Here Is The News: 2019 Edition, part 2

I hope you enjoyed part one of the news update for this year.
Better buckle up for part two!

VAN HALEN CONTINUE TO SLOWLY VANISH FROM EXISTENCE

Hard Rock icons Van Halen are beginning to fade away from reality, starting with guitarist Eddie Van Halen. Scientists aren't certain why but they have calculated that if something isn't done soon, all traces of Van Halen will have completely vanished without a trace within the next four years.

The strange phenomenon is believed to have begun many years ago but it only became apparent when Eddie Van Halen was asked to take a photograph of a Tool fan at one of their concerts. It was strange enough when the fan didn't recognise one of the greatest living guitarists of all time but things became truly bizarre after a second photo was taken of Eddie at the show. Whilst the photo came out perfectly normal on the night, weeks later the image of Eddie had begun to fade until he was completely invisible.

The rest of the band were unavailable for comment, presumably due to fading away shortly after Eddie. This was confirmed after a television appearance by Pop star and Baskin Robbins Flavour Of The Month, Billie Eilish, on Jimmy Kimmel's chat show. When asked about her opinion on the 80s Hard Rockers, Billie had no recollection of the band's existence at all. Naturally, audience members were shocked as her knowledge gap clearly wasn't due to her age and lack of interest in the genre of music; it must've been something more sinister.

Whilst pictures and evidence of Sammy Hagar's stint with the band seem unaffected by the temporal anomaly, all evidence of the band's golden years with David Lee Roth are slowly being erased. Fans believe David Lee Roth was aware of this as one of the last things he publicly said before disappearing was that he believed Van Halen were "finished". After some digging, Internet conspiracy theorists believe the answer lies in how guitarist Eddie Van Halen frequently used to put a guitar pick made of plutonium in his mouth during gigs, although all evidence of this has since been erased from the timeline.

Quantum physicist Dr. Emmett Brown stated "This wouldn't be the first time someone has meddled with the timeline and caused disastrous results. With the band vanishing from our reality, there's no telling what the outcome might be; future bands inspired by Van Halen could vanish, films using the song "Jump" could be forced to use some other kind of inspiring 80s anthem, it could be catastrophic. This is pretty heavy indeed".

NITA STRAUSS IS A WOMAN

Nita Strauss, solo artist and guitarist for Alice Cooper, is a woman who can actually play guitar. This revelation has come as a surprise to many fans of Rock and Metal who spent their entire lives believing women were incapable of producing anything other than babies, let alone top quality riffs and face melting solos. However, Nita Strauss has led the charge in reminding people that woman have fingers.

In a recent television interview promoting her second solo album and brand new signature guitar, Nita (pictured left) commented once again on how happy she is to be doing something for women all over the world. "It's so great to be inspiring women to play guitar and write Rock music. Women like me can do anything we put our minds to and I think it's important that people look at me and see that you don't have to be a man to play guitar; you can also be a blond, attractive woman too". Nita echoed her sentiments on several radio appearances that followed where she repeatedly stated that she's "not just a pretty face" but also someone "who grew up with Rock music from an early age" before naming every single chord and note she can play on the guitar.

Nita has also launched her own YouTube channel called Nita Talks where she posts weekly videos about the struggles of being the only woman in Rock/Metal who can play guitar and talk about how tough it is being the only woman in Rock/Metal. Her videos have received praise from band members, peers and Rock/Metal fans all over the world, calling them "eye-opening" and "much needed in this time of gender stereotype uncertainty".

Aside from being the only woman in all of recorded history to play guitar for a Rock band, Nita Strauss has also demonstrated that it's possible to be a female musician and have other interests too. Nita has championed campaigns related to health & fitness as well as encouraging young generations of men (and women!) to pick up musical instruments. "It's important to show people how talented you are" she stated after being asked about her opinion on climate change.

Nita Strauss is currently on tour with Alice Cooper and will be widely promoting her solo albums at intimate venues across America. She's also expected to be giving a talk about how great it is to hear women following her lead and getting into recording Rock/Metal music in an upcoming public appearance (the appearance is a corporate awards show for cutlery manufacturers but it's expected that she'll give the talk regardless).

ROYAL BLOOD CRUISE DOESN'T GO AS PLANNED

Once beloved Rock band Royal Blood have suffered another catastrophic blow to their popularity after a cruise trip planned for themselves and fans went disastrously wrong. Much like many other Rock and for some reason Metal bands at the moment, Royal Blood decided to invite their most wealthy fans to party with them on a cruise ship for a week. However, nobody could have foreseen what happened next.

After partnering with Royal Caribbean Cruises, Royal Blood sold tickets for the Royal Blood Royal Cruise at the end of last year, thinking it would show the world that they weren't just lucky when they released their debut album several years ago. The cruise (affectionately known as the band's Royal Baby) was meant to be an opportunity for both the band and fans to have a great time with sun, sea and simplistic bass melodies made to sound like heavier Rock songs. Things were going well for the first couple of days but problems began after the ship's crew realised they didn't have enough fuel to last the entire journey.

Not long after setting off, Royal Blood were dead in the water. Since most of the fans and record producers aboard the cruise had eaten most of the free shrimp and drunk most of the alcohol the band supplied, passengers had to reuse a lot of old food and drink to keep themselves from becoming dehydrated. Unfortunately, there's only so long you can provide the same material before fans demand something new and exciting to prevent them from losing interest or, in this case, dying.

After trying to recreate the fuel that initially powered the ship from expensive clothing from the record producers and a bunch of cash lying about, it became clear that Royal Blood (pictured right) would have to do more to get the ship moving again, hence the band's plea online for suggestions to give the ship some life again. After checking their Royal Mail, Royal Blood found several helpful suggestions from their fans at home, collectively known as the Royal Family. One of which was to just do the same thing they did when getting fuel in the first place, which was just enough to get them moving again.

After a gruelling three weeks, the Royal Blood Royal Cruise arrived back home with half as many passengers and a smell that would take months of intense cleaning to get the ship back to normal again. When asked about whether the band would attempt anything like this again, Royal Blood's spokesperson stated "The future is uncertain for Royal Blood but one thing we do know is that this cruise was an absolute Royal Fuckup".

DETECTIVE STUMPED BY STRING OF RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS MYSTERIES

A Private Eye tasked with investigating all the latest decisions made by popular Rock bands has had to throw in the towel after revealing that he's absolutely stumped by the recent actions of Alternative Funk rockers Red Hot Chili Peppers. Detective Ryan Shmuckers was hired by a Kickstarter campaign to identify what the band were playing at but has sadly revealed that he's made no progress in the two years since he was hired.

Detective Shmuckers was first hired in 2017 to investigate why a Rock band from America would choose to hire a Pop producer (Danger Mouse, pictured left) to help create their 11th studio album. Ryan posted on his work Tumblr account that after looking into how the band's last album before The Getaway was met with mixed to negative responses, he just couldn't figure out why a Rock band would want someone known for producing commercially successful Pop albums to work with them over 30 years after they first started making Rock music. He described the case as "quite possibly unsolvable by even the greatest detectives of our time".

