Tenology: Even More Terrible Rock/Metal Lyrics

Another Tenology post about lyrics? Darn straight, although this one isn't about Mondegreens; it's about poorly thought through lyrics in the world of Rock and Metal. This is the third one of these posts I've done so some of the songs might be deep cuts and some of the lyrics might not be as bad as "terrible". However, if the lyrics are poor, the lyrics are poor and this is where we get to laugh at them!

1. "I'll Be There For You" - The Rembrandts

"When it hasn't been your day, your week,
your month or even your year"

One of the most 90s-est album covers ever...*clap-clap-clap-clap-clap*

Kicking this list off is the popular theme to the TV show Friends, notable for the introductory guitar riff, rapid claps in the verse and catchy chorus. However, there's one line that's always bothered me when I think about it. For those who don't know the song (...what, they might exist!), the first verse talks about how crappy life can be for you. It then talks about when life is stuck in second gear and how you haven't had a good day, week, month or "even" year...and that's where I take issue. I get that the rhyme works well but if you think about it, shouldn't "even" go before day? Years are longer than months, weeks and days so it'll be a lot harder for it to be "your" year than "your" month, week or day. Since days are the shortest, it's therefore logically the easiest for it to be good for you so "even" should come before day. I admit that I'm splitting hairs with this line so let's look at a song with lyrics that we can all agree are terrible.


2. "Debora" - Tyrannosaurus Rex

"Oh Debora, always look like a zebra"

Oh Marc Bolan, you never did get the hang of the lyrics part of songwriting

Most of you may know this song from the film Baby Driver and how Edgar Wright named a character Deborah just so he could include a scene where the characters laugh about this lyric...and with good reason! The rhyme of "Debora" and "Zebra" is so godawful that it makes you wonder why anyone would even bother forcing it to begin with. Choose a different rhyme scheme or something; imagine how bad "Eleanor Rigby" would've been if The Beatles tried to find rhymes for that name. Not only that but has any woman in the history of humanity ever been complimented by the comparison of her to a striped horse-like creature, or indeed non-striped for that matter? Just a terrible, terrible lyric.


3. "She's A Genius" - Jet

"She only listens to the radio,
To see who's alive"

I wonder if the girl this song's about is called Sharona...

Whilst I'm aware that these lyrics aren't meant to be taken literally, I believe there's an argument to be made for their inclusion in this post regardless of how you interpret them. First, there's the literal meaning; girl literally uses the radio to determine who's still alive, which simply doesn't work. Then there's the figurative meaning; girl listens to the radio to know who's popular, which means she's got a shit taste in music because she only cares about what everyone else likes. I dunno about you about if I'm going to try to convince listeners that a girl is a genius through song, I wouldn't want to establish her terrible taste in music before I've even reached the first chorus!


4. "Falling In Love (Is Hard On The Knees)" - Aerosmith

"'Cause falling in love is so hard on the knees"

No, this isn't a Rolling Stones lyric...although the song does contain a different Rolling Stones lyric

This is the second time a song from Nine Lives has appeared in a blog post detailing terrible lyrics but this time, we're not mocking poor rhyme schemes and nonsensical sentences. This time, we're looking at Aerosmith's ability to create the most ridiculous, cringeworthy, eighth-grade lyrics about romance that one of the supposedly "wildest" Rock bands in the world just keeps on pumping out. This is the kind of lyric that sounds like part of a joke on The Simpsons about an ageing Rock band on their 50th anniversary world tour; they may as well have called the song "Make Love Or Make My Supper" or "Sleep With Me Before I Fall Asleep In My Armchair During A Countdown Repeat".


5. "Sweet Little Sister" - Skid Row

"She blew my mind behind the record machine...
...She's my sweet little, sweet little sister"

It's either "record" or "wrecking" machine; my argument still remains

OK, this one requires some context. First up, I absolutely love this song. It's my favourite Skid Row song (yes, even over "18 And Life" and "Youth Gone Wild") and for the most part, the vocal delivery and lyrics are pretty damn great. However, whenever I listen to it, there's always something in the back of my mind that doesn't sit right after hearing the above two lines at the start and chorus of the song. When you factor in Skid Row's general image and musical style,"She blew my mind behind the record/wrecking machine" can only be taken as a sexual metaphor but "She's my sweet little, sweet little sister" implies that "she" is related to him. Even if it's not the intended denotation, the connotation that the singer is getting oral pleasure from his sister still exists all because he sung "she's my" instead of "she's A" or "she's YOUR sweet little sister". I still love the song, though.


