souls trapped inside to fill the auditorium and recreate the iconic climactic scene from Raiders Of The Lost Ark, only with concert goers replacing the roles of the Nazis. The outspoken vocalist defended his actions in a recent radio interview in between dates during the band's 2018/19 world tour.

When asked why he opened the Ark, Bruce (pictured left) responded "A lot of people have been spouting nonsense about what the holy Ark of the Covenant is capable of but nobody's actually had the sense to see for themselves. It's all well and good going "Yeah, don't open it" because of that scene in Raiders where all the faces melted but nobody talks about how easy it was to avoid the searing death that the Nazis suffered". Bruce was referring to how Indiana Jones and Marion avoided the same fate as the stormtroopers by averting their eyes when the spirits exited their supernatural prison, something Bruce was quick to do after removing the lid. "Iron Maiden are an experienced band and I know how to sing with my eyes closed. I mean, I was OK so I'm sure our fans were OK if they knew how to close their eyes"!

Bruce Dickinson (estimated net worth $125 million) has shocked fans in the past with his staunch defence of the UK Conservative party and his support of Brexit. His strong opinions have often landed him in hot water and this instance is no exception, as the families of the deceased concert goers have demanded some form of retribution for Bruce's actions. They feel that his actions were largely self-centred and done without the consideration of the hard-working fans who perhaps didn't have the social or economical means to watch the classic Indiana Jones film.

According to the band's management, the idea to bring the Ark of the Covenant on stage and actually open it during the guitar solo of "Revelations" was entirely Bruce's. When asked for further comment on whether the band supported Bruce's decision, guitarist Janick Gers (who was standing closest to the Ark when it was opened) stated "Garfarbfarabrabff", which we believe meant "It's a bit late now but we stand by Bruce and whatever he does on stage, no matter how poorly thought through it might seem".

Bruce has been advised not to wheel out the Ark of the Covenant again but he claimed that he still plans to use it during performances. "At the end of the day, regardless of how bad things might seem now, things will get better. Plastic surgery has come a long way in just the last five years and fans who literally got their faces melted off can have them reconstructed before coming back next year to have them melted off again, albeit figuratively instead!". When questioned about the fans who aren't as wealthy as him and can't afford the tens of thousands of pounds for crucial facial reconstruction surgery, Bruce replied that there are plenty of fine masks available.

AC/DC PLACED ON LIFE-SUPPORT

Australian Rock band AC/DC have been moved to a private wing in the Royal Melbourne Hospital and placed on life-support after losing another band member. The legendary Hard Rock group were in critical condition when they were brought to the hospital with some doctors claiming to be amazed that they've "lasted this long".

The band first showed signs of deteriorating health when they had to go in for treatment in 2014 to replace rhythm guitarist Malcolm Young. After a successful transplant, AC/DC were back in the studio ready to record a new album but after the disappointment that was Rock Or Bust, the band's physical well-being kept declining over the years. The band had to undergo emergency surgery to remove the drummer due to criminal charges pressed against him and less than two years later, AC/DC underwent a frontmanectomy to allow vocalist Brian Johnson a chance to recover from a hearing condition.

Whilst the band were quick to replace Brian Johnson with Axl Rose (pictured above), fans begun to question whether it was fair to allow the band to continue in such a poor state. One lifelong supporter of the band commented "It feels like they're only carrying on for the sake of it, not because they're getting any joy out of what they're doing and certainly not because people are desperate for them to keep going. It's like The Simpsons all over again".

After suffering critical bass player failure, resulting in the loss of Cliff Williams from the band's lineup, AC/DC were once again rushed to hospital to ensure they had enough functioning band members to make it through the tour. Things seemed to be going well until Axl Rose recently fell ill on stage at a Guns N' Roses concert, prompting AC/DC's management to ensure they were plugged into life-support.

It's impossible to say how long the band have left but if there's one thing you can admire them for, it's their determination to keep on fighting. Even when the quality of their music is dwindling and they're resorting to desperate choices for vocalist replacements, AC/DC are hanging on in there until they can rock no more...presumably a couple of days after Angus Young inevitably drops out.