Shmuckers was also asked to investigate similar cases as to why bands with integrity like Foo Fighters and Queens Of The Stone Age would ask well known Pop producers to make their albums. "It's almost as if there's something a Pop music producer can bring to the table when it comes to releasing records that a typical Rock producer might not be able to provide as much. Some kind of significant factor when it comes to making music nowadays...but I can't for the life of me figure out what".

Much like the average person after listening to "Uptown Funk", the plot became even thicker after it was recently announced that guitarist John Frusciante was returning to the band. Detective Shmuckers looked into why the guitarist who previously left the band would want to return after the success of The Getaway two years ago. "It seems as though the same missing ingredient that explains why these modern Rock bands are getting Pop producers holds the key behind John's return. If only I or anyone else could figure out what that is".

Detective Shmuckers is going to keep looking into this for a few more months before deciding whether he should hand over the case to someone more talented. However, if Ryan Shmuckers can't find the connection between bands with dwindling popularity and the same bands hiring Pop producers who are known for making music that gets a lot of radio play, he just might bust this thing wide open.

TOP "TOP 10 ALBUMS OF THE 2010S" LISTS REVEALED

Now that we've reached the end of the 2010s, it's time for the most important piece of cultural preservation since the surge in time capsules at the start of the new millennium: Top 10 Albums Of The 2010s lists. Naturally, everyone has an opinion on which albums were better than others and thanks to the convenience of digital distribution, everyone has to read them whether they like it or not.

The list contains all the standard music websites from the pretentious choices of Pitchfork to the irrelevant opinions of Rolling Stone but there are still a few surprises in there, such as the contrarian ramblings of some Indie music blogs and totally unbiased & well thought out views of Metal forums. Whilst the list doesn't contain any numeric ranking of superiority, presumably to avoid offending people by suggesting the sound waves they get emotional pleasure out of aren't as good as others, it would appear that the lists at the start and end are regarded as the best due to the detail given to their descriptions.

Albums selected in each of these lists range from contemporary Pop to edgy contemporary Pop with some Hip Hop scattered about to show readers how forward thinking and open to different musical genres the list's authors are. Naturally Kanye West and David Bowie are in the list because smart people listen to those albums and it's important for readers to know how smart the writers are but that's not all. There's also Taylor Swift, Adele and Lana Del Rey because the best thing about music is everyone has to agree on what's considered good; in this case, it's depressing piano-driven dirge from physically attractive yet inexplicably romantically unhappy women.

Once again, Rock and Metal music is absent from the majority of lists apart from a few joyless experiences that happen to feature guitar such as whatever Arcade Fire shat out near the start of the decade. However, a few specialist websites decided to focus on Top Rock Albums when compiling their lists. Not only that but they decided to cast the net so wide with their selection that utter shite released throughout the 2010s like Rock Or Bust - AC/DC and ...Like Clockwork - Queens Of The Stone Age made the cut over records that weren't tired or full of themselves.

Regardless of what some trendy tosspot or opinionated blogger thinks, the important thing is that listeners continue to support the things they get joy from and express negative thoughts about overrated material in a way that doesn't sound like them getting mad for the sake of it. To anyone out there thinking of making their own lists, I wish you good luck and a gentle reminder that just because you really liked something you heard in the last couple of years, that doesn't mean it's as good as something released in 2012...unless it's Prequelle - Ghost.


That's all for this blog for the year and indeed decade! I'll be back in January with some posts about stuff from 2019 and maybe a couple of random bits & bobs too.
Until then, have a Happy New Year!

Tenology: Great Guitarists In Rock/Metal

Another post, another subject that it's taken me way too long to write about.
I've written about overrated trends in Rock/Metal that have included musicians but I've never actually dedicated a blog post to musicians I admire. In this post, I'll be looking at ten guitarists firmly planted in the Rock/Metal genre that may or may not be personal favourites of mine.
As always, I'm hesitant to say "MY TOP TEN FAVOURITE EVER GUITARISTS" because I feel like there are probably some guitarists out there that I'd rate highly if I knew more of their work. As it stands right now, these are just 10 guitar players whom I'd like to shine my own personal spotlight on. Some will probably be hailed as exceptional guitarists all over the web and others may not get the love they deserve but ultimately, it's all down to my opinion and any notable absences aren't a reflection of my opinion on those specific guitarists...except Randy Rhoads, he's deliberately left out.


1. Donald "Buck Dharma" Roeser

This is a good picture. Thanks for ruining it, gettyimages.

Despite the fact that I'm not a huge Blue Oyster Cult fan, Buck Dharma is probably my number one favourite guitarist due to his ability to create epic riffs, sweet solos and sing decent lead vocals too. Whilst his guitar playing doesn't stand out as much as guitarists with iconic sounds such as Brian May or Richie Blackmore, the band could boast some of the best riffs Rock has to offer thanks to this man. Songs such as "Cities On Flame With Rock And Roll" and "(Don't Fear) The Reaper" proved he could write amazing single-note riffs (much better than Joe Perry, in my opinion) whereas songs like "Godzilla" and "7 Screaming Diz-Busters" showcased his talent for guitar solos and Classic Rock shredding.


2. John Petrucci

You know he's serious because he's got a knee up

You could probably choose any Rock related forum with Dream Theater or John Petrucci involved and find at least one comment praising his work...and with good reason too! Whilst each member of the band is shit hot at their chosen instrument, Petrucci shoots the band into the stratosphere of awesome Rock thanks to his excellent playing. At the first listen, his solos may sound like bog standard shredding but unlike other guitarists who are so focused on complex scales/arpeggios that they forget to add soul (not saying a word), each melody is well crafted and incredibly well executed. However, Petrucci isn't afraid to let loose and as a result we get songs with epic riffs and blistering solos like "As I Am" and "Constant Motion".


3. Eddie Van Halen

That's the face he has to pull to stop it from melting

I've dedicated several blog posts to writing about the original lineup Van Halen albums and one of the strongest attributes from all of them is the fretwork of EVH (along with Lee Roth's vocals). He's often credited with inventing two handed guitar tapping but some guitarists were doing it long before Van Halen's debut came out. He did popularise the technique and fire it into the mainstream, inspiring future guitarists for decades to come, but none of them quite mastered the skill of iconic riffs and solos like EVH. Not only that but during the early years, Eddie wasn't afraid to challenge himself and adapt his sound with each album rather than coasting on one specific skill. He might be known for "Eruption" but to me, "Spanish Fly" is the stronger song.


4. Dave Murray

I should've posted some pics of guitarists in different positions

Iron Maiden have had many guitarists over the years but the only one to appear on every studio album (and my personal favourite) is Mr Dave Murray. Currently one of three six-string wielding amigos with the band, Dave's guitar playing can be recognised by the soft yet high pitched sound that you tend to hear in most Iron Maiden solos. Adrian might be the main driving force behind the band's great riffs but Dave's the one bringing the thunder in the solos. Again, I've written about all of the band's studio albums on the blog before but I couldn't write this post without mentioning my favourite guitarist from my favourite band.