6. "Lonely Is The Night" - Billy Squier

"Lonely is the night when you find yourself alone"

I'm ashamed to say that it took way too long for me to notice this lyric

Billy Squier coming in with the piping hot observations. "Lonely is the night when you find yourself alone"? No fuckin' shit, Billy! What other pearls of wisdom have you got for us, "Teapots are useful only when they contain tea"? "A sport is not a sport if it's not a sport"? Once again, it's unfortunate that this terrible lyric not only belongs to Squier's signature song but is also the very first line he sings. Take note: if you're going to write a song with the intention of making it a radio hit, don't drop the ball in the opening line.


7. "Diggin' Me Down" - Ozzy Osbourne

"How will I know you, Mr. Jesus Christ"

I want to see a fight between Mr. Jesus Christ and Mr. Crowley

This lyric probably doesn't deserve to be called "terrible" but let's face it, it's still a bit naff. Saying "Mr. Jesus Christ" is the kind of thing a child or stereotypical Latin American maid would do, certainly not the Prince Of Darkness. There's always been an element of silliness in Ozzy Osbourne lyrics but this is one of the few examples that made me laugh out loud when I heard it. However, since it's (probably) Ozzy's last studio album and it contains a collection of awesome Metal music, I can forgive him for saying "Mr. Jesus Christ". Besides, at least Ozzy seems aware of his silliness, unlike his Heavy Metal counterpart, Ronnie James Dio. Speaking of Dio...


8. "Stargazer" - Rainbow

"There's no sun in the shadow of the wizard"

I'm beginning to think maybe RJD wasn't the lyrical wordsmith the entire Metal community says he was

Look out Billy Squier, looks like there's a contender for the Most Obvious Lyrics In Rock award that I've just created. I remember reading a quote about Dio that said something along the lines of "He never overestimated himself, nor underestimated himself". I agree with the second part. Ronnie's lyrics, whether they're from his time in Rainbow, Black Sabbath or Dio, contained fantastic mythological imagery but sometimes, he took himself a bit too seriously. Take this lyric: the declaration that shadows contain no sunlight is dumb but by adding something about wizards in there, Dio tried to pass it off as something majestic and awesome. Once you take a step back and listen to the lyrics without realising that it's Dio singing them, a lot of his material just sounds ridiculous. Of course, a lot of it sounds awesome too but that's not what this post is about.


9. "Uh! All Night" - KISS

"Well, we work all day and we don't know why"

KISS: Undisputed champions of writing songs about shagging

This album came out in the mid-80s, well into KISS' career as Shock Rock superstars. By this point, they will have made shitloads of cash on tours, music and (most importantly) merchandise. In other words, they were comfortably wealthy. As a result, lines like "we work all day and we don't know why" come across as a little...well, Let-Them-Eat-Cakey. KISS strike me as a band that would question why people would work all day if they don't like it, completely unaware that the average blue-collar fan of Rock needs to work to survive. If they want to write songs about getting laid, that's one thing, but trying to connect with the average Joe working 9-5 to make ends meet is a bad idea for a band like KISS. Bands like Bachman-Turner Overdrive and Lynyrd Skynyrd can write those songs, KISS can't.


10. "Sex On Fire" - Kings Of Leon

"You, your sex is on fire"

Remember when Kings Of Leon used to be a Rock band? Then they wrote this fucking song

No, I don't like this song. In fact, I'd even say that I hate it. It's bland and safe, exactly the opposite of what good Rock should be. However, we're not here for the tepid guitarwork or dull percussion in the verse; we're here for the lyrics in the chorus, namely the line that contains the title of the song. I'm guessing he's saying that they're having a cracking shag as opposed to the literal interpretation of spontaneous genitalia combustion but the term "your sex is on fire" sounds like something from a Steel Panther or Red Hot Chili Peppers track, definitely not the kind of lyric that belongs in a song like this. It's over the top and almost a parody of the kind of shit Hair Metal bands would write, yet Kings Of Leon seem to be delivering it non-ironically? I don't know and I don't care enough about the band to actually research whether this was meant to be a piss-take in the same way "(You've Got To) Fight For Your Right (To Party)" - Beastie Boys was. All I know is I don't much care for the lyric...or song...or band...Youth And Young Manhood was a good album though.