HOT NEW BAND TAKES INTERNET BY STORM

A new, up-and-coming Rock band are rapidly gaining fans after sounding remarkably similar to iconic 70s group Styx. This new band, named River, have released two singles in just two weeks that contain incredibly similar structures, vocals and guitar playing to the songs "Come Sail Away" and "Renegade", two of the band's most popular singles.

River is made up of six band members: Johnny Spaw on vocals, Jim Elder on guitar, Charlie Ozzonap on bass, Rod Schuleman on drums, Larry Cummin keys and Mickey Phelps also on bass. Despite all appearing to be quite old in the music videos for their singles "Boat On The Highway" and "Mr. Mechano", each band member sports a long black moustache and thick black glasses from start to finish.

Fans of 70s music have taken to the YouTube comment sections and social media to remark in absolute amazement that River sound almost identical to Styx, posting such comments as "OMG these guys are the new Styx!!" and "I'd love to hear these guys cover Styx, they sound just like them!!" over and over and over again as if they're the only people on the face of the planet who have made the connection between two bands who sound similar. Even fans of more contemporary music who have only heard Styx through the occasional music snippet in TV shows have noted similarities, although almost 100% of them don't care.

When asked for comment on River's entrance onto the Rock scene, none of the members of Styx have been available. In fact, none of the members of Styx have even been seen in the last fortnight. Whilst there are theories all over the Internet describing where Styx could have gone, the theory with the most credibility seems to be the one stating that they're simply getting rehearsing and getting ready for their tour with Larry The Cable Guy. This is a thing that's happening. Styx are going on tour with Larry The Cable Guy. I'm actually not making this bit up.

River aren't the only band with remarkable similarities to a 70s Rock group getting next to no attention anymore who have surfaced recently. A few months ago, The Tumbling Rocks released their first album to an audience of indifferent hipsters and earlier this year, Purple Lloyd teased a new album and tour starting mid-December. The sudden resurgence of Classic Rock has proven that it doesn't matter if you create new, exciting material and develop your own style of music for a modern audience still hungry for Rock; as long as you can sound exactly like a band that isn't doing anything worthwhile anymore, you can bring some happiness to overweight fans who desperately want it to be 1973 again.

I'm not sure if I'll get all the blog posts done in time for January but I'll definitely get at least four up!

Shout Out: The Mission - Styx

Continuing the trend of discussing albums from 2017 that I weren't aware of until after I'd written about the best/worst albums of 2017, here we have a new record from Styx!

OK, I'm quite late on this one but I still feel like it deserves some attention, seeing as how I only found it through the Discover Weekly playlist on Spotify and not any of the lists about 2017 album releases I read over the last couple of years. However, I'm not reviewing it simply because I don't have an awful lot to say about it, at least not in the usual depth I go into on album reviews; hence, Shout Out! Usually Shout Out posts are dedicated to albums I really love but occasionally, I write one when I just want to bring it to people's attention. This is one of those times.
The Mission is a concept album about mankind's journey to Mars with some narrative fluff in between; your typical Prog Arena Rock affair. Whilst this may not have the passion and youthful energy that earlier Styx songs contained (arguably due to the lack of Dennis DeYoung), the band have pulled an ELO and written music to accommodate their age. The majority of tracks are slower, more atmospheric ("Radio Silence", "Time May Bend") but there are a couple of faster paced rockers in there, such as true album opener "Gone Gone Gone" and "The Outpost". Whilst there are a couple of unnecessary filler tracks designed to bridge songs with musical narrative ("Ten Thousand Ways", "All Systems Stable"), it's still a strong album that feels like it was written with the intention of creating great music, not forcing the creators back into the mainstream or making undeserved money off idiotic music magazines and their fans touting the talents of has-beens.
If you like albums that you can chill out to and listen to in the background, The Mission is perfect for you. It starts off with excitement and peacefully mellows out for the rest of the journey, not unlike the launch of a rocket to space (an artistic decision that was hopefully intentional and not me reaching). If you want an album full of "Lorelei"s and "Blue Collar Man"s, you'll be disappointed. I suppose the album opener did a poor job of setting standards from that perspective but hey, that's what I'm here for! There are far more egotistical, unnecessary examples of Prog Rock concept albums out there, although for someone like myself who prefers Rock music that actually Rocks, it's not an album I'll be revisiting any time soon.