5. Gary Rossington

This man's single-handedly keeping Lynyrd Skynyrd alive

One of the founding and the last original member of Lynyrd Skynyrd, known for his slide guitar and clean sound. Lynyrd Skynyrd might only be known for a handful of songs but those songs have some damn fine guitar. "Sweet Home Alabama" has one of Rock's greatest riffs and I don't need to tell you about how fucking awesome the "Free Bird" is again. The band's back catalogue is full of great tunes containing excellent riffs ("Simple Man", "The Needle And The Spoon") and some underrated solos ("Call Me The Breeze", "I Know A Little") but to me, Rossington really showed off his talents on the band's exceptional live album, One More From The Road, where he took the band's existing material and turned them up to 11.


6. Tom Morello

I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure he's flipping off some dick in the audience

In my recent post on Audioslave's debut album, I praised Chris Cornell's vocals and Tom Morello's guitar playing. In a not so recent post, I wrote about crap songs saved by one standout amazing feature that I affectionately named after this guitarist in reference to his role in the band Rage Against The Machine. Without Tom, they'd be another mediocre modern Metal outfit but his playing amplifies the rest of the band. His riffs are heavy and his solos sound unlike any other guitarist due to his unique playing styles (the same can be said for certain Audioslave tracks like "Gasoline"). Now and then, he brought out the big guns in RATM songs like "Know Your Enemy" but even if he isn't showing off with great solos, one thing you can count on with his playing is that it rarely (if at all) sounds boring.


7. Dave Mustaine

Said it before & I'll say it again; has anyone ever seen this guy and Donald Trump in the same room?

Dave Mustaine's made waves in the past with some questionable political opinions (many of them being featured in Megadeth's lyrics) but as a guitarist, this guy fucking gets. it. done. He may not have been responsible for one of my favourite solos ("Tornado Of Souls" was largely written by Marty Friedman, another great guitarist who nearly made it to this list) but he was responsible for popularising the spider chord playing style you frequently hear in Thrash Metal. Plus, for all the rage and dickishness Mustaine showed in his early days, to create a band as great as Megadeth out of it with a massive collection of great Metal tunes is quite impressive. Just a shame he has the appearance of a dad who's used all his three genie wishes to become a Rock star.


8. John Frusciante

Pretty sure the photographer captured the exact moment John levelled up

Up until 2009, John was the guitarist for Red Hot Chili Peppers but that wasn't his first time leaving the band. His clean tone is synonymous with the band's sound and whilst the band's riffs/solos are fairly straightforward, John was a clear believer in less is more. I've said before on the blog that I prefer softer Alternative RHCP songs to heavier Funk ones and that's mostly down to John's playing style. However, I will say that songs like "Suck My Kiss" and "Can't Stop" that ARE heavy tracks by the band are only as good as they are because of their solos and riffs respectively, and that's all John. That's all I really need to say on the guy but I'd be remiss if I didn't highlight one song in particular; "Snow ((Hey Oh))". A friend of mine who's seen them live reported that John played the riff perfectly without looping it all the way through, which is fucking impressive. It's not an easy riff to master and John makes it sound like "Smoke On The Water", so hats off to the man!


9. Eric Johnson

It was a choice between Johnson, Satriani, Vai or Malmsteen...I think I made the right choice

To me, one of the strongest attributes a musician can have is to be able to alert everyone to their presence with only a few notes. Eric Johnson has that absolutely nailed. His music always sounds so dreamy and magical, even when he's shredding away. He might not be as technically skilled as virtuosos such as Satriani or Batio but it's not all about how fast you can play. To me, Johnson's music is stronger on the whole than most of the music of those artists because of his unique melodies and combination of different styles to make exceptional Rock music. He's also pretty adept at other instruments too, although he's here entirely because of his guitar playing.


10. Slash

Be honest, how many of you saw this coming?

The ultimate image of a badass Rock guitarist. I don't know what your opinion of Slash is but I've seen several sources claiming he's overrated. I would agree if I hadn't seen him live but watching him flawlessly bust out an 18 minute solo during "Rocket Queen" in front of me eyes without showing any signs of fatigue thirty years after his "peak" performances shows stamina that I'd like to see any of those naysayers match. Not just that but come on, his riffs are fucking great. Guns N' Roses stuff is what he's known for (even if I personally think the "Paradise City" riff sounds a little janky) but his solo material contains way better guitar songs, as you'd expect. Definitely better Hard Rock albums than anything GNR put out; it's just a shame him and Axl patched it up, as he's genuinely much better without that shit awful excuse for a vocalist.


Do you agree with my list? Again, this isn't a Top 10 list and I know there are other amazing guitarists out there that are absent and may appear on a sequel to this post if I feel like writing one but who would you rank highly in your own personal collection of great guitarists and why?
In future, I plan on writing similar posts for bassists, drummers and vocalists too so if you have anyone you believe deserves some love, let me know here or via Twitter.

Guitar Hero: Van Halen

I know I "reviewed" the soundtrack to Guitar Hero Live recently but this technically isn't a review. This is one of those posts where I go through the entire setlist to a Guitar Hero/Rock Band game and decide whether the tracks deserve a Thumbs Up or Thumbs Down based on a mix of personal taste, appropriate use in the game and how fun the songs are to play on expert guitar. This time, it's the turn of the franchise's bucktoothed nephew, Guitar Hero: Van Halen, even though I've arguably dedicated enough time to the band when I wrote about their 70s-80s David Lee Roth era studio albums.
I've previously done this with the games Guitar Hero: Warriors Of Rock, Guitar Hero 3: Legends Of Rock, Guitar Hero: World Tour, The Beatles Rock Band, Rock Band 2 and Rock Band 4. Plus, I've briefly written about Guitar Hero: Van Halen in a blog post detailing the history of GH/RB games where I had mixed thoughts on aspects of the soundtrack but overall, thought it was alright. Time to see whether I still hold that opinion or whether I should've been more critical.
NOTE: Some of these songs have been discussed in other games (namely Rock Band 2) but in those cases, I'll be focusing more on the quality of the guitar chart and whether it belonged in Guitar Hero: Van Halen.

"Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love" - Van Halen
I'll admit that whilst I knew several Van Halen songs before playing this game, I discovered most of them here. This was one of the songs I discovered and I fucking love it. Epic riff, decent mini solos, catchy chorus and even though it's just a little bit too long, it's pretty fun to play in GH:VH. Definitely a sensible pick. THUMBS UP.

"And The Cradle Will Rock..." - Van Halen
Ah shit, we were off to such a strong start as well. Yeah, horrible chart with awkward rapid strumming and a pretty fine example of mediocre Hard Rock. Tacky vocals, uninspired guitar work that resembles the sort of wank Randy Rhoads would shit out instead of Eddie Van Halen and even though it's a fairly popular Van Halen track, I would've replaced it with one of the band's better filler tracks. THUMBS DOWN.

"Atomic Punk" - Van Halen
The first filler track by the band but also one of the best. Great driving riffs, some fun HOPO sections that make you forget about the awkward strumming rhythms and a pretty simple chart to introduce you to the greatness of the band. I'm not entirely sure why Activision only picked songs from the David Lee Roth era but if tracks like this helped prevent tracks like "Why Can't This Be Love?" make it into the series, it's getting a great big THUMBS UP. Well, it was going to get one anyway but you know what I mean.