One day, I need to write a blog post about GOOD lyrics in Rock/Metal, as I've definitely been thinking of a couple recently. Maybe in October, as I don't want to do too many lyric-based Tenology posts in a short space of time.

Here Is The News: August 2018 Edition

NEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWSS!!!
Yeah, more events from the world of Rock/Metal, crafted for your pleasure.

METALHEAD FINALLY 'GETS' SYSTEM OF A DOWN

A man from Surrey who has spent the last fifteen years being a fan of classic Heavy Metal bands such as Iron Maiden, Megadeth and Black Sabbath has finally made the mental breakthrough needed to understand the music of System Of A Down. The man had been aware of them for some time but it was only recently that he listened to one of their songs and not recoiled in horror or disgust at their unique style of Nu-Metal.

System Of A Down (pictured left) are known for loud, traditional Metal riffing paired with screeching, operatic vocals as showcased in signature songs like "Chop Suey!" and "B.Y.O.B". The band aren't afraid to embrace aggressive wackiness either, particularly in songs such as "Vicinity Of Obscenity". It was this song that the man from Surrey listened to when he had his epiphany, realising that the band weren't just a bunch of angry clowns and actually had some talent in their musicianship and songwriting.

When asked about the experience, the man stated "I've never really been a fan of bands like System Of A Down or Slayer but after years of listening to Thrash Metal and building up a tolerance to fast riffing and progressively more abrasive vocals, my tastes have toughened up to the point that I can hear "Angel Of Death" and actually nod my head along to what I assume is the music. I never thought the same thing would happen with System Of A Down".

According to the man (not pictured right), he was casually listening to one of the Heavy Metal playlists on Spotify when he heard the SOAD track. He told us "It was supposed to be an 'Old School Metal' playlist but whoever made it clearly didn't realise what they were making, as it contained songs by bands like Rammstein and some random solo stuff from Metal musicians". He went on to say that he originally intended to change the playlist after sitting through the first minute of "Before I Forget" - Slipknot but was "too lazy". Eventually, the SOAD song appeared on the playlist, causing quite the shock to the man from Surrey.

"Initially, I enjoyed the music but once I heard Serj's voice, I couldn't believe that I was actually liking the song. I gave the song a full listen and ended up loving it!". Since then, the man has sampled music from other fairly contemporary Metal bands such as Dethklok and Five Finger Death Punch, finding that he isn't immediately repulsed in the same way he would've been upon hearing their music just a few years ago. When asked if he would go to a System Of A Down show, the man claimed that it's still early days and he doesn't want to rush into something like that without proper protection., although he's still eager to experiment with his newly adapted taste in Metal.

JUDAS PRIEST ANNOUNCE SECOND FAREWELL TOUR

Legendary Metal band Judas Priest have announced that they intend to call it a day after one last farewell tour next year. The 2019 farewell tour, entitled the "Sold Out Tour", will start in Argentina, moving across the planet to the Americas, down to Japan, around Europe, a few dates back in South America before finishing up with one show in the UK. According to the tour manager, it's the band's most "confusingly ambitious" tour to date.

Judas Priest (pictured left) have decided that it's time to call it quits once again after dwindling returns on their latest world tour to promote Firepower, the most recent album at the time of writing this article. Ian Hill, the band's bassist, has stated that he doubts Firepower will be their last album but despite this assertion, a press release on the band's website stated "The Sold Out Tour will be the last opportunity to hear new or old Judas Priest material. We really mean it this time".

The band were referring to their 2011/2012 Epitaph World Tour, supposedly a farewell tour after original guitarist K.K. Downing left the band to be replaced by Richie Faulkner. However, after the success of the tour and the demand for more Metal, Judas Priest decided to scrap their retirement plans and continue touring/recording new music anyway. This decision definitely came after the end of the tour and certainly wasn't planned beforehand in an attempt to increase ticket sales for what was essentially just a greatest hits tour after diminishing interest in the band's new music. It wasn't.