1. Overture

2. Gone Gone Gone

3. Hundred Million Miles From Home

4. Trouble At The Big Show

5. Locomotive

6. Radio Silence

7. The Greater Good

8. Time May Bend

9. Ten Thousand Ways

10. Red Storm

11. All Systems Stable

12. Khedive

13. The Outpost

14. Mission To Mars

ALBUM RATING - 6/10

Aaaaand that's me all caught up on blog posts for the month! Bring on April...and May...and June...just keep bringing on months until everything ends.

Man Of Miracles - Styx

Since I haven't listened to any new albums this week & can't think of an opinion post to write at the moment, it's time to review another old album! This time, I've gone for one that's probably been forgotten by the average fan of this band or genre.

If I asked you to give me a list of songs by Styx, it's unlikely any of your picks would come from the four albums they produced with Wooden Nickel. Many of their big hits such as "Come Sail Away", "Renegade" and "Mr Roboto" were from albums produced with A&M but before they made the big record label switch, Styx gave us one last gift in the form of Man Of Miracles.
Whilst the cover conjures the appearance of a long-winded Prog Opera, the album's content is mostly good old fashioned Rock. In fact, with an upbeat album opener called "Rock & Roll Feeling", you'd be a bit dim not to realise this straight away. From there, the album swings between footstomping guitar driven Rock and mystical, moody Prog. Ultimately, the entire album is one you can listen to from start to finish or pick & choose tracks from after enjoying it the first time, giving it decent repeat value.
Whether you're into your grandiose Uriah Heep Hard Prog material ("A Song For Suzanne", "Man Of Miracles") or your rousing Doobie Brothers Classic Rock ("Havin' A Ball", "A Man Like Me"), this album is one for fans of 70's AOR everywhere, although it's the kind of album that's best enjoyed through headphones instead of speakers. You're more likely to get the best out of it if you're listening to it privately out of social situations like parties, as the material on here isn't quite as accessible as the music of bands such as Queen.

However, that doesn't remove any of this album's value and whilst it hasn't stood the test of time with "Iconic Albums To Listen To Before You Die" lists, Man Of Miracles is an unearthed gem that ranks highly on my personal tier. I love the well-oiled combination of each instrument adding their own touch to all the songs, I love the fact that the album doesn't accidentally use the wrong drumbeat or chord progression in several tracks (which happens surprisingly often in Blues based Rock) and I love the way it not only opens but closes on a perfect note, rather than fading out with a whimper.
Despite my gleaming praise, music journalists from yesteryear didn't quite agree with me. When Man Of Miracles was released in 1974 (and recently reviewed by music websites), critics called out Styx's inability to settle on a style and claimed that the album was bipolar in its sound. I can understand this point but I definitely wouldn't call that a negative observation. Yes, a record should be relatively self-contained within the genre so that it doesn't sound like a band desperately trying to please everyone but this album doesn't spread itself thin, at least not from the perspective of a 21st century listener.
As I mentioned, it covers two distinct sounds but there's an even split between the styles. The record finds the right balance between devoting the first and second halves to the respective subgenres and ricocheting from Rock to Prog like a musical pinball. In the same way a well-written story deals with a plot and subplot before having both come together in a satisfying conclusion, this album takes periodic breaks from one genre by spending a bit of time on a subgenre until the final track where both come together spectacularly.

I'll be the first to admit that tastes change over time and music certainly can grow on you. Music can also lose the magic it first had when you listened to it over the course of months to years (see Ted Nugent's discography or the entire Punk genre) and whilst there are albums I've harshly reviewed on this blog that will probably get a higher score if I revisited them now*, I can't see Man Of Miracles falling far below the 9/10 I'm awarding it on this post.
Styx are a band that have divided the tastes of Rock enthusiasts over time. Some see them as a solid Arena Rock band and some perceive them as a bit of a pompous joke. If everyone who had an opinion on Styx listened to this album, I think the general consensus would change overnight...or maybe I just really like this album. Feel free to listen to it if you haven't already & share your judgement in the comment section!


* Now there's an idea for an anniversary blog post!