"Beautiful Girls" - Van Halen
I suppose it makes sense to include this song, even if it's not really that fun on guitar. It's decent and one of the band's popular tracks but also very forgettable. On the plus side, I quite like the song and I didn't hate playing it, I just didn't really like it either. Fuck it, THUMBS UP for not sucking and not being out of place in the game. Believe me, there'll be PLENTY of those coming up.

"Best Of You" - Foo Fighters
Foo Fighters in GH/RB games was pretty much obligatory at that point so even though the band have next to no relevance to Van Halen, I can understand their inclusion. Plus, apparently it was down to Wolfgang Van Halen (Eddie's son) to pick most of the guest acts so naturally the setlist was doomed from the start. It sucks on guitar, right up to the rapid strumming section, and it's one of the band's better known tracks due to it basically becoming a meme online. Listening to Dave shouting "THE BEST! THE BEST! THE BEST!" over and over doesn't stop this song from getting a THUMBS DOWN, especially when there are way better Foo Fighters songs that GH never got.

"Cathedral" - Van Halen
The first of three guitar solos that were included on-disc. It's pretty fun to play, considering it's basically just a lengthy HOPO section. Short and sweet, THUMBS UP.

"Come To Life" - Alter Bridge
I bet this song was shoved onto this game's soundtrack because ATVI licensed it but didn't know what to do with it. It has no place in GH:VH and even though Alter Bridge songs have pretty fun charts, I can honestly say that I remember absolutely fuck all about playing this track. It sounds good but it should've been DLC or an on-disc song for Guitar Hero 5 instead of one of the many, many shitty Indie tracks. THUMBS DOWN.

"Dance The Night Away" - Van Halen
Really? This got picked? I guess it works as an easier song in order to give the game a difficulty curve but goddamn, it's dull. It's decent background music but not something I'd like to focus on playing in GH. THUMBS DOWN.

"Dope Nose" - Weezer
A catchy tune but again, really not a great pick for Guitar Hero: Van Halen. THIS should've been on GH5 instead of the Weezer song they chose. At least it has a fun riff and a great solo. I'm tempted to give it a Thumbs Up just for getting at least 2 out of 3 on my marking scale, although it shouldn't have been on this game. Tough call but it's getting a THUMBS UP.

"Double Vision" - Foreigner
Whilst I'm always down for some Classic Rock in these games, this song's a bit of a weird choice. I strongly doubt Wolfgang picked this one so I have no idea who championed this average song's inclusion in the game, unless Eddie or one of the band members expressed an interest in it (even though I doubt they expressed an interest in any part of the game's development). Not a very impressive guitar chart and not a huge hit for the band. There are better Foreigner songs that could've been chosen, let alone better Classic Rock songs. THUMBS DOWN.

"The End Of Heartache" - Killswitch Engage
This one probably was a Wolfgang pick. I mean, it's Killswitch Engage and he was a teenage boy so obviously he likes this band. I can't remember much about the guitar chart other than it being pretty easy for one of the final tier songs but if I had to judge this inclusion based on the quality of this screamy, shite awful song itself, it's a hard THUMBS DOWN.

"Eruption" - Van Halen
There is no debate here. If you're making a Van Halen game, "Eruption" has to be on it. It's just as furious as you can imagine and even though tap notes have made it slightly easier to play than if it was included on a pre-GH:WT title, it's still a tough tune for expert players to master. THUMBS UP.

"Everybody Wants Some!!" - Van Halen
If you were tasked with creating a Van Halen song from scratch, it'd probably end up sounding something like this. Tribal drums, anthematic vocals in the chorus, heavy riffs and a passable EVH solo. Fun fact: you can hear the band fuck up at one point when David Lee Roth starts to speak one of the lyrics just as Eddie plays some chords. Blunder aside, it's a THUMBS UP.

"Feel Your Love Tonight" - Van Halen
One of the filler tracks off the debut album that shouldn't have been picked. It sounds too similar to the generic material and even though "On Fire" off the debut is also a little close to some of the tunes on this game, at least it has a fun chart. I can't remember anything about this song, although I have a feeling that I sightread FC'd it. THUMBS DOWN.

"First Date" - Blink-182
Hahaha, nope! I want to say this was a Wolfgang pick but it was around that time that Activision got a massive hardon for Blink-182 and their songs started appearing all over the GH franchise, even though they all sound the fucking same. THUMBS DOWN.

"Hang 'Em High" - Van Halen
What can I say about this song? Well, it's off Diver Down so that's already a bad start. It's also quite challenging on guitar so it isn't the worst choice they could've gone for. However, there are filler tracks on 1984 that would've tested expert guitar players that deserved to receive more love than this song ("Top Jimmy", anyone? How fucking great would it have been to play that verse riff?). THUMBS DOWN.

"Hear About It Later" - Van Halen
This song's grown on me since I first played it in GH:VH, although I definitely maintain that it's a dull song to play up until the solo when it just becomes a ballache. Not one of my favourites off Fair Warning and certainly not a highlight for the setlist. THUMBS DOWN, I'm afraid.

"Hot For Teacher" - Van Halen
This song was awesome in Guitar Hero: World Tour and I swear they made the guitar chart easier in GH:VH, which seemed like an odd move. Either way, it's still fun to play and it still makes sense to include it in the game, even if the original master was used in GH:WT. THUMBS UP.

"Ice Cream Man" - Van Halen
When Van Halen got all Bluesy, they fucked sucked. They were as lame as your dad dancing at your birthday party and this song's a great example of David Lee Roth's love of the genre ruining a solid track. I mean, just take a moment to stop and think about what the fucking song's actually about. Luckily, the guitar chart doesn't suck and since it sounds different to your average Van Halen song, I can appreciate its inclusion in the game. It's a reluctant THUMBS UP although I don't think I'd lose sleep if I could never play/hear this song again.

"I'm The One" - Van Halen
Here's how to do Blues Rock right, although the "shoobi-doo-wah" bit in the middle is a great example of an Absolute Axl (another of these blog posts is currently in the works). Not only is it an awesome song but the guitar chart's fucking amazing if you can keep up with it. Definitely one of my favourite Van Halen songs to play in the entire game so there's no doubt about it: THUMBS UP.

"I Want It All" - Queen
From my favourite Van Halen song to my favourite guest artist song. Similar to the Blink-182 situation, Activision had recently managed to get access to a bunch of Queen songs so they were going trigger happy with using the band in GH games. However, unlike the Blink-182 situation, this was a good thing. This song showcases Brian May at his best with not one, not two but THREE excellent solos and solid fretwork throughout the rest of the song too. It's a shame it had to be locked away on this game with a setlist featuring many more misfires to come. THUMBS UP.

"Intruder/(Oh) Pretty Woman" - Van Halen
O...K, I guess Van Halen didn't have any more master recordings available so they had to resort to picking a cruddy cover off their worst Lee Roth era album? It's not even a case of Activision's desire to include "(Oh) Pretty Woman" in the series, as the Roy Orbison original was used in Band Hero. Not only that but the original didn't contain 1:40 of shite beforehand. I can understand why "Intruder" had to be glued onto the start of "(Oh) Pretty Woman" but I can't understand why both songs were picked for this game. THUMBS DOWN.