When asked for details on the band's Sold Out tour, the band's promoter Slim Chimbles (part time band promoter, part time owner of a second-hand car dealership) claimed "This tour will be the one to see! All the band are at the top of their game and are ready to wow audiences all over the world with fan favourites and some new songs that the band learnt for their last tour that they feel more comfortable playing live than old deep cuts. However, if you've ever wanted to see Judas Priest live, you'd better get your tickets now before you miss the chance to see Rob Halford performing whilst the rest of the band play "Breaking The Law". If you buy tickets now, you'll be in for a real surprise! Also, tickets are non-refundable and pre-purchases require a 40% deposit. Rock & Roll!"

The second farewell tour and, indeed, Judas Priest themselves have been criticised by some fans for what appears to be a hollow cash grab by an ageing band who are evidently more interested in making money than keeping Rock alive, designed to con a younger generation of metalheads who didn't have the opportunity to see Judas Priest in their prime whilst misleading loyal fans (who perhaps don't have the disposable income or time necessary to frequently go to gigs) to see them instead of a band who wouldn't openly lie about their intentions. However, many fans have criticised the band for other reasons too.

SOUTHERN ROCK BAND COMPLETELY LOSES IDENTITY

The Southern Rock band Devils And Angels have finally changed their name and roster of members so many times that none of them can remember what the band used to be called when they first formed in the early 70s. The (possibly super) group are halfway through touring America with Black Stone Cherry although it's unknown if people are going to see them because they want to hear material from the recently formed Devils And Angels or if they're hoping to hear classics from a long-gone Southern Rock band that one or more of the members may have been a part of several decades ago.

Lead guitarist Hughie Woodpecker had this realisation during a recent interview where a music journalist asked him if Devils And Angels planned on playing any of their "earlier work", prompting Hughie's eyes to glaze over as he desperately tried to search his memory banks for the band he started out in. Fortunately, the music journalist changed the subject and asked if he preferred his time playing in his original band or with Lynyrd Skynyrd (pictured left) in the 90s. Since Hughie could vaguely remember sharing a stage with the Lynyrd Skynyrd flag behind him, he answered the latter.

Other band members faced similar problems recalling their origins. Earl Downs II could've sworn he joined the band when they were The Allman Fogerty Project back in the 80s but couldn't recall whether they were The Allman Brothers Band, Creedence Clearwater Revival or a completely different entity before that. Similarly, members of other Southern Rock bands such as The Outlaws and .38 Special have since reached out to confirm that they were a different band to Devils And Angels, narrowing down the list of potential 70s Southern Rock groups they could have once been.

The mystery has become somewhat of a challenge for the Internet as tech-savvy Southern Rock fans have taken to forums to determine the very first incarnation of Devils And Angels. Many clues have been posted such as quotes from interviews implying memories of playing on stage with long haired guitarists, female backing vocalists and at least one man wearing a cowboy hat. Sadly, no definite answer has been uncovered yet but the last significant clue was a grainy photo of the band's guitarist and bassist sharing a stage with members of Blackfoot or Molly Hatchet (pictured right many years later).

Regardless of the band's origins, Devils And Angels continue to tour and play catchy Southern Rock numbers recorded over the last twenty years. The band still love playing live and have no intention of calling it quits just yet. Members of the band are still hoping to discover the truth behind their origin for a multitude of reasons although it's suspected that the main one is knowing whether or not they have to pay royalties for covering what could be their own material.

Stay tuned for more Tenology posts/news in the coming months!

Tenology: Mondegreens In Rock/Metal

Mondegreen, noun: A misheard lyric of a song, typically a phrase rather than a single word.

One of the many Tenology posts currently in the works deals with Mondegreens in Rock/Metal music old and new. When assembling this list, I tried to avoid choosing songs with forced misinterpretations that clearly sound nothing like the original lyrics, instead opting for lyrics that are either well known Mondegreens or ones that I've personally misheard over the years.
Underneath each track is an embedded YouTube video that starts just before the Mondegreen in question. However, since videos get taken down every day, I'll also be including a Spotify playlist at the bottom of this post along with the exact time of the Mondegreen for said Spotify track. Again, the time listed in the title is for the Spotify track, NOT the YouTube one.