"Jamie's Cryin'" - Van Halen
Another poor choice off the debut and I once again refer you to my "On Fire" comment earlier. Presumably picked to be an easier song on the difficulty curve but it's still a boring song to play and listen to. THUMBS DOWN without hesitation.

"Jump" - Van Halen
Whilst I may not particularly like this song, it's pretty fucking fun to play on GH:VH and obviously, it had to be included in the setlist. GH purists may not be happy about the synth sections being charted but for everyone else, they make up the most fun sections of the song with plenty of manageable but challenging tap note sections to practise. THUMBS UP.

"Little Guitars" - Van Halen
More shite off Diver Down, although the acoustic intro's quite fun to play for those wanting a strum-based challenge. Sadly, the rest of the track sucks and deserves to be cast into the bowels of Hell for committing one of the greatest sins a Hard Rock song can perform; including the word "senorita" in the lyrics. It sounds desperate and makes me want to physically harm myself. THUMBS DOWN.

"Loss Of Control" - Van Halen
Now here's a frenzied little number. A good song to practise if you want to master strumming rhythms and anchoring notes. Even if the song suffers from dire vocals and what sounds like a rushed songwriting process, it's great on guitar. THUMBS UP for showing a little diversity in the band's material.

"Master Exploder" - Tenacious D
Whilst I bloody love this song and enjoyed playing it on GH:VH, it's sadly another example of a song that should've been DLC or an on-disc track for a different GH game. At least the chart's noticeably different to the RB2 one with easier solos and a much harder chord progression in the main riff. I want to give this song a Thumbs Up, I really do. However, I have to judge it as a song on this game's setlist and so, with regret, it's a THUMBS DOWN. Plus, I let "Dope Nose" get a Thumbs Up for personal reasons so this should balance things out.

"Mean Street" - Van Halen
Also one of my favourite songs to play with a fucking ace guitar chart. If you can nail that intro, you feel like a fucking God. Plus, it's got a solid chart all the way through and proves that slower songs can still be awesome. I'm glad this game exists if only because it introduced me to this song. THUMBS UP.

"Pain" - Jimmy Eat World
Oh hey, welcome back Wolfgang! I'm sure he picked some of the songs I've discussed since "First Date" but his presence feels particularly opaque here. It's not a bad song for modern Pop Rock but you know the line; it doesn't belong in this game. Jimmy Eat World could've had a track pack on Guitar Hero with this song, the one on GH5 and some other tune of theirs that isn't "The Middle" and it would've freed up room for two better songs. THUMBS DOWN.

"Painkiller" - Judas Priest
Oh dear God, what did they do to you? They fucking raped you, didn't they? Those bastards!!!
Seriously though, what were Activision playing at? Butchered drum intro, undercharted solo, too much strumming in the main riff and then there's that section between solos where they just charted fuck all, even though you can hear the guitar playing. It's a shame too as "Painkiller" is a fucking badass song that's perfect for GH/RB (although arguably not GH:VH) and they ruined it. THUMBS DOWN and Activision should hang their head in shame...ah who am I kidding, ATVI have no shame.

"Panama" - Van Halen
The first song in the game's career mode and a pretty fun chart too. Whilst it's not the easiest song in the game, it's a great introduction to the band's material and tapping solo aside, it's great to play. A solid choice for a solid song. THUMBS UP.

"Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)" - The Offspring
Of all the Offspring songs to choose, of all the ones to include on GH:VH, they picked the "give it to me baby" one. Not "The Kids Aren't Alright" or "Self Esteem" (I know that was in GH:WOR but that could've had a different one), but this one. It's not even that fun on guitar unless you like chords and strumming. THUMBS DOWN.

"Rock And Roll Is Dead" - Lenny Kravitz
I've panned most of the guest acts but credit where due, this one's a solid pick. Excellent riffs/solos and it fits in with the sound of Van Halen, even if it's more Funk than Blues. Whilst this could've worked in the Lenny Kravitz pack they released for GH5, it doesn't feel out of place on-disc here. THUMBS UP, even if the song's sentiment unintentionally echoes the overall reception to the GH franchise at that point in time.

"Romeo Delight" - Van Halen
Another great Hard Rock tune by the band. It has some challenging solos, heavy riffs and a soft section in the middle to emphasise the final chorus. Another standard Van Halen song and certainly a great choice for this game. THUMBS UP.

"Runnin' With The Devil" - Van Halen
Possibly the band's most famous song apart from "Jump", which doesn't really represent their sound in the slightest. It's the second song you play in career mode after "Panama" and even if it is pretty easy on guitar, it's still fun. There's no way they could've justified leaving this song out of the setlist so it's a clear THUMBS UP.

"Safe European Home" - The Clash
I have no qualms about The Clash being in GH:VH and I suppose this is one of the best songs they could've picked, since The Clash don't really have any fun guitar songs. Guitar's straightforward here and even though it gets a little silly in the outro, this song still manages to have more dignity than several songs on this list. This was likely chosen by ATVI instead of Wolfgang but if he did choose it, congrats son; you didn't fuck up. THUMBS UP.

"Semi-Charmed Life" - Third Eye Blind
Welcome back, Wolfgang. This probably should've been on the Third Eye Blind track pack along with "Jumper" instead of the songs they picked but hey, it's not a stain on the GH:VH soundtrack. It's not the most appropriate song either but it doesn't suck. It's fun to play and listen to so I'm giving it the benefit of the doubt with a THUMBS UP. However, this means that another song will probably get a Thumbs Down for balance later on, as mentioned with "Dope Nose" and "Master Exploder".

"Sick, Sick, Sick" - Queens Of The Stone Age
Wow, didn't expect that song to come so soon. It's a fun guitar chart and a great song for QOTSA but doesn't belong on GH:VH at all. This should've been on GH5 instead of "Make It Wit Chu", a song that should've been left in Josh Homme's reject pile when recording for Era Vulgaris. THUMBS DOWN even though I like listening to and playing the song but hey, I've got to at least pretend to be fair here.

"So This Is Love?" - Van Halen
Another song that I found out about thanks to this game. Great bassline and a pretty damn fun guitar chart too. The song massively grew on me since hearing it in GH:VH and to this day, it's still one of my on-disc highlights. THUMBS UP.

"Somebody Get Me A Doctor" - Van Halen
I love this song's solo (even if it is quite hard to play) but the actual melody itself is a little off. It sounds unfinished to me or as if EVH took a bunch of notes from other riffs that weren't working and pulled a Frankenstein with it, sort of like the "Tom Sawyer" guitar solo. At least it's consistently fun to play and doesn't feel insulting by taking the place of a better song so it's a THUMBS UP.

"Space Truckin'" - Deep Purple
This guest act feels appropriate and it has a fairly fun guitar chart, even if Deep Purple songs tend to be more miss than hit on GH/RB. I would've thought a track like "Lazy" would've been better for the game, as that sounds more like the kind of song Van Halen would listen to and want to replicate in their own material. However, we got "Space Truckin'" and I'm not disappointed. THUMBS UP.

"Spanish Fly" - Van Halen
The last of the guitar solo trilogy and possibly my favourite. I love the sound of it and it's definitely more fun to play than "Eruption" and "Cathedral". It's still fucking challenging though so don't attempt it unprepared. THUMBS UP.

"Stacy's Mom" - Fountains Of Wayne
Those of you who knew about this setlist were probably waiting for me to get to this track, huh. It's without a doubt, the dumbest track on this game. Fucking boring chart, fucking shitty music, fucking out of place on the setlist and chances are it was fucking down to Wolfgang. THUMBS DOWN and a great big middle finger to everyone who liked this song growing up; your younger self is a colossal prick.

"The Takedown" - Yellowcard
Neck and neck with "I Want It All", this song's one of my favourite on-disc guest acts. It might not belong in the game but fucking hell, it's incredibly fun to play. Granted they had to chart violin to make it fun but at least that shreddy bit in the solo is all guitar. I might not be overly fond of listening to the song outside of GH but the chart is fun enough to give it a THUMBS UP entirely based on how awesome it is. THAT is how much I enjoy playing it.

"Unchained" - Van Halen
I suppose the problem with just picking David Lee Roth era songs is that you end up with a lot of bland Van Halen tracks, like this one. This song works if you haven't got a lot of Van Halen songs to work with but since the game is loaded with them, it gets overtaken by all the better songs. THUMBS DOWN.

"White Wedding (Part 1)" - Billy Idol
Sure, I guess this song works? I can imagine the boys in the band listening to this and it's a good pick for an easy guitar song at the start of the career mode. Plus, they pretty much used all the other Billy Idol songs for different games...except "Speed"...and "Blue Highway"...and "Mony Mony"...but you get the point. THUMBS UP.

"You Really Got Me" - Van Halen
Finishing the setlist is the original master recording of a cover version of a song by The Kinks. I say this because WaveGroup Sound recorded a cover for Guitar Hero 2 so naturally, the original had to be in this game. Plus, it's a well known recording of theirs off the debut. However, I personally would've preferred the Kinks original without the awkward tapping solo. Still, I can't fault the song's inclusion and chart when there's no real reason to vote against them. THUMBS UP.


Now it's time for the final score. With 27 Thumbs Up to 20 Thumbs Down, it seems I do still believe the Guitar Hero: Van Halen soundtrack has some merit. I really thought this would be the first game where there'd be more Thumbs Down than Up. Ah well, there's always GH5.

Tenology: Inferior Signature Songs

Every band worth their salt has at least one signature song, one track that you automatically think of when someone mentions that band. Signature songs don't necessarily or exclusively mean "most popular tracks" or "highest selling singles", they're just songs that are closely associated with that band for any variety of reasons.
Sometimes, the signature song is a perfect representation of the band's material and generally does contain riffs, solos or lyrics regarded as some of the band's finest, e.g. "Free Bird" - Lynyrd Skynyrd or "Highway To Hell" - AC/DC. However, there are instances where a band's signature song divides opinion and fans of the band will happily list a string of tracks they believe to be greater or more deserving of critical acclaim.
This blog post will take a look at ten signature songs I believe have been wrongfully assigned, as well as tracks I would consider more noteworthy or better suited when compared to the rest of the band's back catalogue. Naturally, some of you are bound to disagree with my opinions on these songs so feel free to correct/educate me in the comment section if there are signature songs you believe need adjusting.


1. "Smells Like Teen Spirit" - Nirvana
I don't think I've ever liked this song but I would feel more confident arguing that it's a poor signature song over a poor song in general. Nirvana are widely regarded as the signature band for the entire Grunge genre so you'd think their signature song would be a Grunge staple, right? Wrong. It's basically Alternative with a mainstream Rock riff, not to mention a shitty solo that copies the vocal melody. It sounds like a song that was deliberately written to be top of the charts, flying in the face of the Grunge movement.
If I had to pick a Nirvana track that should be their signature song over this...hmm, tricky choice. Tracks like "Lithium" or "Heart Shaped Box" sound more like Nirvana classics that reflect the rest of their music to me. On a personal level, I prefer songs like "Breed" or "Very Ape" but I know they're poor choices for signature songs.


2. "Cat Scratch Fever" - Ted Nugent
Fuck me, this riff is boring. Not only that but everything else sounds fatigued and dull too, from the simple drumbeat to the tired vocals. Say what you want about The Nuge's wacky personality and asshole politics but if there's one thing he can do properly, it's write killer guitar licks. Songs like "The Great White Buffalo" - Ted Nugent's Amboy Dukes or "Just What The Doctor Ordered" from his first solo album are perfect for lovers of guitar-based Hard Rock, the polar opposite of this song that sounds like it was hastily cobbled together so Ted could clock in some extra hours at the shooting range instead.
Which songs are superior to this one? Well, most of them, if I'm honest. However, I reckon "Stormtroopin'" is a perfect signature song. Great riff? Yup. Tidy structure? Check. Passable solo perfect for casual listeners? Three for three! You could argue "Stranglehold" is one of Ted's signature songs too but I wouldn't rate that song highly either, as I tend to nod off after the third minute of listening to it.


3. "I Want You To Want Me" - Cheap Trick
I'm pretty sure Cheap Trick aren't huge fans of this song either, considering how much they've changed it since originally recording it. Compare the tame Beatlesque sound to the rougher edged live version from At Budoken or recent live performances and you can tell the band weren't happy with the song. To me, it doesn't seem right that a band's signature song is one they weren't happy with (note that this is different to when a band gradually falls out of love with their signature song, such as Led Zeppelin's "Stairway To Heaven"), especially when said song doesn't showcase the band at their best.
Want some great Cheap Trick tunes? "Stiff Competition" and "He's A Whore" are underrated should-be Rock classics but I reckon "Surrender" is a far better signature song, even if I don't personally like it that much. It's catchy, it's more of a Rock song and it's one of their biggest hits, if not THE biggest.


4. "Jump" - Van Halen
I've talked about this song on the blog before and I still believe it's an "upbeat, Hard Pop poster child for the Disney generation's definition of "Rock"" that barely begins to reflect the band's music. It's too clean and friendly to represent Van Halen, not to mention the fact that the main riff and half of the solo is played on a fucking synth. I'd be curious to hear what the song actually sounds like played entirely on guitar, although I reckon it wouldn't sound much better anyway.
To be honest, you could pick practically any of Van Halen's singles and choose a more appropriate signature song than "Jump" but to save you some time, I'd vote for either "Runnin' With The Devil", "Hot For Teacher" or "Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love". I guess "Eruption" would also fit the bill, if you can call that a song. Signature solo, easily. Signature song, doubtful.


5. "Wheels Of Steel" - Saxon
I personally believe Saxon's lack of success when compared to other British Metal bands is due to this song being so popular. It's a mediocre Metal track designed to be played on the radio and destined to be used on Hard Rock compilation albums, nothing more or less. The riff is simple, the solo is basic and the song's structure gets repetitive pretty fast. The average Metal fan wanting to learn more about Saxon would probably write them off as a generic outfit if this was the first song they listened to.
However, anyone who's given the band a fair chance will tell you that they have much, MUCH better material that truly represents their sound and aggression. Songs like "Princess Of The Night" and "Power And The Glory" (even if the latter is a little similar to "2 Minutes To Midnight" - Iron Maiden) should come straight to mind when you think of Saxon, even "747 (Strangers In The Night)" would do.


6. "Don't Stop Believin'" - Journey
Another song I've discussed before and another song that is too "Disney" to be reflect this Arena Rock band. I'm aware the show Glee shot this song back into mainstream popularity but it was hardly a B-side before that fucking show or even before Family Guy used it once. What I can't understand is why this track became Journey's signature song. It's not based around an epic riff or solo (in fact, the song's chord sequence has been recycled throughout Rock since Pachelbel's Canon) and the lyrical themes are pretty trite, even for 80's Arena Rock standards.
Compare this to tracks such as "Wheel In The Sky" with better overall guitarwork or "Any Way You Want It" with much more of an upbeat sound. Hell, even "Stone In Love" from the same album would've been more enjoyable to listen to, although probably less enjoyable to sing along to.


7. "Master Of Puppets" - Metallica
Don't get me wrong, I like this track! It's loaded with awesome riffs and the first section of the song is a perfect example of Metal done right. However, I would argue that this is a poor signature song for the band. Most Metallica songs start with a soft section before getting more aggressive, whereas this track starts fast and slows everything down in the middle. Also, I still maintain the controversial opinion that this song has a pretty weak solo. It takes ages to build up and then it's over before you know it, unlike other Metallica songs that get the balance between song and solo spot on.
It's tricky to nail which songs would be better suited, as the band has two distinct sounds. If you want a signature song to reflect the band's Thrash Metal material across their first four albums, something like "Battery" would probably be more suitable. However, if you want a signature song for the band's music that softened into plain old Metal, "Enter Sandman" is the only track to choose.


8. "Aqualung" - Jethro Tull
Again, I can't fault the track from a standalone viewpoint. Perfect solo, decent riff, great structure, a top notch song. However, anyone who's listened to more than about four Jethro Tull songs will tell you that "Aqualung" is the odd one out. For starters, it actually has a proper guitar solo. It's also pretty fast paced during the middle section. Oh, and then there's the matter of the missing flute! Ian Anderson's flutework is a staple of Jethro Tull's music in itself so a track that lacks it seems like an odd choice for the band's signature song, even if it is a great song.
When it comes to Prog Rock, signature songs aren't really commonplace unless it's one of those Prog-Gone-Pop bands such as Genesis or Yes. Jethro Tull never really went as Pop as other bands in the same genre but if I had to pick some replacement signature songs, I'd probably go with "Living In The Past" or "Locomotive Breath".


9. "Since You Been Gone" - Rainbow
After Richie Blackmore left Deep Purple and formed Rainbow with Ronnie James Dio, he essentially created another Deep Purple but with more fantasy-inspired lyrics and complex music. This wouldn't be a problem except for the fact that "Since You Been Gone" is the band's most well known song among casual Rock fans. This song is as basic as they come with a simplistic riff and catchy chorus, likely written due to the departure of Ronnie James Dio. It's not a bad song but it's nowhere near as awesome as the average Rainbow song.
Even tracks written after this had better riffs and solos more appropriate for Rainbow. Songs such as "Stargazer", "Kill The King" and "Long Live Rock & Roll" should spring to mind when you think of Rainbow, not this track.


10. "Paranoid" - Black Sabbath
Much like other songs/bands on this list, this is one of several signature songs belonging to the group. However, unlike those entries, I've started to run out of ideas by number 10 on this list so stick with me through this and we can make it to the end together. I like "Paranoid" and Black Sabbath but when you listen to this track in comparison to the rest of the band's material, I would argue that it isn't as representative of their pioneering Heavy Metal music.
Obviously "War Pigs" and "Iron Man" are regarded as some of the other signature songs but if I had to rank them in any order, "Paranoid" would either be right at the bottom or not at all. Superb track but not as heavy as better known tunes by the band.

Once again, let me know if there are any inferior signature songs you believe I've missed either on the comment section or via Twitter.

Shout Out: Studio Albums 1978-1984 - Van Halen, part 2

We're back!
So in part 1, I gave you the basics of Van Halen, Van Halen II and Women And Children First, three great albums of the Hard Rock genre. Following the same formula, this post will give you my verdict on the remaining albums from the original Van Halen lineup of David Lee Roth, Michael Anthony, Alex and Eddie Van Halen.
Continuing right where we left off, we arrive at 1981's Fair Warning.

If you like their slower, riff-heavy music with a nice groove to it, this album is definitely one to check out. "Mean Street" is a solid album opener boasting both a classic EVH solo in the intro and a head-nodding tune to introduce another great album. Overall, this album feels like the one where Michael Anthony's simple yet effective bass playing is put on display the most, as we get many tracks where Eddie temporarily takes a step back and lets the bass shine through ("Dirty Movies", "So This Is Love?" and "Push Comes To Shove").
Despite this, there are still guitar driven tracks for purists ("Unchained") and full band efforts for fans who liked to listen to each component of the music ("Hear About It Later"), along with some experimental synth material ("Sunday Afternoon In The Park") acting as a "Next Time..." teaser for their follow-up album and career.

1. Mean Street

2. "Dirty Movies"

3. Sinner's Swing!

4. Hear About It Later

5. Unchained

6. Push Comes To Shove

7. So This Is Love?

8. Sunday Afternoon In The Park

9. One Foot Out The Door

ALBUM RATING - 7/10

Next up is Van Halen's closest thing to a covers album, Diver Down.

Considering that about half of the album involves songs written by other artists and the other half are the band's equivalent of padding for the rest of the covers, I can't say I'm overly fond of this album. Opening track "Where Have All The Good Times Gone!" is another Kinks cover and even though they've certainly beefed up the sound to transform it from Garage into full-on Hard Rock, whether the track has been improved is still open to debate.
Many tracks clock in at a time between one and two minutes a piece such as the gothic "Cathedral" solo and the introductions to "(Oh) Pretty Woman" ("Intruder") and "Little Guitars", neither tracks worth shouting about. When I revisited these albums, the only tracks I found myself wanting to listen to again was "Secrets", a softer foot-tapping tune similar to the popular works of Wishbone Ash. Whilst it's not necessarily a bad album by general standards, it's easily the worst one of the original lineup and unless you're a fan of the songs they're covering, you're likely better off skipping it.

1. Where Have All The Good Times Gone!

2. Hang 'em High

3. Cathedral

4. Secrets

5. Intruder

6. (Oh) Pretty Woman

7. Dancing In The Street

8. Little Guitars - Intro

9. Little Guitars

10. Big Bad Bill (Is Sweet William Now)

11. The Full Bug

12. Happy Trails

ALBUM RATING - 5/10

After that lull in quality, Van Halen managed to bring it back around with quite possibly their best album of their original lineup. Unfortunately, 1984 was also their last.

As I mentioned during the Fair Warning write-up, synths would go on to play a heavy part in Van Halen's career and this album probably marks the beginning of their use in the spotlight. Title track and album opener "1984" starts off as a grim dystopian overture before the tone does a complete U-turn with "Jump", clearing away any musical storm clouds with the band's iconic Arena Rock hit.
Despite this upbeat, Hard Pop poster child for the Disney generation's definition of "Rock", the rest of the album delivers a veritable buffet of fantastic music. Whether you like your riffs simplistic and catchy ("Panama" and "Drop Dead Legs") or your songs frantic and full of fury ("Hot For Teacher" and "Girl Gone Bad"), this is the other Must-Listen Hard Rock album the band have produced.
Aside from a slightly unnecessary intro and an album closer that fades out, there isn't a duff note in the entire album and to this date remains one of my all-time favourites. Even though the band would make many more albums over the next few decades (including one with David Lee Roth back behind the mic in 2012 and rumours of another coming in the next year or so), 1984 was the end of an era and my God, was it a strong ending.

1. 1984

2. Jump

3. Panama

4. Top Jimmy

5. Drop Dead Legs

6. Hot For Teacher

7. I'll Wait

8. Girl Gone Bad

9. House Of Pain

ALBUM RATING - 9/10

Whilst Van Halen aren't my favourite or even one of my favourite Rock bands, they knew how to put out a top quality album and definitely earned their place in Rock history...or did they? If you have any conflicting views on the band or even if you agree with what I've said over the last two posts, feel free to comment or message me on Twitter...I'd probably prefer a comment though.
Anyway, that's it for June! I've no idea what July will hold but since I can clearly do it, I'll be putting out post(s) each week. If you have any albums or anything you'd like me to discuss/review, let me know. Be seeing you!

Shout Out: Studio Albums 1978-1984 - Van Halen, part 1

If you started reading the occasional post on this blog way back in 2013 when I started it, you may recall a post where I briefly discussed a collection of Queen compilation albums consisting of deep cuts and lesser known fan favourites (if not, feel free to peruse after reading this). Well, combining my desire to review older albums with how I've recently revisited Van Halen's back catalogue, what better way to dust off that post format than with the band arguably closest to America's Queen.
If you hadn't read the title properly, I'll be talking about the original line-up and their material here (sorry Van Hagar fans). Since there are six albums to discuss, I'm going to split this post into two parts (both posted in the same week). The first will include Van Halen, Van Halen II and Women And Children First whilst the second will be about Fair Warning, Diver Down and 1984.

Van Halen released six albums with their first lineup, featuring David Lee Roth on vocals, Michael Anthony on bass and brothers Alex Van Halen and Eddie Van Halen on drums and lead guitar respectively. Unlike bands of the time such as Led Zeppelin and Queen, Van Halen were less about releasing instantly classic Rock tunes and more about incredibly solid albums that included the occasional iconic track across their career. However, unlike other Arena Rock bands who can be described the same way, Van Halen most likely owe their success to one main factor; Eddie's tapping.
Whilst he didn't invent the technique or even use it first in Rock music, Eddie Van Halen's use of two-handed tapping was definitely the one that fired it into the mainstream. From there, he would go on to inspire a selection of talented guitarists such as Steve Vai, Joe Satriani and Randy Rhoads whilst continuing to innovate & adapt the style himself. However, to say Eddie is the only reason to listen to the band is ignorant. Whether it's the opening drum solo in "Hot For Teacher", the simplistic yet catchy bass riffs from songs such as "So This Is Love?" or the banshee-like screeches from...well, a load of tracks, the rest of the crew definitely held their own and weren't just a backing band for Eddie.

First up, we have the explosive eponymous debut released in 1978.
This album is a must-listen for any Hard Rock fans, regardless of which flavour you prefer be it modern Hard Rock, older Hard Rock or Hard Prog. From start to finish, it's a collection of instantly catchy riffs, furious solos and bluesy vocals all working together in perfect harmony. Rather than blowing listeners away with full speed shredding, album opener "Runnin' With The Devil" takes a slower, more restrained tone. Presumably, this was to gently introduce listeners to an easily accessible Rock anthem before blowing them away with faster, wilder songs such as "I'm The One", "Atomic Punk" and signature solo "Eruption".
Van Halen (album) balances these with casual Riff-Based-Rock tracks like "Feel Your Love Tonight", "Little Dreamer" and "Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love". Overall, the album may not be perfect and chances are you'll favour several tracks over others but as I mentioned, there's plenty for fans of the genre without spreading itself too thin in order to please everyone. Here's the full track listing with my personal favourites underlined:

1. Runnin' With The Devil

2. Eruption

3. You Really Got Me

4. Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love

5. I'm The One

6. Jamie's Cryin'

7. Atomic Punk

8. Feel Your Love Tonight

9. Little Dreamer

10. Ice Cream Man

11. On Fire

ALBUM RATING - 8/10

Initially, I'd always regarded the next album as a bit of a letdown as I wasn't entirely fond of the tracks I knew off it. However, after a proper listen of Van Halen II, my views quickly changed.

Van Halen's 1979 follow-up succeeds in building on the sound of the first album without changing too much. After all, both albums open with a slow bass intro ("You're No Good"), both albums contain clear Blues influenced tracks ("Bottoms Up!") and both albums include a fair deal of Riff-Based-Rock with Eddie Van Halen allowed free reign over his fretboard ("Somebody Get Me A Doctor" and "Beautiful Girls").
However, some of the best parts of this album lie in the small differences the band have made to keep material from going prematurely stale, such as swapping electric for acoustic in "Spanish Fly", the short shredder that acts as a counterpart to "Eruption" or trying out some new guitar tones ("Women In Love...").
Also, there are definitely more tracks with a slower rhythm than the first album so I'd recommend Van Halen II to fans of songs they can listen to whilst relaxing, as opposed to fans of driving music. Either way, both albums are great examples of Hard Rock done right, provided you can forgive generic lyrics and song subjects.

1. You're No Good

2. Dance The Night Away

3. Somebody Get Me A Doctor

4. Bottoms Up!

5. Outta Love Again

6. Light Up The Sky

7. Spanish Fly

8. D.O.A.

9. Women In Love...

10. Beautiful Girls

ALBUM RATING - 8/10

The final album for this part continues the theme of developing smaller areas of the band's sound whilst sticking with staples proven to succeed over the last couple of years.

Don't be mistaken by the cover, Women And Children First is generally regarded as the band's first step towards heavier music with songs like "Everybody Wants Some!!" and "Romeo Delight" delivering high powered uncompromising riffs to an audience that had become accustomed to the band's typical sound. Whilst the album is devoid of a standalone solo, the guitarwork across the album takes a leaf out of the pages of the debut and returns the fury from 1978 in tracks such as "Loss Of Control" and "Fools".
Unfortunately, the album also introduces song intros ("Tora! Tora!"), an unwelcome Rock trait which will return in Diver Down some years later and is a worrying sign that the fame and popularity of a band is starting to affect their ego. Despite this, Women And Children First is one for fans of the first album, as there are a couple of acoustic and Bluesy numbers too ("Could This Be Magic?" and "Take Your Whiskey Home").

1. And The Cradle Will Rock...

2. Everybody Wants Some!!

3. Fools

4. Romeo Delight

5. Tora! Tora!

6. Loss Of Control

7. Take Your Whiskey Home

8. Could This Be Magic?

9. In A Simple Rhyme

ALBUM RATING - 7/10

That's it for part 1! I'll post part 2 covering Fair Warning, Diver Down and 1984 at some point this week, although I'll probably tweet a link to it because I'm like that.