1. "Paranoid" - Black Sabbath (2:20)

Lyric: "And so as you hear these words, telling you now of my state".
Mondegreen: "And so as you hear these words, telling you now I want my steak".



Of all the lyrics that I've misheard over the years, this is the one that probably surprised (and embarrassed) me the most. I only discovered the real lyrics after singing this song on Rock Band with one of my friends, outing myself as a classless fool who didn't know the real lyrics to a Black Sabbath song. Fortunately, I don't think he gave a shit and my social status remained untouched that day. To be honest, I prefer the delivery of "I want my steak" and will always hear those words when I listen to this song.


2. "Kid Charlemagne" - Steely Dan (3:26)

Lyric: "Careful what you carry".
Mondegreen: "Care for wine, Drew Carey?"



I once read a heated debate in a YouTube comment section as to whether the lyric in a song about drug dealers was about caution when transporting goods to a car or offering the host of Whose Line Is It Anyway a glass of Pino Grigio. It went on for some time and the only purpose it served was allowing me to list it as a Mondegreen some 10 years or so later. Whilst I've never made the mistake of thinking the lyric was genuinely about Drew Carey myself, I can hear both versions when I listen to it.


3. "Turn Up The Radio" - Autograph (1:33)

Lyric: "The only time I turn it down, is when I'm sleeping it off".
Mondegreen: "The only time I turn it down, is when I'm feelin' it up".



Unlike "Paranoid", this Mondegreen is one that I may have made myself but didn't believe was genuine for years. I listened to this song and wasn't sure if he was singing about feeling music up although didn't care enough about the real lyrics enough to do a five second Google search. However, after knowing the correct lyrics, I feel like that's all I can hear now. However, if you find a version of this song with weaker audio quality, you might mishear the lyrics too.


4. "Blinded By The Light" - Manfred Mann's Earth Band (0:11)

Lyric: "Blinded by the light, revved up like a deuce, another runner...".
Mondegreen: "Blinded by the light, wrapped up like a douche, another runner...".



Continuing the trend of alternating personal Mondegreens with fairly well known ones, this song contains arguably one of the most common Mondegreens in existence. I mean, just listen to it! They must've heard the chorus after recording it and thought "Hmmm, that kinda sounds like we're talking about wrapping up douches. Should we do another take?" before deciding to take an early lunch instead. Ah well, at least this isn't the band's signature song or anything...


5. "Footloose" - Kenny Loggins (2:37)

Lyric: "Gotta take the hold of all".
Mondegreen: "I'll take the whole of Rome".



Another Mondegreen that I only believed because I couldn't figure out what the actual lyrics were when I first heard this song. I can't remember exactly why but at some point in my youth, I was typing out all the lyrics to this song and didn't have the common sense to simply Google the lyrics...so I tried to work it out phonetically and needless to say, ended up very confused. Now I know the actual words, I can hear "all" instead of "Rome" but you have to admit, the first part of the line still doesn't sound quite right.


6. "Hate Not Gone" - Stone Sour (2:10)

Lyric: "My Hell is running cold".
Mondegreen: "My Elvis wouldn't go".



This is one that I've coined but every time I hear this song, whenever it gets to the line before the chorus, I always hear "My Elvis wouldn't go". This line appears throughout the entire song but I've selected the line that I believe sounds the funniest when you imagine Corey Taylor lamenting the fact that his personal King Of Rock wouldn't do what he wanted. This isn't a well known song so I doubt this is a popular Mondegreen but of all the ones on the list, it's probably one of the easiest ones to hear.


7. "(You Can Still) Rock In America" - Night Ranger (1:23)

Lyric: "Not a sound as she makes her getaway".
Mondegreen: "Not a sound as she Mexican waves".


This is a Mondegreen that I genuinely thought was the actual lyric until I played this song on Clone Hero recently and saw the words "makes her getaway" instead of "Mexican waves". Granted, the actual lyric makes a hell of a lot more sense in the context of the song but I didn't dispute the idea of this fictional character figuratively (or literally) performing a Mexican wave in dead silence. Why? Not entirely sure although I can still hear both versions of the lyric when I listen to this song.


8. "Creeping Death" - Metallica (1:24)

Lyric: "So let it be written, so let it be done".
Mondegreen: "So let me retire, so let me die".



Whilst both lyrics are suitably badass for this absolute beast of a song, I personally prefer the version that I misheard when I first listened to this song. Since the song was called "Creeping Death", I think I naturally assumed the chorus would be about dying. However, some years after hearing it, I discovered that it was actually someone giving orders, kinda like the rest of the song. Should've figured it out but ah well, it's still a fucking great tune.


9. "La Dee Da" - Foo Fighters (0:18)

Lyric: "Jim Jones painting in a blue bedroom".
Mondegreen: "Chimp Trump's bleeding in a blue bedroom



When I first heard this song, I couldn't quite make out the lyrics and assumed it was about Trump due to Dave Grohl's unhappiness with American culture around the time of the album's conception. That and the previous line referring to the White House. Admittedly this isn't a well known Mondegreen (as far as I know) but don't worry, the last one's a bit more infamous.


10. "Fortunate Son" - Creedence Clearwater Revival (1:47)

Lyric: "I ain't no military son".
Mondegreen: "I ain't no milk terrorist's son".



Again, I quite like the term "milk terrorist" but I only discovered the true lyrics after a radio DJ also confessed to getting the lyrics incorrect when they listened to it. Even though I can sort of hear "military son" when I really listen for it, "milk terrorist's son" just sounds more natural. Song's still great, though.




Are there any well known or lesser known but equally amusing Mondegreens in Rock/Metal I've missed? Let me know via Twitter or in the comment section, as I'm probably gonna do another one of these posts in the future if I can find enough examples.

Rapid Fire: Black Stone Cherry, The Offspring, Foo Fighters

Recently, I went to visit family and had to spend five hours driving from my house to theirs. Before setting off, I grabbed three CDs from my collection that I hadn't listened to for the car journey and once I arrived, decided to write a blog post discussing each album. So yeah, that's the theme for this month's Rapid Fire post. Not genres, not decades, just three albums I listened to whilst travelling alone on the motorway.


1. Magic Mountain - Black Stone Cherry

The first album I listened to was easily the best although don't mistake that for me saying it was a great album overall. Magic Mountain has some decent Hard Rock tracks but more often than not, the songs were built on uninspired riffs and generic Black Stone Cherry material. Album opener "Holding On...To Letting Go" starts off with a great rhythm and some decent riffing but regrettably the band make their classic mistake of letting things slow down for no good reason in the middle. It's a shame too as the guitar solo's pretty good, although changing the rhythm in the middle of a song by slowing it down rarely ever works unless you're a Prog Metal band and even then, it's never worth it.
The slower sections of the album come in the form of drug themed tracks such as "Peace Pipe", "Me And Mary Jane" and "Blow My Mind". Similar to some of the material off the latest albums by The Sword, I get the impression that the chilled, Southern Groove behind each of these songs sounds better when 'blazing up' as all the hip kids say. Since I was behind the wheel at the time of listening to these tracks, I can't confirm or deny that theory but what I can confirm is that unlike other Black Stone Cherry albums I've listened to, this album has songs I would love to listen to again such as 70s throwback and title track "Magic Mountain" and emotionally charged album closer "Remember Me", even if it does go on way too long.
The stronger aspects of the record, as always, are the dynamic riffs and heavy grooves whereas I felt myself tuning out during the slower, whinier numbers ("Sometimes") and gimmicky filler tracks straight outta shit-kicker, cousin-fucker county ("Hollywood In Kentucky"). All in all though, it's a complete album that didn't feel like it was playing it too safe or recycling material (unlike another album I'll be discussing lower down). I recommend Magic Mountain to fans of Hard/Southern Rock although don't set your standards too high.

1. Holding On...To Letting Go

2. Peace Pipe

3. Bad Luck & Hard Love

4. Me And Mary Jane

5. Runaway

6. Magic Mountain

7. Never Surrender

8. Blow My Mind

9. Sometimes

10. Fiesta Del Fuego

11. Dance Girl

12. Hollywood In Kentucky

13. Remember Me

ALBUM RATING - 6/10

Next up is an album by Pop Punk champions The Offspring!

2. Americana - The Offspring

Don't let the album artwork fool you; this album isn't even the remotest bit interesting. Released in 1998 and after the band's much better albums Smash and Ixnay On The Hombre (not to mention before Conspiracy Of One, also a better album), Americana is supposed to be the band's statement on life in America from the band's youthful perspective but ends up sounding like weaker versions of material we've already heard before. Album opener "Welcome/Have You Ever" has the same rhythm, the same guitarwork and the same basic vocal structure as your typical Offspring track only it lacks that special spark. Possibly because the band try to add more progressive elements to their aggressive Pop Punk and it simply doesn't work.

Whilst there are some instances of tracks working perfectly as they are ("The Kids Aren't Alright", "Staring At The Sun"), the majority of songs on the album trip and fall over themselves. For example, lead single "Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)" has an amazing chorus and some fine guitar/vocal work, not to mention decent Latin influences. Unfortunately, it's ruined by the obnoxious "GIVVIT TO ME BAY-BEEEE, UH-HUH UH-HUH" throughout. If that vocal melody was played on guitar instead, this would've been an album highlight. There's also album closer "Pay The Man", a song originally intended to be on the previous album but was left off because they felt like it didn't belong. That was a smart decision, unlike the decision to make it eight-minutes long and easily forgettable. That was a dumb decision.

Ultimately, you'll probably enjoy this album if you haven't heard their previous work, similar to how you probably think Die Hard 4.0 is awesome if you haven't seen the first or second one. Americana is surplus goods and the Pop Punk filler tracks are old news at this point. Even the singles are dull or flawed to the point that they're not enjoyable (apart from "The Kids Aren't Alright"). You don't really stand to gain anything from listening to this entire album that you couldn't get elsewhere and the fact that the band's next album moved towards more conventional Rock than their brand of Skater Punk tells you that at least one member of the band felt like Americana showed warning signs of the band going stale.

1. Welcome

2. How Are You

3. Staring At The Sun

4. Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)

5. The Kids Aren't Alright

6. Feelings

7. She's Got Issues

8. Walla Walla

9. The End Of The Line

10. No Brakes

11. Why Don't You Get A Job

12. Americana

13. Pay The Man

14. Pretty Fly (Reprise)

ALBUM RATING - 3/10

And last but certainly least, we have Dave Grohl "experimenting"!

3. There Is Nothing Left To Lose - Foo Fighters

I fucking hate this album. It's generic, depressing, repetitive and possibly worst of all, it feels like Dave Grohl knew exactly what he was doing. The first three songs are completely different to the rest of the album and unsurprisingly, those three songs are the ones that are (semi) popular Foos tracks. Album opener "Stacked Actors" sports a great riff, an explosive chorus, a decent guitar solo and some classic Grohl vocals. Following close behind is "Breakout", another proper Rock song with Dave letting loose throughout. However, once we reach "Learn To Fly", a mediocre but passable radio friendly song designed to sound as commercial as possible, everything goes downhill.

The rest of the album contains guitar riffs that sound like they were written in about 10 seconds ("Live-In Skin", "Headwires"), percussion that would nudge coma patients onto the next mortal plain of existence ("Ain't It The Life", "Aurora") and vocals with all the energy and passion of an insurance salesman humming TV ad jingles whilst waiting for a bus ("M.I.A.", "Next Year"). It's almost as if Grohl didn't have much confidence in what he was doing so decided to start the album off with his three favourite songs so that people would hear the first few tracks and mistake There's Nothing Left To Lose for a Rock album.

This is the kind of album I'd imagine pretentious, hipster douches listening to because of how sensitive and non-threatening this "Rock" music is; your Zach Braffs, your Simon Neils, etc. If you're one of them, go knock yourselves out. Literally, knock yourselves out because your taste is awful and unwanted. Do not listen to this album, there are literally hundreds of better modern Rock records that don't sound phoned in or misleading. I've criticised Queens Of The Stone Age material due to how the mix of soft vocals and aggressively fuzzy guitar/bass tones does not work but I'll take Josh Homme's audio jizzrag over Dave Grohl's, if this album's anything to go by.

1. Stacked Actors

2. Breakout

3. Learn To Fly

4. Gimme Stitches

5. Generator

6. Aurora

7. Live-In Skin

8. Next Year

9. Headwires

10. Ain't It The Life

11. M.I.A.

ALBUM RATING - 2/10

COMING SOON: Tenology posts and more NEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWS.